Monday Morning Insights

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    When Someone Leaves Your Church…

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    We realize that God will move people from Emmanuel in His providence. Some of our members will be moved to another city, others will move to sister churches in Enid, and others will be called home to be with the Lord.

    In order for us to keep an accurate accounting of our membership, we ask you to do the following if you separate from the fellowship of Emmanuel for reasons other than death.

    Please contact one of the pastors regarding your decision to move.
    Unite with a sister church as quickly as possible.
    Request from us a letter of recommendation, which we will gladly give, unless there are unresolved church discipline issues.

    We ask that you contact us, not because we seek to change your mind, but rather that our relationships with each other will continue and that we might learn how to more effectively minister to our people.

    What matters is that you actively worship God and serve Him through the local church. Whether you worship at Emmanuel or another sister church is your decision, not ours. We desire to be in good relationship with all Christians regardless of where they worship.

    FOR DISCUSSION:  Any Thoughts?

    Ever have someone leave your church?  Sometimes people leave for really good reasons; sometimes the reasons are pitiful; but still people leave.  It’s a fact of life.  How does your church deal with this?  Emmanuel Baptist Church in Enid, OK has a page dedicated to this on their website.  (Thanks to One Salient Oversight for the link!)  See what you think…

    Comments

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    1. Jade on Tue, September 27, 2005

      Well thought out?  Never seen anyone do that before.  I think it is put pretty good.

    2. Monica on Tue, September 27, 2005

      Perhaps this begs more questions:


      What is the definition of “sister church”?


      What is their position on being committed to a church body?

      How do they encourage, challenge and grow people that are “on the edge” of leaving?


      All that asked, I do applaud their “up-front-ness” in requesting their attendees to communicate.  It would cause me to perceive them as open and relational.


      My frustration with members who leave the church (for whatever reason) comes when they DON’T communicate.  As a worship pastor, I’ve heard people say “I don’t like the worship” and that comes in a blank email with no face-to-face contact. 

       

      What about it don’t you like?  How could I have better pointed you to God?  What elements made it difficult for you?  These questions never got asked because they wouldn’t communicate with me or the Pastor or anyone else.


      Though I understand people’s choices in leaving a fellowship, I agree that we all need to be more open about it.

       

      A strange question:  do we have any stats (Barna or otherwise) that display trends or general demographics of those that choose to leave a church?  Does anyone know where I could track that information down?

       

    3. BeHim on Tue, September 27, 2005

      [Please contact one of the pastors regarding your decision to move.]


      Please allow me to suggest maybe the ministers (servants) contact the person leaving.


      Why put an additional task on the shoulders of the person leaving… it seems to me like the person leaving is asked to take an extra step and “serve” the church with a reason for leaving.

      Why not serve them and make an effort by taking time from a busy schedule (that we all have) and contact them.


      Maybe this is all they need… to be appreciated enough that someone took the time to call and see if 1.  everything is okay and 2. why he/she/they quit attending


      May we grow in the Grace and Knowledge of HIM; my friends.

       

    4. kd on Tue, September 27, 2005

      What if there are hidden ministries within the church such as exocisms that you were not aware of when you joined the church? Should you just disappear or confront the leadership if you disagree with the teachings of generational bondage through demon possesion? Thanks!

    5. bernie dehler on Tue, September 27, 2005

      Very good article.  The only thing I raise my eye-brow at is:


      “Whether you worship at Emmanuel or another sister church is your decision, not ours.”


      What’s a sister church? Another Baptist church? Sounds like they are too narrow-minded.  There’s much more other fine Christian groups out there besides just the Baptisits.


      As for KD’s question, I’d advise to follow the Lord’s advice in Matt. 18 to resolve any disagreement OR sin.  It’s an awesome and simple process; just takes some spiritual maturity to carry out in truth and love and patience.

      ...Bernie


      http://www.oneplace.com/ministries/247/

       

    6. kd on Tue, September 27, 2005

      Bernie, Can you just e-mail me straight forward? I don’t know how to navigate on this computer! Am I in sin or are they? Thanks. kd

    7. Peter Hamm on Wed, September 28, 2005

      kd writes “What if there are hidden ministries within the church…”

      I’ve seen something akin to this. You join or even agree to serve in a church that represents itself in one way, but over the course of time, they reveal that they have a very different philosophy of ministry in PRACTICE than they do in DESCRIPTION, i.e. their mission or vision statements, et cetera. And… that this practiced philosophy of ministry is not only contrary to what was stated up front, but is also, in your view and experience, ineffective or even dangerous. Now imagine you find that everybody in leadership except you is cool with that!


      Sometimes it’s time to move on, even for a leader. It happens.


      But my own experience is, very often a congregant will say they are moving on because they are “not being fed”. Very often some of these good people are, coincidentally, not really serving at all. I’ve found that mature Christians REALLY get fed by serving. And I’m not sure we get REALLY “fed” (John 4:34) any other way.

    8. Travis Johnson on Wed, September 28, 2005

      I think they put up a page that all of us wish we could communicate to our people.  I don’t think I would list it on my site, but we do teach how to leave in some of our entry classes.


      Regarding pastors going to the one leaving:  It is nearly impossible to divine what someone is doing.  How do you stay in touch with even a couple hundred people to know who is on vacation, who is out of town, and who is leaving because they are not “being fed” or are disgruntled?

      What a bore it is as a pastor to feel that your job is to constantly extinguish fires and comfort the disgruntled.  Deep down, I am relieved when someone that is impossible to please leaves.


      So, I loved the note…wouldn’t put it out there for the whole world to see though.


      Travis Johnson

       

    9. Jay on Wed, September 28, 2005

      People leave for a variety of reasons. I could never keep up and if it’s against the pastor, they won’t tell the truth. I’ve had people leave because they finally figured out the mean spirit within the established families and the keeping out of newcomers. people leave because they discover that if they want to be a leader they have to fit the Biblical criteria and they are not willing to be that faithful. People leave when they learn that tithing or serious commitment is required and they have a consumer mentality, what will you do for me, kind of attitude. people leave because the church they have in mind is small and the pastor should visit and that doesn’t fit the Biblical model, nor is it possible in a 500 to 800 member/worshipping congregation. People leave because the pastor can’t remember everybody’s name or doesn’t say the right thing in the pulpit. People leave because you are now using video, people leave because you pray for one another, people leave because you don’t talk about the end times, or spiritually speak in tongues, or you do, or you are prophetic and make comments about their lifestyle. I can’t imagine people writing to the church to explain the real reason, but that would be nice.

    10. ThankUJesus on Thu, September 29, 2005

      Another reason people leave is church is becoming productions, performances, and in some cases money making activities…those of us who have left are now FREE to witness, spend the money with the poor, food pantries, etc., and help the hurting because we have more energy from not constantly teaching, serving, giving, and


      trying to fulfill the expectations of demanding leaders who want we the people to make them look good by increasing the attendance, the budget, and their reputation locally for all the volunteer workers “their” church provides. 


      Some “die” to be free, others leave the church:


      I’M FREE

      Don’t grieve for me, for now I’m free


      I’m following the path God laid for me.


      I took His hand when I heard him call;


      I turned my back and left it all.


      I could not stay another day,


      To laugh, to love, to work or play.

       

      Tasks left undone must stay that way;


      I found that place at the close of day.


      If my parting has left a void,


      Then fill it with remembered joy.


      A friendship shared a laugh, a kiss;


      Ah yes, these things, I too will miss.


      Be not burdened with times of sorrow


      I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow.


      My life’s been full, I savored much;

       

      Good friends, good times, a loved ones touch.


      Perhaps my time seems all to brief;


      Don’t lengthen it now with undue grief.


      Lift up your heart and share with me,


      God wanted me now, He set me free.


      Author:  Linda Jo Jackson

       

      http://mrmom.amaonline.com/ImFree.htm

       

    11. Tom Riggs on Tue, October 04, 2005

      I think Jay hit it on the head , I was really glad when some members left and felt sorry for the next pastor that got them.

    12. Scott Jordan on Tue, October 04, 2005

      My policy is when someone leaves or threatens to leave your church say goodbye, so long, see ya


      Blessings


      SJ

    13. Brian La Croix on Mon, October 10, 2005

      I’ve only had a couple leave the church since I’ve been here (five years), and one of those made it clear why they left.


      The other never said, but I could guess (a theological issue, mainly).  So I sent them a letter stating that if I had offended them, I would be glad to hear what it was, and if needed, ask for forgiveness.  But I also stated in the letter that I was not very good at “chasing” people who left, and didn’t feel the need to question the motives of adults who made such decisions.


      Never heard from them, but not surprised, either.

      I’m saddened when people leave, but also realize that our church is a good fit for some, and not for others.


      Brian

       

    14. Brian La Croix on Mon, October 10, 2005

      Oh yeah - I meant to address the “sister church” thing.


      I don’t necessarily see that as narrow-minded (unless they mean “another church exactly like us in doctrine, practice, etc.”).  There are lots of fine churches in our area that preach the gospel, and I have no problem referring people to them if they don’t find a good “fit” with us.

      To me, a sister church is any church that agrees with us on the essentials of salvation, the Bible, etc.  We might disagree on secondary issues such as music style, points of theology not dealing with salvation, Bible translations, or whatever.  But if I know that people are hearing how to get to heaven, I’ve got no real problem.


      Brian

       

    15. chuck on Mon, October 10, 2005

      Wow this gets my heart right now. I was at my present church 6 weeks when the bulk of the leadership walked out. Only one of them communicated in any way. A hand written letter slid under the door of my house followed by screeching tires in the street. I still don’t know why they left, but I do know they work the remaining crowd every saturday to hinder sunday attendance.

      It has been just over two months since they left. The church has not recovered but I am glad they are gone.


      The fact they did not talk to me, combined with thier actions since, tell me they all would have been even bigger problems down the road.


      Yes I do feel sorry for the pastor where they all go together now. Give them a year and he will expirence a pain in the butt too!


      And regardless of what my board has asked me to do…I WILL NOT CHASE THEM AND IF THEY TRY TO RETURN THE DOOR WILL BE CLOSED.

       

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