MondayMorningInsight - Leadership & Encouragement for Church Leaders

How Do You, as a Pastor, Deal With the Really “Needy” People

Posted by: Todd
Posted on: Thu, August 27, 2009
Viewed 46
(8) comments so far

How Do You, as a Pastor, Deal With the Really “Needy” People

OK, in my searching this morning, I came across this quote from Perry Noble: "Too many pastors … let the expectations and demands of needy, clingy church people (notice I didn’t say Christians) DRIVE them to a place of insanity."

Actually, this quote was from a blog that was trying to pick apart Perry for the comment that I think is totally true. Here's the harsh reality: Every church (EVERY CHURCH) has a small group of really needy people that will dominate your time, energy, schedule, and agenda if you let them.

We all have those types of people.

As soon as I mentioned the topic, their pictures were emblazened on your mind.

The question is... how do you deal with them?

It's hard not to give them time; but too much time, like Perry says, can drive you to a place of insanity. Really.

How do you deal with the extremely needy people in your church... the people that always want your ear; the people who always have a problem; the people who are always thinking that you're the only one that will listen or help them?

I'd love to know...

Todd

Comments

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Christopher G Fontenot on Thu, August 27, 2009

What do you expect? Pastors are preaching 7 ways to fix this or 5 ways to improve that and none of it is Biblical so when these “church goers” don’t get their felt needs taken care of, they become a burden on the staff trying to figure out why Jesus hasn’t made their life better as the preacher promised.
Fred on Thu, August 27, 2009

In some cases that is brought on by the pastor himself.
Some pastors have narcissistic personality disorder (Do a search). They want to be worshiped like a movie star or rock star. They act in ways that sets this up and they allow this kind of situation to occur and continue.
If you are the “star,” stop getting upset about your adoring fans.
Leonard on Fri, August 28, 2009

Hey guys, no offense but wow that is some pretty harsh words for pastors. I know literally hundreds upon hundreds of pastor and can’t think of a one that fits your description.
John Cummings on Fri, August 28, 2009

Here’s the book on how to deal with this - “When People Are Big and God is Small” by Edward Welch. It will revolutionize they way you think and they way your church thinks when it come to “needs” - which boils down to fear of man. VERY practical for counseling and preaching - totally liberating. I would also recommend anything by David Powlison.
Lyle Mook on Sat, August 29, 2009

This can be a blessing of a little larger church. Difficult people thrive in the smaller church. We are about 700 and still some people make the rounds to various staff or leaders. Important to be compassionate with boundaries and confront when patterns form. We have well known policy that we don’t do long term pastoral counseling (we’ll meet with anyone first but seek to refer if prof. couns. needed or channel into a ministry, support group, etc.)

Help younger staff not get into email or text discussions. (key area for boundaries.) Ezek 34, Zech 11 give characteristics of evil shepherds - turn it around and you get the positive characteristics that have to include not just go after the straying and healing the wounded, but also FEEDING THE HEALTHY…. (and developing leaders, etc.)
Jan on Mon, August 31, 2009

My husband had another pastor say this, in reference to a family of this type. “I just don’t know what to do with these kind of people.”

His answer “We just love them.”

I think it was a good one. Yes, we definitely have boundaries, and are constantly thinking health when we love. But we don’t just blow them off either.
Don White on Tue, September 01, 2009

When it comes to those who continually want “counseling,” at times I’ve said, “I’d love to help you but there is only so much I can do. Here’s the contact info for a good Christian counselor. PLEASE give him a call.”
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