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Assemblies of God to Spend Majority of Evangelism Budget on Converting Madonna

Orginally published on Friday, October 27, 2006 at 7:22 AM
by Todd Rhoades

[LarkNews.com] Calling it a "better use of resources," the General Council of the Assemblies of God voted to spend $2.3 million — their entire evangelism budget — on converting Madonna. "Dollar for dollar, this is a great plan," said AG spokesman Sean Taylor. "If she gets saved, think of the legions of fans that will follow her." The novel evangelism attempt will include buying space on every billboard near the singer's homes in Los Angeles, New York and London. Some billboards will read, "Madonna, we've got to talk. God," and, "Spiritual girl — has a nice ring, doesn't it?" Each will carry the number for the AG's prayer line, 1-800-4PRAYER.

The AG will also purchase commercial time on her favorite television shows, send airplanes with banners over her homes and pack her concerts with believers who hold up signs that say “Madonna, Come to Jesus!”

The AG has struggled with declining membership in the past decade and has “opened up to fresh evangelism approaches,” says an insider. But AG ministers from Texas and Oklahoma put up strong resistance to the Madonna idea.

“Madonna’s done so much filthy stuff, I personally wouldn’t mind if she went to hell,” said an executive presbyter from Abilene, Texas. “I particularly didn’t like her ‘Sex’ book, which, to me, had very little redeeming content.”

The naysayers were outvoted by a strong California contingent, and a renegade group of Midwest pastors.

“We had to make a statement as a denomination that we’re not dying on the vine,” said Warren Mitzke from San Jose, Calif. “We’re willing to take risks.”

And if the effort fails?

“We’ll go back to funding obscure inner-city ministries and missionaries and all that,” said Taylor. “It’s just that once in a while you’ve got to go for the big fish.”

IT’S A PARODY FOLKS, NOT TRUE… STOP CALLING YOUR AOG SUPERIORS TO CONFIRM.  IT’S FRIDAY...LIGHTEN UP!  smile

[This is an oldie but a goodie from Larknews.com.  Visit LarkNews.com for tons of great stories!]


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  There are 7 Comments:

  • Posted by

    At least in the AG Madonna could still share her dancing skills! smile

  • Posted by Todd McKeever

    I am a pastor in the A/G and have had some people contact me about this article and have had to tell them it is false.

    Please help me out and put a BOLD LARGE PRINT DISCLAIMER before this story, to let people know it is false.
    Thanks for any help you may provide to keeping down the phone calls to my phone.

  • Posted by Todd Rhoades

    For goodness sake, is the average AOG person that naive?!

    Disclaimer added for the parody impaired.

    Todd

  • Posted by Todd McKeever

    I never said the people who were calling me were from the A/G, that is a false assumption on your part. I believe these people (who are not in the A/G, and that could be why they may believe this) are people who respect what you post and have come to know this site as a good site just as I have come to know it.

    Yes they may have read this particular article quickly and never took the time to look at the link you provided to check out the other type articles on that site. That is the only reason I had asked to put the disclaimer at the top.

  • Posted by

    Darn! I thought the article was true! Sounds like a very “out-of-the-box"campaign. --naive baptist

  • Posted by

    I think they would have made a bigger impact if they had targeted Paris Hilton. Maddona is soooo yesterday

  • Posted by

    Or Justin Timberlake… He’s about to be yesterday’s news… but today…

    btw, Todd McKeever… that was me on the phone, I was just playing with you… Also, I’m the guy who called and asked if your refrigerator was running… (just kidding!). I’m sorry that you were the victim of other people’s naivete. But it has to make you chuckle a little, don’t it…

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