Conflict? Ask Ken: Is Christian Forgiveness Unconditional?
- Posted by: Todd
- Posted on: Thu, March 10, 2005
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- (7) comments so far
Put Yourself in His Shoes
The last paragraph of part one to Simon Wiesenthal's book, “The Sunflower,� ends as follows: “You, who have just read this sad and tragic episode in my life, can mentally change places with me and ask yourself the crucial question, “What would I have done?�
His life had been turned upside. He wrote, “Seldom was the news good, and when it was, one questioned if it was really true or merely wishful thinking. Bad news, on the other hand, we accepted unquestioningly; we were so used to it. And one piece of bad news followed another, each more alarming than the last. Today's news was worse than yesterday's, and tomorrow's would be worse still.� Such was life as a Jew in a concentration camp during WWII. Then there was this line. “One thing I had learned: no deed was so awful that its wickedness could not be surpassed.�
One day, while under the thumb of his Nazi captors, a nurse summoned him to follow her into a building converted into a hospital for German soldiers. He was brought into a semi-dark room where there laid a man whose entire head was bandaged, with openings only for his mouth, nose, and ears. In the early part of the conversation, the wounded 22 year-old SS soldier said to this Jewish prisoner, “I am resigned to dying soon, but before that I want to talk about an experience which is torturing me. Otherwise I cannot die in peace.�
After recounting his early life, he eventually related that part of his story as a soldier that was tormenting him. The German troops entered a town in pursuit of the Russians. None were found, but about 150-200 Jews were, mostly women, children, and old men. They were all told to cram into one three-story house. The strongest men among them were ordered to carry cans of gasoline with them. Then off a truck more Jews were crammed into this house. With a machine gun posted outside, the door was locked.
Wiesenthal knew how the story was going to end. He heard of such stories before. He was about to leave when the soldier pleaded with him to stay, so he could tell him what was torturing his soul. What kept Wiesenthal from leaving is a mystery to him even to this day.
Grenades were thrown into the house. One explosion was followed by another. The house was in flames. People were screaming. Dense smoke was pouring out of the windows, even choking the soldiers outside. Wiesenthal stood to leave but was grabbed by the soldier who pleaded again for him not to. He had more to say.
Burning bodies were jumping from the windows. For him there was this one husband, his clothes aflame, his wife, with their small child being held in the father's arms. “With his free hand the man covered the child's eyes . . . then he jumped into the street . . . . We shot . . . Oh God! I don't know how many tried to jump out of the windows but that one family I shall never forget – least of all the child. It had black hair and dark eyes . . .�
The dying soldier stopped speaking. After a few moments, he shared a few more details of how he became wounded. Then, finally, came the reason why Wiesenthal was summoned to his room.
“I know that what I have told you is terrible. In the long nights while I have been waiting for death, time and time again I have longed to talk about it to a Jew and beg forgiveness from him. Only I didn't know whether there were any Jews left . . . I know that what I am asking is almost too much for you, but without your answer I cannot die in peace.�
Silence filled the room, followed by more silence, followed by more still. Finally, Wiesenthal made up his mind what to do. He stood up, turned toward the door, and left without saying a word..
For Discussion
Wiesenthal ends this part of his book as follows: “You, who have just read this sad and tragic episode in my life, can mentally change places with me and ask yourself the crucial question, “What would I have done?� In the second edition of this classic book, 53 distinguished men and women give their replies. What about you? In this first article on the topic of forgiveness, how do your respond?
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© 2005 Kenneth C. Newberger Ken Newberger, an experienced church conflict resolution specialist, earned his Th.M. from Dallas Theological Seminary, has ten years senior pastoral experience, and is in the dissertation phase for his Ph.D. in Conflict Analysis and Resolution at Nova Southeastern University, one of only two accredited doctoral programs of its kind in the United States. If your church needs help resolving conflict, if you need individual coaching, or if you would like to introduce a proactive conflict management system into your church, please visit Ken's website at http://www.ResolveChurchConflict.com or call 301-253-8877.
Peacemaking, in its fullest flower, is about reconciliation. And this is a multi-faceted process. An integral step within this process is the component of forgiveness. The title to Bishop Desmond Tutu's book succinctly captures his thoughts on the matter: “No Future Without Forgiveness.� Yet when one is in the midst of palatable pain caused by another, even such powerful statements are simply not enough to mollify the soul.
Comments
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bernie dehler on Thu, March 10, 2005
About forgiveness, there’s a powerful new movie out with this theme. It’s a dramady called “Diary of a mad black woman.” It introduces God, the Bible, prayer, Jesus, and forgiveness, in a humorous/serious and non-threatening way. It would be a great movie to take non-believers to, and those suffering with unforgiveness.
As for the question, could we forgive such a man (from the intro story)… I think we should answer after contemplating:
Matthew 18:
“The Parable of the Unmerciful Servant”
21Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?”
22Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventyseven times.[f]
23“Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. 24As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents[g] was brought to him. 25Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.
26“The servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ 27The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.
28“But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii.[h] He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded.
29“His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.’
30“But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. 31When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their master everything that had happened.
32“Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. 33Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ 34In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.
35“This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart.”
...Bernie
http://www.oneplace.com/ministries/247
Geoff on Fri, March 11, 2005
This is my first post here . . .
The topic caught my attention - we all like to think we would forgive, but in the face of something as real and destructive as outlined in this story, I am not sure anyone would know until you faced it personally.
I know that when I was faced with the need to forgive on a deeply personal level I found it very challenging. It took a great exercise of will, much prayer, and an abundance of God’s grace. Would it be any easier if I faced it all again? I’m not sure it would. But I know that God’s grace is sufficient for all my needs - even my need to become more forgiving.
Bob Chichester on Mon, March 14, 2005
Our church is dealing with issues involving reconciliation and forgiveness. This impacts me personally because there is a difference of opinion on whether I have committed an offense. Some contend I have, and that I should ask forgiveness for that offense, but I contend otherwise. I believe that I have done something they disagree with, but which is not offensive. (I could give you details, but it would take too much space.) Here’s my question: let’s assume that I have, in fact, done nothing wrong or offensive. Am I wrong in not seeking their forgiveness anyway as a path to possible reconciliation? (I should also tell you that it is my personal assessment that, were I to ask for forgiveness, no reconciliation would actually occur; that my apology would actually be used against me.) I genuinly seek reconciliation, however I consider it an unatainable goal.
Harry Miller on Tue, March 15, 2005
I have some experience on this one. I have went to at least eight synogogues in my area and shared that Jesus is the Messiah. I have attended a Jewish Synogogue that believed that Jesus is the Messiah for eight years. I live in a Jewish neighborhood and have shared with holocaust survivors. One has come to Christ, but was sown bitterness by another believing survivor and fell back. The church for the most part is afraid to face this one. When a Jewish person brings up the holocaust to put down christianity I point out that God is incharge and when He allows something like this to happen we need to look to Him to find out why. I point out that when God is rejected it brings judgment and destruction. I go over the story of Joseph and point that this is type of what happened with Jesus. The majority of Jewish people will agree with me and even admit it in public, because the Holy Spirit is opening their eyes to Jesus. I have preached in Jerusalem and the Lord has had Jewish elders say to the crowd “listen to him! listen to him!” at another time one elder got on his knees and cryed out “there is a Messiah ben Joseph.” I said he is YESHUAH (Hebrew for Jesus). The oldest school in Jerusalem after I asked “Why don’t you believe in Jesus?” showed me every classroom and said “can you help us?” I could go on with the open doors and the wedding with God and seeing Jesus in the treasure of His people Israel and the ultimate sacrifice of the cross in the fruit of the natural branches. Jesus told us to go to Jerusalem first. Saul was found there.
Regarding forgiveness. Jesus is the model. We can only forgive who God has forgiven.
Daniel Zepeda on Tue, March 15, 2005
Forgiveness is at times the hardest thing to do especially when the act against you is severe and repeated often. This was true of the Jews in concentration camps. The story does bring to light a basic principle for us to see and understand. That is that man without God is not able to forgive and that the majority of men throughout history (there are some exceptions) have never attained a relationship with God even after Moses introduced the law.
It was not until Christ came, made known to us the Father, and sent his Holy Spirit to indwell us that mankind begin to fellowship and know the Father intimately. To forgive great harm against oneself or against those you love requires the fruits of the Spirit. The Jew in the story had not Christ therefore no fruit of the Spirit and because he had not Christ, his relationship to God was only head knowledge like so many of us today. Thus, one who only has head knowledge of God is incapable to love unconditionally and cannot forgive.
I once prayed to the Lord to help me love as he loved. I wanted to experience the love of God so much, that I even fasted and prayed for the experience of unconditional love. One day my eyes where opened to the unspoken systems of the world. I found myself wondering how could I have attained the age of 46 and have been so blinded to the world around me. I was in South America working for a company when I had this experience. As I looked around, I was shocked at the compromise of the world and became very troubled and depressed. When I asked people about what I was seeing they acted like they didn’t know what I was talking about and had it not been that I was grounded in the faith and maintained a personal relationship with Christ I probably who have gone loco.
I grew to hate the hypocrisy of the people who represented leaders of the Church and if I could have, I would have called down fire from heaven upon all the earth. I was crushed emotionally and the greatest hurt came when those closest to me, the ones I loved the most my own family treated me the same and in public at times turned their back to me. Actions I am sure they thought went unnoticed yet were being revealed to me by the Holy Spirit. At first it was easy for me to hate the people I saw acting in the unspoken ways of the world until I saw my own loved ones acting the same way. Prior to seeing my loved ones doing the same things I wanted to just pour gasoline on it all and let it burn because of the corruption I was witnessing in such grand scale. But when I realized that MY LOVED ONES were guilty the whole scene changed. I was able to forgive my loved ones actions towards me even though to this day they deny anything concerning the unspoken systems of the world. Don’t think it was easy for me to forgive my Loved ones it was not and I even contemplated divorce. It was just beyond me that those I loved so much even to the point of dying for them could be so cruel and have the ability to lie so easily. It was in this deep depression as I went to God to ask of Him why. As I prayed the Lord spoke to me audibly at least I know I heard Him I’m not sure if it was with my mind or with my ears, but it was audible. The Lord reminded of my prayer of wanting to know and experience what unconditional love really was. I heard him say “I have removed the veil from your eyes only partially that you may see and experience what I see and experience from those I have created in my image. From my first breath into clay, I have loved them for I made them to fellowship with me. Yet they have not acknowledged me nor have they sought me with all their Heart even though it is I who clothes and feeds them. When sin separated them from me, I loved them still and sent my only begotten Son to die for them so that I could forgive their sins and restore the fellowship that was lost through sin. And even now, many trample underfoot the blood of my Son and have not understood the cost of their redemption. Yet I have not withheld my love from them. The seasons continue to come and go until the appointed time when judgment will come. I have allowed you to see only a little of what I see daily and you desire to call down fire from Heaven. Daniel have you forgotten how much I have forgiven you? Were you not worthy of death before the precious blood of my son covered you? And since you have been forgiven much can you not forgive?” I repented.
It was during this time in my life that I begin to partially understand the unconditional love that God has for his creation. It is that same love that was expressed at Calvary when our savior spoke and said “Father forgive them for they know not what they do.” So it is that man without Christ will always be incapable of forgiving, but in Christ all things are possible. God bless you my brothers. Behold our King soon comes!
Daniel Zepeda on Thu, March 17, 2005
I wanted to share an excerpt from the life of Corrie Ten Boom.
Four Ten Booms gave their lives for this family’s commitment, but Corrie came home from the death camp. She realized her life was a gift from God, and she needed to share what she and Betsy had learned in Ravensbruck: “There is no pit so deep that God’s love is not deeper still” and “God will give us the love to be able to forgive our enemies.” At age 53, Corrie began a world-wide ministry which took her into more than 60 countries in the next 33 years! She testified to God’s love and encouraged all she met with the message that “Jesus is Victor.”
Corrie received many tributes. Corrie was knighted by the Queen of Holland. In 1968, the Holocaust Museum in Jerusalem (Yad Vashem) asked Corrie to plant a tree in the Garden of Righteousness, in honor of the many Jewish lives her family saved. Corrie’s tree stands there today. In the early 1970’s Corrie’s book THE HIDING PLACE became a best seller and World Wide Pictures released the major motion picture “The Hiding Place.” Corrie went on to write many other inspiring books and make several evangelical videos.
Corrie was a woman who was faithful to God. She died on her 91st birthday, April 15, 1983. It is interesting that Corrie’s passing occurred on her birthday. In the Jewish tradition, it is only very blessed people who are allowed the special privilege of dying on their birthday!
Jonathan Markham on Mon, March 21, 2005
The true tragedy of unforgiveness is that it is most often the one unwilling to forgive who is the most trapped! There is a renowned murder case in the UK in which a man and woman were convicted of murdering two children and sentenced to life imprisonment. During the course of her sentence the woman made a very real commitment to Christ (I know it was real as the prison governorwas associated with Prison Fellowship and a personal friend at the time).
After some thirty years in jail a number of people,including the governor in question and some notable politicians, asked that consideration be given to granting her parole. Please note that she did not make the request for herself it was others who were convinced that the changes she had made in her life and the years she had already served warranted the consideration of parole.
Every time the question was raised over a number of years the mother of one of the victims relived her pain through the media in the most dramatic way. She appealed to anyone and everyone to reject any releif for the one who had caused her so much grief. As a result of her tragic inabilty to forgive it was not just her but also the entire population, many of whom were not even alive when the events occured, who relived the pain.
Public opinion was confronted with a dilema, to fly in the face of this mothers thirty years of pain or continue to leave an aging, manifestedly reformed and repentant woman to live out her years behind bars.
To the best of my knowledge (I have been in the US for 11 years) the woman remains in prison but at peace with her circumstances. The mother however remains trapped in the pain of her own inabilty to forgive.
So in considering the merits of granting forgiveness it is important to realise that when we offer forgivness we set our selves free from the pain of carrying misery and resentment for extended periods of time.
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