The Seven Worst Communication Habits for Church Staff
- Posted on May 20, 2007
- Viewed 3733 timess
- (30) comments
Here are the top seven. How many might have caused a problem for you in the past week?
1. Contacting others only when you need something.
Is there someone in your life that you hear from only when they need something? Are you like me and find that annoying? Jamie says that this type of person "routinely surfaces when they're job hunting, when they've got a problem, when they need a reference, and when they want ideas from you." When they don't need anything, they don't call you. As a matter of fact, this person might not even return your calls or emails when you try to contact them.
QUESTION: Do you as a church leader only contact people when you need them to do something for you or the church? If so, you run the risk of making people feel 'used'.
FIX: If you feel guilty of this communication habit, make a list of people that come to mind and make contact with them this week. Ask for nothing; just touch base. They'll appreciate the contact!
2. Not following up, or closing the loop.
Ever given a gift and not received a thank you? Has someone promised to let you know the outcome of a certain meeting or conversation, but you never heard back from them? This type of person simply is not closing the loop or following up with you. This is a vitally important communication skill.
QUESTION: Is there anyone in your ministry that you recently promised to get back with or follow-up with that you haven't?
FIX: Contact that person this week and close the loop. They'll love the fact that you did follow-up.
3. Not returning telephone calls or email messages.
How frustrated do you get when you're trying to get ahold of someone and they simply don't return your call or email? Actually, this is a pretty common occurance, but it still is a very bad communication practice. It should be your goal to quickly acknowledge and return each phone call, email and note that you receive. (This is an especially hard one for me... this morning, I have almost fifty emails that I need to respond to (some from the middle of last week! (GUILTY!) It's hard not to fall behind!)
QUESTION: What pink telephone message slip do you still have on your desk? What emails have been sitting in your 'inbox' waiting to be replied to?
FIX: Take a few moments and clear your desk and your in-box. Your quick response will help you gain credibility in your communication.
4. Foregoing basic courtesy.
Have you ever been on the receiving end of a nasty email or phone call? Ever felt snubbed by someone? Do you know anyone who you feel is downright rude? This type of person may be self-absorbed; they may feel entitled to have a bad attitude; or maybe they just don't know better. But you know that when you come into contact with them, it's a real turn-off.
QUESTION: Is there anyone that instantly comes to mind that you've been 'discourteous' to? Maybe someone you avoided (obviously) at church yesterday; maybe someone you were short with; maybe someone you were just rude to?
FIX: You know the fix. Make it right with that person. Apologize for your behavior and do your best to get that relationship back on track. The lack of basic courtesy is a real communication stopper in ministry... and it happens much too often.
5. Not listening.
This is something we probably all need to work on. How many times are we so concentrated on things that are important to us that we fail to listen to others? Jamie says, "One hallmark of poor listening is that a person won't ask any questions. Another hallmark is that he or she might repeatedly paraphrase incorrectly, or "put words in your mouth" that you neither say nor agree with. On an interpersonal level, poor listening skills result in miscommunications, lost opportunities, lower productivity due to mistakes or redundant efforts, employee turnover, and other costly scenarios."
QUESTION: Did you catch yourself "zoning" yesterday while someone was talking to you? Have you had a conversation lately where you really don't remember what the other person was saying? Do you find yourself thinking of what you're going to say next rather than listening?
FIX: Work hard this week on listening and 'being interested' in what people are saying to you... (yes, even if you're not!) Ask questions. Re-state back to people what they are saying. Most of all... adjust your attitude so that you make listening a priority.
6. Telling lies.
Pastors and church staff people telling lies? Hopefully not blatent ones, I hope. But how many times do you tell 'little lies' to keep from hurting someone's feelings? And does any instance come to mind where you may have slanted the truth for your own gain?
QUESTION: Do you ever play with the truth? Do you shade a story or situation differently depending on who you're talking with? Do you withhold parts of the truth in order to sway people to your side?
FIX: Stop playing games with the truth. As the psalmist said "Set a guard over my mouth, O Lord; Keep watch over the door of my lips (Ps. 141:3 NIV)
7. Spewing chronic negativity.
It's easy to be negative, especially if you're in a bad situation. But leadership requires that we step above the petty negativeness of our situation. Being negative, especially with the wrong people is a leading vision-killer.
QUESTION: Do you find yourself constantly being negative? Is your negativity affecting others?
FIX: Refer again to Ps. 141:3. Rather than dwell (and comment) on the negative, try to find solutions or speak positively about the situation.
There you have it... seven of the worst communication habits we go up against each day. The questions and fixes given are much easier to write down and type out than they are to live. Let's all try to pick one or two areas of weakness this week and try to improve.
FOR DISCUSSION: Which of these areas do you have the biggest problem with? Have you ever been misunderstood? Have you ever suffered greatly because of one of these seven areas? Please feel free to share in the conversation!
I recently ran across a secular leadership article by Jamie Walters titled "The Seven Worst Communication Habits." According to Jamie, "The big seven worst habits of communication are bad enough when they happen occasionally. They become "big and bad" when they’re practiced habitually. And they do, ultimately, exact a cost, whether it be in miscommunications, lost projects, lowered productivity, missed opportunities, or poor relationships." As I was reading, I began to think that these are the same bad communication habits that creep into church staff life and relationships…
Comments
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Peter Hamm on Tue, May 22, 2007
One more thing about that Harold.
Your comments show challenges in two areas. One is that an expectation has been developed in Western Christianity that the pastor is the minister and the people aren’t. The pastor is the equipper and the people do the ministry. That’s the Ephesians 4:11-13 thrust. (As far as keeping your check to see if a pastor notices… if the church has good accounting principles and good financial stewardship, the pastor has no idea how much individual members give… I don’t…)
The other side is what too often happens to me. I get so wound up in the “tasks” of ministry that I forget that’s not what it’s about. It’s about the PEOPLE… Some of your pastors might fall into that trap, as I do, from time to time. I am developing, very recently, some action steps to help me course-correct on an ongoing basis when this happens. Thankfully, my people give me lots of grace, especially when I’m honest and vulnerable about this particular “ministry trap.” (Best indicator of this is Point 1 above: When I’m the worst in this area, I’m the most guilty of that.)
But if your church is really big (even just 1000, in my experience), it is impossible for a pastor to make regular meaningful contact with everyone. That’s what small groups are for.
Ken in Jersey on Tue, May 22, 2007
Having served in churches of all sizes (from 5000 to 50 and in between) I see the advantages of every size. I must say that I’m taken aback by someone choosing to attend a rather large church (1000+) and then expressing exasperation that the pastor does not make contact. I would highly recommend attending a smaller church. There are many pastors who would be excited to have some people attend who are eager to work.
Also:
More about “DON’T EMAIL WHEN YOU SHOULD CALL.” The main application for me as a minister is, just because someone emails you doesn’t mean your response should be via email. It might be that the matter they have addressed is much better handled more personally, with a phone call. Or it may simply be that you haven’t had a chance to talk to this person in a while and a call would be nice. Or, it might simply save time to call—since whenever you email you should re-read you email and be careful to not accidentally give offense ;;-) I’ve done this before because a sticky issue is much more kindly and efficiently handled when you don’t have to worry about how something comes across in print.
Another Ken Again
Judy on Tue, May 22, 2007
Great article and advice. These are things that not only can our pastors take notice of, but can also be applied in our person and business lives. Thank you for sharing and making us more aware of ourselves.
Leonard on Tue, May 22, 2007
When someone comes into the church expecting to be taken care of they subtly and not so subtly expect the pastor to call, connect, care and comfort. I think this is the role of the body not the pastor. These expectations create communication expectations that simply overwhelm pastors. I had a family leave because I did not return a call in a couple days. I did call in less than a week but they wanted it to be immediate.
I tell my church that I never really prepare to feed them, since that is their job. I prepare to lead them, equip them, train them in how to feed themselves and build a self sustaining relationship with Christ. I had a family leave recently because, even though they got calls from 8 different people, the right person sis not call them.
Some of the errors are true errors but they come with such unreal expectations that cannot possibly be met that disappointment is bound to happen. So if you come to my church, know I expect you to feed yourself and if you don’t know how, we will show you. I expect you to show up on Sunday Morning full so you can serve with a heart that overflows. I expect you to be your brother’s keeper and I expect you to grow. This way those who come into the body hurting, in need of care, in need of help and not knowing how to grow will have more examples than just a pastor on a platform who cannot possibly meet all the expectations of the church. My rant is over. I got to go make a call.
Tim on Tue, May 22, 2007
I agree with many things said here and have seen first hand how the lack of communication can kill a staff and a church.
However, as far as the church responding to every resume, I am ok if they don’t let me know anything if I am one of the 100-200 but if they contact me and say I am one of ten or even have a interview or two and then don’t follow up, that is frustrating. I found out that one church had hired someone for the position from a group email that I receive.
Wendi on Tue, May 22, 2007
Leonard and Peter do a better job of making the point I tried to make. However, I do believe that members of a faith community need to receive love and care from the church, especially during difficult seasons in life. But our problem is that we think the care-giving needs to come from THE pastor. Not only does it not need to come from THE pastor, it doesn’t even need to come from a staff member. IMO, the role of the primary shepherds is simply to see that there are processes and people in place to see that the flock is cared for by someone, preferably someone with shepherding and encouragement gifts.
Those who think they haven’t been appropriately cared for unless and until a pastor calls them are missing the correct biblical image of the body of Christ.
And I agree with Peter that pastors shouldn’t know who gives what. But there is a subtle indication in the question (would they call me if I stopped giving), of a misunderstanding about the gift. We don’t give our offerings to the church, we give them to the Lord. Our gifts don’t “buy” us the right to expect anything. That said, it is reasonable to expect that the ministry of our church is bearing fruit, and stewardship questions are reasonable questions to ask. However, if we ever ask questions that seem to imply we’re attempting to use our giving as leverage, then we have obviously missed the point – it isn’t our money, it’s God’s.
Wendi
Wayne Cook on Tue, May 22, 2007
Sally—You and your husband may need to talk with someone who is trained to help couples…the first and worst step to destroying a marriage is usually communication. It sounds like you may have more going on that is not on the table so you can discuss it. It is aa common problem…husband works all day in a very public ministry…gets tired of communicating and handling issues, etc…comes home and wants to get away from it all…wife yearns for friendship and relationship with her “love”...he clams up and relaxes…she fusses and pushes him to take part in the family…vicious cycle.
Pastors, let’s not forget that our marriage is more important than our ministry at church…what will we gain if we win the world and lose our home? If there are children in the home, you have even more of a problem that will break your heart down the road.
We need to ENJOY the family and not just see it as another responsibility.
God bless you both!
From good homes come good churches!!!
Harold on Tue, May 22, 2007
Thank you to all who commented on my thoughts about pastor-attendee relationships. I assumed I would catch some flack but feel the issue should be raised in a church. I truly do have a great pastor and staff at church. Your comments are all relevant, but I will not stay awake until I am contacted by the chruch… I feel that protest could be fatal. But then for saved people, fatal is a blessing.. OH no , now I even used the “saved” word. I just keep getting in deeper.. Have a great week.
Wayne Cook on Wed, May 23, 2007
Harold—Remember Matthew 18:15-20 is the way to handle conflict or hurt feelings and applies to everyone, even pastoral staff. I pray your love for your staff will grow and be a blessing to you.
Having worked in small congregations and larger congregations, there is always a problem of getting in touch with everyone.
My question is, have they been there when you needed them…sometimes it is wise to believe it is a blessing if we are progressing well in our lives and don’t NEED pastoral care.
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A very interesting post. Well, what you have enumerated are true. These are all really bad habits and staffs (of any institution, company etc.) should really try to lose it.
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These are all very good pointers to keep in mind when communicating with other church goers. Great read. Thanks for posting!
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