Ten Signs You Might Be Emergent
- Posted on December 02, 2005
- Viewed 450 times
- (44) comments
Michael Wittmer (author of Heaven Is a Place on Earth) gives the following 10 signs you might be Emergent.
10. If you have never read Left Behind, never said The Prayer of Jabez, and never led the 40 Days of Purpose
9. If you think you saw a megachurch on VH1's I Love the 80s
8. If you wouldn't be surprised to find Gandhi in heaven, but would be floored to find Jerry Fallwell
7. If in a debate with Jack Van Impe you'd likely argue that the bear is America and the AntiChrist is Pat Robertson
6. If your preacher just cussed and it seemed appropriate
5. If you honored your pastor with a box of fine cigars and beers on the house
4. If your cool hair resembles a midwestern Ryan Seacrest and if you have no hair and still look cool, you just might be a leader of Emergent
3. If you use the word "groove" as a verb and don't sound like a dork
2. If you purchase church supplies from a Buddhist bookstore
1. If your favorite Carson is Johnny
Have any others to share?
Have a great weekend!
Todd
It’s Friday… time to lighten up a little (although I’m sure some amongst us probably won’t!). This comes from the Nashville Cohort… the top ten signs you might be ‘emergent’…
Comments
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RevJay on Fri, December 02, 2005
Sounds way to new age for me…
Bill on Fri, December 02, 2005
If you admire and revere the writings and teachings of Rob Bell or Brian McLaren - you might be Emergent.
If you think you need to score points before being able to speak out against homosexuality - you might be Emergent.
If you look not to the word of God for your answers and worldview but rely mostly on how something makes you and others feel, you might be Emergent.
In Christ,
Bill
Todd on Fri, December 02, 2005
“It’s Friday… time to lighten up a little (although I’m sure some amongst us probably won’t!).”
Good morning Bill.
Wendi on Fri, December 02, 2005
If the criteria for a small group location is having a Starbucks within 3 blocks.
bishopdave on Fri, December 02, 2005
I think the kind of God who created a giraffe and a duckbill platypus would get a snicker out of this.
Peter Hamm on Fri, December 02, 2005
If your idea of a relaxing day off is arguing with someone you’ve never met before on a blog…
then you might be emergent
Evangelist Jeff on Fri, December 02, 2005
aw, shucks man. Come on Bill, today is Friday dawg, take off your Saducee mask, and your Pharisee robe, go to the crib, kick off your shoes, kick back with some nice cold egg nog and reeeeeeeelax G.
Kent on Fri, December 02, 2005
If you believe flower arranging is a spiritual gift
If the invitation song ar the end of service is “The Living Years” by Mike and the Mechanics.
You might be visiting an emergent church if you bring your Bible to service and you are immediately greeted with “you must be visiting, I see you brought your Bible”.
Or….if a member does bring a Bible to church, they bring 15 different versions to be able to follow along with the sermon.
Rusty Shackleford on Fri, December 02, 2005
On number 1: Johnny Carson’s before many folks’ time. It ought to be Carson Daly.
11. People go to your church and automatically notice two things: candles and goatees.
Tim on Fri, December 02, 2005
If you use your “Free Vial of Miracle Spring Water” to clean your iPod video screen.
Kent on Fri, December 02, 2005
You cancel your church picnic because the big name professional football player that was supposed to be there can’t make it to give motivational speech.
You make all your members sign a “covenent” of do’s and dont’s. Now there’s a great combination (Emergent and Legalistic)
Your building budget starts out at 3 million, then goes to six million, but your told the bigger size is “having more faith”
You replace Sunday School with home groups.
You replace Sundat School with “book studies”
Jade on Fri, December 02, 2005
Wow, definitly think the emergent church thing is bad now. Cussing, drinking, smoking, weird hair. Is this the Highschool emergent church? Gee, now people can just go to the church instead of a bar, because sounds the same emergent style.
Wendi on Fri, December 02, 2005
You might be emergent if on the Sunday before Easter when the congregation is asked to wave their palms high, you pull a PDA from your pocket and wave it . . .
then you use the same device to look up the scripture passages in the sermon, take sermon notes and then e-mail them to your brother in Sacramento - all without leaving the sanctuary.
BeHim on Fri, December 02, 2005
If you believe flower arranging is a spiritual gift
If the invitation song ar the end of service is “The Living Years” by Mike and the Mechanics.
You might be visiting an emergent church if you bring your Bible to service and you are immediately greeted with “you must be visiting, I see you brought your Bible”.
Or….if a member does bring a Bible to church, they bring 15 different versions to be able to follow along with the sermon.
NOW THAT IS FLAT OUT FUNNY!!!!
BTW… remember, there’s always a little bit of truth in comedy… hmmmm.
That would funny hmmm not funny hmmmm… lol
If you use your “Free Vial of Miracle Spring Water” to clean your iPod video screen.
ROTF
You cancel your church picnic because the big name professional football player that was supposed to be there can’t make it to give motivational speech.
You make all your members sign a “covenent” of do’s and dont’s. Now there’s a great combination (Emergent and Legalistic)
Your building budget starts out at 3 million, then goes to six million, but your told the bigger size is “having more faith”
You replace Sunday School with home groups.
You replace Sundat School with “book studies”
ROTFLMTEO
Wow, definitly think the emergent church thing is bad now. Cussing, drinking, smoking, weird hair. Is this the Highschool emergent church? Gee, now people can just go to the church instead of a bar, because sounds the same emergent style.
How true it is jade… and that’s just “Might BE” imagine the REAL emergent church… hmmm.
funny hmmm not funny haha….
You might be emergent if on the Sunday before Easter when the congregation is asked to wave their palms high, you pull a PDA from your pocket and wave it . . .
Funny stuff wendi! lol
Might be emergent if you think Deuteronomy is actually a math class for christians to know what Numbers is….
Mountaingirl on Mon, December 05, 2005
The original post was funny, but some the comments were just plain spiteful and almost hateful. It’s one thing to laugh and make fun of yourself, it’s totally different to rip on a group of people that you don’t understand…or perhaps feel threatened by because they don’t buy into what you believe is the “right way” to do church.
Interesting…
I’m looking forward to next week’s post of “Top Ten Signs You Might Be A Fundamentalist.”
P.S. I do agree that Johnny Carson should be replaced with Carson Daly. Johnny who? http://www.mondaymorninginsight.com/images/smileys/smile.gif
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