How to Leave Your Church With Grace
- Posted by: Todd
- Posted on: Mon, October 15, 2007
- Viewed 148
- (9) comments so far
1. Recognize that the church still belongs to God and only He can make it what it should be.
You don’t have to set everything straight before you leave. As you may realize, many of the forces at work which were instrumental in “pushing” you out the door are systemic and have been around long before you showed up. If you were not able to see a change of heart amongst these folks while you were serving there, it is very unlikely you will effect that change on your way out. There may be some wrongs you need to right before you leave but you don’t need to make sure everyone gets their due. God is able to do this far better than you so leave it to Him.
2. Forgive those who have wronged you.
Forgiveness sets you free to accomplish your next assignment while bitterness holds you a prisoner of the past. Letting go and letting God handle those who mistreated you is not only biblical, it is intensely practical. After leaving a church where I was ill treated I made a conscious decision not to hold on to any of the wrongs which I felt were done to me. Letting go of them enabled me to move directly on into the most fruitful and productive ministry I had ever known.
While it is easy to take things personally, especially when your family is involved, we must remember that we are God’s servants. If we have suffered for His sake then anyone who stood where we stood and preached what we preached would have suffered the same fate. There is great consolation in that.
3. Let your parting words reflect the grace of God not a grudge of the flesh.
As you leave it is often tempting to say things you did not previously feel free to say. Avoid this temptation at all cost.
Giving people a “piece of your mind” as you leave will only burn bridges which don’t need to be burned.
The people who have stood by your side through the difficult days will feel betrayed if you act ungodly on your way out. Prove to them that their faith was well placed in your character and leadership.
Your wife and your children are also watching, thy will notice and remember how you respond. Be an example of God’s grace. After all, your best revenge is a kind and gentle spirit (see Romans 12:20).
So… what can you say that is positive, yet still true? Click here to find out.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on this one… what do you think?!
We’ve all seen it; many of us have experienced it: a pastor who leaves his church under less than pleasant circumstances. Although it is certainly not the way God wants things to be, the fact remains that many pastors are forced to leave the churches they serve under fire. And while it is impossible to totally circumvent these unfortunate realities there are some principles which, if applied, can help make the transition easier on both the pastor and the church. So should you find yourself in the position of having to leave or wanting to leave very badly and finally getting the opportunity here are a few things to consider from Calvin Wittman at Lifeway.com...
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Jan on Mon, October 15, 2007
One thing I would add, is to leave the ministry in the best possible position to carry on without you.
I’ve seen upset pastors destroy all they’ve worked so hard to build, because they are angry. And they may be righteously so, treated wrongly etc.
But they don’t think beyond their own hurts to the people they are leaving behind and to the guy coming after them.
It’s also important to be training others as you lead, so if something happens to you, the investment in lives pays off for the long haul.
Randy Ehle on Mon, October 15, 2007
Wisdom from (apprarently) the voice of experience. And I would echo Jan’s comment - train others…who will be left to lead the church you are leaving, at least for a while. More than likely, if the senior pastor is being targeted, any pastor “on his side” will be the next one with a bullseye on his chest…or back. How you prepare these advocates and the example you set for them will be critical for the future of the church.
I would add another thought: be prepared to do whatever may be necessary to avoid splitting the church you are leaving. I am going to go out on a limb here and suggest that God is rarely glorified in a church split; avoiding that will very likely mean leaving the area, leaving ministry for a time, or at least leaving the type of role that would attract your supporters toward your work and away from the church you’ve left. Chances are, the conflict will cause people to leave the church; think long and hard before being a catalyst for that.
Finally, get help; get counseling…for you and your family. Especially if you have adolescent kids (or even college-age kids). Trust me (another voice of experience): you will all have lots of hurts to deal with, and you need help to do that. Forgiveness is part of that, but don’t fall into the trap of believing that forgiveness is a one-time event; it’s not…it’s a process, and it may need to be exercised daily, very often in faith. (On this, read Oswald Chambers’ March 31 entry in My Utmost for His Highest.)
Douglasah on Mon, October 15, 2007
The article is interesting - it also overlooks the times the Pastor IS the instigator. I don’t need to go very deep into that subject to stir up emotions, I’m sure.
What is the Pastor’s responisbility to their call?… I notice there isn’t any mention of reconciliation, or mediation, or resolution in the article, either, just a quick exit.
Jan on Tue, October 16, 2007
That’s a good point. And I don’t know very many pastor’s families that could just book out of there and move on.
We stayed a year and a half after getting burned by a church.
It was hard work to try to encourage those who were with us, to keep going. While we adjusted to the huge life changes we were going through and grieved.
I think this kind of thing is a lot like going through divorce.
The worst thing a parent can do in that situation is to get the kids to take sides.
And too often I see that happen in leadership with the congregation.
Yes, justice should happen. And we need to do our best to reconcile (been there too!)
But most of the time, unfortunately, it takes years to process this through. Hopefully, it will come eventually while we’re on earth.
Wendi on Tue, October 16, 2007
Jan and Randy –
While I agree about training those who are staying behind, I do have one caution.
Generally a new regime wants to do things differently, create new ways of thinking and sometimes operating. I took great care to teach some staff all the steps we’d established for following up and connecting people. The new regime didn’t share my passion for this, changed some ways of doing things and decided others weren’t really all that important. This was certainly their prerogative.
My efforts to train so things continued seamlessly inatvertantly caused those who loved me and felt loyalty to my “way of doing things” to disregard and disrespect the new leadership. I had to have some challenging conversations encouraging my friends to come along side the new leaders and fully embrace new ideas, and not worry about continuing with the things I had trained them to do, even while feeling deeply saddened that things I’d poured my heart into were perceived as unnecessary and irrelevant in the church I’d left behind. This was a difficult assignment for all involved.
Wendi
Randy Ehle on Tue, October 16, 2007
There are certainly plenty of times when the pastor is at fault; the article’s recommendations (and my own) still apply, even if some may need to be reversed, like forgiveness. As to Wendi’s comments on training, I would suggest that a big part of the training is specifically in how to come under new leadership. Operating in a transition period is a big challenge for all involved, precisely because it involves, to varying degrees, a shifting allegiance. But with good leadership (outgoing and incoming) and good mentoring, it is possible for even a conflict-caused transition to be made smoother.
My folks have been with a major Christian outreach organization for over 40 years, and have moved to new ministry roles many times (never under pressure, thankfully!). One of the best principles I learned from my Dad is this: I need to work myself out of my job. Apply this carefully - especially if you’re a senior pastor! I have used this principle in just about every position I’ve held, in both ministry and business, and it has been very helpful. I don’t ever want to be in a position where if I leave, the work will stop. It may change over time, and that’s okay - I’ve got to let go of it; but if it stops or slows down too much, then I have failed to adequately prepare the people I work with to carry on in my absence, and I have failed the people I work for - my business customers and/or supervisors, my congregation. [These aren’t total or insurmountable failures, but they are significant ones.] It’s like the 2 Tim 2:2 principle.
Billy Wallace on Wed, May 21, 2008
I would add that if there are problems, you shouldn’t leave. I got really good advice one time to never leave a church when you are struggling or things aren’t going well. You probably have something to learn right there or overcome in your own personal life and ministry. It just seems that many preachers carry their baggage and problems from one church to the next always blaming the church for their issues.
Shelley Smith on Mon, July 28, 2008
what a blessing it has been to run up on this post. thank you for helping “direct” me to follow His word instead of my own.
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