The Seven Worst Communication Habits for Church Staff
- Posted by: Todd
- Posted on: Sun, May 20, 2007
- Viewed 1621
- (29) comments so far
Here are the top seven. How many might have caused a problem for you in the past week?
1. Contacting others only when you need something.
Is there someone in your life that you hear from only when they need something? Are you like me and find that annoying? Jamie says that this type of person "routinely surfaces when they're job hunting, when they've got a problem, when they need a reference, and when they want ideas from you." When they don't need anything, they don't call you. As a matter of fact, this person might not even return your calls or emails when you try to contact them.
QUESTION: Do you as a church leader only contact people when you need them to do something for you or the church? If so, you run the risk of making people feel 'used'.
FIX: If you feel guilty of this communication habit, make a list of people that come to mind and make contact with them this week. Ask for nothing; just touch base. They'll appreciate the contact!
2. Not following up, or closing the loop.
Ever given a gift and not received a thank you? Has someone promised to let you know the outcome of a certain meeting or conversation, but you never heard back from them? This type of person simply is not closing the loop or following up with you. This is a vitally important communication skill.
QUESTION: Is there anyone in your ministry that you recently promised to get back with or follow-up with that you haven't?
FIX: Contact that person this week and close the loop. They'll love the fact that you did follow-up.
3. Not returning telephone calls or email messages.
How frustrated do you get when you're trying to get ahold of someone and they simply don't return your call or email? Actually, this is a pretty common occurance, but it still is a very bad communication practice. It should be your goal to quickly acknowledge and return each phone call, email and note that you receive. (This is an especially hard one for me... this morning, I have almost fifty emails that I need to respond to (some from the middle of last week! (GUILTY!) It's hard not to fall behind!)
QUESTION: What pink telephone message slip do you still have on your desk? What emails have been sitting in your 'inbox' waiting to be replied to?
FIX: Take a few moments and clear your desk and your in-box. Your quick response will help you gain credibility in your communication.
4. Foregoing basic courtesy.
Have you ever been on the receiving end of a nasty email or phone call? Ever felt snubbed by someone? Do you know anyone who you feel is downright rude? This type of person may be self-absorbed; they may feel entitled to have a bad attitude; or maybe they just don't know better. But you know that when you come into contact with them, it's a real turn-off.
QUESTION: Is there anyone that instantly comes to mind that you've been 'discourteous' to? Maybe someone you avoided (obviously) at church yesterday; maybe someone you were short with; maybe someone you were just rude to?
FIX: You know the fix. Make it right with that person. Apologize for your behavior and do your best to get that relationship back on track. The lack of basic courtesy is a real communication stopper in ministry... and it happens much too often.
5. Not listening.
This is something we probably all need to work on. How many times are we so concentrated on things that are important to us that we fail to listen to others? Jamie says, "One hallmark of poor listening is that a person won't ask any questions. Another hallmark is that he or she might repeatedly paraphrase incorrectly, or "put words in your mouth" that you neither say nor agree with. On an interpersonal level, poor listening skills result in miscommunications, lost opportunities, lower productivity due to mistakes or redundant efforts, employee turnover, and other costly scenarios."
QUESTION: Did you catch yourself "zoning" yesterday while someone was talking to you? Have you had a conversation lately where you really don't remember what the other person was saying? Do you find yourself thinking of what you're going to say next rather than listening?
FIX: Work hard this week on listening and 'being interested' in what people are saying to you... (yes, even if you're not!) Ask questions. Re-state back to people what they are saying. Most of all... adjust your attitude so that you make listening a priority.
6. Telling lies.
Pastors and church staff people telling lies? Hopefully not blatent ones, I hope. But how many times do you tell 'little lies' to keep from hurting someone's feelings? And does any instance come to mind where you may have slanted the truth for your own gain?
QUESTION: Do you ever play with the truth? Do you shade a story or situation differently depending on who you're talking with? Do you withhold parts of the truth in order to sway people to your side?
FIX: Stop playing games with the truth. As the psalmist said "Set a guard over my mouth, O Lord; Keep watch over the door of my lips (Ps. 141:3 NIV)
7. Spewing chronic negativity.
It's easy to be negative, especially if you're in a bad situation. But leadership requires that we step above the petty negativeness of our situation. Being negative, especially with the wrong people is a leading vision-killer.
QUESTION: Do you find yourself constantly being negative? Is your negativity affecting others?
FIX: Refer again to Ps. 141:3. Rather than dwell (and comment) on the negative, try to find solutions or speak positively about the situation.
There you have it... seven of the worst communication habits we go up against each day. The questions and fixes given are much easier to write down and type out than they are to live. Let's all try to pick one or two areas of weakness this week and try to improve.
FOR DISCUSSION: Which of these areas do you have the biggest problem with? Have you ever been misunderstood? Have you ever suffered greatly because of one of these seven areas? Please feel free to share in the conversation!
I recently ran across a secular leadership article by Jamie Walters titled "The Seven Worst Communication Habits." According to Jamie, "The big seven worst habits of communication are bad enough when they happen occasionally. They become "big and bad" when they’re practiced habitually. And they do, ultimately, exact a cost, whether it be in miscommunications, lost projects, lowered productivity, missed opportunities, or poor relationships." As I was reading, I began to think that these are the same bad communication habits that creep into church staff life and relationships…
Comments
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Joshua on Mon, January 24, 2005
Great article - though I think you missed a very important one. I’ve found this in EVERY ministry I’ve worked in. Passive-aggressive leaders/people. People who beat around the bush and never outright ask something. Later, if what they wanted you to do isn’t done (which wasn’t clear in teh first place), the blame comes out, but it’s usually in a very vague and passive way that leaves the hearer in the dark.
Also, another communication-killer is the person/leader who does not trust co-workers/employees: continually checking up (several times a day) on something they asked you to do, even after it’s been accomplished and they have been made aware of that fact.
Rev. De Saverino on Mon, January 24, 2005
I think the greatest one is the lack of follow up from church search committees. Many of them do not take even the slightest step to inform an applicant that they were not considered. The vast majority of the time you simply don’t hear a word. It is particularly miffing when a position is filled and they do not inform the posting host and you spend money and effort on something that is not there.
sally on Mon, January 24, 2005
What do you do about the pastor who communicates effectively at church, but recluses at home with passive, self-absorbed behavior? Why can it be justified in a pastor’s mind that he only has to communicate well with others and not his wife?
bernie dehler on Mon, January 24, 2005
Article sounds like good common sense.
...Bernie
http://www.FreeGoodNews.com
Larry on Tue, January 25, 2005
I can understand Rev. De Saverino’s frustration but can I share some thoughts from the other side? I have a very large staff and when I have an opening, I may receive 100-200 resumes. Some do not meet the requirements that I list with Church Staffing and with 100-200 resumes it is hard to contact each one to say we are not interested in them for a position. The larger the church the more responsibility that falls on the senior pastor.
Just another perspective.
heidi on Thu, January 27, 2005
Re: Larry’s concern aboutletting people know when they are not being considered for a position or the position is filled - Why not send and e-mail to all 199 who did not get the consideration/job, thanking them for their interest and letting them know the position is filled or you’ve stopped accepting resumes?
Re: Sally’s frustration
It is sad when pastoring is only a job and caring and nurturing of family members at home is not a priority.
Lorna on Mon, May 21, 2007
I think it’s great the article gives ‘do this now’ challenges. Churches are often places well-known for bad communication and it would be wonderful if we’d turn that around wouldn’t it?
Ken on Mon, May 21, 2007
Great Post. I really love number 3, not returning emails and phone calls. I understand not debating every critic, but there is really no excuse to not return emails or phone calls. Church size does not matter. It doesn’t even have to be the pastor that returns the calls and emails. The message that most people get from this is that the pastor thinks he/she is too important to answer me. If you are a very large church, that is where a good personal assistant comes in. They can respond for you in many cases and it will let people know that their questions will be taken care of.
Wendi on Mon, May 21, 2007
This article is great admonishment. In my experience working with volunteers, number’s 1 and 2 are VERY common. I can’t count the times people have told me, “I filled out a card to help with _____, and no one ever called me.” Or, the only contact a volunteer has from the leader is when we need to know if he/she is planning to sign up again next year.
I’d also add another; using general/impersonal communication when personal communication is needed. An “I appreciate you” form letter never works like a personal note, or better yet, a cup of coffee at the Starbucks near the church. A bulletin insert or platform announcement isn’t an invitation to serve – it is nothing more than a way to disseminate information. Did you ever feel “personally invited” to a party by an add in the local paper?
Wendi
Ken in Jersey on Mon, May 21, 2007
BEST ADVICE I’VE RECEIVED: (Re)read every email you send before you send it! An email is not like a phone call, and the tone/message can be easily misconstrued. I’ve found that when I re-read my email before I send it, I tend to make several changes…and have far fewer regrets.
Also: Don’t email when you should call. Choose wisely.
And regarding search committees: I agree with the concern expressed above, and think there’s very little excuse for it (though I can understand not prioritizing informing people who didn’t both to carefully read the qualifications). I don’t think it makes a difference whether you are pastoring a large or small church: a pastor of a large church may have more people to manage, but a pastor of a small church has more to do himself since he doesn’t have the staff support.
Hope this helps. Good discussion!
Another Ken
Tony Myles on Mon, May 21, 2007
On the negative stuff, here’s another good question to ask: Are you the one when a new idea is proposed quickly talking about how “the people” will resist it?
Terry on Mon, May 21, 2007
To Another Ken (how’d we get so many this week?)
Ken you said: “Also: Don’t email when you should call. Choose wisely.”
Brother, this is excellent advise!! With technology, we tend to ignore folks who are not 21st century savy. Also, church staff tend to send emails on Friday afternoon and many folks do not bother checking email on the week-end. (wish I were 1) I cannot tell you how many times I have had the “They sent you an email just Friday.” conversation on Sunday after services and gotten, “Oh! I seldom check email over the week-end. I wish they had called me.” !! :>(
Communicating with staff (volunteer/vocational) is too important to leave it dangling when ministry hangs in the balance. We can all do a better job and this article has helped remind us of that. Thanks Todd :D
Because He Lives.
Harold Andrew on Mon, May 21, 2007
I am a lay person and enjoy working in the church. My wife works every other surday with the Pre-Kindergarten students. (We do not have a student in any class, our children are grown) Now the comment: We are members and have gone to this church for 5 years. NEVER RECEIVED A PHONE CALL OR HAD A CONTACT WITH A PASTOR WHERE THE PASTOR INITIATED THE CONVERSATION. I should say pastors because we are a several thousand attendees on Sunday. There are many , like over 100, employees. I understand the pastoral staff can’t make contacts to all the thousands. WOULD THEY CONTACT US IF WE QUIT SENDING OUR MONTHLY CHECK? Maybe that would be a great experiment. I actually am not as bitter as I sound, I am just expressing a “crowd” perspective.
Forget the bulletins, emails and newsletters. Do you contact people in your church?
Wendi on Mon, May 21, 2007
Harold,
You express a “not really bitter” observation of many church members. But I have a question.
Have you had conversations with the pastoral staff person who leads the ministry in which you serve? In a large church, your “pastor,” should be the one who equips you and disciples you for ministry, the leader of the area in which you serve. If your area of ministry is also large (I imagine it is with a staff of 100+), you might not have regular conversations with “your pastor,” but I would hope that you feel much more relationally connected to him/her than you do the senior pastor.
Just wondering - Wendi
Terry on Mon, May 21, 2007
Greetings in Jesus!
Brother Harold, I feel what you are saying. This is more than communications ... this is relational.
Assoc. Pastors must “shepherd” as well as administrate departments of the ministry. Wendi asked a pertinent question for a ministry the size you described, but if the department pastor only communicates for ministry activity purposes and never “shepherds” the volunteer staff, then “crowd perspective” is all too real!
This is exactly why Jethro advised Moses as he did. A ministry the size of your church, requires small groups for shepherding. Notice what Jethro said to Moses, he asked: “what is this thing that you are doing to the people?” (Ex. 18:14ff; KJV) This is a challenge for ministries to be sure, but necessary to keep the sheep healthy & happy. Wendi’s point is very significant though, our volunteer staff (sheep) must be willing to accept shepherding from the assoc. shepherds, as Jethro advised.
Brother Harold, to answer your question, yes we contact our people and have a process established to help us. But, yes, we blow it also. There is always room to improve and thank you for bringing this to the table.
Because He Lives
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