HOME | CONTRIBUTE A STORY! | ABOUT MMI | CATEGORIES OF INTEREST | CONTACT ME


people leaving church

Six Reasons People Leave Your Church

Orginally published on Tuesday, May 15, 2007 at 6:32 AM
by Todd Rhoades

John D. Duncan has an interesting article at Lifeway.com that deals with the top six reasons he thinks people leave your church. Here’s a partial list of the top six.  John writes…

1. Poor Leadership

When the family announced their departure, I made it a point to visit in their home. I asked them to share their feelings. I requested honesty. ?We just don?t like the way you?re running things.?

As a young pastor, my inexperience led to poor decisions. Financial problems worried the church. Morale problems infected the church. A lack of vision created an internal sickness. Members began to place blame for the troubles.

Since I was their leader, they pointed a finger at me. I had only served the church for six months, but I tried to cure the church with my own diagnosis and prescription. I did not listen to my people. I attempted to solve the dilemmas on my own. The result? Members left the church.

2. Different Style

When church members leave your church, they might travel to another church because they yearn for another style of ministry. They desire a different style of preaching or worship. They hunger for a certain style of music. Their expectations about a church might come from a church, pastor, or program they had in another town.

3. Specific Program

?How did you discover our church?? I asked a woman who quizzed me about the church. ?We heard about the church because of the youth program. Some friends told us about your youth ministry.?

?Why did you leave our church?? I questioned a former member. ?We really like the Music Ministry of our new church,? they responded.

4. Disillusionment

William D. Hendricks talks about a ?dark side? to the church. He details numerous stories about people leaving their churches in his book, Exit Interviews. He writes, ?Despite glowing reports of surging church attendance, more and more Christians in North America are feeling disillusioned with the church and other formal, institutional expressions of Christianity." (Chicago: Moody Press, 1993, p. 17)

These people remove themselves from the church out of frustration with structure or bureaucracy.

5. Inner Hurts

A close church member invited me to lunch one day. He shocked me when he informed me of his imminent departure from our church. ?It?s in the best interest of our family,? he softly spoke. I drove to the church that day disappointed. A year later I received news about the family. The sad news explained the couple?s divorce. Rather than seek help in the church, they fled the church. They retreated to ease the surprise of their impending breakup.

Not every person who leaves the church because of inner hurt leaves on bad terms. Some leave to seek answers to their hurt. Still others take flight to find the acceptance they have missed.

6. Church Size

?I sure have missed you at church,? I said in casual conversation. ?Don?t take it personally, but the church has gotten too big for us. We?re used to a smaller church.? Sometimes the church may grow too large. In other cases the church may not be large enough.

So there you have it... the six reasons why people leave your church.  Do you agree with this list?  Which reason has been the reason people have left your church?  What have you don't to help eliminate these problems in your church?  I'd be interested in hearing your comments today here at the blog!

Have a great week!

Todd

You can read all of John's article here...


This post has been viewed 7864 times so far.


 TRACKBACKS: (1) There are 86 Comments:

  • Posted by

    I resigned from being a pastor when after being in the hospital for surgery and losing a family member (my mother) to cancer, not one person offered any support or sympathy.  I was only asked when I was going to have my weekly report in.  I was only viewed as the work horse of the church.  When I had a need, I was ignored.

  • Posted by

    People leave the church because too many churches are more interested in programs than people.  People make the church, not programs.  Secondly, expositional preaching is what more pastors that are evangelistic preach.  Sadly, many churches has adopted psycho-babble that should be left to talk show host.  The pulpit is where people need to hear the Word of God taught to them.  Preachers need to teach more and counsel less from the pulpit.  According to Dr. Thom Rainer these five qualities compose the most evangelistic churches in America: 1) doctrine, 2) expositional preaching, 3) Bible study (good ‘ole Sunday School), 4) prayer, 5) personal evangelism.  If pastors would focus on these five things, the Lord will bless the church through growth that is renumerative because the people in the church are being taught the whole counsel of God, directed in prayer, taught what to stand for and upon, and how to tell others about saving knowledge in Jesus Christ.  If we keep trying to make church for people, instead of for God, more denominations and churches will keep dwindling.  It is not about programs, it is about truth.

  • Posted by Phil

    Another reason: Because people get their feelings hurt by someone else in the church.

  • Posted by

    People leave because we too often fail to overcome our problems.  People get hurt, embarassed, angry, and everything else.  How a congregation reacts to those situations is the main reason people leave in my experience.

    We had a pastor that made the young marrieds group in our church feel as though they were less important than other groups.  Regardless of whether they were being treated that way, the pastor would not acknowledge their complaint.  No response at all.  Every member of that group has left the church over the last 8 months.

  • Posted by

    Sometimes, as is my case right now, people leave the church because they have lost their power over a certain area of the church, ie: the kitchen, youth ministry, adult ed, you name it…

    Unfortunately a person (or group) will often choose to leave a church than work with others for the greater good of the church. I am convinced that some would rather see the church fail than to let go of their power.

    When this happens, leaving is not always a bad thing but tends to open up the doors to allow more healthy leadership to come in and help the church grow healthier.

    Not that we should focus on people leaving the church, but I think we should focus on the why and then challenge ourselves to discover if it is a good or bad thing and address it as necessary.

  • Posted by

    Why people leave the church?

    My question where is there focus:

    Is it on programs - when these change - their gone.
    Is it the pastor - when he leaves - their gone.
    Is it the music - if it isn’t “right” - their gone.
    Is it “feelings” - if someone takes their seat in worship - their gone.
    Is it the building - if the carpet color changes - their gone.

    If the focus is Christ - then if there are problems they work through them like all healthy people do!

  • Posted by

    I’m a 36 year old single mom with a 12 year old daughter.
    We recently left our church where I became a member and was baptized together with my daughter on the same day.
    It was hard for us to leave our church because of the history we both have there.
    There are various resons why we finaly decided to leave the church.
    1. The church is really small with lot’s of newly young married couples and there newborn babies.
    I kind of felt out of place and my needs as single were not met.
    2. The church didn’t have single ministries where I could have found my place.
    3. The church didn’t have youth ministries where my pre-teenager daughter could have found her place.

    I had put my feelers out several times expressing my interest to call a single group alive in our church and kind of need someone from church to help me to put a single group together and have things started with. But I was never heard or understood from church.
    Shortly before we left the church I had a feeling that there was a poor fellowship and nobody from church (people from small groups I’ve attented)was interested in me or reached out to me to help in my struggle.

  • Posted by Dave

    Myriads of reasons, not the least of which is some churches refuse to grow spiritual even though the teaching may be pointing them to.  Like the old adage, “What do you mean, change?” People who grow in the Word of God need to change.  If the church is consistently changing, people will sense the need to move on.  Like the seven deadly words, “we’ve never done it that way before”, some churches feel that what always worked in the past must somehow continue to work in the future.

  • Posted by

    Of the many reasons I have heard why people leave the church, most of them lie in the unwillingness of the person to “die” to themselves. No one will get along unless there is a mutual submission. Many come to a church with an offense from another church.  When they refuse to lay the offense at the foot of the cross and deal with it, it is a sore spot that is vulnerable to further offense. Also, when a decision is made, even if it is clearly scriptural, and they do not like it or it doesn’t go their way, they will leave.
    When you build a church on a market driven (seeker sensitive) basis, you will have to keep up the “monkey show” in order to keep them.  If you seek to please people rather than hold fast to good theology, you are building on shaky ground that will one day cave in.

  • Posted by

    “I resigned from being a pastor when after being in the hospital for surgery and losing a family member (my mother) to cancer, not one person offered any support or sympathy. I was only asked when I was going to have my weekly report in. I was only viewed as the work horse of the church. When I had a need, I was ignored.”

    Troy, I know how you feel.  My wife and son both stayed home from church Sunday due to sickness.  A few folks expressed their sympathy, but only one person contacted me today to see how they were doing.  One.  If I do something like that, and unfortunately I have from time to time, I get blasted for being a poor pastor.  Seems like the pot calling the kettle black to me.

  • Posted by

    Quote:

    “1. The church is really small with lot’s of newly young married couples and there newborn babies.
    I kind of felt out of place and my needs as single were not met.
    2. The church didn’t have single ministries where I could have found my place.
    3. The church didn’t have youth ministries where my pre-teenager daughter could have found her place.”

    There’s nothing left to say.

    Read the number of “I’s” and “my’s” in the above list and you will see how consumeristic the American church has become. 

    And because those in “leadership” have created such a selfish monster as the American church, they shouldn’t be surprised when they fall short of meeting their consumer’s needs.

    Instead of seeing how the writer of the above quote could help meet the needs of that particular organization, she bolts for one that would “bath, powder and diaper” HER.

    God, help us all.

  • Posted by

    I have an interesting reason for leaving my last church: I had been leading a certain ministry for several years, then suddenly the requirements for leadership changed and i was asked to step down because i wasn’t an official member. Now i don’t have a problem with authority, but when your church asks you to meet qualifications that 1) have nothing to do with Biblical standards and 2) have no bearing on your abilities in any particular area of service.. isn’t it time to cut and run?

  • Posted by Vicki Scheib

    I can appreciate Ricky’s quotes, and his challenge to the consumer mentality.  Yet, as a single adult pastor, I am fully aware that churches are not always sensitive to the populations they are trying to reach.  Often, a “one size fits all” does not work for everyone.  There is challenge for all of us to prioritize people over programming, yet programming to meet the needs of people is vital for all of us who seek to minister to those in various life stages.

    Let’s refrain from making the assumption or judgment that those looking for particular programs are automatically in “selfish” mode or do not wish to serve.  The single adults at our church tend to give the most because we care about them and their needs.

  • Posted by

    I just really resigned from my church. I was a member there about a year and a half. The preacher seems to do more preaching than teaching. I lost my mother eight months ago and I did not receive the support I needed from my church. I am a single mother with one child and my church is not there for me when I really need them. I have not been there for about 2 months and not once did anyone contacted me or my child to see how we are doing.

  • Posted by Todd

    Thanks, Vicki for your response to Ricky.  I see your point as well Ricky, but I, too think you were too quick to automatically read into someone’s heart.

    I am a parent of four; and while I don’t expect that the church will educate my children in scripture much (that burden falls on me as a parent), I do depend on the church for some things that are important for me as a parent:

    1.  Godly role models that my kids (both elementary and jr. high age) can look up to.

    2.  A place where my children can meet and greet other friends who share their faith.

    3.  A place that is somehow enticing so that my kids have a positive rather than a negative opinion of church and the gospel.

    This is not a full list to be sure; but you can expect that if these things were NOT present in my church, I would leave… not because I’m a selfish consumer, but because me kids are the most important thing.  If I stay somewhere my kids are not being nutured and encouraged to grow in their faith, it is my preference, no… it is my duty to find a place that will better fit my family’s needs and goals.

    Just my thoughts.

    Todd

  • Posted by

    To “Al” and “Art”

    Al, you have some real concerns. Did you try to address those concerns with the leadership of your church? Did you offer some ideas for the church leadership to try out? Good leadership loves ideas and people willing to try new things. No one person can do it by themselves.

    Art, you appear to be making some assumptions. It’s probably been your history as is mine, that people complain that there are things “missing” in the church but do nothing about it accept grumble and complain like the Israelites who wandered in the desert yet had all their needs met. 

    From reading Al’s message, it seems like she at least tried. Maybe leaving was something she needed to do in order for her church to finally recognize it is not trying to meet the needs of people in its congregation. Unfortunately, churches hate change when we need to change in order to be healthy. Losing a member may be just what Al’s church needed to recognize this.

    It’s true America is very consumeristic and self absorbed with itself. We have to find a way to make disciples out of a selfish gene pool. On the other hand, why would any family with children want to attend a church that will not teach their children? Is the church being too selfish to try new ministries?

    Just my thought.

  • Posted by

    I find it interesting how Jesus dealt with those who followed Him merely for their benefit, in particular to those who followed Him after He fed them with bread and fish.

    He gave them a crash course in the cost of discipleship which, in turn, caused all but the twelve to leave Him.  I’m sure that if those of us in “leadership” would start telling people, in love, that it is their responsibility to GIVE to the Body of Christ (i.e., their gifts) instead of just receiving, the pews would empty in moments.

    However, to avoid the departure of people and their money, leaders strive instead to stroke the egos of those who feel it is their right to be stroked.  All of this “stroking” leads to what we have today, a welfare mentality that is entrenched in the American church.

    Until we begin teaching and living what the Scripture say is the Church, we will continue to program the organizations to meet every demand the consumers demand.

  • Posted by

    “On the other hand, why would any family with children want to attend a church that will not teach their children? Is the church being too selfish to try new ministries?”

    I don’t question that churches should have age appropriate ministries.  What bothers me is Christians that want these ministries for their children, but won’t lift a finger to help start one, or teach a class, or lead a club...whatever.  They want the full buffet, but won’t do any of the cooking. 

    THAT is the problem with the church.  We expect to be catered to, but never to bet the ones doing the serving.

  • Posted by

    I am not a Senior Pastor, however, I have had a crash course in it as I have had to fill the shoes while we are searching for another.  One thing I have seen, even in a small church, is that people do have needs.  And whether or not the expect to be coddled, we as Pastors do have a job to meet people where and as they are.  If we kinda just expect them to become significant Christians on their own, we are going to be disillusioned as a pastor.  We do need to realize that we are going to be stepped on, shot down, and hurt over and over.  But that’s the crumy part of the job.  But to those who are people in the congregations need to realize 2 things.  One, ministry is your job, too.  One pastor can’t do it all.  But a congregation of 50, 100, 1000 can do so much more.  And second, pettiness and frustration have brought down too many good men and too many good churches.  Just because no one called you does not mean that you aren’t important.  Better yet, if you were hurt that way, rather than say, “I’m going to hurt them back”, go to the pastor, express your frustrations, and then say, “I know of a way I can help.  I can get 3 other people and we will write notes to those who have not been here, letting them know we missed them.  Would that be alright?” I believe that is what the church is missing.  The people doing the work of the ministry, not just paying the pastor to do it all.

  • Posted by

    Being fulltime on staff for over 12 years at a church of over 2500 in regular attendance, I’ve heard about every reason for someone leaving a church. However, regardless of the stated reasons, it is about 99% of the time because of miss- comunication.  Many times, when the situation was just “talked” out, the disgruntled or unsatisfied parties understood and a departure was avoided.
    Too many times, both the congregation and the staff, are too strict or dogmatic in their viewpoints, and a little discussion would have gone a long way into smoothing the troubled waters. I have learned that it is never too late to talk about it, and I mean to really talk about it, and not just give the problem lip service. Too often that is all that happens. Both parties see through it and major damage can result.  If I am too proud to be open and disuss a problem a congregant has, or a viewpoint different than my own, then I will usually get the results I deserve.

  • Posted by

    For me the is Jesus.  Jesus would cause the little children to come unto Him for such is the kingdom of God.  Jesus blessed the children.  Jesus taught the children in the midst of church conflict.  The Bible commands us to be a father to the fatherless and to judge the fatherless.  As far as good examples of Jesus I think we all need to be in prayer.  God help us!

  • Posted by

    i left the last church for poor leadership, it was a pastor and his wife, who wanted to treat you like you were stuip, since they had college degrees, i just didn’t fit in, and the children were really out of control, and the pastor said don’t be to hard on them. i thought this is really crazy.

  • Posted by

    The truth of the matter is this:  we as ministers do tend to have a very stubborb attitude to others who call or question us.  As a staff pastor my family has been treated very badly.  Much of which has come in the past couple of years when the pastor hired a family memeber.  The relationships that we had all but disappeared.  We could have very easily left, and we have had offers, but we have stayed.  The church has had continual decline over the past 2 years, but we have not gotten a release from God to leave.  So in the process we have submitted ourselves to the authority over us and said we serve God not man.  Many that have left our church have said that God is leading them away to other churches.  The problem I with this is the fact that they say God led them away from their other church to come here, (it sure is funny how often an all knowing God changes his mind). 
    Below find my list of reasons we should stay at a church or how ever you want to title this list:
    1. God placed us here.
    2. I am human and I make mistakes too.
    3. Sometimes I am the problem.
    4. Maybe the Pastor needs to change what he is doing.
    5. If he does need to change and will not listen to me then maybe I should tell God about it instead of leaving.
    6. I chooose to take ownership in my church.
    7. I am human too and I make mistakes.
    8. If I see the problems then ask God how I can be part of the solution.
    9. Embrace change.  It may not always be great or easy for us but God can do NEW things in old people,(not old as in age).  Set in their way christians CAN learn new tricks.
    10. Submit ourselves to the leadership in any deptartmnet and ask them how we can best serve the church.
    I have got to add a number 11.
    11.IT IS NOT ALWAYS ABOUT ME.

    I personally am tired of being part of a declining church. So I have made it MY personal mandate to do everything in my power to change what I can change and let God change me every way he can.

    I love serving God.  It is not always easy but it sure is great to see him use us.

    God bless,
    PK
    I personally welcome any responses.

  • Posted by Joshua Coffee

    Have we ever stoped to think that if our churches weren’t so divided and self absorbed, that leaving a church for another church would take on a whole new meaning? While stats show that most people who say they’re leaving their church for another church usually end up attending nowhere after their departure, if we’re going to focus on those who acctually do end up going somewhere else, then maybe we should work on building relationships with those somewhere elses. If we acted truely as one body, as THE church, not A church, then when people went from one part of THE church to another part of THE church, they wouldn’t really be leaving, just transfering to a different branch. Also, better communication would help to solve the problem of people leaving their church because they want to live a sinful lifestyle, and their current church has found out, so they want to go somewhere where they can hide it again, which is quite common. Acting like THE church would also help with follow up, making sure that the person who says they are leaving, which would only be transfering then, actually gets plugged in somewhere. If we really care about them, then should we do that? Perhaps I’m just too idealistic.

  • Posted by

    The politics and back stabbing in church can be so so much worse than what you find in the world, and the ones who dish it out are unrepentant because they are the ones who are hearing from God (according to them). If you disagree with them, then by default you are disagreeing with God because those others are the ones getting the “revelation.” When, then, is it time to wash your hands of the matter and move on? It is not selfish to want to extricate yourself from a painful situation. Many who leave the church recognize that strident situations abound in churches-- churches that truly do not offer real ministry opportunities, regardless of the label on the outside of the congregation’s building. Sure, the church is full of flawed people, but folks who don’t put a stop to a deeply hurtful involvement with no possibility for change, are masochists. How much are people supposed to take before they take the healthy step of leaving harmful situations? To judge people who do so as “selfish” is shallow and a contribution to the overall problem… that of judgementalism and hard heartedness.

  • Page 1 of 4 pages

     1 2 3 >  Last »
Post Your Comments:

Name:

Email:

Location:

URL:

Live Comment Preview:

Remember my personal information

Notify me of follow-up comments?

Please enter the word you see in the image below: