How Would Your Church Respond to Constance McMillen?

Posted on April 27, 2010
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(30) comments

Given the interest in the Jennifer Knapp story here at MMI yesterday, I thought this would be a great follow-up, and I'd really like to spark some additional conversation around this topic because I think it's vitally important. Meet Constance McMillen. Constance is an 18 year old high school senior from Fulton, Mississippi (but she might as well be from your town). Constance is a lesbian. She's been 'out of the closet' since eighth grade.

It's prom time, and Constance wants to take her girlfriend to the school prom. School rules state that prom dates must be of the opposite gender. She asks the school board to reconsider. They refuse. She enlists the help of the ACLU. The school board's response: cancel the prom for everyone because the whole matter is a distraction "to the educational process".

My question: how should the church respond to this?

This morning, I tried to find out a little more about the situation, and how any of the local churches responded to the local controversy. I found nothing.

Oh wait. I did find one thing. The infamous Westboro Baptist Church (look them up if you need to) has announced that they are going to picket Constance's graduation this year. Here's the only response from a 'church' that I could find on this story.

“WBC will picket the graduation of Itawamba Agricultural High School to remind the parents, teachers and students of this nation that God said 'Thou shall not lie with mankind, as with womankind, it is abomination,'” the church said in announcing the protest.

“This generation has been raised to believe that they can live for the devil and still go to heaven, that God has no standards and the biggest lie of all – that God loves everyone.”

“The parents of Fulton, MS feign outrage that a filthy dyke wants to parade her 'girlfriend' around at their night of fornication called a prom,” the church added. “They had a duty to teach their children what the Lord requires of them. They shirked this duty.”

Fulton, Mississippi is a town of less than 5,000 people. It could be any of our 'hometowns'. Let's say, for argument's sake, that Constance lived in your community. That Constance went to the same high school as your son or daughter. That your church found itself in the same location as this community-changing story.

What would your church's response be? Would you/should your church have a response?

This is where the rubber meets the road, folks.

You've often heard that we are to love the sinner but hate the sin. How do you do that when it's a very public and very divisive issue?

Sinners have names. Most all of us (myself included) on this forum (at least from the Jennifer Knapp post) believe that homosexuality is forbidden in scripture. So how do we mesh our love for Constance with our understanding/condemnation of sin?

I would argue that calling Constance a 'filthy dyke' is not the way to do it (as Westboro has done). I think most of you would agree.

I would also argue that affirming Constance's lifestyle choice as God-honoring is also not a good choice. Again, most of you would agree.

So... if the church can not affirm the lifestyle, but cannot call names; how should the church respond? It HAS to be somewhere in the middle. But where?

Like it or not, our culture HAS changed. When I was in high school (a few years ago); homosexuality still had a very negative connotation to it. Today, culture has shifted to the point that most high schoolers don't think twice about homosexuality being negative or sinful. It's like red or blue... pick a color.

In fact, I would bargain a guess that in your church, you have people that struggle with same-sex attractions on a regular basis. You might not even be aware of their struggle. How do you love them? How do you reach them? Just preaching against homosexuality won't do the trick anymore.

Here's the deal... Gay people need Jesus too. Specifically, Constance needs Jesus. My fear is that the only 'christian' or church that Constance will hear from is the likes of Westboro. Or, just as bad, a local church that will speak against the ills of homosexuality and never do a thing to personally reach out to Constance or people like her with the LOVE of Jesus. 'If Constance could only be delivered from her sexual orientation, then maybe she could hear the gospel and be saved.' Is that not the approach that many of us take?

OK... I've rambled long enough. I've written about the homosexuality issue alot over the past five years because of one reason: I think this is the BIG social issue the church will have to wrestly with in the next decade. And how we respond now will determine our direction.

Truthfully, I don't know what the proper response is. I know it's somewhere between Westboro and affirmation.

So... if Constance lived in your town, went to your kid's high school, maybe even attended your church's youth group... how would your church respond to this very public, very polarizing, very nasty situation?

Seriously... think it through. You may very well have a situation like this happen very soon in your community. If it happens in Fulton, MS, it could just be a matter of time before this happens in your town.

Please, take a moment to share your thoughts. Iron sharpens iron, you know.

Thanks,

Todd

Comments

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CS on Wed, April 28, 2010

CS - Yes, or no: Do you believe that repentance is a component of salvation and a response of someone who is saved? Do you believe that a person can be saved and continue on in a lifestyle of sin in full knowledge of what he is doing is a sin?

Repentance is a RESPONSE of someone who is saved, not necessarily a prerequisite for salvation, indicated by several of Jesus’ encounters. The next question you asked about continuing in a lifestyle of sin in full knowledge of what he is doing is a sin….that’s where the gay community differs from the “traditional Christian” in understanding. We don’t believe that the scriptures clearly state in their original texts that homosexuality (in a monogamous, loving, lifelong relationship) is a sin. So, you can’t say that a homosexual is choosing to continue in a lifestyle that they have full knowledge of it being sin, because we have a different understanding of the scriptures than you do. I do, however, believe that continuing to do something that a person is convicted of is sinful….but we ALL do that everyday. Even Paul did that according to Romans 7:15. So, what does the church do when the individual isn’t convicted by the Holy Spirit that what they are doing is sinful?
Vanessa on Wed, April 28, 2010

Oops…I accidentally put CS as my name because I was writing to CS. SORRY!~
Wendi Hammond on Wed, April 28, 2010

CS � yes, if I was the principle of a private Christian school, we would have adopted some sort of standard based on a statement of faith and doctrinal views which would, I�m assuming, inform a decision about this situation if it came up.

Your second question wants me to answer a simple yes or no: �Do you believe that repentance is a component of salvation and a response of someone who is saved? Do you believe that a person can be saved and continue on in a lifestyle of sin in full knowledge of what he is doing is a sin?�

I�m assuming that by �saved� you mean the person gets into heaven when they die. I�m not a universalist; I believe in both heaven and hell. But I like NT Wright�s quote from the book �Surprised by Hope�, �Heaven is important, but it�s not the end of the world.� In one of the very few times Jesus talked about heaven (Matt 25) he said those who don�t get in were the ones who had committed sins of omission, failing feed the hungry and thirsty, care for the stranger, sick and prisoner.

Yes, I believe that repentance is a component of redemption, but I do not believe it is as simple as you seem to make it. I disagree with Vanessa in her understanding of scripture related to homosexuality, but I agree with her statements about conviction and knowledge of sin. If one cannot be �saved� and continue doing something about which they have sensed a conviction, we are all in trouble. As Vanessa correctly points out, even Paul did that (Ro 7:15).

Wendi
CS on Thu, April 29, 2010

Vanessa:

Thanks for the clarification of who was saying what. It caught me off-guard to see my name up like that. =)

“We don’t believe that the scriptures clearly state in their original texts that homosexuality (in a monogamous, loving, lifelong relationship) is a sin. So, you can’t say that a homosexual is choosing to continue in a lifestyle that they have full knowledge of it being sin, because we have a different understanding of the scriptures than you do.”

I disagree. The Bible is clear that homosexuality is a sin, and that people who engage in it instinctively know it is wrong. However, they may suppress the truth in unrighteousness and have their consciences seared over time to where they do not see it as so (Romans 1).

Wendi:

“Heaven is important, but it�s not the end of the world.� In one of the very few times Jesus talked about heaven (Matt 25) he said those who don�t get in were the ones who had committed sins of omission, failing feed the hungry and thirsty, care for the stranger, sick and prisoner.”

Two thoughts. First, Christ didn’t talk about Heaven, “a very few times,” but He talked about it tons (and Hell even moreso). Second, this twisting of Matthew 25 turns salvation into a work. How do you know when you’ve fed enough people and cared for enough poor people before you’ll be let into Heaven? How many good deeds are required to get in the door? This social gospel flies in the face of Ephesians 2:8-9, and exposes why I would categorize Wright in the same area as Willard.

“If one cannot be �saved� and continue doing something about which they have sensed a conviction, we are all in trouble. As Vanessa correctly points out, even Paul did that (Ro 7:15).”

Right, but there’s a big difference between living a lifestyle of sin and continuing to engage in it, and stumbling on it or struggling with it. We will battle sin all the rest of our lives, but saying that that sin is acceptable and not fighting against it shows a lack of repentance, which is a natural result of being saved.

—
CS
K. A. Christian on Thu, April 29, 2010

CS… I agree we have to love everybody without comprimising the Gospel… I know it’s a hard issue to deal with, but that’s apart of being Christians… dealing with the complex issues while holding onto our biblical beliefs…

How do the church deal with homosexuality without compromising the Gospel? As CS said, love them, show & teach them the Gospel and pray for their repentance…

I believe the church must first understand and teach what’s true repentance… The Hebrew word for repentance denotes conversion or return. The Greek word signifies change of mind and intention. Repentance comprehends two things- forsaking ourselves, we should turn to God, and lay aside our old mind and should assume a new one.

True repetance would cover a multitude of sins without singling one out over the other..
Duane on Thu, April 29, 2010

Coming late to the party here- great questions Todd. I never write comments, but here goes. I got tears in my eyes when I read this story (not a lot gets me there). Not because we don’t have the answer, not because we don’t all agree…but because (as far as I can tell- please correct me if I am wrong!) none of us went on record at the time as saying Westboro was wrong in what they said. I don’t know exactly what to do about same sex dates at a prom, and I do have my opinions about where I land on the issue. But Westboro is wrong and is not the voice of Jesus in this. What if, when this stuff happens in the news and places like Westboro respond the way they do, we go on record and stand against the part we have figured out-admitting that we don’t have the rest figured out. Would you respect someone who did that? Are we…honestly-am I… too jaded or afraid to do what Paul did with Peter and confront things when they are harmful to the good news? What would that say to a watching world? I think it just might reshape people’s perception of Jesus and his church. In this story, Jesus and his gospel gets ripped off if the only one with the microphone alleging to represent him is saying “God hates fags”. In the example of the woman caught in adultery (Jn 8:3-11), Jesus stands against the ones saying they are following God and their wrong approach to the situation, and their ulterior motives. Seven of the verses deal with the interaction between thme and Jesus; the interaction with Jesus (though profound) makes up two verses.
duane on Thu, April 29, 2010

Sorry- last line shoudl be “Seven of the verses deal with the interaction between them and Jesus; the interaction between Jesus and the woman caught in adultery (though profound) makes up two verses.

Need to get lunch
Brian on Fri, April 30, 2010

I think one of the reasons the church has such as blackeye from issues such as homosexuality is because we have taken a sin and turned it into a political issue. The way that happens is when we (the church) attempt to intervene in an issue when we have no relational ties to the people involved. Seriously, how can we speak in love when we don’t even know the people? We recently had a lesbian couple start attending our Sunday services and to be honest, I didn’t know what to do. They said that they had attended the “gay friendly” church, but that they didn’t experience God there. They felt the presence of God in our church. They wanted to worship with us. But they immediately wanted to know what my stance was on homosexual couples. I felt really uncomfortable having that conversation with someone I didn’t even know. On one hand, it would have been easy for me to just run my mouth off, spewing Bible versus. But I knew that if I were to draw a line in the sand like every other church in town had already, that they would just leave without ever getting the chance to know my heart. Perhaps without the chance of ever getting to know Jesus’ heart. I also felt it was unfair for them to come into our church and immediately draw their own line in the sand, and I told them so. I’ve never had a man come to our church and immediately demand that I give him my stance on internet pornography. So I told them that I wanted to have this conversation based in a relationship with them. This would take some time, but I wanted to get to know them, and I wanted them to get to know me. That way we could have the conversation based in a trusting relationship. At that point, I felt I could tell them the truth, in love. Not just say it was in love, but really mean it because I had come to know them. We could earn each other’s trust, and earn the right to speak into each other’s lives. They felt that was a good idea. For the next few months they have continued to worship with us and I have continued to pray for the right opportunity to talk with them. We haven’t had the sit down yet, but we will. And when we do, no matter what the outcome, I’m certain that they will truly believe that I am speaking to them in love, not just towing the evangelical line on the issue of homosexuality. We’ll see.
Jesse on Fri, April 30, 2010

The church should offer a prom and host it in their building and invite all the kids to come out - including the lesbian couple. Jesus’ first miracle was to change a lot of water into a lot of wine at a party where everyone was already drunk.

Here’s the deal: the church can stand by and do nothing and none of these kids will never think twice about those churches that do. Or they can show love, host a prom, serve the kids there, and maybe once those kids get into trouble at some point in their lives, they’ll remember that church that did something about the prom.

Maybe that church would be willing to help them with their marriage, depression, or drug addiction, too.

The church needs to worry less about their loving actions being misconstrued for approving of sinful behavior and more about taking advantage of these opportunities while still preaching the truth.
Vanessa on Fri, April 30, 2010

AMEN Jesse….LOVE IT!

From my experiences, nobody changes their life because of people like Westboro Baptist Church.

Nobody changes their life because of someone quoting scripture to them.

Nobody changes their life because of another person imposing their conviction on them.

Nobody changes their life without a loving, caring, intentional relationship that is based on trust.

The only way/reason a person changes their life is because THEY ARE CONVICTED by the HOLY SPIRIT, deep down in their gut/soul…that what they are doing must change.

When they feel that way, they go to people the TRUST to get their opinion/insight. Until that opinion is asked for, people should keep it to themselves and just LOVE the person… unless it is a issue that is hurting the person (addiction, self-mutilation, etc..) or an issue that harms someone else (addiction, abuse, etc…)

This can apply to any “issue” that you believe is sin.

Love the kids at the school, and if one day they are hurting and they trust you….they’ll come and ask for help. If you just reject them all along and quote scripture, opinions, and doctrine at them, they’ll run as far from you and your judgment as they can when they feel like something is wrong in their life. That’s why the majority of my age group is “unchurched” today. If the church wants them back, this HAS to change.
Vanessa on Fri, April 30, 2010

CS - I’m curious as to what kind of research you have done on the issue of homosexuality and the Bible? Have you studied the culture and the original language of the texts…or have you just read the black and white words in some translations of the Bible?

I ask because I find that a lot of evangelicals who believe in Sola Scriptura have failed to do any study on the other understanding of these scriptures and the culture in which they were written and are therefore closed to any consideration that the Bible may in fact be talking about something quite different than people have assumed for years.

Just trying to understand where you get your understanding of scripture because I used to answer these questions just like you until I educated myself for MONTHS on the “issue”. Through that time I became infinitely more aware of the purpose of the Holy Spirit and I have grown in my understanding and respect (for lack of a better word) for the Holy Spirit. My spiritual life used to be based mainly on the Bible, God, and Christ (even though I believed in the Holy Spirit and was educated on it’s purpose). Now my awareness for the Holy Spirit has become VITAL to my understanding of God, Jesus, and scripture…and some of my understandings have changed because I was willing to set aside all I thought I knew about scripture and start fresh with the Holy Spirit’s guidance.

Just curious as to your experience? =)
CS on Fri, April 30, 2010

Vanessa:

“CS - I’m curious as to what kind of research you have done on the issue of homosexuality and the Bible? Have you studied the culture and the original language of the texts…or have you just read the black and white words in some translations of the Bible?”

Yes, I’ve done both, and checked the original languages, too. For example, the word translated in 1 Corinthians 6:9 as, “homosexual,” is, “arsenokoites.” This word is a compound word of, “arsen,” meaning, “man,” and, “koites”, from which we later get the Latin word that led to the English, “coitus,” which originally meant, “a bed.” So the implication is clear here of how it is a man who beds with another man.

“Just trying to understand where you get your understanding of scripture because I used to answer these questions just like you until I educated myself for MONTHS on the “issue”.”

My understanding comes in two main ways through Scripture. First, there are the clear verses that discuss homosexuality outright, like those in Genesis 19, Leviticus 18 & 20, Romans 1, 1 Corinthians 6, and 1 Timothy 10. But, second, it was the understanding of the marriage relationship in light of Ephesians 5 that really brought it to light.

You see, there are gender-specific roles that each person in the marriage covenant plays. The man is a symbol and type of Christ, and the woman is a symbol and type of the Church. But what happens to this relationship in the context of homosexuality?

First, it erases the gender-specific roles. With two men in a relationship, who is the type and shadow of Christ? Or, with two women, who is supposed to submit to who? There is no order. Second, what does it say about Christ’s relationship with the Church? Again, with two people of the same sex supposed to be acting out the marriage covenant, this says that mankind is equal to God, since there is no federal head of that union. To raise man to Godhood is a sinful action. And, third, what does it say to the world? It says that God doesn’t mean what He says in the redemption of mankind, since we could have saved ourselves if two men engaged in homosexual union are equally bound.

So, this understanding of Scripture within the cultural context of the time, without even mentioning homosexuality explicitly, shows how it is only right for a man and woman to be together.

“Now my awareness for the Holy Spirit has become VITAL to my understanding of God, Jesus, and scripture…and some of my understandings have changed because I was willing to set aside all I thought I knew about scripture and start fresh with the Holy Spirit’s guidance.”

I hate to say it, but that’s not the Holy Spirit’s guidance if the way in which you go is down a way that leads to sin or the support of sin. And setting aside Scripture for some other sort of revelation is never a wise idea.

—
CS
Andymcadams on Sat, May 01, 2010

Honestly…if the school had just let the whole thing go it would have probably died out. What’s sad is due to this person’s insisting on going with her girlfriend the whole class gets punished. Not sure who is more wrong…Constance (who knew the school would respond like this) or the school.

I’m not sure what I’m more tired of. Stories like this and those that insist on things they know will cause people to react…or people like Westboro Baptist Church. Those people need to do us all a favor and close the church because they certainly don’t act like a chuch,

I’d love to know when the last time someone got saved there…because it sure seems to me like they don’t focus on the gospel.

As far as how my church would respond? I’m not sure…but not hatefully. The more we get all keyed up over things like this the more energy we will take away from the purpose of the church…see people come to Christ and make disciples.
Vanessa on Mon, May 03, 2010

CS �
I�d love to �debate� � �discuss� � �talk� - through this with you. Would you rather do it through email so we don�t hijack the comments of the blog? I�m very interested in your understanding of all of this. I typed my response to you but it went to moderation because the blog host site seems to think it is spam. lol Hopefully it will show up soon. =)
CS on Mon, May 03, 2010

Vanessa:

You got it. It’s .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) .

(I throw this one up because that way when the spam bots go a-looking, it goes to an account that can be, “wrecked.” =) )

—
CS