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    Why Are People Leaving Your Church?

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    I just read Mark Finley's booklet They're Coming Home about reaching former members who no longer attend church. It has several helpful lists of ways to reach out to former members, but one of the most informative is the list of reasons "Why Some People Leave" church.

    1. A conflict with another church member or the pastor.
    2. Discouragement over personal problems and a growing guilt because of an inability to live up to biblical ideals.
    3. A growing disinterest in spiritual things because of a neglected devotional and prayer life.
    4. A perception that the church is no longer relevant to life and does not meet felt needs.

    So do people leave the church, or does the church leave people? Three out of four items on this list show the church leaving people. (I put item 2. in this category since people should be able to find help for personal problems at church).

    Another good list is the "Signs of Fading Interest" in the church:

    1. Irregular church attendance
    2. A critical or ambivalent attitude toward the church and its leadership.
    3. A change in habit patterns--or a return to old ones.
    4. Increasing withdrawal from the fellowship of the church.

    The point of this information is that when we see these things happening to contact our friends and ask them what's going on. Don't let your church be one that 'leaves people'. Listen to their story, accept them and their faults, and invite them to worship with you again. Just noticing and caring may make the difference.

    FOR DISCUSSION:  What do you think of this list?  Do you have people that should be on your "Signs of Fading Interest" list?  What will you do about it?

    David is a young Seventh-Day Adventist pastor who had an interesting entry at his blog on why people leave churches (or as David puts it, ‘why churches leave people’).  I found it interesting and true. David writes…

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    1. Reay on Mon, September 12, 2005

      This list is fairly accurate. I’ve been in ministry for over 20 years and have experienced every one of them.


      One of the “big” ones I have experienced from a personal perspective probably fits the first category but it has to do with a lack of submission on the part of the membership of the church. Sadly, many people in the church view their role as being that of evaluators of the ministry - pastoral staff, worship service, programs, ministries, etc. They also view their role in somewhat of an adversarial situation with church leadership. It’s similar to labor-management in the business world. You can probably tell I’m from the midwest where unions are pretty strong. So, as a result, when leadership actually leads, people in the pew, who think the church is a democracy, get frustrated because they can’t “control” things. They believe leadership has too much “power” and so they perceive their role to be one of “reigning in” leadership. If they get “their way” then the pastoral staff and leadership changes. If they don’t get “their way” then they leave. Typically, most members of the congregation who view things in this adversarial type of relationship of long-time members but who really have very little spiritual depth in their lives. They have probably been on church leadership boards for years, not because they are spiritually qualified, but because they have the stamp of longevity within a particular congregation so that years of service = power!

      As far as trying to get this type of person to come back - forget it, unless they truly submit to leadership and are willing to truly be in unity and support the mission and vision of the church. Lovingly, yes, lovingly, release them and certainly acknowledge that they are leaving, but don’t encourage them to stay.


      Sometimes the Lord adds by subtracting.

       

    2. bernie dehler on Mon, September 12, 2005

      Consider the source.  From what I hear, the SDA church is very legalistic (lack of understanding and application of grace).  It could be a very good thing to leave such a system, if that’s their problem.  Hopefully the person doesn’t leave, turned-off by legalism, but finds true faith in Christ and true peace somewhere else.

      ...Bernie


      http://www.freegoodnews.com


      PS: New book by a former SDA:


      “Exposing Seventh-day Adventism”


      http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0595363423/qid=1126536791/sr=1-7/ref=sr_1_7/002-2096437-6628803?v=glance&s=books

       

    3. thx on Mon, September 12, 2005

      I think the reasons go a little deeper than either the post or the first comment reveal. As a leaver myself, I can relate to the research Alan Jaimieson has put forward on this matter (he’s a pastor from New Zealand who did his doctorate in sociology on the subject). There’s a good article in the link below, and more if you search for his name on the site. Jaimieson’s thesis was published in book form—I think it’s called “Churchless Faith.”


      http://www.reality.org.nz/articles/32/32-jamieson.asp

    4. Todd Rhoades on Mon, September 12, 2005

      You know, I prefaced that the article was by a seventh-day adventist because I knew that someone wouldn’t be able to look beyond that label to see the value of the lists he created. 


      People leave churches of all kinds for these reasons… and I think they are valuable to think about and ponder; and even to make changes because of.

      What I didn’t want, (but expected), was links about the debunking of seventh-day adventism.


      Todd

       

    5. Monica on Mon, September 12, 2005

      It’s too bad that the LABEL is what determines truth for you, Bernie. 


      From my experience, this list is applicable to ALL traditions. 

      The article didn’t say, “well, SDAs aren’t very good Christians to begin with, now are they.”  The article actually said that all churches tend to lack something desperately needed by today’s lost and today’s believers.

       

    6. Ken Newberger on Mon, September 12, 2005

      I agree with Monica and Todd.  There are aspects of social analysis that simply have to do with people in congregational settings that are irrespective of theological differences.  Let’s recall, before we each became a “category,” we were people first with common human traits.  Personally, I would like to think that such is still the case.

      Ken

       

    7. Art on Mon, September 12, 2005

      People leave churches primarily because they are carnal and unwilling to submit to the Lordship of Christ.  They are “jezebels” who want to control and when they don’t get their way they look for easier prey (other churches and pastors).


      I am so sick of this whiny “I got hurt by the church/pastor/other Christians” nonsense.  Grow up saints!  Keep your eyes on Jesus and you won’t have to church-hop all the time.

    8. Ken Newberge on Mon, September 12, 2005

      Art,


      Your blanket condemnation of people who leave churches is breathtaking.  Hopefully, keeping one’s eye on Jesus, as you rightfully recommend, doesn’t necessarily mean that we develop an evil eye against others.


      Ken

    9. Jerry on Mon, September 12, 2005

      Todd, you rock, you always seem to be one step ahead of the comments. Some day I hope to meet you in person.

      In a perfect world everybody would be like Bernie.


      That’s it Art always blame the person for leaving the church, I believe that was one of the points that the church is leaving them. “if they wasn’t so carnal or if they would grow up”, really what you really wanted to say is “if they would submit to the pastor”.

       

    10. Monica on Mon, September 12, 2005

      Yikes, Art! 


      Have we completely removed the possibility that people leave churches because God has gifted them in a way that another church needs?

      What about the possibility that the status quo is intolerable and no effort, great or small, will knock sense into some congregations?


      Or, believe it or not, God said “go” and they did.


      Not all “church leavers” (as this group has dubbed them) are leaving to tick off the church or to whine because they didn’t get their way.  Sometimes, when membership means “I support what’s going on and join myself with you,” people cannot (in good conscience) stay. 

       

      There actually ARE people on the planet who understand that “it’s not about them”.

       

    11. thx on Mon, September 12, 2005

      It’s really difficult to have a serious discussion about this, isn’t it?


      Maybe that’s one reason why so many older saints who are firm in their faith and are experienced in leadership are leaving the church.

      Dear Art—


      Please pull your head out of…the sand. http://www.mondaymorninginsight.com/images/smileys/smile.gif


      Signed,


      OlderSaintFirmInMyFaithExperiencedInLeadership/WhinyIGotHurtBytheChurch/


      Pastor/OtherChristiansNonsenseGuy

       

    12. Rick on Mon, September 12, 2005

      We left because God opened our eyes to the truth of His grace and we could no longer subject ourselves to galationistic teaching and leading.

    13. jim g on Mon, September 12, 2005

      I have been studying this topic for a term paper and I have been floored by the lack of research and data on this subject.  Alan Jaimieson found in some of his research that the average time a leaver spent in church, before they left was 15.8 years (see the link above). In what research I have found almost no one had their pastor or another church leader contact them to find out why they had stopped coming. 


      The warning signs are great, but how many pastors really pay that much attention? And if we are not paying attention can we really say we love them?  I think that this is a fundamental issue the church needs to do much soul searching about.  It is too easy to blame those who leave.

    14. rev-ed on Mon, September 12, 2005

      Are we talking about people who leave church altogether or simply leave one particular church?  I understand a certain amount of “church hopping” when a church becomes stagnant.  It’s those who leave church altogether that I can’t quite get.

      Does the church really leave a person?  The original four from the post are: 1) personal conflict—hardly the church leaving; 2) and 3) disinterest or avoidance due to failures as well as 4) unmet needs—is the church leaving or is the person withdrawing or not letting anyone know about the situation?  It’s real easy to blame the church, especially if there is no follow-up, but most of these people (in my experience) don’t want anything to do with the pastor once their mind is made up.  Sometimes the lost don’t want to be found.

       

    15. kd on Mon, September 12, 2005

      Jeff VonVanderen has an excellent book out on spiritual abuse. It helps people identify abusive situations and will inform people if it’s a me or them situation. It is written in love for both the abused and the abusers It’s well worth the read!

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