Helping People Leave Your Church Graciously
- Posted by: Todd
- Posted on: Mon, July 16, 2007
- Viewed 118
- (43) comments so far
I think I touched on this last week… I am many times discouraged by the number of stories I hear about churches who are struggling because of people who are fighting tooth and nail against the leadership of the church.
As Craig points out, it’s important to leave the back door open a crack. Some people in your church will, inevitably, keep your church from moving forward. But how do you help these people either get the vision of your church or leave graciously? That’s a great question, and I’m glad that Craig is tackling this subject. We’ll be watching this week’s posts with you… it should be great. Here’s post #1.
QUESTION FOR TODAY: Honestly now… do you feel like your church has people that need to leave? Why do you feel this way? How are these people derailing your churches mission and future?
Craig Groeschel is starting a new series this week at the LifeChurch.tv Swerve Blog on people who need to leave your church. Craig asserts that "occasionally, there are some church members who need to leave for the ministry to move forward. These people might be miserable. Maybe they hate change. Perhaps they care more about their own needs than the needs of others. If someone is directly opposed to the direction God is leading your church, we should do our best to lead them to embrace the vision. If you’ve tried and tried and continue to fail, you may need to gently, lovingly help them find another church." I wholeheartedly agree...
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Peter Hamm on Mon, July 16, 2007
I don’t want to sound like a broken record (here’s something I have said before), but in my experience, if you keep the vision white hot, and make sure everybody knows that you are sold out to it and they should be too, you can and maybe should leave the back door “WIDE OPEN” for people to leave if it’s not for them. We will actually say it from the pulpit!
I have maintained very few healthy relationships with people who’ve gone this way, but it’s worth trying to do.
Brian on Mon, July 16, 2007
Couple of quick hits:
As for the whole concept of “helping people find another church”… I see it as no different than “moving” people within a church from one ministry to another. It is a very hard thing to do. But if you are committed to loving that person, have their needs before your own needs or desires, then I believe God will bless. If the individual resists, and will not submit or develops a bad attitude, that is a sin issue and should be dealt with differently. Also, if the person is a trouble maker in the first place, then “helping them find a new home” is not the right approach as you will be sending someone with a sin problem on to another pastor - what is right about that?
To come back to a point i just made, you must have the person’s needs foremost in your mind. If you are doing this for self-serving reasons, I do not believe God will bless in the long run. We must have a clear distinction between a sin problem and a “family” issue…
As a final comment, I think it is interesting how some pastors are willing to do this to staff, but not to board members or congregation members…. too many staff are being hurt in today’s churches by boards and senior pastors who are more concerned about keeping the back door tight (or their jobs), than they are about caring for their staff…ouch, sorry if I stepped on someone’s toes…. http://www.mondaymorninginsight.com/images/smileys/grin.gif
Nuff for now…
Keith on Mon, July 16, 2007
Well, Todd, I suppose I’m one of the 99%… at least I was, until this morning. It’s tough leaving the comfort of the masses, even if it is online! http://www.mondaymorninginsight.com/images/smileys/smile.gif
Yes, I believe we have some people who need to leave. No; actually, they need to actively seek God’s will for themselves, rather than seeking their own way. Short of that—and all indications seem to point to their never achieving that—they need to remove themselves so that they stop hindering everyone else. I’ve only been here 2 years, which isn’t very long to effect much positive change; especially for an older church that hasn’t experienced anything different for well over 30 years. The majority of people are somewhat indifferent to seeing God do something new; there are a few who would like to see him do something, and there are those few who believe that we’re already doing what we should, and God just needs to stay back and let us do our thing. The few who would like to see God do something new are intimidated, for some reason, by the ones that don’t want God interfering. I suppose if I had a stronger personality, I’d actively try to convince them to change or leave. Without any support from others in leadership, though, I don’t see that happening.
If this church is going to throw off the mantle of slumber that has enveloped it, God will have to do something significant. Frankly, I’m wondering if he’ll keep me here long enough to see that happen.
Vivian Sawyer on Mon, July 16, 2007
after reading the first 2 postings, I am conflicted about my response. We do indeed have people that have a problem with change and tend to cause dissention but the more I think about it, I realize that it is a heart issue and that we need to love them enough to speak the truth in love to them and confront them about their sinful attitude instead of just leaving the door open and hoping they’ll get the hint and leave. Loving people is why the church exists, and if we only care about them when they are “behaving” we are missing the boat entirely. There are some people that will leave because that’s their “solution” to problems they see in the church. But as leaders we should be trying to preserve as many of them as we can by teaching them how to handle problems (including unwanted changes) in a biblical manner and by encouraging and challenging them to embrace the change and see how God intends to use it in the life of the church, but more importantly, in the life of the individual.
John Harvey on Mon, July 16, 2007
I think people either need to begin shifiting paradigms or they need to shift churches. Our own church is seeing some great fruit from our small group ministry. People not connected to any chruch have joined, attendance at Life Groups is higher than it ever was for Sunday School and yet there are several people fighting us becasue we are doing something different. We still have Sunday School and Wednesday night, but they are not as emphasized because pepole are connecting in home bible studies. For some reason this is a bad thing in other peoples eyes.
I want these people to stay and get on board. However I am tired of using my energy and the leadership of the chruch to try and keep these people happy. Maybe it would be best if they were to leave. Another interesting note that I have made is that the pepole who feel this way usually are not invested in any ministry area of the church.
Peter Hamm on Mon, July 16, 2007
Vivian writes [Loving people is why the church exists, and if we only care about them when they are “behaving” we are missing the boat entirely.] yes, we need to care about people when they are behaving. I would argue that althoug love is “the thing the church does”, it is not the reason the church exists. The church exists to make people into disciples (which, yes, we do by loving them), and if people aren’t on board with the way that your church does that, don’t you think the most loving thing to do is graciously show them the door and help them find their place in God’s big Kingdom rather than let them stay there and get disgruntled.
For instance, if your church doesn’t do the “hymn” thing, and someone joins who thinks you should… Perhaps they are in the wrong place. The longer they stay, perhaps the worse it is for everybody!
THAT’S love.
Jeff on Mon, July 16, 2007
I began my 8th year here this month. Five years ago I did a sermon where I went through and did the “You may need to find a new church home if…” We had people who were doing all of the things mentioned in the article. The gist was get on board or find a place you can. I did it again the next year, but with a different format.
And nobody left! The people who were causing the problems thought I was talking about everyone else and vice versa! Now it did energize the body, as preaching to the choir sometimes does. But the problem people stayed until about 18 months ago, and they slowly began to drift away. In most cases they did so without causing a big deal. Most chose to go in the summer or around Christmas vacation.
There are still a few who will stay until they die, but they have virtually no influence. They are “ill-intentioned” dragons with no fire or teeth. They just take up space and smoke the place up every now and then!
John Harvey on Mon, July 16, 2007
We deinfatley need to be loving to pepole. But how long do you allow people to be destructive in their behavior and comments before the leadership says enough? We need to understand that there are times that a parting is better for everyone. It does not mean we have to be nasty, but we must be honest and up front for the good of the entire body.
Casey Sabella on Mon, July 16, 2007
Frankly, no! At least that is the case right now. We have had people who “needed” to leave because they attached their own vision or agenda to our church and it was never going to work. I met with those individuals and “invited” them to search for another church in a positive manner. I explained that we were not driven by the same passion and recommended area churches better suited to their vision.
Homer on Mon, July 16, 2007
There are some in the church who needs to move. The reason is simply that they are bullies and will never let the church serve in peace. One in particular has a penchant of saying loudly that the church will close in x number of years. [Of course the church and its presumed closing date has passed several times.] And now is boycotting the church as long as “that person” is preaching.
Why do these type of people need to go? Simply to stop the abuse of the rest of the church.
Why doesn’t the church stand up to them? Because we are taught to be polite.
The only problem I have with those who leave is that they will probably abuse the next church they enter.
Chuck Davis Sr. on Mon, July 16, 2007
I like what Peter had to say, that is, if the Vision is strong enough and clear; then those who do not strongly agree and fit into that vision need to find a place where they do. Each church has chosen their leaders, with the guidance of the Holy Spirit, and God has given them a vision for how they, in the place they are at, can fulfill the Great Commission and Kingdom Vision Jesus so clearly casted. Each of us have God given personalities, talents, experience and spiritual gifts that uniquely fit us to a congregation which needs what we can provide. God is not happy with complaining or rebellion so sometimes, as one pastor I’ve had has said, “blessed deletions” are necessary and welcome.
Chuck Davis Sr.
Steve Nestor on Mon, July 16, 2007
This probably hits every pastor square between the eyes. I fo one, have an open back (and front) door policy. I do not coddle those who get angry because I preach the truth or have an issue with the church.
It is their choice to leave (thank you Jesus) or stay and get involved in the program. Unfortunately, they want to stay and cause trouble. Actually had a fellow once who said to me, “my job here is to cause trouble, keep things stirred up.” Apparently, he fell out of the boat a long time ago, and does not realize he is drowning on his own. I think we, as pastors, should try to keep the flock, but not when they begin to stink.
Pastor D on Mon, July 16, 2007
OK, I took your challenge and here is my response. I am incredibly blessed that I have an eldership team that is 100% committed to the ministry. Nothing, not even people, can break it. We had a person not long ago get mad at one of my preschool teachers. I looked into the facts and found my teacher 100% in the right. I told the disgruntled person our findings and she, after trying to fight back a little, left the church. About 3 months went by and she came back to the church with a whole new attitude (praise God.) So yes, sometimes people need to be shown the door. Thankfully in our church no one needs to find it at this time. - - Tetelestai! - D
Harold on Mon, July 16, 2007
Being a card carrying member of the “church of the month club” every time we have moved to a new city, I try to guide my “church-choice” by the words of my pastor, spiritual leader and friend.
“When you find the perfect church, don’t join it you will ruin it!”
Leonard on Mon, July 16, 2007
Asking people to leave is never easy but we are not just shepherds of people, we are stewards of vision, atmosphere, health of the church and more. These are all things that if we are not great stewards of we will never keep the vision white hot. The bible also says warn a divisive person once; again then have nothing to do with them. Sort of a biblical version of three strikes and you are out.
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