One Year After the Affair: A Pastor Shares His Heart
- Posted on May 19, 2008
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As you can also attest, this has been the hardest two years of my life, with this past year especially crushing. With the help of our Lord, a dear Christian counselor, some medication, and a few close people in my life, I am seeing light at the end of a self-inflicted tunnel.
This is not the life path I would have chosen for myself or dear family...no one wakes up and decides, “today I will destroy my life and do harm to those around me.” This path was a gradual one with many calls from God to stop, which I did not heed. HE was faithful. I was not.
The Bible says that when sin is fully formed, it yields death. So much has died in and around my life. What I cling to these days is the belief that God specializes in resurrections. He brings life to places there was once death.
Calvary Community Church, I loved you; and in many ways, served you well. My legacy, however, is one of failure and sin. I can’t undo that.
I can only walk with Christ in authenticity--no longer hiding imperfections and failures, but living truthfully--honestly and with integrity (inside and outside matching). Will you see sin in my life? Yes. Am I striving to grow in Christ? Yes.
What I MUST do is offer this public confession, my sincere apology and my heartfelt request for your forgiveness.
With Sorrow...and yet with hope, Brad Johnson
You can read this letter, and about Brad’s restoration process at his blog...
FOR YOUR INPUT: What do you think?
Brad Johnson is a great communicator and had a bright future as a pastor. That all ended when he admitted to an affair one year ago this month. What follows is an open letter that Brad wrote to his elders and church family on the one year anniversary of his departure. Brad writes:
One year ago today, I spoke for the last time at Calvary. For the first time since I was 17, I have gone a year and have not spoken in a church, not served in a church, not volunteered in a church, and have not been asked to...just months ago, I began attending a church again (sit in the back, head down, annonymous.)
It seems like the one year mark would be a good time and place to write this letter. I am so sorry for the pain and emotional upheaval my life and actions have caused you and the precious bride of Christ.
I'm sorry for the deceptions, the irresponsibility, and the sin of adultery that came from my life and infected others. I assume full responsibility for my actions with no excuses and no rationalizations.
Comments
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CS on Thu, May 22, 2008
Brad:
Thanks for your honesty here. I appreciate that you have made yourself available for questions and comments.
In coming up to speed on things, and please do correct me if I am wrong, it sounds as though you are continuing your relationship with the woman with whom you had an affair. I realize that, having never been in this situation myself, there is probably a lot more to the story and experience than one could know from being on the outside. Could you please explain how this describes repentance as far as walking away from sin and striving to change ones mind about it?
Here’s an analogy, as I understand the situation: suppose I have been coveting a new Mustang GT. Every day I long for having it, dream about being behind the wheel, decorate my walls with images of it, and have an unhealthy obsession with it. Finally, one day, after coveting it so much, I decide to steal one from a car lot. I take off with it, and joyride around.
After a day or two, I realize that I have sinned both in coveting and stealing the car. So, I go back to the lot, apologize, and strike up a bargain with the salesman to finance the car. So, even though I may have repented of my covetousness and theft, I still keep the car. Would that be genuine repentance?
If I have overstepped my bounds in asking these questions, please put me in my place.
—
CS
Bret on Thu, May 22, 2008
Danny:
This isnt a judgement, it is rebuking with the Word as it pertains to repentance…not only is it biblically sound, it is our repsonisbility to rebuke.
Preach the word; be instant in season, out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort with all longsuffering and doctrine. 2 Tim 4:2 (KJV).
Why am I harping on Brad’s stae of repentace? For Brad’s refreshing and restoring:
Repent therefore, and turn again, that your sins may be blotted out, that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord, and that he may send the Christ appointed for you, Jesus, whom heaven must receive until the time for restoring all the things about which God spoke by the mouth of his holy prophets long ago (Acts 3:19-21).
I would think posting a blog, as Brad has done, that accuses his church of lacking grace is a sign of a lack of repentance. David didnt come back to nathan after being rebuked and tell him he was lacking grace…david simply said “I have sinned against God”.
Peter Hamm on Thu, May 22, 2008
I would again caution, though, that for us who only know Brad from his postings to counsel him is not a great idea. (And Brad, it might not be a great idea for you to invite it from relatively “perfect strangers”.)
I LOVE the Nathan example. We all need our “nathans”, but Nathan knew David personally. Paul opposed Peter who he knew personally… etc…
As far as I’m concerned, if I’m in a situation like Brad’s, for me, it ain’t goin’ on a blog, but I will work with people in my circle here on my restoration.
Danny Daniels on Thu, May 22, 2008
Bret:
I hear you. I am just wondering why you feel that it is your specific duty to get involved in this at all. You have no previous relationship with Brad. You are not now nor have you ever been in a postion of authority with or over Brad. I guess what I am trying to say is that it appears that you are trying to bring rebuke to someone you have no right to rebuke. I happen to agree with the points you are trying to make, for the most part. I just feel you are trying to assume a role you aren’t entitled to. I’m just saying.
-Danny Daniels
Danny Daniels on Thu, May 22, 2008
Bret:
I love ya, man. Honestly.
-Danny Daniels
Bret on Thu, May 22, 2008
Love ya too danny.
As a brother in Christ, I have the obligation to rebuke…2 Tim 4:2:
Preach the word; be instant in season, out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort with all longsuffering and doctrine.
Brad is asking for these questions, repeatedly. He has taken the initiative to blog about this.
Iron strengthens iron.
Bret on Thu, May 22, 2008
Peter:
Point well taken on Nathan personally knowing David.
And I agree with your comments that if I were in this situation (only through closeness with His word, prayer and supplication), I would not allow the particulars to enter into the public domain. But Brad has chosen to do that, which brings me full circle to the question of “why” he has done so and where his heart is.
Thats being said, if Brad requested rather than encouraged questions, I’d shut my trap.
More importantly, I read scripture that tells me it is my obligation to rebuke and to offer reproof.
Maybe someone can justify scripturally the concept that a brother should not rebuke another brother, unless they know him personally. That would shut me up quick like. Can I get a witness.
Blessings to all of you and a special prayer of peace for you Brad.
CS on Thu, May 22, 2008
Bret:
“Maybe someone can justify scripturally the concept that a brother should not rebuke another brother, unless they know him personally. That would shut me up quick like. Can I get a witness.”
I have been looking for similar verses that make personal knowledge a requirement, and cannot find them. I can understand how people like Nathan and David, and Peter and Paul had personal relationships in demonstration, but I do not see that as being listed as a requirement in command, especially in verses that admonish us to rebuke and chasten, as you cited.
Furthermore, when those figures were rebuked and chastened, it was done so in public forums. In the case of Peter and Paul in Galatians 2, for instance, while the two had a relationship, Paul said in verse 14 that he talked to Peter in a public setting before all of the church. He didn’t pull him aside, he spoke directly in front of everyone. Even Paul wrote to others like Timothy about people who were doing bad things (e.g. Hymenaeus, Alexander).
Matthew 18 applies when brothers and sisters sin against one another, but does not address things like larger doctrinal conflicts, or situations like this where our brother has publicly disclosed things.
—
CS
Peter Hamm on Thu, May 22, 2008
I guess I look at it differently.
First, Scripture doesn’t really speak to the issue of this kind of thing from a distance via the internet, for obvious reasons.
But, common sense tells us that there’s no way we know anything except Brad’s story and there’s no way for us to speak real wisdom into his life. (We have simply not heard other “sides” of this story.)
I stand by my contention that it is very unwise for us to be counsellors for Brad in this situation, and it may be equally unwise for Brad to seek the counsel of we who do not know him at all except through reading his own blog.
I actually don’t need scripture to tell me this as much as good common sense. I’m not condemning anyone, because you’ve all simply engaged in a conversation that Brad has started. I just question the wisdom of it all.
Brian L. on Thu, May 22, 2008
CS,
First of all, Paul apparently witnessed Peter’s behavior and therefore had personal, first-hand experience regarding what he was rebuking. You do not have that in this case.
Second, just because Paul rebuked Peter this way does not mean this is the way it SHOULD be done. It is dangerous to make Paul’s action a teaching point.
Brian L.
Bret on Thu, May 22, 2008
Peter:
Your statement is in direct conflict with scripture, you say:
“I stand by my contention that it is very unwise for us to be counsellors for Brad”
Scripture dictates we are to rebuke and offer reproof with His word.
I am unsure how you justify your common sense versus sound scriptural doctrine.
CS’s comments are drawing the similarity between Peters public rebuke and the fact that this rebuke is taking on place on the internet and is a proper analogy, thanks CS.
Brian, please justify your position scripturally that the example given of Paul and Peter is “dangerous” . Especially given the fact that scripture tells us it is our responsibilty to rebuke.
Again, if Brad says “enough”, I am through…although I still have issues with him posting this whole episode so publicly…I simply fail to see humility in such action.
Peter Hamm on Thu, May 22, 2008
Bret,
I stand by my statement. All any of us know is what Brad wrote on his blog, and what he has stated here. It’s ridiculous to think we know enough to be good counsellors. Show me a scripture that says we should speak and give advice to a relative stranger with only his story and no context or frame of reference from other folks who have been hurt by his actions.
I stand by my statement. We are, by advising Brad, giving bad advice out of season.
Bret on Thu, May 22, 2008
Peter:
Please, through prayer and supplication, meditate on these words:
Proverbs 27:5 Open rebuke is better than secret love
Psalms 141:5 Let the righteous smite me; it shall be a kindness: and let him reprove me; it shall be an excellent oil, which shall not break my head: for yet my prayer also shall be in their calamities.
Proverbs 17:10 A reproof entereth more into a wise man than an hundred stripes into a fool.
Proverbs 27:6 Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.
Proverbs 15:32 He that refuseth instruction despiseth his own soul: but he that heareth reproof getteth understanding
Proverbs 19:25 Smite a scorner, and the simple will beware: and reprove one that hath understanding, and he will understand knowledge
Proverbs 15:31 The ear that heareth the reproof of life abideth among the wise.
Proverbs 6:23 For the commandment is a lamp; and the law is light; and reproofs of instruction are the way of life:
1 Timothy 5:20 Them that sin rebuke before all, that others also may fear.
1 Timothy 5:20 Them that sin rebuke before all, that others also may fear.
1 Timothy 5:20 Them that sin rebuke before all, that others also may fear.
Imagine if all Christians shared your mentality of “It’s ridiculous to think we know enough to be good counsellors” just becasue we dont know him personally.
How could the gospel be spread, since scripture teaches us that:
All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness 2 Tim 3:16
If we could only “teach, reproove or correct “people we personally know, how well would we fulfill the great commision? Pastors could only talk to personal friends, we could only witness to friends, no missions overseas at all, since we dont know them personally.
Prayerfully and respectfully
Bret
CS on Thu, May 22, 2008
Brian L:
“First of all, Paul apparently witnessed Peter’s behavior and therefore had personal, first-hand experience regarding what he was rebuking. You do not have that in this case.
“Second, just because Paul rebuked Peter this way does not mean this is the way it SHOULD be done. It is dangerous to make Paul’s action a teaching point. “
Do you see how your own statement is contradictory? If it’s dangerous to make Paul’s action a teaching point, by your own standard, you shouldn’t have made the first point you said.
Even if we ignore Paul’s action here, as Bret has cited, there are numerous other pieces of Scripture that may apply.
(Sorry to detract from the original focus of this posting, by the way.)
—
CS
Peter Hamm on Thu, May 22, 2008
Bret,
I don’t dispute any of those scriptures, I wonder how many of them were written to exhort us to speak into situations where not only did we not have all the facts, but we had only heard one part of the story. I think you’re still not getting me here, it’s not because we don’t know him personally, it’s less than that, we only know a teeny little bit about him, that we read on the web, for goodness sake.
If you think you can wisely speak into this situation based on the information provided in a blog and in comments here, I would not want you counseling me.
And Brad, I’m sorry, brother, but I doubt the wisdom in encouraging us to be your iron sharpening your iron.
I continue to think it unwise. I stand by my statement.
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