Ten Reasons Why the Meth Church is Growing Faster than Your Church

Orginally published on Friday, August 03, 2007 at 9:01 AM
by Todd Rhoades

Derek Vreeland writes, "Todd, I took a picture of the sign at the bank in our hometown. It reads, “Revival Morningside METH Chuch.” No joke. I laugh out loud. Anyway, I wrote a list of ten reasons the meth church is growing faster than your church. Hope you enjoy." I did, so here it is...

#1 They sing, “Lord I Lift You Name and Get High.”

#2 Greeters laugh and giggle uncontrollably.

#3 When the offering plate is passed, people are encouraged to take money.

#4 Everyone shouts “Amen” when the pastor preaches on stoning.

#5 The only committee in the church is the munchies committee.

#6 The typical titles “brother” and “sister” are replaced with “dude.”

#7 Smoking is allowed in the building.

#8 Nobody cares if the music is too loud or if the building is too hot…nobody really cares about much of anything.

#9 An active prison ministry…really active.

#10 The choir sings songs from Pink Floyd.

I hope you read this with the humor in which it was written. This is not a slam on Methodists and it is certainly not intended to make light of drug addiction. Nevertheless, feel free to cast stones my directions if you are so inclined...because everybody must get stoned.

Well, they’ll stone ya when you’re trying to be so good,
They’ll stone ya just a-like they said they would.
They’ll stone ya when you’re tryin’ to go home.
Then they’ll stone ya when you’re there all alone.
But I would not feel so all alone,
Everybody must get stoned.

Bob Dylan
“Rainy Day Women #12 & 35”
1966

Read more from Derek’s blog here...

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