Redneck Churches
- Posted on October 29, 2004
- Viewed 207 times
- (10) comments
If a member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of."
If the choir is known as the "OK Chorale".
If in a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory.
If Baptism is referred to as "branding".
If high notes on the organ set the dogs on the floor to howling.
If people think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy.
If the baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized washtub.
If the choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob's Barbecue.
If the collection plates are really hub caps from a '56 Chevy.
If instead of a bell, you are called to service by a duck call.
If the minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks.
If the communion wine is Boone's Farm "Tickled Pink".
If "Thou shalt not covet" applies to hunting dogs, too.
If the final words of the benediction are, "Y'all come back now!! Ya Hear!"
Have a great weekend!
Todd
Here are the top signs that you’re a part of a Redneck Church: If the finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one. If people ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch ‘em. If when the pastor says, “I’d like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering,” five guys and two women stand up.
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Comments
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Dave on Sat, October 30, 2004
What’s the next “humorous” topic: blacks, Jews, Mexicans, Italians, or the Irish?
Rachel on Sun, October 31, 2004
Hooray for humor!
Thank you for the lightening of my morning and for helping me to remember that along with the many tasks and business of my day - God indeed wants to us to have a life of joy (and laughter and giggles in this case).
rusty on Mon, November 01, 2004
I have read some of these before… too funny. One of my instructors in Bible college said, “never take your self too seriously… most likely no one else does.” Thanks for ALL the good stuff!
Dr. Ronald Shultz on Mon, November 01, 2004
If you know of one of those kind of churches in the Dallas area looking for a pastor give me a holler, heah?
Redneck Pastor on Mon, November 01, 2004
The pastor at a 1600 member Cowboy Church said his secretary read this to him a few months back. She said, “You know, about half of these fit us.”
I just started a Cowboy Church in a bar in Plano Tx. (Most meet in barns…) Our collection plate is a galvanized bucket by the door. Our baptismal is an oblong stock tank (used as a beer cooler for the bar). No organ, ever! but we have some great country musicians! Our closing song last week was “The Cowboy Way” last week.
Check out Cowboy Churches. They are sweeping an unchurched population and grow rapidly in rural areas (though mine is in the city). CCs are culturally relevant withouth the postmodernist headaches.
Come in boys, the water’s fine!
P.S. Dr. Ronald, I do know one looking for a pastor. 60 mi SE of Dallas, first sunday 140 attended, 300/wk after 3 months (largely unchurched!)
Bob on Tue, November 02, 2004
I have read these before. Funny stuff! But I have to admit, when I clicked on the link, I was hoping it would be a serious article helping address the growing unchurched population in “Redneck” towns and cultures. I am from Mississippi. I grew up in a “Redneck” town and now I am back in the state and pastoring in a “Redneck” town. “Redneck“‘s are proud, defensive, and religiously self-reliant. Many simply do not see the need for a Savior. Whereas the Deep South used to be the “Bible Belt”, this is certainly not the case any longer. Good, Southern, Salt-of-the-Earth folks have been exposed to the Gospel over and over, but there is an epidemic of non-response in small, rural Southern towns. I see that the modern day “Redneck” (the real-life kind not the funny joke variety) has had every opportunity to come to Christ and find a niche in the church, but has just said, “Nope. I don’t need it.”
I am looking for ideas to break the “Redneck” barrier and bring these people back to the church, back to Christ.
REV. RAY on Tue, November 02, 2004
THOSE RED NECK STORIES WERE FUNNY. I AM ASKED FROM TIME TO TIME TO LEAVE MY CHURCH AND PASTOR ANOTHER CHURCH UNTIL THEY FIND A FULL TIME PASTOR. WHEN I RETURNED THE LAST TIME I FOUND THE CHURCH HAD APPOINTED A REDNECK AS CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD. MONTHLY BOARD MEETINGS HAD BEEN SUSPENDED UNLESS YOU CONTACTED HIM AHEAD OF TIME AND HE DEEMED YOU SUBJECT WORTHY OF A MEETING. WELL OLE DUMB ME STOOD UP IN CHURCH THE SUNDAY BEFORE WE WOULD REGULARLY HAVE A BOARD MEETING, I SAID, “I THINK WE NEED A BOARD MEETIN, AS OUR ACULITE CARRING IN THE LIGHT THIS MORNING WAS 50 YEARS OLD, SO I FEEL WE NEED TO MEET AND TALK ABOUT A YOUTH DRIVE”. WELL THAT DIDN’T SET WELL, BUT THE MEETING CAME OFF AS SCHEDULED, AND EVERYONE ON THE BOARD(MOST OF THE CHURCH) WAS IN ATTENDANCE. TO SHOW HIS DISAPPROVAL THE CHAIRMAN DECIDED NOT TO FOLLOW PARLEMENTATY PROCEDURE AND HE WOULD NOT ACCEPT A MOTION OR ASK FOR A SECOND UNLESS HE THOUGHT WE SHOULD TALK ABOUT A SUBJECT. WOW, REDNECK JOKES ARE FUNNY, BUT A REDNECK CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD IS NOT.
Me on Wed, November 03, 2004
Some folks do not know how to take jokes, nor lighten up. As a redneck, I thought these were hilarious (and mostly, right on!).
Take it for what it was meant for, not what you want it to be. Smile!
john myers on Fri, November 05, 2004
Cowboy Churches are completely different than traditional. If you have an alcolyte then you are totally missing the mark (unless you mean Bud when you say alco). Good folks believe in one God, no “postmodern” GenX problem. They probably believe in Jesus too! Where was it Jesus said you must be in a brick box every Sunday? If you were going to African villages would you wear a suit? Think different! Wear boots. Appreciate the culture. Cowboys/rednecks are a breath of fresh air compared to GenX. I go to DTS. It is ironic that blue jeans are not allowed, but GenXers can wear cargo pants. Listen to country music. You will hear God, Jesus, prayer…more than you will in any other genre, especially Christian alternative rock.
SIMPLE FAITH. We evangelicals want to make it so hard. I agree that the more you study the simpler the gospel appears, (yet beautiful in its intricacy). If a person is going to heaven AND is a “good person” what more do you really want. There are enough well dressed, intellectual, influential hypocrites. PREACH THE WORD, PREACH THE GOSPEL.
So what if they don’t come to church every Sunday. (maybe they wanted to be with their kids…or hunting with sinners - gasp). In a small town (or big) your congregation isn’t just those to whom you try to wring 10% out of (and get 2.5% if you’re lucky). It is every human created in the image of God. The drunk whose wife left him for his brother…he needs you. He may not come in for “counseling” but I bet he would appreciate an “I’m prayin’ for ya bud.” that comes from the heart.
john myers on Fri, November 05, 2004
Google search “cowboy church” with the quote marks. 7150 results!
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