MondayMorningInsight - Leadership & Encouragement for Church Leaders

Should I Be a Stay at Home Dad?

Posted by: Todd
Posted on: Tue, October 21, 2008
Viewed 81
(24) comments so far

What do you think?

Todd

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The following is a clip from the Q&A portion of the Mars Hill sermon series on the Song of Songs, called the Peasant Princess. Mark Driscoll is posed with the question... should I be a stay at home dad?

Comments

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Daniel on Thu, October 23, 2008

Mark is a consistent complementarian.

I’m a raging feminist.

We couldn’t disagree more.

However… I do think Christian families need to think loooong and hard about work and children. Too few of us see caring for children as a privilege and as a calling. But that’s what it is.

I also think far too many Christian couples make way too much money and spend far too little time with their kids. So while I’m all for one of the parents staying home (regardless of sex), I think both parents leaving the home should be a last resort (unless perhaps someone in the extended or Church family lives with them and can care for the children).

Peace,

-Daniel-
Shawn on Thu, October 23, 2008

I am really surprised by the verbal attacks on Mark Driscoll for taking a strong stand against families sacrificing the God designed rolls of men and women for the sake of financial convenience. Men are designed to work hard in various ways. Women by nature have a nurturing way about them that most men can never attain.

You all seem to overlook the statement on church discipline being prefaced by the phrase, “if their weren’t so many extenuating circumstances…”

He also boldly acknowledged that some families must learn to live within their means.

There’s no reason a youth pastor should expect to receive the same salary as the senior pastor. This is arrogance. The responsibility and accountability pale in comparison. The problem lies in a youth pastor desiring a lifestyle equivalent to those who make double his salary.
Wendi Hammond on Thu, October 23, 2008

Shawn –

I know that I should leave this alone, but I am really bothered by the arrogance of your response and the assumptions you make about the situations of people you’ve never met. You know nothing about the guys who shared on this thread about their practical and emotional struggles making ends meet. In none of the posts did anyone complain because they don’t make as much money as a senior pastor. Many churches are unable (or possibly unwilling) to pay youth and children’s staff a salary sufficient to support a family, regardless of how the staff member limits his/her lifestyle.

And no one (including Driscoll) has made a clear biblical case that the man must be the one employed outside the home. The OT passage most often used (Gen 3) to describe gender roles is intended to explain (as I and many others interpret it) the roles of men and women as a consequence of the fall. This passage was never intended to describe God’s plan for our relationships with one another. Redemption re-leveled the playing field, removing the curse on the ground that would only produce [for the man] by the sweat of HIS brow.

All that said, I completely agree with Daniel and others that we Americans are in bondage to the a consumerism that turns wants into needs and causes us to make sacrifices God certainly never intended us to make.

Wendi
che of teak furniture on Fri, October 24, 2008

Traditional families have the dad working and the mom staying home. But with the changes happening all over the world, a stay-at-home dad is not so uncommon anymore.
JHPW on Fri, October 24, 2008

Driscoll’s view is overly simplistic, and there are certainly many extenuating circumstances in individual families. My husband was the pastor of a church in Southern California. It paid him $2000 a month, no other expenses, and no insurance. Now anyone who has ever lived in Orange County knows you can’t support a family there on $2000 a month, no matter how frugally you live. So I worked. I earned the higher salary and carried all of the insurance. We lived very close to our workplaces so that there was no time wasted commuting. My children were in a wonderful Christian preschool and were loved and cared for by their teachers. Was it ideal? No. But we did the best we could given our situation. The other option would have been for my husband to try and work a second full-time job, and never see his children. Our kids,16 and 10 years old now, are happy, well-adjusted and following God. As a side note, when my son was born he was over a month premature. He spent a week in the Neonatal ICU. The bill was over $100,000. The insurance paid every dime. Had I not worked and carried that insurance, we’d have been looking at bankruptcy.
Rick White on Mon, October 27, 2008

I find that people will generally agree and disagree with what Mark is saying based upon their own choices, life situations, preferences, etc. It’s self-justification in many (if not most) cases.

Honestly, I doubt most people give this much thought from the Bible’s perspective. I doubt very many people approach the scriptures with humility, asking the Spirit to open their eyes to what God’s Word would teach them regarding their choices in this area.

Mark is called a complimentarian…some of you call yourselves feminists. Is this your primary identity in approaching such passages or did you become a feminist or complimenatarian due to your reading of the scriptures?
Nora on Mon, October 27, 2008

Rick,

Being an egalitarian and being a feminist is really not the same thing, actually. (I’ve found “feminist” to be a pretty loaded term, and one that has different meanings for different people.) But quite frankly, that issue really is only marginally relevant to the question asked about the rightness of men being stay-at-home dads. A couple could, in all reality, have a complimentarian viewpoint and still decide that what is best for the family is for the mom to work and for the dad to stay at home. The wife could (and should) still have appropriate respect for her husband in this situation. To confuse the two issues is really just muddying the water.

My husband and I do not live this lifestyle, but if we would decide at some point to choose to, I would have MORE respect for him for his willingness to sacrifice his career to care for our children, not less. As other posters have already indicated, there really is no Biblical support for Driscoll’s ridiculous position.

Driscoll appears to be truly grateful for his wife’s care of their children. To condemn dads who are willing and able to do the same implies that men should be valued for their paycheck, not their loving leadership in the home, whatever form that takes. IMO, this position is Biblically indefensible and offensive.

Nora
Rick White on Mon, October 27, 2008

Nora…so many troubling things about what you said. I’ll just stick by my original post and leave it at that.
Wendi Hammond on Mon, October 27, 2008

For the life of me, I can’t see what you find “troubling” about Nora’s response to you. It was respectful and offers her perspective of both the Driscoll video and your comments. Since a blog is intended to be a place for interchange and e-dialogue, would you not welcome responses to your comments? I sure do.

I agree with everything Nora said. I had every intention of pointing out the difference between being an egalitarian and being a feminist, but she beat me to it (although as an egalitarian I’m often accused of being a radical, bra-burning feminist).

My own response is to agree with your premise, with the following CHANGES:

[People will agree and disagree with A DISPUTABLE DOCTRINAL POSITION based upon their own choices, life situations, preferences, PRE-SUPPOSITIONS, CHURCH TRADITIONS, UPBRINGING, etc.] Perhaps you are right that both Mark and I (and Nora and you) are somewhat guilty of self-justification as we read the scriptures.

I’ll certainly admit the premise about the things we bring to our reading of scripture is certainly for me. It is also true for you and for Mark Driscoll. This side of heaven, none of us will be able to completely remove ourselves from the outside influences that make us who we are. The moment we claim to have done so, we prove that we haven’t.

Wendi