Monday Morning Insights

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    Six Reasons People Leave Your Church

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    1. Poor Leadership

    When the family announced their departure, I made it a point to visit in their home. I asked them to share their feelings. I requested honesty. ?We just don?t like the way you?re running things.?

    As a young pastor, my inexperience led to poor decisions. Financial problems worried the church. Morale problems infected the church. A lack of vision created an internal sickness. Members began to place blame for the troubles.

    Since I was their leader, they pointed a finger at me. I had only served the church for six months, but I tried to cure the church with my own diagnosis and prescription. I did not listen to my people. I attempted to solve the dilemmas on my own. The result? Members left the church.

    2. Different Style

    When church members leave your church, they might travel to another church because they yearn for another style of ministry. They desire a different style of preaching or worship. They hunger for a certain style of music. Their expectations about a church might come from a church, pastor, or program they had in another town.

    3. Specific Program

    ?How did you discover our church?? I asked a woman who quizzed me about the church. ?We heard about the church because of the youth program. Some friends told us about your youth ministry.?

    ?Why did you leave our church?? I questioned a former member. ?We really like the Music Ministry of our new church,? they responded.

    4. Disillusionment

    William D. Hendricks talks about a ?dark side? to the church. He details numerous stories about people leaving their churches in his book, Exit Interviews. He writes, ?Despite glowing reports of surging church attendance, more and more Christians in North America are feeling disillusioned with the church and other formal, institutional expressions of Christianity." (Chicago: Moody Press, 1993, p. 17)

    These people remove themselves from the church out of frustration with structure or bureaucracy.

    5. Inner Hurts

    A close church member invited me to lunch one day. He shocked me when he informed me of his imminent departure from our church. ?It?s in the best interest of our family,? he softly spoke. I drove to the church that day disappointed. A year later I received news about the family. The sad news explained the couple?s divorce. Rather than seek help in the church, they fled the church. They retreated to ease the surprise of their impending breakup.

    Not every person who leaves the church because of inner hurt leaves on bad terms. Some leave to seek answers to their hurt. Still others take flight to find the acceptance they have missed.

    6. Church Size

    ?I sure have missed you at church,? I said in casual conversation. ?Don?t take it personally, but the church has gotten too big for us. We?re used to a smaller church.? Sometimes the church may grow too large. In other cases the church may not be large enough.

    So there you have it... the six reasons why people leave your church.  Do you agree with this list?  Which reason has been the reason people have left your church?  What have you don't to help eliminate these problems in your church?  I'd be interested in hearing your comments today here at the blog!

    Have a great week!

    Todd

    You can read all of John's article here...

    John D. Duncan has an interesting article at Lifeway.com that deals with the top six reasons he thinks people leave your church. Here’s a partial list of the top six.  John writes…

    Comments

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    1. Troy on Mon, February 14, 2005

      I resigned from being a pastor when after being in the hospital for surgery and losing a family member (my mother) to cancer, not one person offered any support or sympathy.  I was only asked when I was going to have my weekly report in.  I was only viewed as the work horse of the church.  When I had a need, I was ignored.

    2. Craig Johnson on Mon, February 14, 2005

      People leave the church because too many churches are more interested in programs than people.  People make the church, not programs.  Secondly, expositional preaching is what more pastors that are evangelistic preach.  Sadly, many churches has adopted psycho-babble that should be left to talk show host.  The pulpit is where people need to hear the Word of God taught to them.  Preachers need to teach more and counsel less from the pulpit.  According to Dr. Thom Rainer these five qualities compose the most evangelistic churches in America: 1) doctrine, 2) expositional preaching, 3) Bible study (good ‘ole Sunday School), 4) prayer, 5) personal evangelism.  If pastors would focus on these five things, the Lord will bless the church through growth that is renumerative because the people in the church are being taught the whole counsel of God, directed in prayer, taught what to stand for and upon, and how to tell others about saving knowledge in Jesus Christ.  If we keep trying to make church for people, instead of for God, more denominations and churches will keep dwindling.  It is not about programs, it is about truth.

    3. Phil on Mon, February 14, 2005

      Another reason: Because people get their feelings hurt by someone else in the church.

    4. Doug on Mon, February 14, 2005

      People leave because we too often fail to overcome our problems.  People get hurt, embarassed, angry, and everything else.  How a congregation reacts to those situations is the main reason people leave in my experience.


      We had a pastor that made the young marrieds group in our church feel as though they were less important than other groups.  Regardless of whether they were being treated that way, the pastor would not acknowledge their complaint.  No response at all.  Every member of that group has left the church over the last 8 months.

    5. Eric on Mon, February 14, 2005

      Sometimes, as is my case right now, people leave the church because they have lost their power over a certain area of the church, ie: the kitchen, youth ministry, adult ed, you name it…


      Unfortunately a person (or group) will often choose to leave a church than work with others for the greater good of the church. I am convinced that some would rather see the church fail than to let go of their power.


      When this happens, leaving is not always a bad thing but tends to open up the doors to allow more healthy leadership to come in and help the church grow healthier.


      Not that we should focus on people leaving the church, but I think we should focus on the why and then challenge ourselves to discover if it is a good or bad thing and address it as necessary.

    6. Al on Mon, February 14, 2005

      Why people leave the church?


      My question where is there focus:


      Is it on programs - when these change - their gone.


      Is it the pastor - when he leaves - their gone.


      Is it the music - if it isn’t “right” - their gone.


      Is it “feelings” - if someone takes their seat in worship - their gone.


      Is it the building - if the carpet color changes - their gone.


      If the focus is Christ - then if there are problems they work through them like all healthy people do!

    7. Bettina on Mon, February 14, 2005

      I’m a 36 year old single mom with a 12 year old daughter.


      We recently left our church where I became a member and was baptized together with my daughter on the same day.


      It was hard for us to leave our church because of the history we both have there.


      There are various resons why we finaly decided to leave the church.


      1. The church is really small with lot’s of newly young married couples and there newborn babies.


      I kind of felt out of place and my needs as single were not met.


      2. The church didn’t have single ministries where I could have found my place.


      3. The church didn’t have youth ministries where my pre-teenager daughter could have found her place.


      I had put my feelers out several times expressing my interest to call a single group alive in our church and kind of need someone from church to help me to put a single group together and have things started with. But I was never heard or understood from church.


      Shortly before we left the church I had a feeling that there was a poor fellowship and nobody from church (people from small groups I’ve attented)was interested in me or reached out to me to help in my struggle.

    8. Dave on Mon, February 14, 2005

      Myriads of reasons, not the least of which is some churches refuse to grow spiritual even though the teaching may be pointing them to.  Like the old adage, “What do you mean, change?”  People who grow in the Word of God need to change.  If the church is consistently changing, people will sense the need to move on.  Like the seven deadly words, “we’ve never done it that way before”, some churches feel that what always worked in the past must somehow continue to work in the future.

    9. Eric Jones on Mon, February 14, 2005

      Of the many reasons I have heard why people leave the church, most of them lie in the unwillingness of the person to “die” to themselves. No one will get along unless there is a mutual submission. Many come to a church with an offense from another church.  When they refuse to lay the offense at the foot of the cross and deal with it, it is a sore spot that is vulnerable to further offense. Also, when a decision is made, even if it is clearly scriptural, and they do not like it or it doesn’t go their way, they will leave.


      When you build a church on a market driven (seeker sensitive) basis, you will have to keep up the “monkey show” in order to keep them.  If you seek to please people rather than hold fast to good theology, you are building on shaky ground that will one day cave in.

    10. Art on Mon, February 14, 2005

      “I resigned from being a pastor when after being in the hospital for surgery and losing a family member (my mother) to cancer, not one person offered any support or sympathy. I was only asked when I was going to have my weekly report in. I was only viewed as the work horse of the church. When I had a need, I was ignored.”


      Troy, I know how you feel.  My wife and son both stayed home from church Sunday due to sickness.  A few folks expressed their sympathy, but only one person contacted me today to see how they were doing.  One.  If I do something like that, and unfortunately I have from time to time, I get blasted for being a poor pastor.  Seems like the pot calling the kettle black to me.

    11. Ricky on Mon, February 14, 2005

      Quote:


      “1. The church is really small with lot’s of newly young married couples and there newborn babies.


      I kind of felt out of place and my needs as single were not met.


      2. The church didn’t have single ministries where I could have found my place.


      3. The church didn’t have youth ministries where my pre-teenager daughter could have found her place.”


      There’s nothing left to say.


      Read the number of “I’s” and “my’s” in the above list and you will see how consumeristic the American church has become. 


      And because those in “leadership” have created such a selfish monster as the American church, they shouldn’t be surprised when they fall short of meeting their consumer’s needs.


      Instead of seeing how the writer of the above quote could help meet the needs of that particular organization, she bolts for one that would “bath, powder and diaper” HER.


      God, help us all.

    12. Matt on Mon, February 14, 2005

      I have an interesting reason for leaving my last church: I had been leading a certain ministry for several years, then suddenly the requirements for leadership changed and i was asked to step down because i wasn’t an official member. Now i don’t have a problem with authority, but when your church asks you to meet qualifications that 1) have nothing to do with Biblical standards and 2) have no bearing on your abilities in any particular area of service.. isn’t it time to cut and run?

    13. Vicki Scheib on Mon, February 14, 2005

      I can appreciate Ricky’s quotes, and his challenge to the consumer mentality.  Yet, as a single adult pastor, I am fully aware that churches are not always sensitive to the populations they are trying to reach.  Often, a “one size fits all” does not work for everyone.  There is challenge for all of us to prioritize people over programming, yet programming to meet the needs of people is vital for all of us who seek to minister to those in various life stages.


      Let’s refrain from making the assumption or judgment that those looking for particular programs are automatically in “selfish” mode or do not wish to serve.  The single adults at our church tend to give the most because we care about them and their needs.

    14. jane on Mon, February 14, 2005

      I just really resigned from my church. I was a member there about a year and a half. The preacher seems to do more preaching than teaching. I lost my mother eight months ago and I did not receive the support I needed from my church. I am a single mother with one child and my church is not there for me when I really need them. I have not been there for about 2 months and not once did anyone contacted me or my child to see how we are doing.

    15. Todd on Mon, February 14, 2005

      Thanks, Vicki for your response to Ricky.  I see your point as well Ricky, but I, too think you were too quick to automatically read into someone’s heart.


      I am a parent of four; and while I don’t expect that the church will educate my children in scripture much (that burden falls on me as a parent), I do depend on the church for some things that are important for me as a parent:


      1.  Godly role models that my kids (both elementary and jr. high age) can look up to.


      2.  A place where my children can meet and greet other friends who share their faith.


      3.  A place that is somehow enticing so that my kids have a positive rather than a negative opinion of church and the gospel.


      This is not a full list to be sure; but you can expect that if these things were NOT present in my church, I would leave… not because I’m a selfish consumer, but because me kids are the most important thing.  If I stay somewhere my kids are not being nutured and encouraged to grow in their faith, it is my preference, no… it is my duty to find a place that will better fit my family’s needs and goals.


      Just my thoughts.


      Todd

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