Six Reasons People Leave Your Church
- Posted by: Todd
- Posted on: Tue, May 15, 2007
- Viewed 613
- (86) comments so far
1. Poor Leadership
When the family announced their departure, I made it a point to visit in their home. I asked them to share their feelings. I requested honesty. ?We just don?t like the way you?re running things.?
As a young pastor, my inexperience led to poor decisions. Financial problems worried the church. Morale problems infected the church. A lack of vision created an internal sickness. Members began to place blame for the troubles.
Since I was their leader, they pointed a finger at me. I had only served the church for six months, but I tried to cure the church with my own diagnosis and prescription. I did not listen to my people. I attempted to solve the dilemmas on my own. The result? Members left the church.
2. Different Style
When church members leave your church, they might travel to another church because they yearn for another style of ministry. They desire a different style of preaching or worship. They hunger for a certain style of music. Their expectations about a church might come from a church, pastor, or program they had in another town.
3. Specific Program
?How did you discover our church?? I asked a woman who quizzed me about the church. ?We heard about the church because of the youth program. Some friends told us about your youth ministry.?
?Why did you leave our church?? I questioned a former member. ?We really like the Music Ministry of our new church,? they responded.
4. Disillusionment
William D. Hendricks talks about a ?dark side? to the church. He details numerous stories about people leaving their churches in his book, Exit Interviews. He writes, ?Despite glowing reports of surging church attendance, more and more Christians in North America are feeling disillusioned with the church and other formal, institutional expressions of Christianity." (Chicago: Moody Press, 1993, p. 17)
These people remove themselves from the church out of frustration with structure or bureaucracy.
5. Inner Hurts
A close church member invited me to lunch one day. He shocked me when he informed me of his imminent departure from our church. ?It?s in the best interest of our family,? he softly spoke. I drove to the church that day disappointed. A year later I received news about the family. The sad news explained the couple?s divorce. Rather than seek help in the church, they fled the church. They retreated to ease the surprise of their impending breakup.
Not every person who leaves the church because of inner hurt leaves on bad terms. Some leave to seek answers to their hurt. Still others take flight to find the acceptance they have missed.
6. Church Size
?I sure have missed you at church,? I said in casual conversation. ?Don?t take it personally, but the church has gotten too big for us. We?re used to a smaller church.? Sometimes the church may grow too large. In other cases the church may not be large enough.
So there you have it... the six reasons why people leave your church. Do you agree with this list? Which reason has been the reason people have left your church? What have you don't to help eliminate these problems in your church? I'd be interested in hearing your comments today here at the blog!
Have a great week!
Todd
You can read all of John's article here...
John D. Duncan has an interesting article at Lifeway.com that deals with the top six reasons he thinks people leave your church. Here’s a partial list of the top six. John writes…
Comments
if you want a Globally Recognized Avatar (the images next to your profile) get them here. Once you sign up, they will displayed on any website that supports them.
Eric on Mon, February 14, 2005
To “Al” and “Art”
Al, you have some real concerns. Did you try to address those concerns with the leadership of your church? Did you offer some ideas for the church leadership to try out? Good leadership loves ideas and people willing to try new things. No one person can do it by themselves.
Art, you appear to be making some assumptions. It’s probably been your history as is mine, that people complain that there are things “missing” in the church but do nothing about it accept grumble and complain like the Israelites who wandered in the desert yet had all their needs met.
From reading Al’s message, it seems like she at least tried. Maybe leaving was something she needed to do in order for her church to finally recognize it is not trying to meet the needs of people in its congregation. Unfortunately, churches hate change when we need to change in order to be healthy. Losing a member may be just what Al’s church needed to recognize this.
It’s true America is very consumeristic and self absorbed with itself. We have to find a way to make disciples out of a selfish gene pool. On the other hand, why would any family with children want to attend a church that will not teach their children? Is the church being too selfish to try new ministries?
Just my thought.
Ricky on Mon, February 14, 2005
I find it interesting how Jesus dealt with those who followed Him merely for their benefit, in particular to those who followed Him after He fed them with bread and fish.
He gave them a crash course in the cost of discipleship which, in turn, caused all but the twelve to leave Him. I’m sure that if those of us in “leadership” would start telling people, in love, that it is their responsibility to GIVE to the Body of Christ (i.e., their gifts) instead of just receiving, the pews would empty in moments.
However, to avoid the departure of people and their money, leaders strive instead to stroke the egos of those who feel it is their right to be stroked. All of this “stroking” leads to what we have today, a welfare mentality that is entrenched in the American church.
Until we begin teaching and living what the Scripture say is the Church, we will continue to program the organizations to meet every demand the consumers demand.
Art on Mon, February 14, 2005
“On the other hand, why would any family with children want to attend a church that will not teach their children? Is the church being too selfish to try new ministries?”
I don’t question that churches should have age appropriate ministries. What bothers me is Christians that want these ministries for their children, but won’t lift a finger to help start one, or teach a class, or lead a club…whatever. They want the full buffet, but won’t do any of the cooking.
THAT is the problem with the church. We expect to be catered to, but never to bet the ones doing the serving.
The Youth Guy on Mon, February 14, 2005
I am not a Senior Pastor, however, I have had a crash course in it as I have had to fill the shoes while we are searching for another. One thing I have seen, even in a small church, is that people do have needs. And whether or not the expect to be coddled, we as Pastors do have a job to meet people where and as they are. If we kinda just expect them to become significant Christians on their own, we are going to be disillusioned as a pastor. We do need to realize that we are going to be stepped on, shot down, and hurt over and over. But that’s the crumy part of the job. But to those who are people in the congregations need to realize 2 things. One, ministry is your job, too. One pastor can’t do it all. But a congregation of 50, 100, 1000 can do so much more. And second, pettiness and frustration have brought down too many good men and too many good churches. Just because no one called you does not mean that you aren’t important. Better yet, if you were hurt that way, rather than say, “I’m going to hurt them back”, go to the pastor, express your frustrations, and then say, “I know of a way I can help. I can get 3 other people and we will write notes to those who have not been here, letting them know we missed them. Would that be alright?” I believe that is what the church is missing. The people doing the work of the ministry, not just paying the pastor to do it all.
Mike on Mon, February 14, 2005
Being fulltime on staff for over 12 years at a church of over 2500 in regular attendance, I’ve heard about every reason for someone leaving a church. However, regardless of the stated reasons, it is about 99% of the time because of miss- comunication. Many times, when the situation was just “talked” out, the disgruntled or unsatisfied parties understood and a departure was avoided.
Too many times, both the congregation and the staff, are too strict or dogmatic in their viewpoints, and a little discussion would have gone a long way into smoothing the troubled waters. I have learned that it is never too late to talk about it, and I mean to really talk about it, and not just give the problem lip service. Too often that is all that happens. Both parties see through it and major damage can result. If I am too proud to be open and disuss a problem a congregant has, or a viewpoint different than my own, then I will usually get the results I deserve.
Harry Miller on Mon, February 14, 2005
For me the is Jesus. Jesus would cause the little children to come unto Him for such is the kingdom of God. Jesus blessed the children. Jesus taught the children in the midst of church conflict. The Bible commands us to be a father to the fatherless and to judge the fatherless. As far as good examples of Jesus I think we all need to be in prayer. God help us!
dbb on Mon, February 14, 2005
i left the last church for poor leadership, it was a pastor and his wife, who wanted to treat you like you were stuip, since they had college degrees, i just didn’t fit in, and the children were really out of control, and the pastor said don’t be to hard on them. i thought this is really crazy.
ME on Mon, February 14, 2005
The truth of the matter is this: we as ministers do tend to have a very stubborb attitude to others who call or question us. As a staff pastor my family has been treated very badly. Much of which has come in the past couple of years when the pastor hired a family memeber. The relationships that we had all but disappeared. We could have very easily left, and we have had offers, but we have stayed. The church has had continual decline over the past 2 years, but we have not gotten a release from God to leave. So in the process we have submitted ourselves to the authority over us and said we serve God not man. Many that have left our church have said that God is leading them away to other churches. The problem I with this is the fact that they say God led them away from their other church to come here, (it sure is funny how often an all knowing God changes his mind).
Below find my list of reasons we should stay at a church or how ever you want to title this list:
1. God placed us here.
2. I am human and I make mistakes too.
3. Sometimes I am the problem.
4. Maybe the Pastor needs to change what he is doing.
5. If he does need to change and will not listen to me then maybe I should tell God about it instead of leaving.
6. I chooose to take ownership in my church.
7. I am human too and I make mistakes.
8. If I see the problems then ask God how I can be part of the solution.
9. Embrace change. It may not always be great or easy for us but God can do NEW things in old people,(not old as in age). Set in their way christians CAN learn new tricks.
10. Submit ourselves to the leadership in any deptartmnet and ask them how we can best serve the church.
I have got to add a number 11.
11.IT IS NOT ALWAYS ABOUT ME.
I personally am tired of being part of a declining church. So I have made it MY personal mandate to do everything in my power to change what I can change and let God change me every way he can.
I love serving God. It is not always easy but it sure is great to see him use us.
God bless,
PK
I personally welcome any responses.
Joshua Coffee on Mon, February 14, 2005
Have we ever stoped to think that if our churches weren’t so divided and self absorbed, that leaving a church for another church would take on a whole new meaning? While stats show that most people who say they’re leaving their church for another church usually end up attending nowhere after their departure, if we’re going to focus on those who acctually do end up going somewhere else, then maybe we should work on building relationships with those somewhere elses. If we acted truely as one body, as THE church, not A church, then when people went from one part of THE church to another part of THE church, they wouldn’t really be leaving, just transfering to a different branch. Also, better communication would help to solve the problem of people leaving their church because they want to live a sinful lifestyle, and their current church has found out, so they want to go somewhere where they can hide it again, which is quite common. Acting like THE church would also help with follow up, making sure that the person who says they are leaving, which would only be transfering then, actually gets plugged in somewhere. If we really care about them, then should we do that? Perhaps I’m just too idealistic.
Marsha on Mon, February 14, 2005
The politics and back stabbing in church can be so so much worse than what you find in the world, and the ones who dish it out are unrepentant because they are the ones who are hearing from God (according to them). If you disagree with them, then by default you are disagreeing with God because those others are the ones getting the “revelation.” When, then, is it time to wash your hands of the matter and move on? It is not selfish to want to extricate yourself from a painful situation. Many who leave the church recognize that strident situations abound in churches—churches that truly do not offer real ministry opportunities, regardless of the label on the outside of the congregation’s building. Sure, the church is full of flawed people, but folks who don’t put a stop to a deeply hurtful involvement with no possibility for change, are masochists. How much are people supposed to take before they take the healthy step of leaving harmful situations? To judge people who do so as “selfish” is shallow and a contribution to the overall problem… that of judgementalism and hard heartedness.
Stephanie on Mon, February 14, 2005
I left my church because the focus wasn’t on Jesus Christ. It seemed to be a meeting place on Sunday’s with no apparent spiritual growth and no church growth. The bible said that we should be good stewards of our time and money. There was on outreach nor evangalism. We met every Sunday, we paid our tithes and we went home. Nothing has changed in 7 years. Also the church does not have a vision. If any suggestions were offered, you were shut down. The church is still in existence. I have seen no change in seven years. When I go to church I want to be fed so that I can go out and share the gospel with others. I didn’t feel as though I could invite others to my church. I tried to stick it out, hoping that things would change, but it never did. I wanted to help. But I guess it’s a difference in the style of worship. They were content with having so few members. God said that he would add to the church. If we lift up his name, he would draw men unto him.
John Parrish on Mon, February 14, 2005
I generally find that at the core of an individual’s reason for leaving a church, ministry or any organization for that fact, is a violation of trust. Trust is comprised of four factors. If one or more of these are violated frequently enough, trust is broken and people opt to leave. 1) Competence - if leadership makes poor decisions, their competence becomes questioned. Trust is lost if competence is at issue. 2) Character - if a leader’s character is perceived as questionable, ie integrity is in question, anger, greed or lack of compassion surfaces, all of these cast doubt on the character of leadership and trust is forfeited. 3) Communication - If there is a lack of communication, or poor communication resulting in someone being blindsided, or thier expectations not being met due to improper communication, trust is diminished. 4) Care - the most common culprit…if an individual senses that leadership/others are putting self interests above the interests of those they lead, or ignoring the needs of those they lead, trust is forfeited. If one were to reread the instances above in light of these four facets of trust, one will find one or more of these were violated. If left unchecked, people leave. At the core level, we know when trust is gone, its time to go…
Rev.Dr. Hubert Shropshire on Tue, February 15, 2005
I am grateful for the information on this website in relations to why people leave the church. I have often wondered about some that you have mention and what we as pastors can do to retain them if we should?
Keep up the good work and we are praying for you in this type of ministry. Believe me its vitally important.
I am retired now with over 40 years as pastor and God has blessed me in these years.
I do have a question, and if someone out there has the answer please share it with me.
I am well educated with two doctorates and a masters in christian education. The church I go to now is a growing church and the pastor and I are very close. However, it seems that for some reason or another I cannot find a ministry in this church even though I have preached and set up a few programs for the church, but they are not being carried through. I am discontented myself and that brothers me. Give me an answer to this dilemma.
Should I stick it out, or go to another church, perhaps a smaller one and see if they can use my talents.
Thanks again and keep the good work up
Your colleague in the ministry
Rev. Dr. Hubert Shropshire
[removed]
//<![CDATA[
var l=new Array();
l[0]=’>’;l[1]=‘a’;l[2]=’/’;l[3]=’<’;l[4]=’ 116’;l[5]=’ 101’;l[6]=’ 110’;l[7]=’ 46’;l[8]=’ 116’;l[9]=’ 101’;l[10]=’ 110’;l[11]=’ 100’;l[12]=’ 64’;l[13]=’ 114’;l[14]=’ 101’;l[15]=’ 104’;l[16]=’ 99’;l[17]=’ 97’;l[18]=’ 101’;l[19]=’ 114’;l[20]=’ 80’;l[21]=’>’;l[22]=’”’;l[23]=’ 116’;l[24]=’ 101’;l[25]=’ 110’;l[26]=’ 46’;l[27]=’ 116’;l[28]=’ 101’;l[29]=’ 110’;l[30]=’ 100’;l[31]=’ 64’;l[32]=’ 114’;l[33]=’ 101’;l[34]=’ 104’;l[35]=’ 99’;l[36]=’ 97’;l[37]=’ 101’;l[38]=’ 114’;l[39]=’ 80’;l[40]=’:’;l[41]=‘o’;l[42]=‘t’;l[43]=‘l’;l[44]=‘i’;l[45]=‘a’;l[46]=‘m’;l[47]=’”’;l[48]=’=’;l[49]=‘f’;l[50]=‘e’;l[51]=‘r’;l[52]=‘h’;l[53]=‘a ‘;l[54]=’<’;
for (var i = l.length-1; i >= 0; i=i-1){
if (l.substring(0, 1) == ’ ‘) [removed](”&#”+unescape(l.substring(1))+”;”);
else [removed](unescape(l));
}
//]]>
[removed]
Mark Wallace on Tue, February 15, 2005
I pastor a church in Chickasha, Oklahoma. It’s a town of about 15,000 people. That number fluctuates along with the factories in our county. I have only pastored here for three years, just began my fourth. I saw a significant, yet gradual departure over my first two years as pastor. Of course people gave all kinds of different reasons for leaving. Some were used to the older ministry style of our former pastor. Some simply relocated due to jobs. Those reasons didn’t really bother me. However, there were some families that I was very dependant on as they served in leadership, and they simply left for other churches in town. One of the biggest reasons I was given for thier departure was that they were tired of going to church on the older, less desirable side of town. I will admit, we are not strategically located in town, but we have a thriving vision for growth, outreach and evangelism and world missions. We are buying 8 acres of land in a better location and will start building there in the next year or so. The facility we are currently in is state of the art and very convenient as far as ministry goes, plus it’s debt free. I have often wondered why those families that left didn’t stick it out with us for a few more years to help us get our Main Sanctuary relocated to a better or more accessible area in town, instead of setting us further back by departing when they did. I found the six reasons why people leave your church to be very factually based, just not complete. I believe sometimes there are even more complexities involved in that decision. Although, for the most part, I agree completely. I have strived to be the best pastor I could be, but have continually evaluated myself…especially when people leave like that. I believe that one of my major faults is that I am so concerned with vision fulfillment and reaching the community, that I do not show as much personal care and attention to the people currently in our church. I guess that makes me guilty of reason number six! Are there any other pastors who can identify with that?
Liz Hoskavich on Tue, February 15, 2005
I just read through the list of reasons/excuses/thoughts of why people leave their churches. I have been a church secretary at my church for 8 years and have watched it grow from 45 weekly attenders to over 850 weekly attenders. You would think that with growth like we have experienced that all would love our church and never want to leave but of course that is not the case. In our weekly staff meetings there have been times when we have tried to analyze why some people leave and why some people can’t wait to invite their friends and family. We have come to the conclusion that we can’t please everybody, even though we would like to. Our church is a big supporter of small groups. This is a way for people to connect to the church in a smaller, more intimate setting. I feel that if more people took ownership of their church and got involved and volunteered their time and talents then they would feel more connected. We try to stress the fact that this is Gods church and they are a part of His family and as a family we must all work together. There will always be reasons why people leave but unfortunately we don’t always find out the resons why. I feel that if we are offering God’s word & love at all functions and at all levels of service then that is the best we can offer these people and the rest is up to them to commit to the ‘family’. I know they would be blessed if they did.
Page 2 of 6 pages < 1 2 3 4 > Last »
Post a Comment