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12 Ways to Ensure Easter Attendees Don’t Come Back to Your Church Next Week
Orginally published on Wednesday, April 04, 2007 at 6:41 AM
by Todd Rhoades
This Sunday is Easter and when you look around your church you’re going to get that uncomfortable feeling that comes from being around all kinds of people you haven’t seen in a while or perhaps never before. You know, the slackers who only show up at church twice a year, the backsliders who haven’t been to church in 5 years, and the heathens who wouldn’t know the Pentateuch from a pentagram...
They’re going to take your favorite pew, sit and stand at the wrong times during the service, and double your wait in the coffee line after the service. You don’t want to have to put up with those distractions and inconveniences week in and week out, so here are 12 ways to ensure those people don’t come back the week after Easter.
1. Keep to yourself. Avoid eye contact. And by all means don’t welcome anyone you don’t know.
2. Walk up to someone you haven’t seen for a while and say, “Hey, hey… Look who it is… You don’t think just showing up for Easter is going to get you out of the Big Guy’s doghouse, do you?”
3. Make sure all the greeters, ushers, singers, speakers, and everyone involved in leading the service are all of the same ethnic background so that if anyone of a different ethnicity shows up they know they are considered second-class citizens.
4. Take down all your signs so only the regulars know if a door leads to the pastor’s office, the ladies room, or a broom closet.
5. During the service have the pastor pray, “Lord, please forgive all those sinners who have failed to remember the Sabbath to keep it holy.”
6. Invite the worst singer in the choir do a solo.
For the other six, go over to the OurChurch.com...
FOR DISCUSSION: What special plans do you have this Sunday? Do you do things that you think will make a good impression? In other words, do you ‘pull out all the stops” for Easter? What are you doing differently this week?
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Posted by Jan
Wednesday, April 04, 2007 at 10:15 AM
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Posted by
Wednesday, April 04, 2007 at 2:59 PM
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Posted by
Wednesday, April 04, 2007 at 4:50 PM
Post Your Comments:Okay, true story here. I had lunch with a Jewish woman in our community, that I’ve just started working with. She asked me to lunch, because she “wants what I have”. So, she’ s hungry.
But the poor woman has so many Christian experiences to overcome.
The corker was when she volunteered at a church, to help with their feeding the homeless ministry. So, here was their chance to connect with her, right?
The first thing they did was to introduce her to the church group as “The heathen. See God can even use people who are lost for ministry!” (This was the pastor’s wife who did this by the way)
So, I know that list is tongue in cheek, but obviously some people think these tactics work!
We’re having two services at the high school gym. Childcare is being provided for 3 years and younger. We are not having any Bible study classes (read: Sunday school to some). Our regular facilities are not being used at all this Easter. I, personally, cannot wait to see how it all goes. I’m expecting great things to take place as we celebrate the death, burial, and RESURRECTION of Christ!
We normally have three services with two Bible study hours, We average between 850 to 1,000. Last Easter we had well over double our usual attendance. We had people all over the place (read: in the fellowship hall, in the hallways, and etc.). It was a glorious sight to see! It was an even greater pleasure to try to walk thru the sea of faces.
BTW: Does anyone have much experience with “pop-up” buildings? Even though we’re soon going to be opening additional space - we’ll still be busting out at the seams. Hopefully after Sunday will be adding more individuals!
“12 Ways to Ensure Easter Attendees Don’t Come Back to Your Church Next Week?” - Have the wrong ad in the paper?
Just read the local paper. 1/4 page ad for our church was completely wrong! Way, way wrong. I’m still going with “I, personally, cannot wait to see how it all goes. I’m expecting great things to take place as we celebrate the death, burial, and RESURRECTION of Christ!” Even more pumped now!
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