Ten Signs You Might Be Emergent
- Posted on December 02, 2005
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- (44) comments
Michael Wittmer (author of Heaven Is a Place on Earth) gives the following 10 signs you might be Emergent.
10. If you have never read Left Behind, never said The Prayer of Jabez, and never led the 40 Days of Purpose
9. If you think you saw a megachurch on VH1's I Love the 80s
8. If you wouldn't be surprised to find Gandhi in heaven, but would be floored to find Jerry Fallwell
7. If in a debate with Jack Van Impe you'd likely argue that the bear is America and the AntiChrist is Pat Robertson
6. If your preacher just cussed and it seemed appropriate
5. If you honored your pastor with a box of fine cigars and beers on the house
4. If your cool hair resembles a midwestern Ryan Seacrest and if you have no hair and still look cool, you just might be a leader of Emergent
3. If you use the word "groove" as a verb and don't sound like a dork
2. If you purchase church supplies from a Buddhist bookstore
1. If your favorite Carson is Johnny
Have any others to share?
Have a great weekend!
Todd
It’s Friday… time to lighten up a little (although I’m sure some amongst us probably won’t!). This comes from the Nashville Cohort… the top ten signs you might be ‘emergent’…
Comments
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Bernie Dehler on Mon, December 05, 2005
Tim said:
“If you use your “Free Vial of Miracle Spring Water” to clean your iPod video screen.”
Peter Popoff has miracle water for people who want it. Go here:
http://www.peterpopoff.org/
It’s beyond belief how a guy like this can be allowed on Christian TV!
No joke, he also has a show on “comedy central” also (see his TV listings link).
...Bernie
David on Mon, December 12, 2005
You might be emergent if:
you place style over substance
you place substance over theology
As a youth pastor,we’ve been blessed by the influence of the Reformers and Puritans. For shizzle.
Scott on Mon, December 12, 2005
You might be fundamental if you place theology over an actual relationship with God.
Jessica on Mon, December 12, 2005
wow, some of those are really ouch.
you might be emergent if:
you really have no idea what “emergent” means but you know you want to communicate truth in some “new” but “old” ways.
you think U2, coldplay and others seem more “Christian” that whatever is playing on the local Christian radio station.
you think theology is cool and believe that Greek, Hebrew and hermeneutics go well with beer, wine and cigars.
you don’t use the word “contemporary” in reference to worship.
you think of old as new.
the coolest piece of clothing you have is an old t-shirt from your dad’s high school.
Chris on Mon, December 12, 2005
No, the Carson would definately be Johnny—let’s not confuse “Emergent” with “trendy.” I just got the joke, though—-it’s like John Letterman’s Top Ten Lists…. take it from there! However, the Ryan Seacrest hair comment definitely lets me know the author is from mid-America, in this case Nashville. ha ha As a person from Los Angeles, please don’t take your fashion cues from mainstream male talk show hosts. They don’t represent people who are actually from places like Los Angeles and New York (and no, nobody in Orange County calls their homeplace the “OC”) and think for yourself when you want to dress yourself. Emergent is about being who God made you, not like some trendy tool on tv.
Anyway, I’m getting too serious… http://www.mondaymorninginsight.com/images/smileys/grin.gif I do think the Buddhist bookstore joke is a bit out there, though. Let’s not confuse “open-minded” with Universalism. As far as people’s comments go, I think the Starbuck’s one was off because a lot of “Emergent” types would be anti-corporate, and would prefer to meet in a Mom-and-Pop coffee joint, I will take “wierd hair” as a compliment, and no, you would know RIGHT AWAY that a church ISN’T Emergent if they invite a big-name football player to speak at the church picnic. That would be called a Campus Crusade function; totally different philosophy!How about
You Might Be Emergent If:
People ask you if a “Christ-follower” is the same as a Christian, and if a “community of Christ-followers” is the same as a “church”
You forgot to check the film’s rating on the video clip you were going to use as a sermon illustration
You didn’t notice the girl next to you kneeling during worship, ‘cause you had your hands up
You can quote Chrysostom, Wesley, Calvin, Barth, and Bono
You know the difference between chablis and chardonnay
You have a tattoo you don’t regret
rob on Mon, December 19, 2005
Hmmm…I’m not quite sure what “Emergent” means, but it seems bad from what everybody’s knocking…I just wonder what the early church who met in homes would think of the person who thought home groups rather than Sunday School was a bad idea?
Kent on Mon, December 19, 2005
Rob said; I just wonder what the early church who met in homes would think of the person who thought home groups rather than Sunday School was a bad idea?
I’m quite sure those early home groups who studied the “Bible” in their homes would be discusted at seeing the replacement of the Bible being taught, to a “book discussion”.
Paul on Mon, December 19, 2005
if you think saddleback is something a horse gets after 15 years of being ridden by a cowboy.
Randy Ehle on Thu, December 22, 2005
It’s a sad state of affairs when we can’t laugh at ourselves - whether we’re emergent, traditional, contemporary, liturgical, charismatic, fundamental, Democrat, Republican, Green, blue, yellow, white, brown, black, rainbow, fuschia (sp?)....
I attended Youth Specialities’ Emergent Church convention in February and made an interesting discovery: “emergent” is pretty much beyond definition. I’ve seen churches defined as emergent that do nothing more than target 20-somethings, have a “house band,” and turn the lights down; and I know other churches defined as emergent that don’t meet on Sunday mornings, think of 20-something as attendance not age, and don’t have music at all.
Kent on Wed, December 28, 2005
I learned this one over the weekend from my family members who stayed at our old church that had an emergent hijacking and now act much more like the world.
You might be emergent if, you now think cussing is ok because you are able to “relate” to the world better.
You mightbe emergent if, you now drink because you are able to “relate” to the world better, and that is more important now than not being a stumbling block for a brother, or being a good witness.
Bernie Dehler on Wed, December 28, 2005
Kent said:
“You mightbe emergent if, you now drink because you are able to “relate” to the world better, and that is more important now than not being a stumbling block for a brother, or being a good witness.”
Jesus didn’t appear to condemn drinking & partying… or else he wouldn’t have encouraged it by turning water into wine.
As for cussing, it’s beyond me how any Christian can… 1 peter 4:11 makes that clear! “If anyone speaks, let him speak as one speaking the very words of God.”
Kent on Wed, December 28, 2005
Bernie said: Jesus didn’t appear to condemn drinking & partying… or else he wouldn’t have encouraged it by turning water into wine.
First of all, Jesus did condemn drunkeness, and there’s a high probability that the alcohol Jesus turned in to wine was not even fermented. Secondly, alcohol has destroyed more families in this country than we can ever count. Wisdom itself, calls us to take the highest road to avoid destruction. Think about it, what is the purpose today in our country of drinking?
At any rate, read what I said though Bernie, I said that the emegent folks have taken up drinking in order to “relate” to the world over “being a stumbling block for a brother”. It is clearly wrong to put the world and one’s own selfish desires and entertainment over causing a brother to stumble.
Bernie Dehler on Wed, December 28, 2005
Kent said:
“First of all, Jesus did condemn drunkeness, and there’s a high probability that the alcohol Jesus turned in to wine was not even fermented. “
Isn’t all wine fermented? If not, wouldn’t it be just juice? Those present said it was the best wine. It was higher quality than that previously served.
I agree with you about not being drunk. But drunkeness is because of an abuse of alcohol. You can abuse anything, such as women (people) or cars (material objects). I see nothing wrong with drinking… but we shouldn’t make others stumble (those who are for or against it).
Kent on Wed, December 28, 2005
Bernie said: I agree with you about not being drunk. But drunkeness is because of an abuse of alcohol. You can abuse anything, such as women (people) or cars (material objects). I see nothing wrong with drinking..
Bernie, it is quite obvious the addictive and destructiveness of alcohol in this country, over cars, etc. that’s not even worth comparing. The fact is, it is heavily abused, and makes many stumble, expecially children. Would I want my 3rd grade student seeing me chugging down a cold one, when he goes home seeing his dad do the same thing, then abuse his mom, of course not.
Why on earth would we want to use liberty to cause someone to even stumble. You and We both know that abstaining is not going to make people stumble, yet partaking in alcohol, there’s a high probability we will make someone stumble.
And no, all wine in the Bible is not fermented. Look at the scripture “New Wine” and “Old Wine”. Big difference.
Bernie Dehler on Wed, December 28, 2005
Kent, I think by definition, wine is fermented. See: http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=wine
You say:
“Why on earth would we want to use liberty to cause someone to even stumble. “
I agree we shouldn’t.
You say:
“You and We both know that abstaining is not going to make people stumble, yet partaking in alcohol, there’s a high probability we will make someone stumble. “
Abstaining could cause a stumble… into legalism. I’d say to watch both extremes,,, indulgence and abstinence.
You say:
“And no, all wine in the Bible is not fermented. Look at the scripture “New Wine” and “Old Wine”. Big difference.”
Where does this scripture say or imply it is not fermented???
I think this scripture is appropriate for this discussion:
1 Corinthians 4:6
Now, brothers, I have applied these things to myself and Apollos for your benefit, so that you may learn from us the meaning of the saying, “Do not go beyond what is written.” ...
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