Seven Ways Pastors Can Deal with Conflict
- Posted by: Todd
- Posted on: Mon, August 08, 2005
- Viewed 147
- (22) comments so far
FOR DISCUSSION: If your in church ministry, then there is NO DOUBT that you have had to deal with conflict. Which of the above do you use most often to help you keep conflict at bay? I'd love to hear your experiences and advice today. Anything you would add to the list as helpful hints to others?
1. Confront the person or issue directly or honestly.
Nothing is worse than letting an issue simmer until it boils over into the entire church. Go directly to the person causing the conflict and seek to resolve it. If you can make concessions while still honoring Christ, do so, if this will settle the issue. The Bible offers a plan in Matthew 18:15-17. Follow it.
2. Don't go looking for trouble.
Let sleeping dogs lie. Don't fix it if it isn't broken. Proverbs 3:30 wisely says "Do not accuse a man for no reason -- when he has done you no harm.''
3. Delegate if you know you cannot be successful.
If you anticipate trouble with a particular family or individual, ask another person you trust to work with them. Pastors and deacons need each other. Use one another's skills to avoid trouble. Moses needed the direction of his father-in-law Jethro to keep from overloading his plate with the many decisions the people of God faced in the wilderness, and so do you. Read Exodus 18:1-27 to see how God blessed this delegation of duties.
4. Agree with the person if at all possible.
When you make a mistake, promptly admit it. It is better to trust the outcome to God than to deny our error when it is evident for everyone to see. In Matthew 5:25, Jesus directed us to: "Settle matters quickly with your adversary who is taking you to court. Do it while you are still with him on the way, or he may hand you over to the judge, and the judge may hand you over to the officer, and you may be thrown into prison."
5. Mediate the issue.
Mediation means we involve a third person to help settle the matter. A good mediator asks each side to suggest what they need to resolve the issue. After listening to both sides, the mediator then suggests a compromise position that both sides can accept.
6. Take the issue to the Lord and leave it there.
Some people cannot be satisfied unless they destroy others or they feel they have totally won the argument. Don't go there with those people. Sometimes the only person who really understands our side is Jesus. If the issue still troubles you, continue praying about it and ask God to make it a non-issue for you.
7. Ask God to get involved in a supernatural way.
Every area of strife is a spiritual problem. While you can't resolve the issue for others, you can settle it for yourself. No problem can be totally separate from the spiritual issue that accompanies it. Ask God to work behind the scenes. Admit faults of your own that you cannot see. In every situation, we must trust God to be the one who finally settles issues in the local church and in our lives.
Joel Blaylock has a great article that was just posted over at Lifeway.com that talks about how pastors deal with conflict. Isn’t it true that conflict seems to arise out of the most unexpected areas? I’ve often said that the harder I try not to offend someone, the easier they get offended! Joel has some great tidbits of advice to help you get on top on conflict and tackle it before it gets out of control. Joel writes…
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Don Solin on Tue, August 09, 2005
Hey Toni—right with you…. exactly, people now just bolt—leave the mess they might have even started and bring baggage to a new joint.
# 8 should be this: If things haven’t been settled to your expectations—you have 2 options. 1. See ya
2. See ya
There is no way that continuing to address same conflict, same people makes sense. Some people will never be happy!
Don
Rev. Joseph A. Sta. Ana on Thu, August 18, 2005
Yes! the moment I read about 7 ways Pastor can deal a conflict, I agreed in your biblical stand and opinion. In fact I tried this formula 4 years ago and then I saw it is really working.
Thanks for sending it to my e-mail. I just keep on remembering my past ministry service to my church member.
May God bless you more.
In Christ,
Rev. Joseph A. Sta. Ana
BeHim on Sat, August 20, 2005
Dealing with conflict requires Maturity in Scripture and usually it is the weaker brother in the Word that has major problems. This is why proper discipleship with Sound Doctrine is vital to Church Growth.
Maxine Brown on Tue, August 30, 2005
I have a major conflict within my church I am the Pastor of a new Church I also founded the Church My problem comes from my husband we have been married for 7 years. I started preaching almost immediately after we got married we had already discussed all of this. I started Pastoring, this is my second year. He came from a church background that a woman is not suppose to preach or Pastor, Some of you may feel the same way. During our whole marriage he have abused me mentally,verbally,and emotionally. I haven’t done anything for him to be mean and curel and yes he’s an ordained Deacon that he been for over 20 years. everyone thinks he’s a good man. Please give me your feedBack.
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