anonymous ocmment cards or notes go right into the shredder. We read one once and it gave us some insight, but the fact is, if they won’t say who they are, what they have to say is moot.

I love encouragers, but I think I might love Bereans even more! And I tell them so, right to their face.

I had a GREAT lady get in my face a few weeks back because the sound was too loud. I wear in-ear monitors and simply can’t tell how good or bad the sound is when I have them in. She wrote a comment card, but came to me directly (between services) before I read it. Her tone was a little rough but I know her well, so it was okay. I PROFUSELY thanked her for her feedback, and it was indeed an issue that I felt we needed to address. I asked her between services the next week how we were doing, she said much better and apologized for the way she came across. (She feels she really has to work on her “tone” with people on stuff like this.) I told her no apology was necessary AND told her that if she wanted to know there was someone she didn’t have to “check her tone with” it was me. That I was a big boy, and I can take it.

She probably now considers me someone she can come to freely with comments and concerns because I worked REALLY hard (along with one of the other pastors here) to be receptive and engaging with this.

If it had been an anonymous comment card or letter we would have shredded it…

Be a Berean!

Looking back, it’s kinda funny, but you’re right.  At the time, it wasn’t so amusing.

Like Public Enemy said, “Don’t believe the Hype.”

Both the positive and negative hype.

I think I would have tried to assemble the little pieces of check, taped them together and send them back to the individual (after all, the name is usually on there) with a note saying, “Did you lose this?”

Dave

With regard to the note about “not having to check your tone.” Our church would think it more important to teach respectful address (and not just to the pastor). I think that it is precisely the “freedom” people now feel to “get in your face” that leads to too many of the confrontations we see today. And, no, I do not think that permitting that behavior in the name of openness and evangelism and growth in holiness is appropriate. Note that I would not hold a person outside the church to the same level of expected behavior. (And, yes, I suppose I am a grumpy old pastor, grin.)

The hard part for me is that the unsigned notes frustrate and anger me. I spend energy simply being upset about something I cannot control because I cannot go to a person and talk about it. Instead it only causes resentment and frustration that is hard for me to shake.

My husband is an associate pastor. Recently we received several anonymous letters, making very crude and false allegations about me. We ignored the first one, but then they went to the other staff and their wives, along with many deacons. There were threats to stand and “tell all about my sins” in front of the entire congregation. Given the nature of the letters, we decided to confront. Our pastor sent out a letter as well to the members stating that this was not being done in a biblical manner and that it should stop immediately, that this person should come to us personally. Well, it got worse. The letters were no longer being mailed, but hand delivered to our doorstep. It was frightening to say the least. So, my husband and I decided to address this personally. While we would have preferred to do so in a one on one setting, we couldn’t. So, we stood after the service on a Sunday morning and shared from our hearts. One thing we made clear was that we were forgiving this person, and that we would no longer be opening any letter that we received that looked like the others (same type, same envelope, no return address, etc etc). We had asked the other staff and deacons to do the same, and they agreed. About a week after we stood and talked openly and honestly about this, our pastor received one final letter. It was more heart-breaking than any of the others. It stated that they were sorry, that they had made up everything (we knew that!), and that they did not deserve the forgiveness that we offered. But the worst part was that they stated that they had asked God to forgive, but “didn’t expect it to come”. How sad is that?? This person is sitting in our church week after week and doesn’t get that God forgives FREELY! It has all been an amazing journey for our entire church now, learning about how to act our forgiveness and not just talk about it. We have learned the true meaning of Grace, and it’s beautiful. I hated going through those 2 months, but the lessons learned were worth every nasty word written about me. My prayer is that this person will really get it themselves.. you know, in the depths of his or her heart, that God’s love is not something we earn. It’s something we are given, full and free.

I tell all of this to say that it is true that “ALL things work together for good...”. I never would have thought it possible for this to be good, but the change it has brought abotu among our church body is truly amazing!

Blessings on ya’ll today!
Holly

I hate getting anonymous notes, too, and I also throw them out and every once in a while we write the congregation about the need (and the ways) to give feedback in a healthy way.  However, I do have the sense that I’m supposed to be trying to love even those who persecute me, and therefore I try to think of these folks as frightened, shy, or angry, rather than “cowards”.  Calling a person a coward, even in my head, is not a loving thing to do and doesn’t help me to keep my heart open to them and their unhealthy ways.

Unsigned letters/notes IMMEDIATELY get shredded.  The same principle is applied when a person comes to me and says that they know of people who have a problem but they’d assume to remained un-named.  I immediately stop the conversation with, “If it’s not serious enough for the person to come to me personally, it’s not serious enough for me to even waste time with it.” Harsh? Probably.  As shephards we “annount with oil,” but the shepherd also carried a “rod and staff.”

Not just pastors receive such notes.  Here’s one:  “The music today was pure torture.”

I didn’t tear it up; I use it as a prayer reminder to seek the Lord’s blessing and guidance in our music and that our music will always serve to glorify the Lord and speak to the hearts of believers and unbelievers alike.  I wonder if some believers might want to ask for a transfer because of the “pure torture” of the music in heaven?  The old saying that “When satin was ousted from heaven, he landed in the choir loft,” smacks of a possible truth???  God bless ALL music that glorifies His name.

I don’t know, sometimes you can find nuggets of truth without having to be scolded anonymously.  It is not cowardice to be unwilling to be confronted in a less than biblical way.  The bible clearly pushes us to relationship not anonymous notes and chastisement.  When a note is anonymous it lacks accountability and forces the reader to sift through opinions for nuggets outside the context of a relationship.  This is unhealthy and IMO unnecessary. 

Want to deal with me on an issue, call me, write me a note, sign your name so we can pursue peace and resolution but don’t hit and run the pastor or anyone else for that matter.  Own your feelings and thoughts or keep them to yourself.

I must admit that this is one great insight. It surely gives a company the opportunity to get in on the ground floor and really take part in creating something special and tailored to their needs.
College Works Painting