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Where Have All the Men Gone?

Orginally published on Saturday, June 04, 2005 at 11:32 PM
by Todd Rhoades

I just finished reading an article in the Deseret News that discussed why more men don’t come to church.  It seems that there is a trend (at least enough of one to prompt this article) that shows many more women attend church than men.  Here’s part of their introspection into the problem:  Local ministers agree the shortage of males in church is a longtime problem with no easy solution…

With so many sporting events each Sunday, plus yard work and grueling weekday work schedules, many men have found different activities for the Sabbath than churchgoing. Even though men still dominate the clergy in most churches, they aren't the predominant gender in most congregations.

Women tend to come to church for the friendship and social aspects of the church, while men have different motivations, the Rev. Goodier said. Men respond best to workday kind of activities in the church, and they tend to be more involved in ministries, he said.

A man's spirituality is very different from a woman's, said the Rev. Neal Humphrey of Fruit Heights' Westminster Presbyterian Church.

"Woman are there (at church) for a relationship. Men are more there for the performance," he said.

The Rev. Humphrey acknowledges that Christianity in the Western world has been feminized and that the problem is less a factor in the Eastern world of Christianity.

"A typical church serves women more," he said.

Hmmm... I guess I never really thought about this before.  Are there more women than men in my church?  Probably... because of the single parent families I can think of, most of them are the mother/wife/women that brings the kids.

Do women really come to church more for relationship and men for the performance?  (I know quite a few men that really could care less about the music and/or performance).

And do our churches really cater more to women than to men? Hmmm... I'll have to do some thinking on this one.

FOR DISCUSSION:  Does your church have more women than men?  Is it a problem?  Why do you think women and men come to church?  (I know why they SHOULD come to church!).  And think about it... does your church cater/offer more to women than men?  I'd be interested in your input!


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 TRACKBACKS: (0) There are 8 Comments:

  • Posted by Phil in CA

    It’s going to be difficult to answer this one carefully since the decline in men’s attendance is—by it’s very mention here—a “tisk tisk” against the men to some extent.  The male to female ratio is huge in mainline/liberal churches (I’ve seen figures as high as 7:1), followed by Catholic, and then things level out as you get toward churches of the conservative variety (e.g. Southern Baptist).

    Here are my personal observations, but a whole lotta guys I know share ‘em:

    As the church has started to look like the world, worldly metaphors and humor permeate church materials.  If the pastor wants to get in a sarcastic “dig”, it nearly always target men.  Even many women I know are sick of the “Everybody Loves Raymond” attitude seen today—and this is from the pulpit. If you focus on gender-specific sermon references, the women are praised as more emotionally mature than men, more romantic, have more evolved sexuality, are better with kids and so on.  When sentence starts with “Women tend to be...” it’s a positive or perhaps neutral characteristic (lest the pastor risk being sexist).  But when the sentence starts with “Men tend to be...” it’s often just more negative stereotyping.  Gender-skewed sermons produce gender-screwed men when these stereotypes are taken home on Sunday.  It’s hard to expect the kids to honor their mother and their *father* when even the pastor denigrates Dad.

    The near wholesale abandonment of mainline liberal churches is due to their pandering to militant feminism, and more recently, homosexuals.  Every *man* I’ve ever met would simply rather not attend, than attend where even the most basic truths and morality are denied by some limp-wristed liberal whose sole Bible study aid is a pair of scissors.

    Pentecostal churches may have a higher female attendance (2:1 or 3:2 depending on the source) likely due to the highly emotional and experiential practices.  Even they acknowledge this sometimes (I’m former Assemblies of God myself).  The prevalence of female teachers in Pentecostalism also may influence this trend.  To their credit, female Pentecostal preachers tend to be very fiery and pull no punches when it comes to their gender.

    About the only churches with gender parity are those where it’s “safe” to be a *man*—i.e., where it’s safe to be a leader when serving, where a man can be a husband without being degraded for wanting to be a lover, and where the word “father” is a position of respect and not the butt of every joke.

    One reason the man are NOT leaving the churches is because they are teaching truth, calling them to grow up, calling them to be father, to be responsible sexually, or any of the other stereotypical answers.  This is disproved by the types of churches where male attendance is highest: conservative churches where morals (sexuality, family, business, etc.) are high, where theology is not a dirty word, and where sermons on Biblical family structure are about responsibility not ridicule.

    I wonder if anyone has any thoughts on men’s attendance and the current views of male sexuality in church.  Oh, yeah, it matters alright...sex matters to guys.

  • Posted by

    I can’t say what it is in my church as I am currently between churches, but I was a volunteer in Promise Keepers a few years ago and they have looked at this issue closely.

    Men think and communicate very differenty.  Many churches have talked to men the same way they would talk to women and the message just gets lost.  Relationships are important to us, but how we do relationship is very different.  A key mistake is that many churches have embraced the man-bashing in some form by devaluing how men think and not speaking to them in a way that engages.

  • Posted by

    I’ve found in my “middle-America” rural community church that the women tend to be more spiritual than men - or at least more interested in spiritual things than the men. Don’t get me wrong, of the men in our church, there are a couple that are very mature spiritually, but it seems that if you would line them up and look at the percentages, the women outnumber the men in the area of true interest in spiritual things and in growing spiritually.

    I really don’t know why this is the case, but I’ve seen this trend all over - the women seem to have more of a desire to investigate spiritual matters than men.

  • Posted by

    Greetings!
    There is a relatively new ministry based in Alaska called “Church for Men.” David Murrow is the Director of Church for Men and wrote a book titled, “Why Men Hate Going To Church.” They are garnering quite a bit of attention and can be found at http://www.churchformen.com.  I don’t know a whole lot about the organization, but they are doing a lot of thinking and researching on this topic.  God bless.

  • Posted by

    My associate and I were just talking about this this morning.  I think one of the reasons for men not finding church meaningful is that we have elevated how women pray, worship, and serve God as being the ideal.  Most men will never pray, worship, or serve like women. It is against the way God has created us.  Men tend not to be as involved emotionally or phyically when they participate in these practices.  However, we should never suggest that they do not enter into these spiritual disciplines with any less sincerity or meaning. 
    One of the above contributors stated that women tend to be more spiritually mature and growing than men.  What is the basis for determining this?  Is it because they are more demonstrative?  Remember what Samuel said about David’s brothers: God looks at the heart rather than the outward appearance.
    It could be that one reason there are more women in church and that more women participate in the ministries of the church is simply because often they have more available time while their husbands are more involved in being the primary provider for the home.
    While we talk about the need to not be man bashing in the church, I am concerned that we are doing precisely that in some of the things mentioned above.

  • Posted by

    When we were raising our children, my wife and I noticed something important.  I could relate with my son’s actions better than my daughter’s.  It was pretty difficult for him to put something over on me, but, he could almost always put things over on my wife.  The same thing happened in reverse with my daughter.  I think that it is easier for male pastors to relate with the sin problems of the men in the church than the women.  I think that accounts for the tendency to be hard on men in sermons, while putting the women on a pedestal.  That is the only explanation I have for why there are so many Brittany Spears wannabees in church.  They can do nothing wrong, and follow the world at the same time.
    I think most of our churches are too secure.  The men I know who do not go to church, are usually involved in some kind of adventurous activity.  They enjoy being on the frontier.  Most of our churches are too safe for a man to enjoy it.  It would be much better if we would bring the frontier into the church.  That is where God is most evident.  We need to get the church out of its comfort zone and depending on God more.

  • Posted by

    Men-bashing doesn’t seem to ever have been a problem in the traditional, modern, or post-modern church from where I stand.  Men (even Raymond—who is seen as a lovable center of attention—unlike his unagreeable and emotionally distant wife) have always been the most esteemed leaders in the church.  The women are not the reason the men aren’t there.  Since men are usually in the front, it would be difficult to pin this one on women.

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