Monday Morning Insights

Photo of Todd

    Ten Reasons Why the Meth Church is Growing Faster than Your Church


    #1 They sing, “Lord I Lift You Name and Get High.”

    #2 Greeters laugh and giggle uncontrollably.

    #3 When the offering plate is passed, people are encouraged to take money.

    #4 Everyone shouts “Amen” when the pastor preaches on stoning.

    #5 The only committee in the church is the munchies committee.

    #6 The typical titles “brother” and “sister” are replaced with “dude.”

    #7 Smoking is allowed in the building.

    #8 Nobody cares if the music is too loud or if the building is too hot…nobody really cares about much of anything.

    #9 An active prison ministry…really active.

    #10 The choir sings songs from Pink Floyd.

    I hope you read this with the humor in which it was written. This is not a slam on Methodists and it is certainly not intended to make light of drug addiction. Nevertheless, feel free to cast stones my directions if you are so inclined...because everybody must get stoned.

    Well, they’ll stone ya when you’re trying to be so good,
    They’ll stone ya just a-like they said they would.
    They’ll stone ya when you’re tryin’ to go home.
    Then they’ll stone ya when you’re there all alone.
    But I would not feel so all alone,
    Everybody must get stoned.

    Bob Dylan
    “Rainy Day Women #12 & 35”

    Read more from Derek’s blog here...

    Derek Vreeland writes, "Todd, I took a picture of the sign at the bank in our hometown. It reads, “Revival Morningside METH Chuch.” No joke. I laugh out loud. Anyway, I wrote a list of ten reasons the meth church is growing faster than your church. Hope you enjoy." I did, so here it is...


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    1. Camey on Fri, August 03, 2007

      LOL!  I almost suggested to Derek that he send that to you.

      Derek: You’re definitely going thru a Dylan phase.

    2. Peter Hamm on Fri, August 03, 2007

      Derek’s comments are totally shocking and inappropriate…

      ...and hilarious…

    3. Bart on Fri, August 03, 2007

      Had my sermon all done for Sunday, talking about “living stones” in I Peter 2:5.  Now I have to go back and find a way to fit this in to sermon.  Thanks for the extra work Derek!!  LOL

    4. Derek on Fri, August 03, 2007


      Holy smokes! Thanks for the link. I wasn’t sure if you were going to post it or not. I went to MMI for a little bit of humor and there was my post!

      I hope you have a great vacation!


    5. Min. CT Jermin on Tue, August 07, 2007

      Clearly you don’t mean the Methodist Church that I grew up in, or else your list would look like this:

      #1 Neither of the Wesley’s wrote it so nobody would ever sing that

      #2 Greeters? What Greeters?

      #3 Money? What money?

      #4 “Everyone’s snoring til the Pastor says Amen”?

      #5 The only committee in the church is committees committee. 

      #6 The typical titles are: You, him, she, her, and Hey

      #7 Drinking is allowed in the building.

      #8 The organ works?

      #9. A really active seniors home ministry

      #10.Floyd died a while ago, and nobody’s played that piano since

    6. Gina Witcher on Tue, August 07, 2007

      I just want to know if the attendance is exploding?  I guess that’s one way to bring in the unchurched.  We’re going to France to plant a church and train up other leaders… We’ll have to try that one.  That is great!  I love how God uses the clueless people to confound the wise.  (That would be me)

    7. Mark on Sat, August 11, 2007

      Thanks Derek.  I love it.  It was the bit of humor I needed for the day.

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