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    Jesus Made Me Puke

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    Here’s a bit more from the article…

    Fortenberry began to issue instructions. He told us that under no circumstances should we pray during the Deliverance.

    “When the word of God is in your mouth,” he said, “the demons can’t come out of your body. You have to keep a path clear for the demon to come up through your throat. So under no circumstances pray to God. You can’t have God in your mouth. You can cough, you might even want to vomit, but don’t pray.”

    The crowd nodded along solemnly. Fortenberry then explained that he was going to read from an extremely long list of demons and cast them out individually. As he did so, we were supposed to breathe out, keep our mouths open and let the demons out.

    And he began.

    At first, the whole scene was pure comedy. Fortenberry was standing up at the front of the chapel, reading off a list, and the room was loudly chirping crickets back at him.

    “In the name of Jesus, I cast out the demon of incest! In the name of Jesus, I cast out the demon of sexual abuse! In the name of Jesus. . . .”

    After a few minutes, there was a little twittering here and there. Nothing serious. I was beginning to think the Deliverance was going to be a bust.

    But then it started. Wails and cries from the audience. To my left, a young black man started writhing around in his seat. In front of me and to my right, another young black man with Coke-bottle glasses and a shock of nerdly jheri curl — a dead ringer for a young Wayne Williams — started wailing and clutching his head.

    “In the name of Jesus,” continued Fortenberry, “I cast out the demon of astrology!”

    Coughing and spitting noises. Behind me, a bald white man started to wheeze and gurgle, like he was about to puke. Fortenberry, still reading from his list, pointed at the man. On cue, a pair of life coaches raced over to him and began to minister. One dabbed his forehead with oil and fiercely clutched his cranium; the other held a paper bag in front of his mouth.

    “In the name of Jesus Christ,” said Fortenberry, more loudly now, “I cast out the demon of lust!”

    And the man began power-puking into his paper baggie. I couldn’t see if any actual vomitus came out, but he made real hurling and retching noises.

    Now the women began to pipe in. On the women’s side of the chapel the noises began, and it is not hard to explain what these noises sounded like. If you’ve ever watched The Houston 560 or any other gangbang porn movie, that’s what it sounded like, only the sounds were far more intense.

    It was not difficult to figure out where the energy was coming from on that side of the room. Some of the husbands glanced nervously over in the direction of their wives.

    “In the name of Jesus Christ, I cast out the demon of cancer!” said Fortenberry.

    “Oooh! Unnh! Unnnnnh!” wailed a woman in the front row.

    “Bleeech!” puked the bald man behind me.

    Within about a minute after that, the whole chapel erupted in pandemonium. About half the men and three-fourths of the women were writhing around and either play-puking or screaming. Not wanting to be a bad sport, I raised my hand for one of the life coaches to see.

    “Need . . . a . . . bag,” I said as he came over.

    He handed me a bag.

    “In the name of Jesus, I cast out the demon of handwriting analysis!” shouted Fortenberry.

    Handwriting analysis? I jammed the bag over my mouth and started coughing, then went into a very real convulsion of disbelief as I listened to this astounding list, half-laughing and half-retching.

    “In the name of Jesus Christ our Lord, I cast out the demon of the intellect!” Fortenberry continued. “In the name of Jesus, I cast out the demon of anal fissures!”

    Cough, cough!

    The minutes raced by. Wayne Williams was now fully prostrate, held up only by a trio of coaches, each of whom took part of his writhing body and propped it up. Another bald man in the front of the chapel was now freaking out in Linda Blair fashion, roaring and making horrific demon noises.

    “Rum-balakasha-oom!” shouted Fortenberry in tongues, waving a hand in front of Linda Blair Man. “Cooom-balakasha-froom! In the name of Jesus Christ, I cast out the demon of philosophy!”

    Philosophy?

    It was obvious that virtually everyone in the crowd was playacting to some degree or another. I was reminded of the Tolstoy story “The Kreutzer Sonata,” when the male narrator described marriage as being like the bearded-lady tent in a French circus he’d seen. You pay a few francs to go in, and when you come out, and the carnival barker shouts at you, “Was that not the most amazing thing you’ve ever seen, monsieur?” — well, you’re too ashamed to admit that you’ve been had, and so you nod your head and agree: Oui, monsieur, it was really something! That’s how people come to say marriage is a blessing, and that’s how you can get fifty-odd high school graduates puking demons into three-cent paper bags for a Deliverance.

    You can read the entire, lengthy article here...

    FOR DISCUSSION: What impact does this type of article have?  Does it not just reinforce what many people think about Christians?  That we’re all a bunch of kooks puking in paper bags, or doing a bunch of other insane and illogical things?

    A pretty sad article graces that pages of Rolling Stone magazine this week. Written by Matt Taibbi, it is about his experience going 'undercover with the Christian Right'. Taibbi goes on a spiritual retreat promoted by John Hagee. He starts the article, "When most Americans think of the Christian right, they think of scenes from television — great halls full of perfectly groomed people in pale suits and light-colored dresses, smiling and happy and full of the Holy Spirit, robotically singing hymns at the behest of some squeaky-clean pastor with a baritone voice and impossible hair. We don't get to see the utterly batshit world they live in, when the cameras are turned off and their pastors are not afraid of saying the really dumb stuff, for fear of it turning up on CNN." It goes downhill from there...

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    1. CS on Tue, April 29, 2008

      “What impact does this type of article have?  Does it not just reinforce what many people think about Christians?  That we’re all a bunch of kooks puking in paper bags, or doing a bunch of other insane and illogical things?”


      I have found the profound truth in Paul’s statement that the preaching of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing.  For those people, you could preach the most sound doctrine around, avoiding any semblance of the fringe areas of Christianity, and they would still balk at it.  So, this is just the icing on the cake for them and makes us easier targets and further look like nutballs in their minds.


      Then again, a person can call himself a Christian without much qualifications up front.  It’s kind of like picking up a phone, dialing a number at random, and asking the person on the other end, “Are you a doctor?”  Of course the person can say, “Yes,” but it isn’t until you really check it out and examine things that you can tell, for certain.  So, “Christianity” can involve mock barfing into paper sacks behind the scenes.



      CS

    2. Peter Hamm on Tue, April 29, 2008

      Wow.


      Why can’t these guys go to my church instead of some lame-brained bats*** event like this (interesting that that word makes it through but bi-you-know-what doesn’t. I think that’s an error, Todd, right?)


      Seriously, do you think the RS editors sent somebody to a more balanced scriptural church, but that article wasn’t interesting enough so they canned it? Or do you think they sought out the weirdos…


      Or is it that there’s way more weirdos around than even I think.


      Oops… I think I need a bag…

    3. Brad on Tue, April 29, 2008

      Maybe he should take a P.E.A.C.E. plan trip with Rick Warren and then make his blanket assumptions about the rest of Christianity then.


      I’ve always felt anti-god atheist types aka Richard Dawkins and the like are as hypocritical as they accuse the church of being.  They like to criticize us for being narrow minded and making broad generalizations…hmm seems like they are guilty of the same.

    4. Rob on Wed, April 30, 2008

      I think it’s important as Christians, we don’t find ourselves judging what happened at the deliverance service indicated in the article.


      I’ve been to Africa on missions, and I’ve seen very real physical manifestations during deliverances and spiritual warfare. Unfortunately, the author of the article experienced something that most of us in North America can rarely comprehend because we have been conditioned through our society to ignore our spiritual lives, and go with “what feels good”.


      The author reacts with dismay over some of the “demons” that were called out, but spiritual warfare is ultimately about the truth. Given the authors view of marriage, it is obvious that such a large dose of spiritual truth was too much to handle.


      Did actual deliverances occur? Were the people reacting through mass hysteria? I don’t know, but I trust in santification, and the truth that the Lord can use anything for the benefit of His kingdom.

    5. CS on Wed, April 30, 2008

      Rob:


      “I think it’s important as Christians, we don’t find ourselves judging what happened at the deliverance service indicated in the article.”


      We can examine the event in light of Scripture to determine if things match up with what the Bible says should happen.  (I’m making the assumption that the events in the article can be relatively trusted.) 


      For example, I can find no demonstration, example, or command of the following when it comes to exorcising a demon:


      ““When the word of God is in your mouth,” he said, “the demons can’t come out of your body. You have to keep a path clear for the demon to come up through your throat. So under no circumstances pray to God. You can’t have God in your mouth. You can cough, you might even want to vomit, but don’t pray.””


      Don’t pray to God?  Your mouth has to be wide open for demons to escape?  What verses say this?  Additionally, I thought that it was impossible for believers to become possessed by demons; am I right?


      So, with all of this, we can make a judgment that the event does not appear to depict anything endorsed or commissioned by God through His Bible.



      CS

    6. Peter Hamm on Wed, April 30, 2008

      Even if the author is exaggerating somewhat, that behavior has no scriptural basis. If that is truly what happened, then I maintain that I wish these people would write about my church instead.


      CS is right. If the speaker said what he is attributed as saying, that’s just ridiculous and not in line with anything in scripture.

    7. Andy Wood on Thu, May 01, 2008

      I also have a hard time with the whole classification of demons thing.  I don’t see that in scripture.


      Back to the larger question, I wonder if RS has ever sent anybody to cover the carnival barkers at a rock concert, a political rally or convention, or anywhere else where group conformity is encouraged.


      As far as how it makes Christians look, I suppose it’s just another rendition of “Send in the Clowns.”  But hey, for what it’s worth, the clowns are the ones who save lives at the rodeo.

    8. anal on Fri, July 25, 2008

      Look at this anal

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