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Election 2006 fallout: Evangelicals Stock Up on Bottled Water, Pork Rinds

Orginally published on Friday, November 10, 2006 at 8:44 AM
by Todd Rhoades

HOUSTON, Texas (NN) -- In the wake of a Democratic takeover of the US Congress, Evangelical Republicans are bracing for what could very well be the beginning of the great tribulation spoken of in the book of Revelation.

One could almost hear the angels blowing the trumpets of the apocalypse as baby-killers, gay-rights fanatics and godless liberal Democrats won control of the US Congress. Fourteen years of Republican control of Congress along with six years of a Bible-believing, born-again president failed to bring about the milennial rule of Christ; leaving more than enough time for the forces of evil to regroup and once again deceive the nation.

Not since Y2K have evangelicals been so earnest about stocking up on nonperishable foods, bottled water, and ammunition. Some despondent Republicans were aimlessly wandering the streets of Southwest Houston, while others donned sackcloth and ashes - visibly shaken and fully expecting the imminent judgment of God to fall upon America.

Evangelical leaders immediately called their followers to ‘get on their faces’ before God and repent of their pride and arrogance. Time will tell whether evangelical Republicans see the error of their ways, or whether they simply hunker down and await the days of the Beast.

(You can catch alot of other zany satire at the Nazarene Nooz website… one of my favs.)


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  There are 8 Comments:

  • Posted by

    Aahhh yess, it must be the apocalypse.  The Godless liberals area taking over.  Except, strangely, many of the democrats who won seem to be fairly religious.  I din’t think Democrats were allowed to believe in God?

  • It is good to see some Evangelicals coming to the conclusion that the Republicans are not God’s Party.

    I hope I can see less bumper stickers like this “God still speaks through a Bush.”

  • Posted by

    Pork Rinds… hee hee…

  • Posted by

    Uh oh, I just saw on the news that President Bush is meeting with the Senate Democrats today.  I hope he’s wearing a lightning rod.

  • Once it became obvious (in the last Presidential election) that the Republicans were more godly and that the Democrats were godless, the Christians flocked to the Democrats because of the open mission field there.  The Democrats were almost as dark and closed as the 10-40 window.

  • Posted by Dr X

    DanielR,

    The President took full and all necessary precautions before the meeting:

    http://tinyurl.com/yymyl2

    Dr X

  • Posted by

    Thank you, Dr. X

    That’s priceless.

  • Posted by

    Maybe that’s what this sign meant:

    “Look thou unto the hills.  For judgement cometh swift and sure and the time is now among those who mock God with their debauchery.” (the word was mis-spelled)

    Don’t know what that is supposed to mean, but I saw it on a roadside in Nebraska. 
    Ummm… Hello, it’s Nebraska.... Look to what hills? 

    Maybe they were promoting safe deer hunting for the opener today...?

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