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What to Do During a Dull Sermon

Orginally published on Friday, March 24, 2006 at 9:00 AM
by Todd Rhoades

Snore Joan recently shared at Daddy's Roses:

I recently read a little book entitled 101 things to Do During a Dull Sermon by Tim Sims and Dan Pegoda. Now if you attend our church, you won't have any need for these suggestions; but most speakers occasionally have an off day, so these writers looked into alternative activities to keep the mind occupied in the event you are ever in that situation. The book -- and this post -- are presented in the spirit of fun -- not intended to be offensive or derogatory in any way.

I culled a few of the ideas from the book, expanded on some of them, added a few of my own ideas, and ta da......... if you are ever caught sitting in church when your pastor is having an off day (I have NEVER had this experience, by the way), here are some suggestions to get you through the hour.

1. Using the Song of Solomon as inspiration, compose a letter to a prominent church member and leave it in the hymnal. Your literary effort will keep you awake this Sunday and -- and perk somebody else up next Sunday.

2. Play Alpha to Omega. Listen for the preacher to use a word starting with the letter A. Proceed through the alphabet. (If you get stuck on the letter Q, give yourself some slack and count it when the preacher uses a word that contains the sound of the letter itself, such as "acute" or "acumen" or "cubit".)

3. Create a rebus using the scripture text for the day.

4. Play “How Observant Are You?”. Look around you carefully for 1 minute. Close your eyes and see what you can remember. How many people are sitting on your row? What row are you on? What color tie is the preacher wearing? What color are the walls? How many ladies are wearing red? Is Miss Mattie wearing a hat today? Has John started nodding off yet?

5. See how many categories of noses you can observe around you. Fat noses? Long pointy noses? Flat noses? Freckled noses?

6. Play Creative Hymnody. Read a hymn and try to rewrite the second of each rhyming couplet using a different rhyming word. Try to keep the spirit of the original wording. For example: "Amazing grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me. I once was lost, but now I'm found, and now I shout with glee."

7. Play a counting game:
How many people do you see who have new haircuts?
How many people do you see who need new haircuts?
How many do you see who wish they ever needed haircuts? (bald heads)?

How many people are there over 70?
How many children do you see who are under 10?
How many songs in the hymnal do you know?
How many times does the preacher say his favorite transition phrase (examples: "you know" or "basically")?
How many coughs, sneezes or throat-clearings can you count in a five-minute period?
Keep a running total of the number of children who leave to "go to the bathroom."

8. Play a guessing game:
What is the total weight of the people on your pew – person by person?
Is the weight on your row more or less than on the row in front of you? the row behind you?
What is the weight of the choir?

These are just a few to get you started. Let me emphasize: I hope you will listen to your preacher intently and get the message he/she has prepared for you; however, IF that dreaded off-day is pounding your eardrums, the sandman is calling your name, and you are struggling to remain upright in your pew, give one of these a try.

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TRACKBACKS: (1) There are 6 Comments:

Posted by

Friday, March 24, 2006 at 10:39 AM

Or just change churches…
Posted by Brian La Croix

Friday, March 24, 2006 at 11:20 AM

Nooooow I understand what those people are doing during my sermons…

Brian
Posted by Randy Ehle

Friday, March 24, 2006 at 11:33 AM

I’m gonna get pounced on here by my more “fundy” brothers but I wonder if there’s a subliminal message that only in churches with hymns and hymnbooks could you possibly get bored during the sermon?! After all, the “relevant” (ouch! bit my tongue!) churches don’t use hymns or hymnals, and they only preach for entertainment value, so no one would ever get bored!

HEY, WAIT! Put down that 300-pound KJV - I wrote this all with my tongue firmly implanted in my cheek!
Posted by Bart

Friday, March 24, 2006 at 11:45 AM

How about things for the pastor to do when his own sermon is boring.

1. Stare at one member ofhte congregation for he whole sermon. It will drive them crazy and everyone else will want to know what that person did.

2. Take the offering twice. Pretend that it was a mistake but watch people scramble to find another dollar bill.

3. Just before the offering announce that the IRS called and want to see the record of everyones giving.

4. Announce that next Sunday Joe the usher will be singing for special music. this only works if Joe has absolutly no musical talent.

5. Stay in your office with the door locked until 5 minutes after you were supposed to start preaching. Everyone will think that you had a counseling crisis and will forgive the bad sermon because your mind was on the problem and not preaching.
Posted by

Friday, March 24, 2006 at 11:54 AM

RANDY!

It IS boring to hear the same “entertaining” sermon everytime you come to church. It reminds me of this joke…
Three men sit on a bus stop bench; A Christian on his way to church, a critic who is tired of the church always asking for money (every time he goes) and a man who can sympathize because EVERY time he goes to a church the pastor preaches the same sermon about a “baby in a manger.”
Posted by

Friday, March 24, 2006 at 1:14 PM

Hey I have a joke about this one....

There is a lady who go’s to church everytime the doors open. Her husband who she has been married to for 30 years go’s with her every Sunday as well. But for some reason he had started falling asleep during the services, and this was starting to bother her. So she went to the pastor to talk to him about this.
“Mrs. Johnson, This is what you do is, you go to the grocery story and you buy you block of limberger chesse. When your husband falls to sleep during my message you wave that under his nose and he’ll wake up real quick.”
“Ok… Thank You Pastor.”
So she goes to the grocery just as her pastor advised her and placed it in her purse. That Sunday Morning she setting there just waiting for her husband to fall asleep. When all of a sudden she looked over and seen him snoozing away. So she reached into her purse pulled out that limberger cheese and waved it under his nose.
All of a sudden he woke up and scream out.

“Shoo Weee Louisa, get your feet off my pillow.”

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Hi... I'm Todd Rhoades. I'm a Christ-follower, husband, father and I love to connect leaders with other leaders. Hopefully you'll find something here at MMI you like and will return often. If you want, you can find out more about me or follow my every step on Twitter.