Monday Morning Insights

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    Are People Boycotting Your Church?

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    Here's my point. Target was more concerned and more loyal to their "policy" than the customer. When they say things like "that product has no value to us anymore", it's obvious they could care less about me. Nevermind the fact you sold me damaged goods. After 90 days, it's not your problem; it's mine. No matter what. Happy trails."

    Kem makes an interesting point... how many of us feel the same way about the way we're treated at certain businesses and places?  There are places that we love to shop, and places we avoid.  There are places that give a great first impression, and those that make us never return.

    Like it or not, the same goes for our churches.  In today's consumeristic society, people (yourself included) will make a judgement when visiting a church for the first time.  Actually, our first impressions will be made probably before the service even begins.  How does the facility look?  Is it kept up?  How does it smell?  How friendly are the people?  How easy was it to find where my kids go?  What's the overall atmosphere?

    If you're a pastor thinking that this is all superficial, I bet you do the same thing when you visit a church you could potentially be working at in the future.

    The thing is... these days, first impressions are important.  And if we want to have a church that is open to reaching new people in our community, we need to take away any barriers that might make people "boycott" our church in the future.  And yes, this could include 'superficial' things like have the carpet cleaned, a fresh coat of paint on the walls, and a definite strategy for greeting people and making newcomers feel welcome.

    FOR DISCUSSION:
    What have you done to eliminate the 'boycott' barriers at your church?  Have you looked at your church facilities and services from an 'outsiders' standpoint?  What do you think is the most important factor in making people feel at home in your church.

    DISCLAIMER:  Please, please, please... I would like this conversation to be a positive discussion on first impressions, not a discussion on any of the following:

    1.  why the church service is not for visitors and evangelism
    2.  how consumeristic/business related the church has become
    3.  how watered down the gospel is because in a church that cares about first impressions
    4.  why big churches do this to wipe out the small churches
    5.  why we think we are more important than the biblical message
    6.  how our idea of 'church' is all screwed up

    Very seriously, I'm contemplating fitting the bill for a blog for people who'd like to discuss and debate these topics, but I'd really rather not do that here... not today... Today, I'd rather discuss the positives of how you in your present church can better serve new people when they come through your door for the first time.  What one thing would you change if you could?

    Have a great day!

    Todd

    Kem Meyer writes at her blog: I’m not one who typically boycotts. I’ll spread negative WOM, but I won’t boycott. It just feels too much like holding a grudge. I’m not a grudge holder. Besides that, I’m not into punishing myself to prove a point to some mega franchise. They don’t notice I’m gone and I’m just not willing to give up the convenience or comfort that brought me there in the first place. But there have been two times I boycotted out of principle.

    Comments

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    1. Pastor Al on Thu, May 12, 2005

      “Where most churches fall short is facilitating the single adults filling each other’s needs,”

      Ellen,


      I think you have hit on something we tend not to think about.  We do relegate people into different groups in church don’t we?  I mean we have our “senior groups” our “youth groups” our “children’s department” our “singles group” our “married group” our “married with children group” our “divorced group” our “fill-in-the-blank group.”


      My question is – how can we be a body when we are so separate?  Don’t you think these groups if brought together can actually help each other?  Why all the division – I think Ellen has a point – as long as we divide ourselves up we are going to create an environment that excludes!   Maybe that is the greatest danger I can see with the “mega church” and all the emphasis on “individualized programs.”

       

      Maybe we need to come back together so we can be the “body” Christ wants us to be?  Oh yes it will take more grace to be with someone not “in our demographic” but isn’t the whole Gospel message just that – Grace.


      Blessings,


      Pastor Al

       

    2. BeHim on Thu, May 12, 2005

      Ellen


      There are a lot of reasons that single adults are single and the church cannot fill all of their needs. Where most churches fall short is facilitating the single adults filling each other’s needs, and making sure the congregation as a whole embraces singles as much as they embrace the “typical” family.

      BeHim responds:


      I did state that in my first post as well, “consider joining a small group more in-line with a single ministry”  If there is no singles ministry, talk with other singles in the church and with the pastor about starting one.


      Maybe the pastor doesn’t know this is an issue.  If he does and does nothing about it then I couldn’t agree more, the pastor has missed the boat in serving a person.

       

      Our singles ministry is very strong (although statistically speaking, it is no where near the census numbers you quoted) and in many cases it has produced the “typical” family of two believers being married.


      Have you voiced your specific needs to the pastor?

       

    3. BeHim on Thu, May 12, 2005

      I think allot of it boils down to gossip and pride.  In human terms, we love to talk about people.  What they wear, what they said, how they acted, etc.


      This is backbiting and tale baring (do a Thompson chain reference on it sometime - one of the most deadly sins in the church).

      Anytime I guest speak at a church, I start with these two facts of church discipline.  The church needs to discipline itself in hold the toung (book of James).


      Don’t spread rumors in the name of Christ when asking people to pray for others… sometimes, a person just wants one person to pray for them, not the entire small group or congregation.


      This divides.  There is nothing wrong with small groups, in my opinion but what is the focus - small group for this, that, etc (Pastor Al did a good job of naming them), I think many times it’s selfish as well.

       

      I need my need met… me me me.  Instead, esteem others higher than yourself and meet their need.  This is an individual heart matter that should be addressed by the individual in Scripture.  I know they don’t like to hear it but it’s true.

       

    4. rev-ed on Thu, May 12, 2005

      First weapon against stopping “boycotting” - teaching and encouraging the congregation to actually love and express that love toward others… especially those who do not know Christ.  Someone not coming to my church because they don’t like the looks of the place is simply looking for an excuse.  That person will find one eventually no matter what I do.  My solution is to love.

    5. OldAnglican on Thu, May 12, 2005

      I am a member of the clergy; I left a church 6-years ago because of it’s selfishness and indifference towards children—especially towards those of visiting young couples.  My wife and two young sons were also among the casualties of this indifference. The congregation and governing members were more interested in being served while feigning ignorance to the needs of others. They even went so-far as to take the attitude that they had the “right” to discipline my children behind the scenes of my wife & I—and attempted it just once while in front of us.  It is now a dying church—formerly +300 members just 6 years ago, now only 12-15. 

      A pastor, or even an associate pastor cannot do all things for the church by themselves; his immediate family needs him too.  The body of the church, the congragation, must work together and function for the needs of the whole, otherwise it will wither and die.

       

    6. Ellen on Thu, May 12, 2005

      “I need my need met… me me me. Instead, esteem others higher than yourself and meet their need.”


      Here’s where I end up banging my head against a wall - (and yes - I helped to start a small group of singles - and it still doesn’t appear in the list of “categories” of small groups - after 8 months.)

      If God calls me to work with singles (meeting *THEIR* needs, not mine), and the church tells me to quit being selfish?!?!  I just don’t know how to answer that. 


      As they advertise another marriage retreat, another yard sale for Mothers of Pre-schoolers, etc., etc…


      A year ago last November I talked to a pastor - and again and again.  I was told that I couldn’t even advertise a potluck for singles in the bulletin!  That may have changed now, and I’m told that the singles ministry isn’t a “dead horse”, but it sure doesn’t seem very alive to me.

       

      So yes, I joined a small group and yes, the pastor is aware that there is an issue and that I volunteered to start a singles ministry.

       

    7. BeHim on Thu, May 12, 2005

      Ellen


      The me..me..me was not intended for you, although after reviewing the posts, I can discern how it may certainly appear that way.  My intent was a general response and opinion about what Pastor Al had posted.  Please forgive me if I have in anyway offended you.


      You are right Ellen, the pastoral staff doesn’t give a rip!  How to fix that?  Take it to the board of elders but I suspect you’ll be shut down there too.  Start with writing letters to all staff members, elders and deacons (that is of course - if you’ve already tried first on your own to correct the issue with the pastor and have brought another Christian with you in an attempt to correct the issue) and bring to their attention the issue that has been brewing in the congregation for over a year and you hope to Biblically resolve the problem as soon as possible.

      It’s a “hip-check” but sometimes it needs to be done.  I’ll warn you ahead of time, unless the church has a hierarchical structure (like Orthodox or Catholic - elders, deacons, ministers, etc), you may be fighting a battle that spirals downward and may cause you and others much pain and anguish.


      Pray about it.  I may be wrong with this approach.  I personally would have found another church but I can understand how and why many wouldn’t want to do that.

    8. Ellen on Thu, May 12, 2005

      The reason that I haven’t gone looking for another church is that my kids are doing very well here -


      also, when I became single after 23 years I asked God for the direction that He wanted me to take.  He brought me to this church, and I felt I had a clear sign that this is where I needed to be.  Confirmation on top of confirmation came from singles, as well as other places.  God wants me here, for singles -whether to start “something” or something else, I don’t know - but I do need to be here, and I need to be vocal about the specific needs that new singles have.

    9. Bart on Thu, May 12, 2005

      I think we have moved beyond what the article was reaching for.  I have been at my church for only nine months but can see what makes visitors uncomfortable.  We have no signs to direct people ot the proper places, the lighting is inadequate, and we ask them to do things that are confusing to them.  As an example we ask them to fill out a visitor card and bring it to the visitor center to recieve a free gift, but we do not have a visitor center.  I found this out by asking people in the congregation where it was and they did not know!  If a visitor is uncomfortable they will probably not return.  We all make judgements based on our surroundings.  Just try to make your church visitor friendly.

    10. .rob on Thu, May 12, 2005

      We go to church to bear our cross, not to get entertained. Go where you can give, not where you get. Complacency kills. Be a good neighbor and be a church or the neighborhood.

    11. Pete King on Fri, May 13, 2005

      Just got the post. Hope some are still check this. I have been reading your comments and I have found them very interesting. First off, I just recently came from a customer loyalty training seminar for my job and some of the things covered might be applicable here. Although the notion of completely satisfying your visitors is beyond the realms of possibility, you can improve your odds of retaining them by applying certain strategies. For example, this seminar catagorized people into two groups, “Walkers” and “Talkers”. Talkers are people who express their dissatisfaction verbaly. If they were mistreated or bother in some way they respond through voicing their feelings. Talkers however, are much more difficult because they clam up when they are dissatisfied. Obviously, in the healthcare world these identifiers are a bit more obvious than visitors in church(ie. people are generally more respectful in this case). However, we need to train our people how to see the not so obvious. For example, body language, help your greeters learn to identify the various forms of posture and facial expressions people might make when they enter the building, and try to make their place at home. For example, if a person looks perplexed it is very likely they are. If your visitor is a “Talker” then it he/she will express that. If the visitor is a “Walker” then it might take some coaxing to find out what is the matter. Again, you need to be able to read the body language, non verbal words, and lack of eye contact that indicates something is troubling them. Always introduce yourself, give them eye contact, ask for their name, address them by it, give them your full attention (That means listen to them. They will tell you what is concerning them.), and lastly ask them if they need anything else(this confirms their satisfaction). I also have one more suggestion and that is listen with your eyes. What do you mean by that you say? Well, look around and see if people are isolated by themselves. It may be they are new or it may be they are a regular attender and they are shy. Either case, show yourself friendly. I don’t know how many times I have seen this in church and have experienced this as a visitor myself. Even though this is not a complete science, this practice will make people feel valued. After all isn’t the message we should be sharing visitors. John 3:16 all the way. For those of you who might feel this is people pleasing then you are absolutely right. We must demonstrate our concern for others. We can’t do what Christ did but we can live what He has done for us. Meed the physical/emotional need to change the spiritual. There is so much we need to do to change our thinking in church. I am praying every day that God will help us do just that. What has preserved us now hurts us. We must change our approach that others can feel the love Christ has for them. It’s in our words, our actions and re-actions, and everything thing we do tells a story to the perfect stranger. With God’s help we can change.

    12. MCW on Fri, May 13, 2005

      Very interesting postings here. I must agree that many of our churches are not seeing the way we do things through the eyes of the visitor (and even the member). I am an established member of a church, and when I visit other churches I try to observe and see whether there are persons who noticed I came. Because of this, when I do get a chance to visit, there are certain places I will prefer to return for multiple visits more than others. Fortunately, so far I haven’t yet come across any church I’d never attend again.


      Many people do not realize that the conditions of the buildings and surroundings, the restrooms and the friendliness of the members encourage persons to stay or never to return. Thankfully, some ladies in our church took the initiative to redecorate and installed chandeliers, etc. to give it a more polished appearance. The nursery received an overhaul late last year and now it is very inviting. And I do believe our ushers who sit at the door of our sanctuary are some of the most friendly people in our local church.


      Another thing I’ve noticed: churches who spend the time to officially welcome visitors during the services and have refreshments, etc. tend to make everyone (not just the visitors) feel the desire to return.


      As for the other issues church members may face when segregation occurs - singles groups, youth groups, etc. - I’m not sure if there is any easy solution to that problem. My perspective is this: for persons to feel as if they are really part of something, small groups may be quite necessary, especially in mega-churches. I know of persons who actually left thriving mega-churches because they felt neglected, that there wasn’t anything geared toward their needs and interests - so it’s not just happening in the dying churches.

    13. Ellen on Sat, May 14, 2005

      As for the other issues church members may face when segregation occurs - singles groups, youth groups, etc. - I’m not sure if there is any easy solution to that problem.


      Let it happen sometimes - and make sure that it doesn’t in others.


      Offer opportunities for both - I’d much rather be in a “mixed” small group and have a variety of fellowship opportunities, including singles only, than have my only “singles fix” be in a small group.

      Actively recruit couples to socialize with singles, and the other way around.  Offer many opportunities for youth to serve older people, and the other way around.


      Having your “seniors” serve teens (and the many - hint - invited friends) at an ice cream social is a great opportunity for these two groups to mingle.


      The key is to simply not tolerate one group of people looking down on another group, because of their age, marital status, hair color (or style) or clothing.

       

    14. Ecmason on Wed, May 18, 2005

      You know.  The best thing that the church can do is reflect the love of Christ to every person that walks through the door.  Jesus stopped everything for someone who climbed a tree to see him.  Today the modern church expects every citizen of the current culture to climb a tree to see him.  Jesus could have spent all his time in the synagogues and the Temple.  Instead he walked the miles of country to live beside those he loved.

      Mike Yaconelli once told a story of several gang members who made it to a church and disrupted the service.  The lady youth pastor who invted them was fired because the ended up doing some damage.  I struggled to find the point of that story until I talked with him and asked him personally what the solution was.  He said that he wondered how people could go about business as usual with lost people walking in the door.  They should have stopped what they were doing and covered those kids in their love and the grace of God.  Realizing that not everyone wants to be noticed, and some simply want to slip in and out the back. 


      I would suggest 3 things for every church to reach the first time visitor.

       

      1. Be willing to go the extra mile to make people feel wanted and welcome.  The word that the scriptures use to describe the elder is “Hospitable”.  But the Greek is “Xenophilia”.  A lover of strangers.


      2. Give your best to those who have yet to arrive.  Spend the majority of your budget to reach your local mission providing community services and lavishing them with your attention and service, including your main service.  Rebekah gave the very best to the servant of Abraham before she ever knew who he was.  The extravagant tradition of loving strangers is at the heart of the Old Testament.

       

      3. Go where they are.  Locate your church in the culture of those you love.  Sound like, look like, taste like, care about, and celebrate those you love.  Sing songs they love, teach about those things they love, exegete the culture and build your lives around knowing them where they are.


      4. (I added a 4 just to get your attention.)  Its really simple… give them what they want.  Most people without Christ who make it to church, want one thing.  To experience the presence of Christ and know His love.  They want freedom, peace, truth, joy, love, and most want a new life.  No program or ministry or service can cover that base and I don’t really care about any poll that says that people want clean bathrooms or popular music.  Read them the Bible, experience authentic worship that includes real supplication and brokenness before God, not just head nodding but real worship like John did when he saw the exalted Lord.  Teach the truth of Scripture in a powerful and compelling setting.  American Idol can give them hype, good music, and fun.  Only the church has Jesus.  We only have two things to really offer anyone.  The love of the God of the universe, and a love from Christians that says, “I, like my Lord, love you so much I am willing to die for you.”  IF your people and your church are unwilling to go that far, it won’t matter how clean you bathrooms are.  As Erwin McManus said to his church in Dallas many years ago, “We will reach this community for Christ, or we will die trying.”

    15. Anon on Wed, April 18, 2007

      We attended Easter services at a family member’s church and the music was tremendous…sort of like a cantata.  The building was very nice, etc.  Halfway through the worship service the minister got up and complained about “how difficult it was to preach on holidays” and a couple of other “poor me” statements during his 15 minute sermon and then back to the last half of the great worship and music.  As a visitor, I thought I was there to worship the Lord…not the minister and his situation.  How sad!  Would I return if I didn’t have to (because of my family)?  NO.  (A paid professional who was to point us to Jesus…tainted it. Maybe he needs a vacation if he has forgotten the focus.) He had to know there were visitors.  Our family attends there because of the great amount of youth programs and friendly young families.

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