Pastors are People Too!
- Posted by: Todd
- Posted on: Mon, October 10, 2005
- Viewed 390
- (29) comments so far
I lie sometimes. I've cheated once or twice in my life. I've had my share of the world. I make just as many mistakes as the next person...There are days you all seem fine. Nothing wrong. Everything fine. You include us. You make us feel like we are part of the family...family? Not really. We're more like distant cousins who happened to be traveling through town...And you some how find it in your gut to treat us with kindness and care...But you don't care. The fake smiles. The kind wave. It's nice. After a while I wonder if you really care. Often I hear you. I listen. I watch. I wonder. I then fall into the trap...The trap that sucks the life out of my soul. My heart. My love for serving and loving you. There are days I'd love to just tell you to just shove it...I don't though. I won't. I can't. You'd make things worse. I can't because I somehow love you. I'm called to you. You need me. I hope you need me...Some how you think I'm above you. You think I don't feel. You think I don't listen. What I love most is that you do what you do right in front of me. You forget to include me. You don't rely on me. I thought you called me? I thought you believed me? I thought you trusted me? Loved me? I thought you prayed that I was the one...That we were the ones...Somewhere in the messiness of life, things change. People change. I've let you down. I know I have. I can see it in your eyes. I hear about it. You forget that I know you gossip. I do it too. I know when you've gossiped, because it always gets back to me...Don't forget...I hurt...We hurt...We're just like you...The only difference it that you call me pastor...You give me a nice office...And by his grace you give me a paycheck...And you've trusted me to speak the truth...To preach Christ's compassion...his love...do you know how hard it is to that knowing I'm just like you? A screw up. A sinner. A beloved child of the king...Just like you...
Any thoughts?
This comes from Behind the Pulpit. Pretty honest… a pastor writes his thoughts… You look at me. You stare. You see. I’m a lot like you. As a matter of fact I was and I’m still you. I’m a screw up. I blow it daily.
Comments
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bernie dehler on Mon, October 10, 2005
Author wrote:
“There are days I’d love to just tell you to just shove it…I don’t though.”
Overall, sounds like a blind man wanting to lead others. The whole tone also sounds very self-centered. Sounds like someone who is not emotionally healthy.
Luke 6:39
He also told them this parable: “Can a blind man lead a blind man? Will they not both fall into a pit?
...Bernie
http://raydehler.com/fgn/
Rich Kirkpatrick on Mon, October 10, 2005
I am hoping this is not an actual sermon delivered.
When we make our ministries about us, we certainly can feel down. The truth is that ministry is one way—to the church and people of the church. To remain healthy as a pastor, we have to be fed outside of this vicious cycle. People under our care will not be looking our for our best interest. They can’t.
So, we pastors train the church to rely on God, not us, as we are training ourselves to rely on God and not them.
Todd Rhoades on Mon, October 10, 2005
Hey guys… sometimes ministry hurts. And you’re only fooling yourselves if you keep telling yourself it doesn’t hurt.
What I saw here was a person involved in ministry who is suffering some pain. Pain from people who will say things to a pastor that they won’t tell any other person. A person that’s heard comments that cut deep about himself and his family. A person that tries to minister but feels no one really deeply cares about him or his family. Most church staff have been there. And it hurts.
Sometimes we have to express human thoughts because, quite simply, we’re human. That doesn’t mean that we proclaim it from the rooftops and shout it in the streets.
We do have to find ways to heal the pain.
I think this essay was one step in this pastor’s process.
Do you know anyone in this situation? What can you do to encourage?
Todd
Brian La Croix on Mon, October 10, 2005
Self-centered? The blind leading the blind?
I don’t think so. I think it’s another example of the brutal honesty that’s lacking among pastors who feel they have to be superman.
I’m grateful for a leadership board that recognizes that I need support (beyond the paycheck), and they care that I have healthy relationships.
But like Rich said, that will generally come from those outside the church you pastor. I have great relationships with members of the church, but my closest friends are other pastors to whom I can cry and confess.
I don’t find anything in Scripture that supports the idea that pastors are to be anything less than people with the same needs as anybody else.
In fact, I have found that as I get more transparent with my congregation (within reasonable limits, of course), I actually gain credibility with the “average joe” in the seats, because they see that I don’t come to them with rose-colored glasses. And they see that as the Scripture deals with the hassles of everyday life, they see me working to make those principles real in my own life.
Have you had people gossip about you or had people assign motives to your actions that were totally off base? If you have, can you honestly say that you just brush it off?
I sure can’t.
And yet, as the article says, I am called to them and to love them, in spite of their faults (and mine!).
And, no matter what, we need to display grace and forgiveness, because that’s what Jesus would do.
Lord, give us the strength to reflect you in these situations!
Brian
JMo on Mon, October 10, 2005
When I read this blog, it is so typical that the first response is a commentary or judgment on others. I appreciate the openness of the writer, and while I don’t know who it is - I am he. There are so many times that my family has been burned or hurt by people in the church that I just want to swear at them or strike them, etc. Now you can call me selfish, ungodly, emotionally disturbed, or whatever… But the truth is - I am you. I walk with God, I study His Word, I abide with Him; so I feel free to express myself to Him and Him alone.
The difference is that I am willing to admit it. Just like Paul in Romans 7, I don’t like the things I feel, and want to say, as the struggle from the flesh is great.
As a pastor/shepherd, we must remember that we as shepherds, are also sheep.
matt on Mon, October 10, 2005
it seems like there are changing expectations for those of us in ministry. Once, the expectations is that we were hired to come in, lend our expertise to a situation, and then move on. Like the priest, we were to be a link between God and humanity.
Now, I think there is a growing expectation that we, in ministry leadership, are a part of the community that we serve. We are sojourners of faith. We may derive a paycheck from the church which opens the door for us to use our skills on a full-time basis, but we’re no longer simply hired guns to come in for a bit and then leave.
When these two expectations clash, it can be ugly. I’m sorry that this guy and so many others are feeling the pain of desiring to be a valued part of the community that they serve.
It’s interesting to note that we in ministry leadership (at least those that post here), can be as calloused to pain as the people in this guy’s church…hmmm…
Beggers on Mon, October 10, 2005
I’ve only read a couple of the posts but had to respond to the pastor’s unburdening. It sounds to me like he was crying out to God, maybe through journaling. Pastors (and all other Christians) are not called to be emotionless, just to handle them biblically.
Pastors (and their family) ARE people. Unfortunately, a lot of us will not cozy up to them with our friendship for fear that they will have a deeper insight to our iniquities. Or we come to them in a draining one sided/fair weather friendship that benefits US. Then we add the expectations that they actually ARE “holier than thou.” That leaves them very much alone to handle all the burdens that the church shares with them. According to Gen. 2:18 “It is not good for the man to be alone.” I realize this scripture is in the context of man and wife, but it strikes me that God didn’t stop after creating Adam saying “He’s got Me, what more could he ask for?”
I’m sure it is purely by the Grace of God that we already understood that pastors are people too. We were pretty close to our former pastors THEN they moved just two doors down. Boy was THAT uncomfortable - for the first few days. I am forever grateful for how it brought us even closer together and incredibly sad that it lasted for such a short period of time.
Pastors and their families are not immune to human needs and emotions. People should be appreciated for who they are - more that just a job. We all need friendship, fellowship, and prayer. Let us not withhold a blessing.
Perry on Mon, October 10, 2005
Todd,
I LOVE THIS POST! There isn’t a pastor in the world that hasn’t felt this way…and if anyone says otherwise then they are a liar!
One of the things I hear most often from the people who attend NewSpring is that they appreciate honesty—they want to know that the pastor has feelings too—that we are not masters of Christianty—but that we struggle as well.
As far as judging this dude for writing this—PLEASE—anyone attempting to judge this guy obviously has never served long term as senior pastor.
Just my two cents…
Al on Mon, October 10, 2005
I was him, but God delivered me out of a horrible situation. I didn’t run, I patiently waited on the Lord and he came to the aid of me and my family. I cannot tell you how we have changed over these past 4 months. My children are completely different, my wife and I are different, it is like we were when we first got into ministry, we have hope and a new life to go along with it.
If you are in a terrible situation like the author of this article, don’t be afraid to cry out to God and ask for deliverance, you won’t be letting him down in you do. And don’t be surprised at His response. When I got down on my knees and cried unto the Lord about staying or going, he was very clear, he said “I am not asking you to stay here.” I said, “ok, Lord” then I will need you to deliver me, because I have no resources to move. Within 6 months, he worked the situation out.
Remember, you receive not because you ask not. And I think, as Pastors, we are told not to ask, which is wrong, wrong, wrong.
Blessings,
Al
Matt Johnson on Mon, October 10, 2005
Wow! What an honest look at ministry.
First two comments were ludicrous…
But it seems that by in large, the rest of the people on this blog can identify.
I know I’ve been there. Fire breathing dragons, calling themselves Christians and expecting us to just take it without being emotionally and spiritually destroyed. It’s insane.
Thank you for posting this.
Very very good.
Rich Kirkpatrick on Mon, October 10, 2005
I never said ministry or life doesn’t hurt or that I don’t identify. I can lay out years before each of you, but the point is how a leader both serves and protects himself. Maybe the following will illuminate:
Because ministry hurts, indeed it does, we need to foster healthy boundaries. There are some things that in my marriage are painful, but I do not spread that to all since few are mature enough to look out for my best interest. But, I do have (hopefully) a safe place where I can process that and other personal issues.
The myth is that the entire church can be one happy family where the pastor is safe. What is more true is that we and our members need community and that means smaller, safer circles to walk in. As pastors and public people, our authenticity does not mean complete self-disclosure. (Now this is what should be called ludicrous) Somewhere, a line needs to be drawn. So I can say, “it is tough being a leader and I am human like you” and not have to divulge it all in public.
The key here is to not make the church and ministry about me! I am replacable in church ministy but not to my family. When the people in the church are done gossiping about the personal weaknesses of the pastor, the pastor still has to go home and lead him family and his own heart.
bernie dehler on Mon, October 10, 2005
Look at the whole context of the letter. Where’s his eyes? On Jesus? No. On self? Yes. Is that right? No, esp. not for a minister who should be teaching the things of God. He doesn’t look fit to lead others, spiritually. Not everyone can or should.
Maybe he should get a secular job, say, as a car salesmen. Wonder what he’s going to say now? Does he still fake a smile for his customers? Does he still want to secretly tell them off,,, those finicky customers? Get the point, it’s an unhealthy attitude, and it will be there no matter what job he has.
Yes, we all need to learn how to grow spiritually, including being loving and understanding. We also need to think right. Practice things like Luke 9:23, Gal 2:20, and Romans 12:1. It’s stinkin thinkin… no matter who does it (minister or otherwise)… don’t embrace and endorse this negativity, but teach the application of Scripture in how to overcome it. Be like the man who built his house on the rock, not the sand.
Just my opinion…
Luke 9:23
And he said unto all, If any man would come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me.
Galatians 2:20
I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I that live, but Christ living in me: and that [life] which I now live in the flesh I live in faith, [the faith] which is in the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself up for me.
Rom 12:2
And be not fashioned according to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, and ye may prove what is the good and acceptable and perfect will of God.
...Bernie
http://www.oneplace.com/ministries/247
Rich Kirkpatrick on Mon, October 10, 2005
BTW-It does hurt. So, I apologize to those who read in the tone of my first note anything that minimized this. Please forgive. We are all in this together! Please see the point about maturity in “how” we deal with this inspite of the percieved tone.
Brian La Croix on Mon, October 10, 2005
I think the point has been missed. He is not saying his ministry is self-centered.
He’s saying that his efforts to minister to others are being thrown in his face. And that it hurts.
That’s not sin, that’s honesty. And since when is this wrong? Should he lie to himself and his family that everything’s just fine, when he and the Lord know that it’s not the truth? What’s Scriptural about that?
I would agree with you that the pulpit is not the place for these thoughts, and that yes, he should be looking to the Lord to get him through this. And my guess is that is just what he’s doing. His comments on the blog aren’t necessarily the last words or thoughts from him. They’re just an honest expression of feeling.
Would you guys call David self-centered for his complaints in the Psalms? “Why do the bad guys get away with stuff and I get people trying to kill me? Why, God? I don’t get it!” And yet David is considered a man after God’s own heart.
I get the impression that it’s sin to feel down or depressed because of the burdens of ministry. And yet I can’t think of a single Scripture to support that view.
Art on Mon, October 10, 2005
I relate. Right here. Right now. Some of you need to just shut up and learn a little sensitivity. Sometimes being a pastor sucks. Plain and simple. Doesn’t mean I am spiritually immature, or unfit for ministry (whatever the heck does that mean anyway??!!),or that I don’t love people, or that I am not servant-hearted; that is just the way it is sometimes. Unfortunately, in the days we are living in, it is like that too often.
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