When Loving You Is Killing Me: Thoughts On Pastoring The Small Church
- Posted by: Todd
- Posted on: Wed, June 29, 2005
- Viewed 145
- (18) comments so far
And then....I was taken for a ride in a truck. Mr. So and So, (not his real name) says, "Now you know I give more money than anyone else in the church don't you?" The shine was off of Mikey's new toy. (Actual true story.)
It didn't take long to discover that I was pastoring a network of extended families, and if I were going to do anything here, I was going to have to memorize a map that was never printed; a map of who mattered, who had power, who called the shots, and whose blessing would determine my support.
I quickly found out that one Sunday School class and one teacher ran the church. I discovered that one dominant family had determined the success of every pastor for years. I found out that everyone in the church had either made peace with this, or was ready for me to lead the charge to dislodge the dominant family, and if we lost, well.....I'd leave and they would try again.
I am naturally fearful. I am also very stubborn. This situation provided me with four years to preach my heart out, work around the edges, appeal to everyone to follow my leadership, and try a dozen new things that the dominant family ignored.
In other words, for four years I worked like so many small church pastors: I tried to be a good and faithful pastor without playing politics. I did all I could to be a good pastor to this family, including seeing them through the death of a major family member. Nothing mattered. I never received a dinner invitation. I never got a basket of peaches. My every decision was wrong. All my projects were ignored. They supported the church, and tolerated me. Things got colder by the week. My future was eroded and undercut at every point.
At one point, late in the game, we had an evangelist come to preach. A real fiery, bulldog of a guy. He follows me around for a couple of days, and smells out the church. We're in the study, and he looks at me with a look that I can only describe as contempt. "Why don't you tell _________________ that you're the pastor, and he can either support you or leave? Stand up to this bunch."
So easy to say. So many young pastors go that route, and get their luggage early. I was trying to be a lover and smart guy, not a fighter. I would buy my own luggage, and not much later than if I'd drawn a line in the sand.
I became bitter, and occasionally angry. (Once when the length of a service was criticized in a humiliating deacon's meeting- I went 10 minutes past noon- I ended the service the next week after 40 minutes.) I fought, and lost. Tried and lost. Prayed and heard nothing. I talked to my fellow pastors endlessly. They just looked at me and bought me lunch. They had heard it from this church before and were going through it at their own.
Anyone face a similiar scenario? (Maybe you're in this story right now). How did it work out? How did you handle the situation?
Tomorrow, we'll look at part 2 of David's story.
Are you a small church pastor that struggles with both the best and the worst the small church has to offer? I recently found the heart-felt story of Pastor David Hansen, and his experience with his first small church pastorate. I think it echos stories I’ve heard many times over the years… and stories that I’ve witnessed first-hand many times as well. Here’s part one of David’s story…
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Deborah on Tue, July 19, 2005
It is very difficult, when people use their own agendas to compromise the body of Christ. But i do believe if we are courage and faithful. God,will lead, guide, and direct us through these valley’s of hard decisions.
jb skaggs on Tue, July 19, 2005
You know I just posted a small message about this at the bible scholl where I serve that every new Christian worker should understand. Church = Power struggle.
That one has to be able to identify and avoid the problems and pits dug by the opposition even if in the church- no especially in the church.
I was once fired by a church to ashamed to say they fired me. They said I was “too good for them.” and changed the locks.
Jb Skaggs
Skip Cook on Wed, September 21, 2005
I am pastor of a family owned and opporated farming community rual country church. Been here 6 years and can not get out. I have tried for 3 years to find another church but have come in 2nd 15 times. Even though I was first in 4 situations they chose the second man because they lived closer. I am from Florida and pastor in North Carolina. I feel like I have fallen and can’t get up.
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