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pastor pornography

Pornography, Guilt, and the Ministry (Part 1 of 3)

Orginally published on Thursday, May 05, 2005 at 9:59 AM
by Todd Rhoades

Todd asked me to write on the subject of “dealing with pastors involved with pornography.” This is outside my area of professional expertise.  However, years ago, when I worked as a writer and editor, I did tackle this subject.  The major source for that article came from Leadership Journal, the Fall 1982 and Winter 1988 issues.  Because of the length, I am dividing the article into two sections.  What follows in this week and next week’s postings is an edited reprint of an article I wrote a decade ago.  The third article in this series will deal with a related issue that pastors in particular all face.

It All Started When . . .
Tom, a Christian conference speaker and leader, was away from home and sitting alone in his motel room.  Flipping through the city's entertainment guide, he repeatedly found himself turning back to the advertisement of an exotic dancer.  ?A former Miss Peach Bowl win?ner,? the caption read.

At first, he dismissed her show as out of bounds.  But the longer he sat around watching TV, the more the image of this strip-tease dancer played upon his mind.  ?Why not?? he asked himself.  A variety of rationalizations bols?tered his resolve to go.  Before long, Tom found himself in the back seat of a cab headed for the seamy side of town.

The taxi driver dropped him off several blocks from the bar. Given his reputation back home as a Christian leader and family man, Tom wanted to play it safe.  Even though he was a stranger in town, he glanced nervously over his shoulder as he walked closer to his destination, and then entered quickly.

Miss Peach Bowl was every?thing the ad claimed she would be.  Tom was captivated as she went through her routine.  When he exited the establishment a couple of hours later, everything was same and yet everything had changed.  He had crossed a line previously out of bounds.  He was still the same person but his perception was now somehow different. And it wasn't long after that he wanted more.  He started to regularly frequent strip joints, purchase Playboy and other sexually oriented magazines, was the patronize adult movie theaters, and view live peep shows.

Down the Winding Road
As the seasons came and went, Tom unhappily learned that lust does not fulfill, it ?stirs up.?  It points in one direction only, downward.  There is no returning to a previous level and remaining content.  One always wants more.  ?I no longer wonder how deviants can get into child molesting, masochism, and other abnormali?ties, " he reflected. .. Although such acts are incomprehensible to me, I remember well that where I ended up was also incomprehen?sible to me when I started.?

Though he had attempted to break the habit time and again, he found that he could not go a month or two before he yielded once more.  Self-hatred, despair, and guilt grew.  Over time, an invisible barrier began to develop between him and his wife, Susan, even in the privacy of their bed?room.  Tom's sexual relations with his wife could not compare to the technicolor fantasies into which he had so thoroughly immersed his mind.  Tom was like a man craving for salt while dying of thirst.

A Dead End
Finally, after years had passed, two unanticipated events occurred which had a dramatic impact.  On previous occasions, when trips brought him to New England, Tom would become in?vigorated by walks along the coast.  He loved the smell of the ocean wind and the sound of the waves breaking upon the rocks.  But on this particular occasion, the experience produced no feelings at all.  Tom felt dead inside.  The seedy images of pornography had become more real to him than life itself.  He had reason to look at his life in a way he never did before.

Secondly, just three days later, Tom had the opportunity to visit with his friend, Steve, a pastor of a very large church and a man he greatly respected.  Tom felt he had to reveal his burden to someone.  Steve was a man he trusted.  After a hesitating start, Tom shared the secret side of his life.

Steve's response was totally unanticipated.  After Tom finished his story, Steve broke out in an uncontrollable sob.  When he finally recovered, Tom learned that his friend was not crying for him, but for himself.  Steve was where Tom had been five years earlier and had taken lust to its logical conclusion.  Tom reveals, ?I will not dwell on sordid details, but my friend had tried it all... He reached inside his vest pocket and pulled out a pad of paper showing the prescriptions he took to fight the venereal disease and... infections he had picked up along the way... I worried about cognitive dissonance; he brooded on suicide.  I read about deviance; he performed it.  I winced at subtle fissures in my marriage; he was in divorce litigation.?

Tom was shocked but recog?nized that his friend ended up where his own obsession would likely lead him.  Fear gripped him.  He desperately wanted out of the downward spiral.

Discussion
?Tom? wrote his article anonymously.  Anyone who responds and would like to share his or her experience or perspective on this subject of pornography and the ministry may feel free to do the same.

--

Unique_help ? 2005 Kenneth C. Newberger
Ken Newberger, an experienced church conflict resolution specialist, earned his Th.M. from Dallas Theological Seminary, has ten years senior pastoral experience, and is in the dissertation phase for his Ph.D. in Conflict Analysis and Resolution at Nova Southeastern University, one of only two accredited doctoral programs of its kind in the United States. If your church needs help resolving conflict, if you need individual coaching, or if you would like to introduce a proactive conflict management system into your church, please visit Ken's website at
www.ResolveChurchConflict.com  or call 301-253-8877.


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 TRACKBACKS: (0) There are 19 Comments:

  • Posted by

    Not too many responses to this one huh! My story is that i grew up with pornography being around. My older brother whom I share a room with had Playboy and other such magazines hidden in our closet. I was also the youngest of six kids and as i looked at these images, i also started to peek at mysisters through hidden places. As I grew i got involved with drugs, not that one has anything to do with the other, other than my lost condition. I gave my life to Christ as a young man and was delivered from drug abuse and was living for Jesus, even surrendered to the ministry. It was during my Seminary training that my wife and I started a family, and purchased a VCR. I had rented a movie of questionable taste that I wanted to see when I was a teenager that had nudity in it, and then the slow progression took place. Just like my drug abuse, the porn began to get a little more graphic through the years. Then along came the internet. I was able to hide all this from my wife for almost 15 years. One day she explored the history of visited websites on my computer that I did not get cleared off. It almost destroyed us. Luckily I had never gone outside our marriage to be involved with an actual person, but it was still just as devastating. We went to counseling and were able to get through and our marriage survived, but there is still a trust issue, and an esteem issue with my wife. I still struggle with this issue and have to resist on an everyday basis. It seemed easy to get off drugs because that was something that was outside of me. But we are sexual creatures and the struggle is in our very being. I don’t know why I ventured into this mess, my wife and I have very good relations, but once I looked it became an addiction.

  • Posted by Ken Newberger

    Thanks, Jim, for your COURAGE to share your story.  I laughed at your opening line. 

    I hope that Part 2 will provide concrete help for those who are struggling in this area.

    May God continue to strengthen your marriage.

    Ken

  • Posted by Todd Rhoades

    Thanks, Jim for sharing.

    I’m kind of suprised at the lack of comments on this one.  I know a thread over at pastors.com and a poll there showed that this was a massive problem among pastors and church leaders in one way or another.

    Have you ever struggled with this addiction?  Have you ever been involved in a church that needed to deal with this problem in it’s leadership?  How would you, did you, could you respond?

    And as Ken said, feel free to post anonymously.

    Todd

  • Posted by

    Ok I am extremely reluctant to post this. I struggled with this a bit in the past; more the desire for intimacy is what I struggle with. I have been celibate my whole life, not much because of Christian faith but because I have seen what “sex” does to people. First being celibate and a single male in singles groups is seen as well “funny”, you are either a pervert or gay. So I don’t share this stuff in such groups anymore.

    I mean I listened to guys talk about all the women and how they fell and people comforted them, but if you brought up well I don’t really wish to be involved until marriage, you’re not a true man. As for growing up with porn, it was rampant, I can’t even express what I saw and had happen to me as a kid in the sexual nature. The total amount of “pastoral care” I received was “no man would let that be done to him”, I was 11 years old. Of course that really has no meaning what so ever but I do find it strange.

    People desire intimacy and community, but we are expected to be totally independent as Men in the Christian faith, we should not have any needs what so ever. If we do, we are weak. I think Pornography seems to fill a need for intimacy that is not met in local fellowships to some degree.

    The internet makes porn so available, its just right there and it is hard to fight, but we are totally expected to fight it totally alone and to totally overcome it alone before we come into fellowship.

    Basically we are alone. I use to think we were a family, I now understand I was truly wrong about that, it is a mistake I will not ever make again.

  • Posted by

    As someone who has been caught up in pornography, I can appreciate this article.  I hust wanted to say that there are a lot more people out therewith this problem that you would think.  God bless.

  • Posted by Pastor Al

    This is a big problem in the church.  I believe we must address this problem with greater teaching emphasis on: real intimacy, sexual relations in marriage, guarding the heart from adultery, stress in marriage, fantasy vs. lusting, and moving from a couple to a family.

    We have got to engage these topics which for too long have been taboo in the church. 

    One of the reasons Satan is having such a big affect on the men in the church is because we are remaining silent about all the issues involving sex.  Now, while I do believe these issue should be discussed, they should be discussed in the proper setting.

  • Posted by bernie dehler

    I think most Pastors don’t talk about sex because they don’t feel adequate.  I took a Seminary course called “Marriage and Family Counseling.” Guess how much of the material dealt with sexuality? Zero percent. 

    ...Bernie
    http://freegoodnews.blogspot.com

  • Posted by Pastor Al

    Bernie,

    You are correct - but you know we bring in special speakers to teach our people how to “balance their checkbook” but we can’t bring in an expert to talk about sex?

    It’s time we pulled back the covers on this sin and get victory over it! So to speak.

    If Jesus came to “destroy the works of the Devil” then this is one of his works if I ever heard of one.  Time to get serious about this before it destroys more lives!

  • Posted by

    As Christians, we are constantly under scrutiny as to how we live our lives and we so often become captive or under bondage to this self-inflected demonically fueled unattainable idea that we are perfect therefore, our public must see us as “perfect Christians” that do not sin. This in itself is blasphemy against our God who has called us to be perfect, but knowing that we are but flesh and prone to sin made for us a fountain in which a precious flow of our savior’s blood continually washes away the sins of the saints that have fallen who come to it in true repentance. 

    Our enemy the devil has been an expert on developing this idea that Christians are to be seen as some kind of spiritual holier than thou people when in fact we are human and we often fall into temptation often falling short of Our Heavenly Fathers expectations. The difference is that Christians have an advocate with the Father in Heaven that continues to intercede for us day and night and it is the answer to Jesus prayers that our God grants us the grace and the power of forgiveness when we meet the condition of our hearts in true repentance.

    Pornography I dare say is something a majority of people both Christian and non-Christian people have had to deal with not once but often in life. The chances are that even Todd and Ken have had some dealings with pornography in which they had to overcome. I once mentioned that I led a men’s group and every one of the 25 to 30 men that met weekly for prayer and bible study had struggled with pornography some time in their life.

    Pornography always leads to deeper and darker sin when it goes unconfessed as seen by the life of King David. David’s sin of murder begins with pornography as he watched from his rooftop as Uriah’s wife Bathsheba bathed. David’s Kingly position is the same as ours as Children of the most High and has been recorded in scripture for us to learn from David’s mistake. This sin took a King and made him an adulterer so full of fear of being found out that it drove him to committing murder. Today pornography is still reducing men and women alike to mere shadows of what they were and could have been had they not given in to pornography. 

    Pornography always comes with the lust of the eyes that stirs up the lust of the flesh. When King David saw the woman, he had a choice to make, to continue looking or to turn away and keep a covenant with his eyes to the Lord. Yet he gave in to the lust of the eyes and it drove him to inquire who the woman was that was bathing and then invited her into his home. Hear me now, there is a great lesson for all of us to learn from David’s mistake. Most people who have fallen to pornography were first enticed by a picture or ad in a paper or magazine or spam on their computer. Just like David, we have a choice to make, to give in to our curiosity and the lust of our eyes or turn away from it immediately. If you fail to have your mind made up(right now make that commitment) that you will not offend God through viewing pornography you will probably take that second step like David did and it will ultimately cost you a price you were never willing to pay.

    I recently went through this in that I clicked on an adult ad on my computer and I was taken to a site that was risqué but not hardcore. In my heart prior to clicking on the ad I had warning in my spirit not to click on the ad, but I gave in to clicking on the ad when I voluntarily studied the ad feeding the lust of my eyes. This is why one must make a prior decision already made up in their mind the second that an ad of this nature pops up or is presented on paper that you will immediately turn away. 

    Once at the site the ad took me to I furher clicked and viewed pictures that were extremely degrading. I quickly shutdown the screen I was on and prayed for God to forgive me. This is when the Holy Spirit took me to review the story of King David and I could see the parallels between David’s story of sin and my personal actions. I voluntarily chose to ignore the Holy Spirits warning and read the adult Ad which took me to the next act of disobedience, the clicking on the ad.

    Well this would have been great if when I took the problem to the Lord my sin was forgiven and that would have been the end of the story, but it was not. Although I know that I was forgiven the moment I took it before the Lord, I still faced a battle in my mind as pictures of what I had allowed my eyes to see kept infiltrating my mind during my time with God in prayer. The enemy of my soul continued to harass me when I read my bible and in my prayer times for about a month after I had given in to the adult ad.

    The enemy managed to interfere with my most precious possession I have here on earth and that is my fellowship with My Savior and Heavenly father. Every time I prayed, I had to fight against the memory of those pornographic pictures invading my mind. Although I no longer suffer this affliction of seeing in my mind those degrading pictures I voluntarily chose to see, I could have fallen by my choice into deeper spiritual bondage simply because I had not made a predetermined choice not to sin by pornography.

    So often, we as Christians fail to reach out for help because we have seen what our Christian brothers are capable of in applying condemnation and guilt, as were Job’s friends who continually found Job guilty and offered no help to a hurting man. I am truly blessed to having a wife that I can share my mistakes with and we often go before God together confessing our sins. Everyone should have a person of confidence he or she can trust and confide in and who will hold him or her accountable. 

    I urge everyone to reread the scripture concerning King David and Bathsheba. Take time to meditate and analyze what you are reading and openly ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to you the deep truths and lessons, which can be learned from David’s mistakes. You and I are the Kings and Priests to the Most High God and Satan loves to bring us down by enticing us through the same ways he has from the beginning of time. Let us make that predetermined decision right now not to give in to the lust of the eyes. Also remembering that if we have already fallen or when we do fail we have an advocate with the father that can and will restore us as we repent and turn to Him with all our hearts.

    Sin is sin. There is no sin worse than the other, in that all sin separates us from God and all sin is common to man. This is why Jesus came into the world, as an expression of God’s most profound act of Love, in which the vilest of sinners like myself can find forgiveness and eternal life. Only in Jesus, Only in Jesus can a soul heavy-laden find rest and redemption and be transformed into a new creation able to reflect the love and mercy found only in our precious savior Jesus the Christ.

  • Posted by John

    My testimony is not much different than the article mentioned and I confirm to you today, sexual immorality is very prevalent in society today and getting worse by the day (even in the church).  Also, sexual addiction is one of the most difficult addictions to overcome because of the natural needs of the body.  Sexual addiction deals with the natural human need (much like eating disorders - a natural need but becomes an un-natural addiction).

    Sexual Immorality has its roots in the foundation of the “unity at all costs” belief system sweeping across Christianity.

    Did you know:
    •1 out of every 3 pastors has an addiction to pornography
    •1 out of every 2 male parishioners has an addiction to pornography
    •46% of high school students in the U.S. have had sexual intercourse
    •In 2001/2002 TV season:
    oSexual content appeared in 64% of all TV programs
    oEach had an average of 4.4 scenes per hour
    oTalk of sex is more frequent (61%)
    oOvert portrayals (32%)
    o1 out of every 7 programs includes a portrayal of sexual intercourse
    •A University of California study finds that teenagers and pre-teens with televisions in their bedroom are more likely to use drugs, smoke cigarettes, binge drink, and have sex
    •43% of first marriages end within 15 years
    •One in 12 couples is heading for the divorce courts after 24 months
    •1 out of 50 married couples have talked about or actively participate in the swinging lifestyle
    •1 out of every 30 college age young adults have tried same sex activities
    •90% of network television shows regularly make sexually oriented statements
    •50% of network television shows regularly refer to same sex activities
    •There is a notable homosexual group, consisting of thousands of members, known as the North American Man and Boy Love Association ( NAMBLA). This is a child molesting homosexual group whose cry is “SEX BEFORE 8 BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE.” This group can be seen marching in most major homosexual parades across the United States.
    •73% of all homosexuals have had sex with boys under 19 years of age
    •One study reports that the average homosexual has between 20 and 106 partners per year (6). The average heterosexual has 8 partners in a lifetime
    •87% of high school students reported having sexual intercourse (CDC, 1998).
    •92% of all males and 62% of females reported masturbating (Kinsey, 1953).
    •Nearly 85% of men and 45% of women who were living with a sexual partner reported masturbating in the past year (Laumann, Gagnon, Michael, Michaels, 1994).
    •134,000 new cases of syphilis are occurring each year, the highest infection rate in 40 years.
    •1.3 million new gonorrhea cases occur annually
    •24 million new cases of human papilloma virus (HPV) occur annually
    •63% of all sexually transmitted disease (STD) cases occur among people less than 25 years of age
    •AIDS is the leading killer of Americans between the ages of 25 and 44
    •68% of men and 59% of women have been involved with more than one person that their current partner doesn¹t know about.
    •It is estimated that 1 in 5 Americans is now infected with a viral STD
    •80% of people who have a sexually transmitted disease experience no noticeable symptoms

    I have an 8 session sermon series and work book that I present from on all topics dealing with sexual immorality and the Christian respability; with measurable steps on how to overcome sexual addictions and temptations.  If you would like me to speak to your church or group, or to order a copy of the work book, contact me at .

  • Posted by

    Hello all.  I admire and am encouraged by this line of discussion.  I agree that this is a problem in the church in that it is not spoken of at all.  I was fortunate before entering the ministry to have a youth minister who was NOT afraid to talk to us guys (I don’t know who talked to the girls) about sex and masturbation and pornography.  This has not made me invulnerable to temptation but it has equipped me with several tools in which to fight this sin.  I am encouraged by the “Every Man’s” series which unashamedly deals with these topics, and more recently I am blown away by the ministry of XXXchurch.com They have an awesome program you can download which tracks the websites visited on your computer and e-mails them periodically to an accountability partner(s).  It even logs when you turn it off so that your partner can inquire as to the reasons why.  I am a worship leader right now, but am called to plant a church someday.  When I do, I will make the XXXchurch.com software a requirement of my staff with myself as an acountability partner and each staff member’s spouse (or someone else close to them if unmarried).  In short, we have to not only acknowledge the problem, we have to have a plan to defeat it as well.  God be with and bless all of you in your journey.

  • Posted by

    I think that one reason that pastors are so reluctant to come out with this sin in their lives and talk about it is because this is one of the “really taboo” sins.

    Everyone knows their pastor struggles with sin, we’re human. No one’s ministry is in jeapordy over “routine, every-day sin” (you know what I mean by that....).

    However, to find out that their pastor struggles with porn - that’s one of those “taboo” sins that will destroy your ministry. So, because we don’t want our ministry to be in jeapordy, we keep silent and don’t seek help. Yet, from what I see in Scripture, maybe we shouldn’t be in ministry if we are participating in it.

    I’ve struggled with this sin, too. I worked for six years in a environment where porn magazines were freely observed, out in the open, by other co-workers. The cabinet under the bathroom sink was “porn-headquarters,” so to speak. I resisted the temptation to “browse” for three years.

    Since then, even though I’m not addicted to the point where I’m on the internet and have a “secret stash,” I still have a strong urge to look when the material is available. It’s a pull that won’t let go. It’s guilt that’s relentless.

    Yet, to tell anyone - to reveal my struggles with this area would spell the end of minsitry. If someone were to find out that I even struggle with it would destroy my credibility in the eyes of those I minister to. Even though I’m not involved in it - just to reveal that I have a “taste” for it - would probably be the end of a ministry. And I think that’s why no one says anything.

    It’s only after one says that I’ve been to the “pit” and back - I’ve struggled with it and now I’m “free!!” will anyone applaud and rally around you.

    So, those who are caught in this vicious cycle are in a quagmire - tell someone so you can get help, and you loose your ministry - or keep it bottled up, and your ministry suffers anyway.

  • Posted by

    HELLO I’M KELVIN BASNIGHT & I JUST READ THIS SITE ON PORNOGRAPHY;SIN & THE MINISTRY.  JUST TO LET YOU KNOW BEFORE I GOT SAVED 6 YEARS AGO I WAS INTO PORNOGRAPHIC MUSIC VIDEO’S & MOVIES.  AND I USED TO BE VERY MUCH INVOLVED WITH THE RAP MUSIC VIDEO’S WITH IMAGES OF WOMEN EXPOSING THEMSELVES & ENTERTAINING THOSE THOUGHTS IN MY MIND & ACTIONS ALONG WITH GOING TO THE STORES SUCH AS WILLIE’S & TOWER RECORDS THAT SOLD THIS GARBAGE.  NOW THAT I’M A NEW CREATION IN CHRIST I CAN RELATE TO THESE MEN’S TESTIMONIES HERE & HOW THEY STILL STRUGGLE.  THE LORD HAS DEALTH WITH MY HEART FOR ONE NOT TO LOOK ON A WOMEN TO LUST AFTER HER WITH MY EYES;HEART & MIND & TWO NOT TO ENGAGE IN THE FANTASIES.  SO YOU MAY ASK HOW I’M BETTER ABLE TO COPE RIGHT NOW.  I READ;PRAY & TRY TO BE A BETTER WITNESS TO THOSE MEN & WOMEN & LADIES STRUGGLE WITH THE SAME THING THROUGH THE DISTRIBUTION OF GOSPEL TRACTS WHICH I CARRY JUST ABOUT EVERY DAY TO SHOW TO THEM THAT I’M A NEW PERSON & THE OLD KELVIN BASNIGHT IS NOT THE SAME AS HE USED TO BE.  THIS NEW CHANGE IN MY WALK & LIFE BEFORE THE LORD HAS RESULTED IN WHOLESOME RELATIONSHIP’S I’VE HAD WITH SINGLE FEMALE CHRISTIAN’S ONE ON ONE SUCH AS LUNCH GET TOGETHER’S PLUS RELATIONSHIP’S WITH SINGLE MEN THAT I TOO HAVE HAD.  EACH OF THESE LADIES HAVE ALL ENJOYED MY COMPANY AS WE HAD LUNCH TOGETHER & I HAVE MORE UPCOMING FELLOWSHIP’S WITH SINGLE WOMEN FROM MY CHURCH NEW SONG.  THE REASON WHY THE RELATIONSHIPS HAVE BEEN SUCCESSFUL IS BECAUSE THESE ARE TRUE WOMEN OF FAITH & THEY TAKE THEIR WALK BEFORE THE LORD SERIOUSLY AS I DO.  I REALIZE THAT GOD HAS CALLED ME TO A HIGHER STANDARD OF LIVING INSTEAD OF JUST THE SAME OLD ROUTINE WHEN I WAS IN THE WORLD.  I KNOW ALSO THE SERIOUSNESS THAT PORNOGRAPHY & THE HOMOSEXUAL MARRIAGE IMPACT IS HAVING ON OUR YOUTH GENERATION IN THE NEGATIVE STAGE.  IF THEY ARE SEEING THAT IT’S OK & JUST PART OF THE CULTURE THEN THE ENEMY HAS THEM DECEIVED ALREADY.  I READ ONE COMMENT BY A GENTLEMEN ON THIS SITE AND HE WAS RIGHT THAT THIS MATTER OF SEX & HOW THE LORD VIEWS IT DIFFERENT FROM THE CULTURE MUST BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY BUT IT IS A WAKE UP CALL FOR ALL PASTORAL LEADERSHIP & MINISTRY LEADERS.  THERE ARE AREAS I STILL MAY STRUGGLE WITH NOW & THEN WITH THE TEMPTATION OR SEXUAL SIN WITH MY BODY BUT THE LORD HAS CONTINUALLY MADE A WAY OF ESCAPE BUT IN MY CASE HE WANTS ME TO UNDERSTAND THAT HE HAS ALREADY FORGIVEN ME OF IT WHEN I STRUGGLE & THE SIN HAS NO MORE DOMINION OVER ME.  PRAISE BE TO GOD!  ON THAT NOTE I NOTICED THOSE TEMPTATIONS GETTING LESS & LESS IN MY LIFE AS I SEEK TO PLEASE GOD WITH MY BODY & NOT TO GIVE IN TO THE LUSTS OF THE FLESH THROUGH IMAGES OF WOMEN OR TELEVISION WHICH DISPLAYS IT ALL WHICH IS NOT A PROBLEM BECAUSE I DO NOT WATCH TV ANYWAY. SO IN A SENSE IT HAS GOTTEN A WHOLE LOT BETTER THAN WHERE IT WAS BEFORE WHERE I HAD THE TEMPTATION OF MUSIC VIDEO’S OR PORNOGRAPHIC MOVIES IN MY HOME.  I THREW THEM ALL OUT IN THE TRASH YEARS AGO & TO THIS DAY DO NOT DESIRE TO EVEN LOOK AT THEM WHEN I GO TO A VIDEO STORE OR GO BACK TO THE STORE’S THAT CARRY THE RAP CD’S OR PORNOGRAPHY.  EVERY TIME I HEAR A RAP SONG PLAYING IN SOMEONE’S CAR I TUNE IT OUT WITH SOMETHING BIBLICAL OR SPIRITUAL & NO LONGER ENTERTAIN THE THOUGHTS.  THE MOVIES I WATCH NOW ARE MORE ON THE CHRISTIAN LEVEL SUCH AS THE “PASSION OF THE CHRIST” MOVIE DIRECTED BY MEL GIBSON OUT LAST YEAR & MAYBE A CLEAN COMEDY OR ADVENTURE MOVIE WHERE THERE IS HARDLY NO PORNOGRAPHY OR VULGAR DISPLAYS OF WOMEN INVOLVED.  I’M A DIFFERENT PERSON ALL AROUND SINCE GOD CHOSE TO SAVE ME BACK IN THE SUMMER OF 1999 IN A MUSIC MINISTER’S OFFICE AT MY FORMER CHURCH. NO LONGER DO I HAVE CABLE TELEVISION IN MY HOME WHERE THE TEMPTATION IS EVEN GREATER FOR MEN STRUGGLING NOWADAYS.  I DESIRE THE THINGS OF THE LORD MORE NOW THAN THE WORLDLY LUSTS.  MY GOSPEL TRACT DISTRIBUTION’S HAVE INCREASED MORE & MORE ON A CONSISTENT BASIS.  PLEASE PRAY FOR ME TOO AS I SEEK TO PLEASE MY LORD & SAVIOUR IN FULL TIME MINISTRY THIS YEAR.  CURRENTLY I’M A FAITHFUL SERVANT OF THE NEW SONG BIBLE FELLOWSHIP CHURCH IN BOWIE MD WHERE I’M NOT ONLY ACTIVE WITH MY FAMILY THERE WITH FELLOWSHIP ACTIVITIES IN & OUTSIDE OF THE CHURCH BUT I SERVICE IN NUMEROUS MINISTRIES THERE TO THE GLORY OF GOD.  HE IS USING ME AT MY LOWEST STATE IN WAYS I THOUGHT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN. MY TEMPORARY E-MAIL ADDRESS IS IF YOU ARE LED TO REPLY BACK TO THIS MESSAGE.  WILL BE PRAYING TOO FOR ALL MEN WHO STRUGGLE WHEN IT COMES TO SEXUAL ADDICTIONS & FOR MYSELF.  IT’S TIMES LIKE THESE WHERE MEN NEED ACCOUNTABILITY SOMETHING THAT IS LACKING IN TODAY’S CULTURE BECAUSE MAN WANT’S TO BE INDEPENDENT.  AND PRAY FOR ME TOO AS I SEEK THAT FEMALE COUNTERPART AT MY CHURCH THAT ONLY THE LORD CAN PROVIDE IN MY STATE BECAUSE I KNOW SHE IS RIGHT THERE AT NEW SONG BUT SHE HAS NOT YET BEEN REVEALED TO ME IF IT’S GOD’S WILL.  IF SHE IS TRULY SERIOUS ABOUT THE THINGS OF THE LORD AS I TAKE THE MATTER IT WILL SHOW AS WE RELATE TO ONE ANOTHER.  SHE MUST ALSO HAVE A FEAR & REVERANCE FOR THE LORD & A LADY OF WISDOM.  THAT IS THE MATE THAT GOD WOULD HAVE FOR ME.  THERE IS ONE SINGLE LADY WHO I HAPPEN TO HAVE AN UPCOMING FELLOWSHIP WITH AT MY CHURCH BUT THIS IS ONE WHO IS VERY MUCH SERIOUS ABOUT HER WALK & IT IS EVIDENT.

  • Posted by John

    Dave points out the first area addictions need to be addressed.

    Staff and leadership accountability and congregational understanding of TRUST.

    The staff and leadership need to understand the sins of vain talk, back bating, and especially tale baring.

    All to often, church staff are guilty of spreading rumors.

    Here’s how it works:
    Joe comes to Pastor Bob and explains his addiction to ____ (fill in the blank).  Pastor Bob listens intently and genuinly wants to help Joe.

    Pastor Bob later meets with his staff and explains the sins in Joe’s life and asks his staff to pray for Joe.

    One of the staff members askes others to pray for Joe and by the end of the week, Joe’s sin is now well known in the Church and the rumors and gossip have started.

    THIS IS ONE OF THE PRIMARY REASONS sin is not discussed in the Church.  Christians have become un-trustworthy in confidence and coming along side a brother/sister in need and helping them carrying their cross by being silent and holding thier tongue.

    Joe doesn’t need 1,000 people praying for him, he needs 1 he can trust.  The Scripture says the prayer of a righteous man avails much.

    Don’t spread rumors in the name of right ("well it’s right for us to have people pray for others” - if they want “others” to pray for them, they’ll ask!).

    This is the first area I deal with when guest speaking at a church.  First with the staff and their families then with the congregation.  Contact me if you have any questions or comments,

    BTW. Kelvin makes the most important statement on this post, “I KNOW ALSO THE SERIOUSNESS THAT PORNOGRAPHY & THE HOMOSEXUAL MARRIAGE IMPACT”

    These issues must be dealt with TODAY, because as bad as you are suffering as an adult with this addiction, the youth are experiencing it at a level never before seen!

    I specialize in speaking, teaching and leading 3rd grade through college students through this temptation and how to stand on God’s Word when it is their turn to stand against the temptations of the Devil.  Contact me if you would like to have your Youth Pastor learn how he/she can deal with this issue in their youth program.

  • Posted by sinner who's forgiven

    I battle with this horriable sin.  It’s under control then it’s not.  It ususally happens in the dark of the night.  I have finally told my wife.  I asked her to help me as tears were running down my face.  At first she acted distant and as if she was repulsed.  That night she said if you need to check your email you better do it now, I am going to bed and so are you.  She is going to help me.  AMEN I believe that exposing my sin to the light is the only way.  Desires have come but they are not as strong.  I live with guilt that i could hurt the Jesus, my wife and my kids although they don’t know it.  Pray for me.  I can’t remember when pornography started.  It seems like it was something that was always there.  Not being raised Chistian it seems as we know, I had full range to do what ever my filthy heart desired. I am a youth pastor and I plan to tell someone elsr close.  I have not gone outside my marriage so I don’t feel ther need to confess to the church at large.
    Thank you for this change to chat.

  • Posted by

    i to struggle with this issue.  i am a pastor.  i thought that i had it conquered, yet it hits when least expected.please pray for me.

  • Posted by

    I think the church in general has a comfortable complacency when it comes to pornography.  This addiction’s prevalence in Christian culture is probably because it is such an internal battle and a mental battle that will never leave you.  I have struggled with an addiction to pornography for almost ten years now and it certainly has cost me more than I will ever now. 

    The one thing that concerns me most is that pornography is not just a man’s issue but a child’s issue. Most men that I have spoken candidly with on this subject saw their first porn before they even knew how to masturbate.  This may not have had immediate effect, as is true in my case, but the desensitization and false fantasy begun during that time did lead to something deeper later in life.  Too many young men are being deprived of a true, holy virginity before they have ever had anything close to sex.

    In the church, I can think of no worse addiction to have - almost wish I had been an alcoholic or a drug addict. Might have been given a little bit more grace or honesty.

  • Posted by

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  • Posted by

    I am also struggling with pornography; after reading the other postings on this site and looking at my case ; I can only say, pornography is a matter of choice.

    I am not going to blame anyone or anything for my addiction and attraction toward pornography. I am going to make a stand today; pornography is SIN and I need to repent of it and continue to bring my desires into subjection.

    After all self-control is a fruit of the spirit and we must seek the power of God to overcome any addiction whether it be food or pornography.

    The last thing we all need not do is blame someone or something for our addiction. Remember the Garden of Eden story, the man blamed the woman and the woman blamed the serpent and as a result they were both banished {kicked out} from the garden.

    We must all make a stand today, repent and seek God’s power to continue to live in subjection to his commands.

    Thank you
    Emmanuel

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