A Pastor Responds to Second-Hand Criticism
- Posted by: Todd
- Posted on: Sun, April 24, 2005
- Viewed 374
- (34) comments so far
Pastor Scott Hodge writes this about this problem and his frustration on his blog recently... Scott writes...
"Beginning next Sunday, all of our sermons will be spoken in ancient Greek and Hebrew.
Why? Because we want to provide people with more depth.
Huh?
"I want more depth."
What does this mean? Someone just told me that a person they know made that statement in regards to our church. But what does that mean?
Perhaps what they should be saying is, "I want the the PERCEPTION of depth."
The question I have for someone who says that is, "How's your love walk? Are you loving God? Are you loving people (all)? How many relationships with unchurched people have you built in your life this past year? Perhaps 'depth' is not what you need. You think you do, but you probably wouldn't even know what to do with 'depth' if it jumped all over you."
Ok, so maybe that's not very nice.
But here's the thing... That person isn't ready for depth anyway.
Here's the proof: If they have a problem with me and what I'm doing, they should have come directly to me. Isn't that the Biblical way? But instead, they went to someone else who has no power to change anything in the first place.
WARNING WILL ROBINSON.
Matthew 18 - "If your brother wrongs you, go and show him his fault, between you and him privately."
Ever feel like Pastor Scott? Why doesn't the person just come to me personally? Why should I give any credibility to a person who wants 'in-depth study', but doesn't have a handle on basic scriptural principles? Why do I have to spend so much of my time answering my critics? The harder I try not to offend, the more criticism it seems I receive. Why is that?
Are you ready for the answer? Here it is: I don't know! I really don't. I guess it's just human nature to criticize. Admittedly, some people tend to criticize and accuse more than others. Maybe the more important questions is... how do you deal with criticism? How do you respond?
As always, Jesus provides us the perfect example. Whatever you're accused of, Jesus was accused of worse. However badly you are treated, Jesus was treated worse. No matter how much pain people inflict on you; you can find consolation in the fact that Jesus endured more physical and emotional pain than you or I ever will.
How did Jesus respond to his critics? With love. Always with love. And that's how we must respond when we're criticized as well. Though we will many times initially be angry and want to fight back, the apostle Paul urges us to respond with sincere love. Look what he wrote in Romans 12:
Love must be sincere...Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer...Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse...Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited. Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: ?It is mine to avenge; I will repay,? says the Lord... Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
A good many reading this right now were criticized yesterday! Some things that were said in churches across America yesterday were downright brutal. If you were the recipient of second-hand criticism, choose right now how you'll respond. Don't let it fester.
And don't be down on yourself... you're not the first pastor or church leader to be criticized! "To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing." (Elbert Hubbard)
Have a great week!
Todd
FOR DISCUSSION: Let's discuss this today at the MMI Blog... what are some of the criticisms you deal with the most? You do you repond? Have you ever responded negatively? What was the outcome? Stop by and share your experiences/input.
Comedian Steve Martin has said, "Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you'll be a mile away and have his shoes." Have you ever been criticized in your job as pastor or church staff member?Comments
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Tommy Ham on Sun, April 24, 2005
I got some advice once from someone I greatly respected (and still do). It sounded good but turned out so bad. He told me to go to some of the people from whom I was receiving this second-hand criticism…and to ask them to share with me all their concerns…without responding or defending myself. He said that it would help the situation just to let these people know that I was listening to them and understood their concerns.
As I said, that sounded good. And the intent of the advice was good. But giving an ear to my critics did nothing to calm them. They did not stop or give me any breaks. On my end, all it did was tear my insides up. It was hard to take that kind of beating.
Eventually, I realized that this was more than “run of the mill” criticism. The church had some problems. These were professional critics – not amateurs. And I had to get some counseling. I finally learned that it was healthy to respond to critics – not harshly or with vindictiveness – but firmly.
Pastor Art on Mon, April 25, 2005
Treat criticism the same way you do praise…ignore it.
Matt Kirkpatrick on Mon, April 25, 2005
I was trying to comfort a sister in Christ that was sharing with a group of us of how she feels so bad when she says or does something that she knows is wrong, but she just can’t help it, she says or does it anyway.
I told her that she didn’t need to feel bad about that because we are all sinners, and Jesus took all that for us on the cross, I cited Rom 8:1.
But even while I was telling her that, it sounded like I was being condescending. I was trying to tell her what God’s word says about the circumstance that she was in, but the way it came out was that I was telling her how she should feel. I was trying to be a comfort, but just like her, I was doing what I don’t want to do; sounding like a know-it-all.
I am sure that I was criticized for that and in some respects rightly so. My wife even mentioned it, how the way I said what I said caused something other that what I was after.
So what can I do? I can only look to the One that took all the criticism that I will ever get upon Himself. I will fail, but I cannot let it defeat me. I must learn from it; try to change the way I think and the way I say things. I must remember and understand that this imperfection that is in me is not what drives me to serve Him and His children, rather it is the PERFECTION that HE IS.
If I try to fulfill my purpose for Him, to be a great man of God and to make sure that my work for Him is all it can be, then I am destined for failure. Why? Because my focus will be on me instead of on Him. I must remember that His calling for my life is to fulfill HIS PURPOSE for me. I can only do that when I surrender completely and trust in HIM TO WORK THROUGH me. Only then will I be free to accept criticism and to accept that I must to change, even every day, that I may be more, and more, and more like HIM.
Praise God!
John 15:5 I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.
Jim on Mon, April 25, 2005
I am sometimes amazed at the things people find to criticize their pastor over. Things that you have no idea that you have done. One older woman in our church as I was receiving people at the rear of the church. Shook my hand in a rather weak grip, because she was along in years I did not respond with a stronger grip which might of caused pain. So she told my wife that she was not speaking to me because I must have something against her she could tell this from my weak handshake.
That is not the first time that a totally off of the wall criticism comes to my attention that I would never have known unless trough second hand mention.
Unfortunately, today church people often suffer from the “sponge Bob syndrome” - “it’s all about me”. Much of that may be caused by the society we live in and some of it may even be caused by us. I know I will get criticism for this statement, but we are the pastors of these people the sheperds and here we are grumbling and complaining and telling second hand tales. I think we need to appreciate the high and holy calling that we have as shepherds and realize people all have different problems and they need our care and prayer. So when you receive a second hand criticism, you can immediately go to the source and address it (I do this) or you can just dismess it as gossip and dont receive it. I dont recommend the latter unless you can push an erase button and get rid of all knowledge of the criticism. Just dont take it personally. Jesus and His disciples after took much criticism to the point of death. Didn’t we knw it was coming? Didn’t we know that it was part of the job?
John 15:20 “Remember the word that I said to you, ‘A slave is not greater than his master.’ If they persecuted Me, they will also persecute you; if they kept My word, they will keep yours also.
Gary Kemper on Mon, April 25, 2005
The article and good comments remind me of what a wise pastor/mentor said to me many years ago. “Have a heart as soft as cotton, and a butt as hard as a Rhino’s!”
Gary
Tony Russell on Mon, April 25, 2005
Being a people pleaser like many of you, I find it difficult to handle criticism. However, I have learned that allowing that criticism to influence your strategy and vision for the church, can be very destructive. I watched a pastor change the music, service schedule, and etc. everytime someone complained and the result was a church with no direction and growth. My very limited experience has taught me to fast and pray for God’s vision for my church and when the is received, you have to move forward and learn to deal with the inevitable criticism that will be unloaded upon you. I have also followed the Ed Young principle, “Only 1% of the people are jerks or really complain, don’t let them make you feel like they are the majority.” The enemy will make that 1% kill our spirit of joy.
Bill Wilcox on Mon, April 25, 2005
If you feel you have been criticized unfairly, first take a deep breath or two and let your anger/emotion subside a little. Then ask God to show you if there is even a small bit of truth in the criticism. If there is any truth at all in the criticism, use it constructively. If there is no truth at all in the criticism, let the criticism go and leave it to God’s wisdom to defend you if He deems it necessary. If you are not receiving any criticism, then you may want to question whether or not you are just tickling the people’s ears and not doing anything to really advance the kingdom or challenge the evil one.
Pastor Al on Mon, April 25, 2005
I sat in the home’s of a couple attending my church - who told me it was hard to worship in a school auditorium because there were no stained glass windows, I politely told her that our church wasn’t for everyone and hoped she would find a church with stained glass windows so she could worship. She looked at me with as if I had poured water on her head. My wife and I prayed for them as they searched found a new church with stained glassed windows and left.
I have sat in other homes where we were told the music wasn’t contemporary enough or the music wasn’t traditional enough – we smiled and answered their criticism by sharing that they were under no obligation to continue coming to our church – that maybe they should look for a church that meets their desires. We prayed for them and then left them with a decision they needed to make for their lives.
I have sat in other homes where we were told we were not Calvinist enough in our theology, or that we were not Wesleyan enough in our theology – we politely told them that there were plenty of churches in our community that might fit their needs. I told one that there was a good Reformed church down the street that they might try attending there – “oh we have been there” was the reply and they are too strict. I told the other that there was a good Nazarene church in town and was told – “they were too political.” So, I told both of these couples – maybe God is calling you to start your own church where things can be done the way you want. We smiled and prayed that God would bless their efforts at starting a new church – to which they looked at us with wide eyes and said “we can’t start a church!” Well, I said you are in a situation aren’t you? While we make it a practice not to prevent anyone from attend our church, we will be faithful to tell you that if you cause any descent by your theological opinions you will be asked to leave. We smiled shaked their hands and left.
How I handle criticism? – I don’t. The scriptures tell me that “faithful are the wounds of a friend.” Those that pass around second hand criticisms or major on the minors in life are not my “friends.” I consider the source. Believe me I have people in my life who are very honest with me if they think I am “off” on an issue – and to these I hold myself accountable. Why, because I know the fruit of their life demonstrates the Spirit of Christ.
Complainers, whiners, backbiters and gossips get as much attention from me as “roller derby.” I smile and tell them “not every church is for everyone – I hope you find a church you can be happy in.” What I have found by treating “critics” this way is that my life has less stress and I am able to spend my time helping people grow in the Lord who really want to grow.
Pastor Greg on Mon, April 25, 2005
Sunday’s Gospel text was Jesus’ words: “I am the way, the truth, and the life…” (from John 14). Being very mindful of tradtional Christian interpretation, I sought to expand the consciousness and suggested that Christians will not be THE only ones in Heaven. (Surely, Jesus was Jewish- as well as all the OT saints…
A man threatened to call an emergency board meeting over his perception that I strayed from orthodox teaching. In fact, I did—to make a point. ‘Religion’ will not get us “there” but a relationship of oneness that Jesus spoke of in the same chapter will. Perhaps it was the delivery of my thoughts that upset some, but I cannot apologize for how I believe, therefore preach. Even Jesus sought to reform the thinking of his audience’s obsession with their own exclusive religious concerns.
If it was not for ones like Martin Luther who defied the Roman Church’s demand that he recant his teachings and books, where would we be today?
I am still considering how to respond to this situation. Any thoughts or ideas?
Kent Anderson on Mon, April 25, 2005
The amazing thing about criticism is how universal it is, it is the same in a small town, suburb, or urban setting. Having done this for over 23 years you can catch it from opposite directions on the same day for the same event.
If it is unsigned, forget it. If it isn’t over a kingdom issue, have a sense of humor about it, as if the size of the font in the bulletin is going to change anything. If it is an honest mistake, and I make more than most, own it, apologize and move on. If it is because of a sin I committed, and there are too many of those in my wake, admit it, and make it as right as you can. Ask God to straighten you out and learn from it.
And there are some people with just too much time on their hands.
Pastor Bill on Mon, April 25, 2005
Criticism can be very good if received well. Learning to receive CRITICISM is indeed a trait that Jesus experienced and understood very well because those who always seemed to think they know more would rise to the top. Didn’t the Priests, Pharisee’s, Saducee’s, Roman’s (gentiles)and DISCIPLES (like Peter) think they knew more than God who was in their presence? Did I just include “DISCIPLES?” YES indeed!
I can’t believe I wrote that! The ministry I have is in Skid Row Los Angeles and you would not believe how many people in Los Angeles (living on Skid Row) know the Bible. The only thing missing is the practical application of the WORD to their lives. This is not confined to Skid ROW!
Every Pastor and Every disciple must seek to APPLY the Word of God to their lives. If one who reads and knows the WORD does not APPLY the Word to his/her life, you may as well tell them to read Harry Potter or Sports Illustrated because they will get more out of those books.
Application of the Word of God to our lives will bring down our own personal criticism of others as we approach the light of God and see the sin stained life we have. Getting our disciples to this point in their lives can be very trying and with it comes that awfull criticism.
The Key to every Pastor’s success (in the beginning) is finding those FEW who are TEACHABLE. If a man is not teachable on your staff or core group, you may want him/her to worship at a place where they can be taught and IT IS OK TO GIVE THEM THE OPPORTUNITY TO MOVE ON WITH YOUR BLESSING.
When we as Pastors/Teachers take the pulpit we had better have the “authority” of God with us or we deliver good sermons that are pleasing to the ears AND NOT life changing.
Unfortunately, when we do PREACH LIFE CHANGING SERMONS WITH THE AUTHORITY OF GOD we find ourselves in the midst of heart wrenching and searching as the words of God sink deep into the hearts of those who get to deal with the authority of God and Not us. It is when we appear to be that “authority” (we are not) that the criticism of all types come flying at us. I find myself saying, “The Word of God Says….” over and over again.
Having a heart touched by God is a good thing, but we must dilligently seek to show that the “authority of God” is borne out in our BEHAVIOR and our LIVING STYLE or it means NOTHING to the hearer. Again that is “application.”
Human nature will defend itself, but we must always remember that we are not the ones who set the STANDARDS of HOLINESS. We may get the brunt of the offensive criticism, and when we do, we must always remember that Jesus told us that this would happen.
If you are like me, criticism (to put it into today’s venacular)—- “SUCKS!” When it comes from God through Brothers and Sisters with your best interest in mind it is awesome and rewarding. When it comes from left field without God’s authority as given in Scripture—Be silent just like Jesus was when He went to the Cross.
Be Loved in the Name of Jesus
Pastor Bill
Shirley Jameson on Mon, April 25, 2005
Some of our people are afraid of change and will bad mouth any one who introduces it into the congregation.
PK on Mon, April 25, 2005
Sometimes a Pastor dealing with criticism is such TABOO! People feel that because we are pastors we are open 24/7 for them to try to destroy us. This is a very tough thing to deal with. Criticism comes in many shapes and sizes and most of the time it is unfounded.
I had a pastor tell me that in every criticism there is ALWAYS some truth. To him and that I say a ahrdy Boloney!!!!!
Every criticism doesn’t contain truth, most contains others opions, not much fact. I can say this: I think if a person is big enough to start the criticism they should be big enough to stand and hear from the person that they have opened their mouths about.
I saw one church that had a membership requirement that stated and the member had to sign that said: (something like this) I ______________ do promise to protect my church and my pastors from any and all lies. I will stand true to God’s word and pray with and hold accountable the person spreading gossip or lies. If they refuse to stop then I will take them to the Pastoral staff for disicpline. I promise to do this in the eyes of God and my fellow church members.
This is similar to the wording and I bet it works pretty well.
God bless and hang tough.
Pete King on Mon, April 25, 2005
Criticism can be helpful harmful and is always informative. Although criticism is inciteful regarding another person’s perspective and observation, I believe that it takes the Holy Spirit to help us to know the difference between helpful and harmful. Looking over my life I have experienced both valid and pointless comments regarding my ministry and leadership style. It is always easier to determine harmful complaints when they come from someone whom you know has it in for you. But it becomes more difficult to determine if it is valid when it comes from friends and family. The danger us people pleasers face is that if the criticism comes close to home the tendency is to automatically believe that it is valid. However, that misconception can be very painful and lead to feelings of failure. Yes although they might have your best interest in mind that doesn’t mean their criticism is necessary valid. As one recieving the criticism we struggle with determining whether or not the change is necessary or whether it is a mere attempt to drive us to behave the way they believe is best. The difficulty with this issue is that human nature does not change regardless of motive or person giving the criticism. We must ask God to help us to change what needs changing and ignore the rest. Understandibly, this is not accomplished with ease. One can help oneself if he/she is willing to make some mistakes regarding criticism. I believe that is what the Bible is refering to when it means to “Work out your own Salvation”. It is a process we strive to perfect. We cannot be perfect but we can improve with God’s Help. That is the key, not the criticism, but the God who might be using that to help us be more like Him.
Pastor Bill on Mon, April 25, 2005
Well said Pete King
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