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“Conflict:  Ask Ken”:  Whose the Boss at Church When Everyone Wants Control?

Orginally published on Thursday, November 04, 2004 at 8:26 AM
by Todd Rhoades

Here’s this week’s “Conflict:  Ask Ken” question… Dear Ken, We have a major control issue.  Our pastor doesn?t respond well to strong personalities in the church who disagree with him.  We have several board members who like to have a say in things.  They feel the pastor’s attitude is “my way or the highway.” They don?t accept this and are butting heads.  This tension has spilled out into the congregation.  People are taking sides.  Giving is down.  Several families have already left the church. I have been a member of this church for over 20 years.  I have seen God do amazing things in the midst of our congregation.  Yet right now everyone wants control.  Dakota…

Dear Dakota,

What you have described is all too common in churches today. Yet, conflict over issues of leadership and decision-making authority dates back to the early church.

Do you recall the debate which developed between Paul and Barnabas concerning whether or not to take Mark on their second missionary journey in Acts 15? Young Mark had deserted the team during their first missionary journey (Acts 13:13). Barnabas, Mark?s cousin (Col. 4:10) was prone to embrace others for ministry (Acts 9:26-27) and wanted to take Mark. Paul, less tolerant and more apt to confront (Gal. 2:11), said no. As a result, they had a sharp disagreement and 'separated.'

The text leading up to this passage indicates that this was more than just a difference of opinion. Underlying the debate was the simmering issue, who was the leader of the group? Why do I say that? Notice that early in their relationship, whenever Paul and Barnabas are mentioned together, Luke, the author of Acts, lists Barnabas? name first (Acts 11:30, 12:25, 13:2, 13:7).

Beginning in 13:13, however, we see a shift. From this point onward, Luke places Paul?s name in the more prominent position (13:42, 13:43, 13:46, 13:50, 15:2, 15:22, 15:35, 15:36). Some commentators point out that with the listing of Paul's name first, a "change of leadership" had taken place with Paul becoming the more dominant of the two.

Yet upon even closer examination we discover there is more going on. Subsequent to Acts 13:13, there are two settings where Barnabas is again mentioned ahead of Paul. The first is among pagans (14:14) after Barnabas is called ?Zeus? (the chief god) and Paul is called ?Hermes? (Zeus? spokesman), 14:12. Clearly, Barnabas is seen by the people of Lystra as the head of the group. Then among the leaders of the Jerusalem church, Barnabas is mentioned first (15:12) and is listed first by the Jerusalem leaders (15:25), indicating that they still considered Barnabas the team?s leader.

In other words, while Luke presented Paul as the group's leader from Acts 13:13 and forward, the pagans of the city of Lystra and the leaders of the Jerusalem church saw it differently. The point is, the question of leadership appears to have never been resolved.

Therefore, when Paul and Barnabas had a major difference of opinion over Mark, since there was no recognized leader, they separated. Their partnership dissolved. (They ?divorced.? This is the same word Jesus and Paul both used to refer to ?divorce,? Mat. 19:6, I Cor. 15:10-11, 15, except that here, it is a strengthened form of the word! This exact form of the word is found only in Rev. 6:14 where it refers to the sky splitting apart). This is what happens when decision-making authority is murky.

Let?s fast forward to today. Your remark, ?everyone wants control? is a common problem. The following comments were made to me by four different persons from four different congregations.

?How do you deal with a renegade Board that does not follow our bylaws??

?We have a woman trying to control and lead the church.?

?The pastor is a dictator.?

?It became clear that they would rather lose some in the church than have to relinquish any of their power.?

What can be done? Obviously, the roles of senior pastor, staff, elders, deacons, trustees, etc. need to be clearly defined. The best times to do this is (a) during the candidating process and (b) during times of stability in the church when interpersonal relationships are relatively strong. Dakota, as you now can testify, it is very difficult for two sides to amicably do this on their own in the midst of conflict. In the short term, help from your denomination or other outside intervention may be imperative to head off a church split.

When things calm down, a practical way to better define roles and relationships is to use the ?concentric circle approach.? Let the pastor start with what he considers to be his smallest circle, elders, for example. Determine where their respective boundaries end and overlap. Ask hypothetical, ?what if? scenario questions. Discuss and determine what is required to officially make a decision (e.g. a majority, a supermajority, unanimity). After each group has gone through this process, widen the circle. Consider the relationship between the elders and the deacons. Where do their respective boundaries end or overlap? How should an impasse between these two groups be addressed? Again ask the hypothetical, ?what if? questions. (I led this type of discussion in one church between two governing boards and we came up with an agreed upon process. To the best of my knowledge, in the one and a half years since, the church has never had to call upon that process. But there is security in knowing that it is there).

In summary, the sooner lines of authority are clearly established at every level, the more able a church can constructively address issues relating to control during times of tension. There is simply no substitute for agreement on these most basic organizing structures.



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 TRACKBACKS: (0) There are 7 Comments:

  • Posted by

    Once again Dr Newberger has gone to the heart of the matter and offered extremely wise counsel. His “concentric circle approach” is practical, hands-on approach to the problem at hand. The questions he raises must be answered before long term resolution can be brought to the matter. This is solid advice.

  • Posted by Chris

    The information given is greaat. However, I would be interested in his advice going a little further. The advice doesn’t really help for those who are already in churches with control problems.

    How would Ken address help pastors who struggle with “patriarchs” who rule the church, or with deacon borads who have control, or really anyone who is clinging to control and it is a current issue?

    Lord Bless,

    PS- Didn’t the gentlemen whose letter was responded too already face a crisis.

  • Posted by

    I agree with your comments that many pastors lack courage and don’t walk out what they preach. They preach one thing to the members but do not model it in their personal lives.  I do believe it is a difficult position to be in especially if their livelyhood comes from the church.

    I work for our church, I am retired and do not need to money to live on and believe my posture is definely different from those staff persons who “need” a job.

    I believe people respect you more if you stand up for what you believe.  I find it hard to respect a “weak” leader.  A weak leader for me makes me question sometimes his motives and why he makes the decisions he makes.

  • Posted by William Wilkie

    What is the Biblical perspective on decision making?  Is it really hierachical or are the “Brothers” to participate in making the key policy decision???  Paul planted churches and then left within 90 days without installing leaders or elders.  Why???  As a lay person, I believe that the “priesthood of believers” extends to the decision making.  When that happens people take ownership in the church rather than relying on a Pastor or Elders to lead.  People can still be given leadership roles in implementing a project or program but not in the decision making.  That is what make the BODY different from traditional organizational structures.

  • Posted by

    Thanks for your views in conflict in the church. Iam a pastor in Puerto Rico, and i love your aticles.

  • Posted by

    Dr. Ken -
    I have been in ministry over thirty-eight years.  I have read books and listened to great orators.  B ut you are first that I will stand up and declare, are prolific and sound according to scripture without prejudice and I am glad I can turn to you for advice.  I can be reached at 732-803-7272 Thank you again, I am having a borad mtg. and will use this weeks lesson.

  • Posted by

    When we stray from what God’s Word says...then we get into trouble in all scenario’s....

    He is God and He isn’t an American God nor is He a God of the 21st century....He remains the same....and we cannot straddle the fence...we must return to the Word....

    It’s like a family...the daddy is the boss...not the kids...not the neighbors....not the in/or out/ laws....we’ve become to familiar with the outside as in the “world” we need to get back to the “Ancient of Days” He is still the same.

    My prayer is that we return to Him with a Godly sorrow....which means we repent for grieving Him...not that we’ve been in sin, but that we have hurt Him....which in turn hurts us and everyone else....

    So, we must get back to the “basics”

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