Is Domestic Abuse an Acceptable Reason for Divorce
- Posted by: Todd
- Posted on: Mon, January 12, 2009
- Viewed 274
- (36) comments so far
Holliday does believe that couples involved with domestic abuse should separate; and find counseling.
You can read the whole article here.
So… what do you think? Is Domestic abuse grounds for a Biblical divorce? What’s your take?
Todd
According to the Christian Post: "Physical abuse by one’s spouse is not a biblical reason for divorce, says a pastor at Saddleback Church in southern California.
Tom Holladay, teaching pastor at the megachurch founded by best-selling author Rick Warren, says the Bible only gives two cases where divorce is acceptable: abandonment and a physical affair.
“I wish there were a third in Scripture having been involved as a pastor with situations of abuse," Holladay said in an audio clip posted on Saddleback Church’s Web site. "There is something in me that wishes there were a Bible verse that says, 'If they abuse you in this-and-such kind of way, then you have a right to leave them.'"
Physical abuse, he defined, is someone “literally” beating another person up regularly...
Comments
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Joel on Mon, January 12, 2009
Todd, did you read the small print on your photo?
Daniel on Mon, January 12, 2009
I second that. Todd, please remove the incredibly offensive image from this post.
As for your question, it reminds me of the “how far is too far?” question dating couples sometimes ask. The focus is in the wrong place. It’s on rules and regulations, and what can I get away with without being in trouble… wrong question.
A better question is, what are Christians called to in marriage? And of course, the answer is: to mirror God’s faithfulness to Sarah and Abraham in Christ. Christian marriage is an image of divine faithfulness, so divorce FOR ANY REASON is a falling short of that calling.
In the tragic circumstances surrounding abuse, I whole-heartedly endorse separation. Or better yet, have a trusted third-party from the church move in with the couple and counsel them. If God took drastic steps in Christ to keep a promise to Israel, so also we (by which I mean ‘the Church’) ought to take drastic steps to save our marriages.
When one of the spouses ceases to truly WANT reconciliation however, the name of the game changes. In that case I would advocate separation, with the hope of reconciliation. But if divorce occurs, surely there is no room for blame.
Peace,
-Daniel-
Juan on Mon, January 12, 2009
Here is an example where atheists can live less violent and abusive, and therefore more God-like, lives than fundamentalist Christians.
A quick google will uncover a variety of articles where beating a wife was justified by the “Christian” abuser on the grounds she wasn’t submissive enough.
The bible was written when women, children and slaves were property belonging to the man of the house. We must consider the context.
Todd Rhoades on Mon, January 12, 2009
Oops… didn’t see the small print on the picture… You guys have much better eyesight than I do.
I’ll replace it now! http://www.mondaymorninginsight.com/images/smileys/smile.gif
Todd
Daniel Moore on Mon, January 12, 2009
Juan, How can an atheist live a more “God-like” life than a Christian? Atheists, by their philosophy, do not believe in God. So their standards have to come from personal choice. It is true that some Christian husbands have behaved badly towards their wives because of sin.
As far as this article goes. Abuse may lead to divorce in a Christian couple. There is the biblical option of separation. There is also church discipline. The abusing spouse must be confronted. When the abuser refuses to repent, the abusing spouse at a church meeting will be treated like a sinner until repentance or the abuser abandons the spousal victim. Then the victim has the option of divorce due to abandonment.
anne jackson on Mon, January 12, 2009
i like how physical abuse is defined as something that is done “regularly”—as if one blow to the face isn’t enough….
Jerry D. Hill on Mon, January 12, 2009
It always amaxes me to read that Sarah and Abraham are put forth when talking about marriage. The Jews in Isreal are fighting a group of terrorists today that are a direct example of Sarah and Abraham’s faithfulness to God on the marriage vows.
Hagar was not in the plan.
Today if a wife were to introduce a third party into the bedroom she would be called a swinger.
How long before we head the words of Jesus when He said to search the scriptures (Old Testament only). It gets more unreasonable every day to be a King James only Christian.
God is a Spirit, according to the Word/word, and seeks such to worship Him. Lay the book down and listen to your HEART/soul for the VOICE OF GOD, Holy Spirit, the only thing left on earth to teach us the will of God. THE ONLY THING left on Earth to teach, guide or lead His children who know His Voice. Jerry D. Hill
Autumn on Mon, January 12, 2009
I believe that the passages the author mentions regarding adultery and abandonment have to do with divorce and re-marriage, the bond is broken and the believer is free. However, when First Corinthians 7:10-11 says that a wife must not leave her husband, but if she does, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled, Paul is not contradicting Jesus or himself, there is a third category. Reconciliation is always best, but not always possible. Sometimes, divorce is inevitable, but remarriage is to be shunned. God is merciful to the despised and abused.
Jade on Mon, January 12, 2009
Let me just say I think Physical, verbal or sexual abuse is grounds for divorce. Not just to abuse but to the Children as well. Although I know there is not a case or instance in scripture to back up what I am saying in my heart I feel like this is right. I do not believe God asks a wife/husband to be continually abused by a spouse or allow their children to be abused as well. While to do believe counseling and reconcilation needs to be tried, in some cases this is just not possible because the person is not willing to change.
I was physically and verbally abused by my parents the root of most of it was my step mom. My dad and her are divorced today over all of it that happened to us.
It is easy to sit back and judge and say this is black and white. Wait till it happens to you or someone you love. What if it happens to your child? Truthfully a lot people who say you can’t divorce have probably never been through this and just don’t understand.
Is divorce what God wants? Of course not, the Bible says God hates divorce. Does God want women, men to put themselves or their children through hell on earth just to stay married? No I don’t think so. Those of you who do, I would say wait till it happens to you or a loved one.
I thank God every day for the wonderful wife He provided me.
Carolyn on Mon, January 12, 2009
Physical, emotional, sexual, and spiritual abuse all violate the sacrament of marriage and are grounds for divorce. “We just couldn’t make it work” is not.
And like Anne said, it only takes once; violence escalates rapidly. So, yes, obviously reconciliation is ideal, but if I were in a situation where I feared for my life, or for my kids’ health, I’d take my kids and get out. And it’s hard for me to believe that the inclination to violence magically goes away. How is this still a question in today’s church? How can the church support the abuse of the sacrament of marriage through the abuse of one partner? And how can a church shame a victim? Disgusting.
bishopdave on Mon, January 12, 2009
I wonder if that statement in Eph 5:28-29 about cherishing your wife like your own flesh is God’s statement about spousal abuse.
I wonder it Tom Holladay has ever heard of grace. I think it would be extended to an abused woman if she’s asking to go forward with her life.
graceabounds on Mon, January 12, 2009
@bishopdave - I am sure that I have heard of this grace thing you mention…
That said, there is a difference between going forward apart from your husband on the one hand, and being free to remarry on the other hand.
I think that is the crucial difference - biblical grounds for divorce also allow for remarriage. A true end to the original relationship.
Ariel on Mon, January 12, 2009
As I look into the Word, I see that there is the letter and the spirit of the law. Could it be, as I’ve heard some say, that the letter is that divorce is something God hates, but there are rare allowances for it (the spirit behind it being that the hardening of the heart)?
If a man ...let me rephrase that ...if a male (because real men don’t hit women) would abuse his wife, then clearly his heart has hardened against her. Perhaps that would be a Biblical justification for divorce?
I’m just thinking here ...
Al on Mon, January 12, 2009
Wasn’t Jesus referring to the law of Moses, regarding divorce? The only part he adds is, “if you look upon a woman and lust after her you have committed adultery.” That being the standard every married woman, most likely, has the biblical right to divorce their husbands!
Secondly, wasn’t Jesus also referring to the practice of the day that stated a man could divorce his wife for any reason what-so-ever? That being the case, I don’t believe the purpose of his comments were to bind women from divorcing men, but to stop men from abandoning their wives on a whim.
IMHO
Salon Tracy on Tue, January 13, 2009
As a woman who had a 9mm pistol aimed at her from her now ex-husband who was supposed to serve and protect with that weapon, yes it is a acceptable reason for divorce.
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