Monday Morning Insights

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    Dealing with Criticism:  4 Ways to Lessen the Blow

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    1.  I spend the day Saturday ramping up spiritually.

    Saturday is my alone day. I pray, practice my message, read, pray some more, wander around the empty building and get my mind in gear. I remind myself that it is my job to preach as if God himself were speaking through me (1 Peter 4:11). When I don’t do this, I can get defensive when faced with criticism because I think it’s about me, not God.

    2.  Between services, I try not to get caught up in long conversations.

    We have 2 services on Saturday Night and 3 on Sunday Morning. Because of this, there isn’t much time between each of our services—sometimes there are people waiting in the lobby when the previous service hasn’t even let out yet.

    During those few minutes, I try to connect briefly with as many people as possible. If I dive into a topic with someone for too long, I can’t shake it out of my head when I have to hop back up on the stage to teach again. This is especially true with criticism, but it applies to all long conversations.

    3.  I don’t check email from Saturday Morning until Monday Afternoon.

    I am an Internet junkie and I used to check my email in between each service. Unfortunately, some of my critics travel at the speed of light from our church to their computer to email me a nasty note. There were times I would get a discouraging email minutes before going back onto the stage--that tends to take a little wind out of the sails.

    Now, I wait until Monday afternoon because by then I have had time to refresh, spend time with my family, and get myself mentally disconnected from the weekend.

    4.  I smile and thank my critics

    On the occasions when I can’t avoid the fiery criticism, I make sure my attitude is right regardless of my critic’s. Often, they have been burned by something and I have somehow become a target of their pain. It’s not personal even though it feels personal. A smile at a time like that is disarming and it shows my critics that I love them, no matter what they say or how they say it.

    ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Noel Heikkinen is a husband of one and a father of four.  With the rest of his time, he is a pastor at Riverview Church (http://www.eriv.net) in the East Lansing, Michigan area, as well as a blogger (http://www.noelheikkinen.com) a podcaster (http://www.dailyjeezit.com) and a 24 addict.

    FOR DISCUSSION: What are some other ways that you’ve established to help you deal with criticism?

    Noel Heikkinen writes, "While this situation is extreme, it is by no means an isolated event. Criticism comes with the turf of being a pastor, especially of a church that is “not normal” (whatever that means). Over the years, I have developed a system that helps me be prepared for moments like these. Here are a couple key components..."

    Comments

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    1. Peter Hamm on Mon, April 16, 2007

      3 is a great idea. I need to do this, although I don’t get email criticism that often in my role. I should leave my computer at home on the weekend maybe.

    2. Stewart on Mon, April 16, 2007

      Thanks for this. I don’t think #s 1 and 2 are possible for me, but 3 is a new insight which I will implement and 4 is a lifesaver.


      The thing that drives me nuts are the “helpful” suggestions which are usually thinly veiled personal insults usually preceeded by two weak compliments (they learned to do that in a seminar). I’ve learned to do two things depending on how the criticisms come.


      If in person… I simply pause and say, “Oh.” I try really hard not to get defensive and I don’t want to affirm the critic by thanking them. I just say “oh”. And then do my best to move on. This is hard because I spent the first couple of years in ministry working under a Senior who had defensiveness down to an art form! http://www.mondaymorninginsight.com/images/smileys/smile.gif And I learned a lot of bad habits.


      If the criticism comes via email… I’ve learned to just not write back. (Obviously this doesn’t apply to times when genuine pain is expressed.)


      Of course, neither of these help mentally, emotionally or spiritually. I still go through the roller coaster ride that all pastors are familiar with, but at least I’ve stopped making things worse. And there are those occasions http://www.mondaymorninginsight.com/images/smileys/smile.gif when it turns out the critic had a point! http://www.mondaymorninginsight.com/images/smileys/smile.gif

    3. Eddie on Mon, April 16, 2007

      Numbers 1 through 3 mean that you are putting more emphasis on avoiding criticism than on being a missionary (incarnational, with the people, etc.). Number 4 sounds normal, but unauthentic.


      What did Jesus do to avoid criticism?


      Shouldn’t we pray that we be the kind of people who humbly receive criticism and learn from it rather than trying to avoid it?


      As far as dealing with it is concerned: Jesus asked great questions of his detractors, and I have to believe that he took the criticisms to his Father continually.


      Sorry for being critical. I’m a very sensitive pastor and have to struggle with this all the time, so I feel your pain. I just don’t think running away from the criticism is the answer.

    4. phil on Mon, April 16, 2007

      i guess i don’t see how #1-3 are focused on avoiding criticism.  if you’ve spent hours upon hours pouring over the Word of God and in prayer preparing a message to impact the lives of the people of your church and your community, then shouldn’t you give that message with the same passion and effort that went into preparing for it?  distractions take away from your ability to go back out and present again with the same passion and clarity you had in preparing it. 


      nowhere does Noel say he doesn’t accept criticism.  in fact it seems as though he uses that next week in order to go back and deal with those things.  but to be most missional to the people he will continue to come in contact with through different services, he needs to stay focused on the message God has given him. 


      this never talks about avoiding criticism or running away from it.  it also deals with the nature of the criticism on how you should appropriately respond to it.  if there’s a theological error, then we’ve got a bigger problem that does need to be dealt with.  but if there’s a criticism on what you wore or that something hit too close to home, then these are things you don’ t need to be burdened with while still trying to staff focused.

    5. Dan on Mon, April 16, 2007

      eddie,


      I’m one of Noel’s co-pastors and what Phil said is really true.  There’s not a need to run away from criticism, but when you have ten minutes in between services it’s usually not a time to deal with criticism (unless you are preaching heresy, which I think one of the four other pastors would be quick to point out).   Many times the criticisms aren’t constructive as much as personal insults which do affect your emotion if you let it.  That wouldn’t be a good thing to deal with as you are going on stage to do your next message.


      But I do totally agree.  We should humble consider our criticism and learn from it, if we are wrong and deal with it with tact if we are in the right.


      Dan Price

    6. music director on Mon, April 16, 2007

      So what do you do when your Sr. throws one at you right before the start of the service?  It can be pretty hard to lead worship at that point…

    7. Peter Hamm on Mon, April 16, 2007

      music director.


      That stinks! I would definitely ask him to be more careful about timing in the future.

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