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Secret Lives Should Be No Surprise, Even (Especially) in the Ministry

Orginally published on Tuesday, July 31, 2007 at 4:59 AM
by Todd Rhoades

Pastors who preach strongly against homosexuality leading a secret life as a gay man. Others who preach the evils of pornography are neck deep into the stuff themselves. How can men of God lead secret lives? And what causes them to openly condemn and preach against sins that they are so deeply entrenched in?

That’s the question being asked in this article at the Rocky Mountain News:

So it’s hard not to wonder what’s going on here. What makes people, especially public people, fight so hard against the cesspool they can’t seem to stay out of themselves? If you’re cavorting with a hooker, for example, couldn’t your public battle cry be something like manatee preservation? Not so simple, say those who observe the complexities of human behavior on a daily basis.

“It strikes others as bizarre, that people are so much one way in their public presentation and have these secret private lives, but I’ve seen so many people with secret lives and stories,” said Walter Bera, a Minneapolis therapist.

Those secret lives, he and others say, are lived out by both women and men across all party lines and professions, from teachers to doctors to religious leaders to supervolunteers.

“I’m not sure it’s any more prevalent (among the rich and famous) than in any other group of people, but it’s so incongruous that when it happens it becomes news,” says Michael Miner, psychologist and associate professor at the University of Minnesota’s Center for Sexual Health.

More here from the Rocky Mountain News

On a personal note, I guess I’ve seen this happen first hand in one of the churches I lead in; and yes, it does confuse me.  Why (or rather how) can a pastor deep in sin, (say pornography or homosexual lifestyle), almost go out of their way to preach and even condemn others who may have the same sin; and at the same time not turn from their own sin in that area?  I understand that part of it is that they may feel guilty over their own sin and feel passionately about keeping other people away from it.  But, still, that doesn’t jive with me?

Why would a pastor who’s having an affair choose to do a series on commitment in marriage?
Why would a pastor who’s having gay sex do a series on morality?
Why would a pastor who’s addicted to porn choose to preach on the evils of pornography?

I guess it just confuses me… I’ve never been a senior pastor; but it would seem that if I was continually beating my wife; that my first tendency would be to not do a sermon series on the evils of wife beating.

Make sense?

Anyone have any first hand experience of this type of thing and come away with a better understanding?


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  There are 9 Comments:

  • Posted by Josh R

    I think the secularist has difficulty with the concept of depravity.

    The fact that we do something doesn’t mean that we believe it is correct.  I think most people do things that they know are wrong quite frequently.
    It would be irresponsible for a pastor to not warn his (or her) congregation about sin traps that they have personal and intimate knowledge of. 
    The fact that they have fallen into the trap doesn’t mean that it is not a trap. It means that they need a Savior - just like everyone else.
    Much of the Postmodern world is searching for a “Faith that works for me” when they see somebody who is convicted by their faith, I don’t think they understand.  Their default assumption is that there is something wrong with the faith, not something wrong with the person.

  • Posted by Spica

    I guess there’s a need to keep others away from it. And it’s also a way to keep others far from asking difficult questions : if your so passionate preaching against porn, who would suspect you are addicted to it ? Because one of the biggest fears of those pastors (but not only pastors, also many christians) is to get caught. They’re so ashamed of what they’re doing, but they can’t break free, and just hope they’ll manage to throw that away before anybody gets a hint about it. And maybe preaching about it is also first preaching to themselves, trying to find courage or strength to fight what has enslaved them.

  • Posted by

    Disclaimer:
    Not everyone who preaches on ‘moral’ topics is struggling.  Most are in freedom in these areas.  The specific question was about what drives a preacher who is in secret sin to preach on those topics.

    My thoughts on the subject:
    Sometimes it is pure wickedness.  But more often it is desperation in the heart of the preacher.  Stuck in the cycle of sin, it consumes him.  He spends far too much emotional energy on managing the sin.  He is stuck.  And then he preaches to himself.  He hates his secret sin.  He is alternately drawn to it, and hateful toward himself after the act is over.  His self-loathing and desperation drive him to preach against it, to write against it, and maybe to seek legislation against it.  Sometimes it is to set up the appearance that he is moral, but he is screaming to anyone who will hear him, “HELP ME!!” But nobody hears him.  Those who are close to the preacher should watch for trends and have permission to examine him.

    This scenario is not limited to Christians.  It affects ‘moralists’ of any faith or non-faith.  It affects ‘good people’ of any stripe.  Grace and the cross are the answer.

    Those who are spiritual should gently restore those who find themselves in sin.

  • Posted by

    One of the aspects of the definition of Biblical preaching is that God must first speak to the speaker, and that message must pass through his life--the Scripture must first deal with me before it can deal with you. As such, I have found the Lord leading me to preach on areas that I need help in. Cause if I need help and God is speaking to me about it, He’s speaking to others also.

    My wife has remarked that on a few occasions, known only to her, the message was a confession to the congregation of my own sins--hopefully she was the only one who ever picked up on that.

  • Posted by Joe Martino

    I have to agree with the person who quoted the disclaimer that not everyone who preaches on moral issues is struggling with them. I have noticed that often when that theme becomes a “hobby horse” if often means the preacher himself is struggling with it. So if a guy is constantly hammering porn, he’s probably dealing with it himself. I’m not sure of the why, I just know I’ve seen it happen at both the local level and the national level time and time again.

  • Posted by Derek

    I think the reason behind leaders preaching hard against their secret sin is twofold: cover and compartmentalization .

    First it is the perfect cover. People will assume that Pastor So-so would never download porn, because he preaches against it.

    Second, I think Pastors can easily compartmentalize their ministry away from their private life. They can wrongly assume that what happens in their private life doesn’t affect their ministry life and so they can be two different people. There was a predominate minister in California a few years back who divorced his wife of 12-15 years and got remarried a week later. In an interview in a nationally known Christian magazine, he said that his marriage has nothing to do with his ministry, because called him to preach not to marriage. What??? I don’t understand how pastors can read the New Testament and live a compartmentalized life, but they do.

    Derek

  • Posted by Leonard

    I preach against golfing.  I must secretly be addicted.  Actually sometimes it is the conflict in the sould of the preacher.  He/She is looking for a way out and is hoping the message will inspire one.

  • Posted by David

    One of the rules of thumb for preaching I was given in seminary was to preach “what is saving you each week.” Though struggles may not be overcome, I do think that we find salvation in the words and study of scripture, through the work of the Holy Spirit, thanks to Jesus Christ.
    Many of the above have said it better, regarding being consumed by the topic/issue, the hope that someone else will walk with the preacher in their sin to the hope of Jesus Christ, and the challenges of compartmentalization.
    Peace,

  • Posted by

    I have seen this before too.

    The youth pastor that honestly led me to walk and serve passionately had a deep secret sin that eventually caught up with him.

    I struggled for many years with reconciling this, because he did have ministry in my life while living in disobedience.

    I believe that when he preached the most about purity, etc, was when the Holy Spirit was convicting him and when he was trying to change. 

    He didn’t ever get the help he needed and that was his downfall, the pride of trying to work it out on his own and not coming clean.

    But I do know he struggled.  At one point I remember him patting my shoulder and then pulling his hand away and muttering to himself “What am I doing?”

    Of course in my innocence I didn’t get it.  But it is evidence that he was fighting a battle within.

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