What’s Really Important To Your Church’s First Time Visitors?
- Posted by: Todd
- Posted on: Mon, October 15, 2007
- Viewed 97
- (21) comments so far
It’s the reason I hate going to an auto mechanic. I know nothing about cars, engines, and maintenance. I feel totally out of my comfort zone when the mechanic shares that my differential is going out or my tie rods have a problem. I just want to tell them to fix it and get out of there fast.
I have the same feeling whenever I travel to a new airport, visit a new restaurant, or do anything out of my general routine. My general feeling is, ‘let’s get this over with’. I’m uncomfortable when my surroundings aren’t familiar.
If I’m not extremely peculiar (some would argue that), then this is the same way that many first-time visitors feel when they walk in your church’s door for the first time. They are probably feeling very self-conscience. Maybe they dressed up or dressed down more than others. Their children might embarrass them. David notes, that they may even worry about when to sit and when to stand in the service.
Ever been in a service where the church asks visitors to stand? Please don’t do that! For most people, it just causes embarrassment to the person you’re trying to make feel welcome.
What’s the answer? Well, it could lie in genuinely making your visitors feel welcome and at-ease. Take away things that could make people feel uncomfortable or that could be embarrassing. One way is to greet them as you would a friend. Make sure they know where to go. Walk them to the classrooms where their children will attend. Introduce them to the teachers. I know of one church that tells their greeters never to point, but always to lead. Rather than saying, ‘down that hallway and to the right’, show a little interest and lead them there.
You see, many people, when they come to church for the first time really want nothing more than to get through the experience without embarrassing themselves. You can help diffuse this fear and help them feel more at ease. When (and only when) this happens, will they be able to experience your church the way you’d like them to.
So… how’s your church doing in this area?
I was recently reading a series of articles by David Zimmerman on how first-time visitors view church. One line struck me as having a lot of truth to it. David writes, “First-time visitors care most about not embarrassing themselves.” As I think about that statement, I immediately realized that if I were looking for a church, this would be my first priority: not looking foolish.
Comments
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michael on Tue, October 16, 2007
I really appreciate all of the creativity and effort placed on making people feel welcome but not uncomfortable. But, after a while I have to ask - Are we, as followers of Jesus, so unfriendly and inhospitable that we need well orchastrated, non-obtrustive (but very obvious to those who know the code) visitor identification systems to be kind to people we don’t know or recognize?
I think the larger problem is that a great many people in American churches really DON"T CARE about other people! They are consumers of a religious experience.
If I was a non-Christian (or non-church-going-person) reading this would make me skeptical of every act of kindness that comes my way. It’s not a gift bag, it is an ID system so people will know I’m new and be nice to me. How would they treat me if I didn’t have the bag?
Organic kindness - the kind that is genuine and comes from a sincere desire to know people - might work best. If we don’t have people like that in our churches, we have a bigger problem then recognizing visitors.
My Two Cents,
mdd
Peter Hamm on Tue, October 16, 2007
Michael.
I guess that’s the point.
If I invite you to my house, I will go to some lengths to make you feel at home and comfortable. I might serve food you like, or I might watch the game with you if I know that’s what you like to do. I might find some common ground to meet on.
This is what we’re trying to do, institutionally speaking. It’s all about love!
michael on Tue, October 16, 2007
If my children demonstrated good manners, I wouldn’t need to teach them good manners. The fact that I do teach them good manners speaks to the reality that they do not always demonstrate good manners.
If I need to teach people to be intentionally nice and hospitiable to those they do not know or recognize, what I have just admitted? Left to their own, they probablly won’t be nice and hospitable.
I’m just wondering out loud if perhaps something else is going on here that we need to pay attention to. Has following Jesus transformed us into people who are kind, hospitiable and open to strangers?
Live Shalom!
mdd
Wendi on Tue, October 16, 2007
Michael –
I understand the larger question you asking us to consider, and I appreciate (and agree with) you analogy to teaching children good manners. But I’d like to suggest the issue of being warm, welcoming and outward focused cannot be resolved by teaching good habits.
Do you have intentional relationships with other Christians for the purpose of providing accountability? If so, do you anticipate a time when you’ve outgrown the need for accountability? Personally, I will never stop needing accountability. Though I believe I am becoming more Christ-like, I know my propensity to slip into sinful and selfish behaviors, and I need people around me who will alert me whenever those behaviors surface.
In the church, processes and systems provide the accountability that helps us to be the kind of faith community that we want to be, that we know we should be. Should we need to be reminded to pay attention to outsiders and newcomers? No, we should be perfect even as our Father in Heaven is perfect. Do we need to be reminded? Yes, and this side of heaven we always will. We’re naturally inward focused and selfish people, and it is naïve (at best) to persuade ourselves that we can once-and-for-all teach our people to be otherwise. Following Jesus DOES transform us into the kind of people who are kind, hospitable and open to others, to the extent that we regularly remind ourselves that we must be so.
Wendi
michael on Wed, October 17, 2007
Wendi,
Thanks…that makes sense to me! The systems are like an instituational accounatability partner to ensure that we don’t slip into self-centered responses to guests. To add Peter’s comments, we do this because showing love to guests is too important to leave to chance.
Cool!
What I am most likely responding to is the reality that not all people in a congregation actually welcome guests for whatever reason. To use Peter’s analogy a bit - they view guests as “people others have invited into their house.” That problem has to be addressed directly and clearly as something that is inconsistent with the way of Jesus. Many times, good hospitality ministries do not address this root cause of some of the poor hospitality experienced by quests.
Live Shalom!
mdd
Pastor Ian on Wed, October 17, 2007
There is one issue here that I don’t think we’ve discussed - the expectations between visiting believers and visiting non-believers is in many cases very different. When I travelled the world extensively, as a believer I welcomed being welcomed (sorry bad English) into a chhurch situation and very much valued the fellowship I missed from home church and to a degree family.
As a pastor, I now see people whose last emotional energy has been spent, “crawling” through the church door, who only want to meet with God and not the complications of people…
How do you differentiate effectively?
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