Six Reasons People Leave Your Church
- Posted by: Todd
- Posted on: Tue, May 15, 2007
- Viewed 615
- (86) comments so far
1. Poor Leadership
When the family announced their departure, I made it a point to visit in their home. I asked them to share their feelings. I requested honesty. ?We just don?t like the way you?re running things.?
As a young pastor, my inexperience led to poor decisions. Financial problems worried the church. Morale problems infected the church. A lack of vision created an internal sickness. Members began to place blame for the troubles.
Since I was their leader, they pointed a finger at me. I had only served the church for six months, but I tried to cure the church with my own diagnosis and prescription. I did not listen to my people. I attempted to solve the dilemmas on my own. The result? Members left the church.
2. Different Style
When church members leave your church, they might travel to another church because they yearn for another style of ministry. They desire a different style of preaching or worship. They hunger for a certain style of music. Their expectations about a church might come from a church, pastor, or program they had in another town.
3. Specific Program
?How did you discover our church?? I asked a woman who quizzed me about the church. ?We heard about the church because of the youth program. Some friends told us about your youth ministry.?
?Why did you leave our church?? I questioned a former member. ?We really like the Music Ministry of our new church,? they responded.
4. Disillusionment
William D. Hendricks talks about a ?dark side? to the church. He details numerous stories about people leaving their churches in his book, Exit Interviews. He writes, ?Despite glowing reports of surging church attendance, more and more Christians in North America are feeling disillusioned with the church and other formal, institutional expressions of Christianity." (Chicago: Moody Press, 1993, p. 17)
These people remove themselves from the church out of frustration with structure or bureaucracy.
5. Inner Hurts
A close church member invited me to lunch one day. He shocked me when he informed me of his imminent departure from our church. ?It?s in the best interest of our family,? he softly spoke. I drove to the church that day disappointed. A year later I received news about the family. The sad news explained the couple?s divorce. Rather than seek help in the church, they fled the church. They retreated to ease the surprise of their impending breakup.
Not every person who leaves the church because of inner hurt leaves on bad terms. Some leave to seek answers to their hurt. Still others take flight to find the acceptance they have missed.
6. Church Size
?I sure have missed you at church,? I said in casual conversation. ?Don?t take it personally, but the church has gotten too big for us. We?re used to a smaller church.? Sometimes the church may grow too large. In other cases the church may not be large enough.
So there you have it... the six reasons why people leave your church. Do you agree with this list? Which reason has been the reason people have left your church? What have you don't to help eliminate these problems in your church? I'd be interested in hearing your comments today here at the blog!
Have a great week!
Todd
You can read all of John's article here...
John D. Duncan has an interesting article at Lifeway.com that deals with the top six reasons he thinks people leave your church. Here’s a partial list of the top six. John writes…
Comments
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John on Tue, February 15, 2005
To say that “church is not about programs, but about people” sounds really good. However, tell that to a pastor who doesn’t have a good children’s PROGRAM in a town where there are tons of children. There is nothing wrong with starting programs that target a need in your community. The main focus and goal is to bring people to Christ. As long as it is biblical, I would stand on my head or start a checkers club if I thought it would reach people. Whatever it takes to show them Christ love, for some that may be expository preaching and Sunday school, for others it may be that “pysco-babble” my friend Craig talks about. We should spend less time judging those churches that are reaching large number in their community, and spend more time studying what they are doing.
al on Tue, February 15, 2005
I don’t understand the defensiveness I read in so many of these postings or the whip which is used that if only people would be more spiritual and love God more rather than being such consumers they would get involved rather than leave. As Dr. Phil (not regarded as a spiritual authority but someone with some wisdom) says, “It is what it is.” Those may be realities but rather than pointing fingers or getting uptight, maybe we should take a serious look and see if there is something we can do which is positive and which will produce better results. We can’t really change other people but we can change ourselves and just maybe we need to look for answers closer to home. People leave my church for some of those reasons mentioned. I don’t necessarily feel good about it but I also realize that my church is not for everyone and we can’t possibly give everyone what they need. I would rather the single mom with the teenage daughter go to a church where she can get what she needs (without condemning her for being a consumer) than that she stays in my church and that her daughter loses interest in following Jesus. We are to be about the kingdom and not just about our own little part of it. If helping someone into another church where they can get more of what they need to grow spiritually is what it takes to see the kingdom go forward in that person’s life, then that is what we should be doing. We need to remember that our people are all at different levels of spiritual maturity. Some may be at the “child” level and to expect that they will stay and make a program happen may be expecting something they are not yet ready to do.
Just a thought.
Daniel Zepeda on Tue, February 15, 2005
People leave the church for many reasons, but the cause for their departure is that they never met Jesus. The church today is a dysfunctional family in that just like a family that is divorced and the father only has visitation rights the kids are the ones to suffer because when they need daddy he’s not around. So it is with the Church whose love has grown cold to their first love, the people in the church are always looking to substitute the void of Jesus with relationships that will never live up to a mature relationship with Christ.
We have watered down the word of God so much that there is no longer a visible border between right and wrong. For example the subject of divorce. Jesus said
“ Furthermore it has been said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ 32But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except ?sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery.”
Divorce is rampant in the body of Christ so why shouldn’t they divorce the church they are in? Jesus gives us the reason in his reply to the then Spiritual leaders of his time and his remarks are just as timely as they were then.
5Then the Pharisees and scribes asked Him, “Why do Your disciples not walk according to the tradition of the elders, but eat bread with unwashed hands?”
6He answered and said to them, “Well did Isaiah prophesy of you hypocrites, as it is written:
‘This people honors Me with their lips,
But their heart is far from Me.
7 And in vain they worship Me,
Teaching as doctrines the commandments of men.’?
8For laying aside the commandment of God, you hold the tradition of men—?the washing of pitchers and cups, and many other such things you do.”
9He said to them, “All too well you reject the commandment of God, that you may keep your tradition. 10For Moses said, ‘Honor your father and your mother’;? and, ‘He who curses father or mother, let him be put to death.’? 11But you say, ‘If a man says to his father or mother, “Whatever profit you might have received from me is Corban”—’ (that is, a gift to God), 12then you no longer let him do anything for his father or his mother, 13making the word of God of no effect through your tradition which you have handed down. And many such things you do.”
The comment I wrote in the past bears repeating. And I do so in love for behold soon He who comes will come and what will he find us doing?
Previous post
The comments on this blog cover a wide range of thought and experience and it has been very interesting to read. I have not been keeping up to date and have just today read the comments. Every conflict and every obstacle whether it be the vision of the Church or the unity of its leadership is tied directly to the maturity in Christ of the individuals involved. The core problem of the church today is that it no longer knows how to enter into the presence of the Lord and so our visions are tainted by our own ideas and not by the direction of God. Thus our unity is always subjective to how the man made vision appeals to the individual members of leadership.
Rick is so right in many of the things he has stated in that all the activities of church growth and visions and unity of leadership must always come second to your own individual relationship to Christ. Christ came to reveal to us the Father and to restore the fellowship that man had with God prior to Adams fall. It is when the leader of a church is able to attain this fellowship with God that the anointing and wisdom of the Holy Spirit will rest upon him to accomplish the vision of Christ “go make disciples of men” and not the visions driven by our humanistic ideals that men praise.
The word of God is plain and the choices are clear. To be a friend of the world is to be an enemy of God. To long now we have preached a gospel that neither challenges nor calls the congregation to repentance. It’s just not popular and as long as they pay their tithes we tend to look the other way and accept the lukewarm Christian walk of the majority. This problem stems from the fact that those that lead us don’t know how to enter into the presence of God themselves and are disqualified and unable to give instruction to others who are seeking a true relationship with God. So we put them to work instead of leading them into the presence of God. This is why the New Testament church developed deacons and people to do the everyday very important tasks that every church has to accomplish, but the Leadership dedicated themselves to prayer and fasting in order to hear God and be in his direct will.
Let me ask this simple question. When is the last time the Holy Spirit spoke to you verbally to your mind saying separate unto me so and so for the work they must do for me. I submit to you that this should be a regular occurrence in the church. King David after defeating the philistines did not go against them when they returned to fight again, but called on God asking should I go up against them and did not rely on his own experience and might.
I tell you the truth once you have sacrificed the time and the effort to fellowship with God and are successful just once you will never be the same. You will no longer be able to settle for a lukewarm relationship. It is this experience that allowed the New Testament Christians to face the lions and death for the cause of Christ. One will not die often for someone he does not know or love.
jade on Tue, February 15, 2005
Good discussion. I enjoy reading you guys different opinions. I would like to say some of you (not all of you) that most of us who comment on this blog are ministers and really don’t need preaching to. Most of us have read the Bible and do so daily. Most of us are hard working ministers trying to do what God has called us to.
On these comment sections I read over, and over again some people on this blog who think they are the only ones who know how to lead a church, and the vision God has given them to lead the church is the only true vision. Let our comments be constructive not destructive. I know you guys know to do this, I am just reminding you of it.
As to why people leave the church I think the six reason are very helpful. I feel like if we are doing all that God has called us to do, and are caring for His flock in the way He has designed for us to, then we have doing our job. We are Pastors serving a Savior and there is only so much we can do, at some point the people have to meet us halfway.
In Christ.
brad on Tue, February 15, 2005
I will agree with the last post. Some of the comments are helpful and insightful, others are just someone ranting because they do not like “seeker” oriented churches, or they prefer “expository” teaching over “topical” teaching. I think we tend to forget that different is not wrong, just different. In most of the cases mentioned above I just see people using this blog and topic as another outlet to gripe about another churches style, many times because the church in their town whose vision follows that style is growing and prospering and their church is not. Professional jealously is not one of the things I find in I Cor. 13. I fail to see how or what their views are on those topics have to do with the why people leave their church. (O.k. I do see how they might enter into this discussion but most of the previous post have failed to make the connection.)
I believe the discussion needs to focus more on not “The Six Reasons People leave your Church” but more on the “type” of people who leave your church.
For instance there are some people who are just trouble makers. These generally unhappy people create problems where ever they go. I was at a church once where we bent over backwards to try to make these people happy, and when we finally gave up and let them go the church started to grow. When some of these people leave your church you should be so happy you provide them a limousine to take them to the next church they plan to bless with their presence.
You also have people who in your church that have preferences. They like a certain kind of music, a certain kind of teaching, a certain youth program or Sunday school curriculum. They reek havoc trying to conform the church to their image. Again these are the people who you encourage to find another church who does things “their way”. Now a mature person knows they will not find the perfect church unless they start their own, which I encourage them to do. I then pray that God will send them people just like them but with the opposite taste in music, teaching, etc.
In Romans the scripture compares the church to the body and each member and their gifts to certain body parts. Well lets be honest, some people are just plain cancer and serve no function other than to suck the life out of the body and kill it. These are the people who just need to be cut out and when they want to leave the church, you let them go.
(For those of you who do not realize it I am mixing truth with humor, some this is written “tongue in cheek”)
kev on Tue, February 15, 2005
I have to say that we(all or most of us) do not have the market on church growth. If we did we would have to build many NEW churches to facilitate the growth. We here at our church are in decline, (much like in denial) it’s not a fun place to be. God has many children and we all act and talk and lead diferently. So I respect what you are saying. My question would be this: What are we gonna do about it? Are we gonna shut our doors and sell the buildings or are we gonna keep serving the most high God? You know we may lose people but I am sure that every person Jesus came in contact with didn’t stay with him either. God has so much more for us.
I will leave you with this great little story: A pro golfer went to Suadi Arabia to play golf at the Kings request. The king sent his personal jet to pick the golfer up and bring him to Saudi Arabia. After playing golf for a few days and having great fun it was time for the golfer to leave and come back to America. As he was entering the plane the king told him that he wanted to give him a gift. The king said Ask for anything you want and I will give it to you. The golfer told the king that he wanted nothing and it was his honor to play with the king. The king continued to try to bless the golfer with a gift and the golfer refused and thanked him. Finally the golfer told the king that he collected golf clubs and said that he could get him a club to add to his collection. The king said it is done. So for the next few weeks the golfer watched for his club. Finally about 2 weeks later the golfer received a letter from the king. He thought how is a golf club gonna fit in there? He opened the letter and inside of it was a letter from the king and a deed to a 500 acre golf course here in America. The king wanted to do so much more than the golfer could even think about.
It’s kind of like our heavenly king. He has so much more for us and wants to bless us so much more than we can think. So even though many of our churches are in decline we must still look to the King and receive his blessings!!!!
Hope this is helpful.
PS. Try encouraging yourselves and staff by doing what we have just started. We are reading “the life giving church” by Ted Haggard. We do this in our staff meeting, one chapter a week.
bernie dehler on Tue, February 15, 2005
I think as humans, we are very selfish and self-centered. In a way, it’s a miracle we can get along at all. I like to think that is why Christianity is the biggest religion in the world—hopefully with at least some “Christians” truly being regenerated by the Spirit, we can have the love of Christ to paper over the seemingly endless possibilities for annoyance with each other.
...Bernie
http://www.oneplace.com/ministries/247
Marsha on Tue, February 15, 2005
Pastors, at what point is it the healthy decision to leave a church? (I’m not referring to families and individuals who are “trouble makers,” the ones who the previous poster basically said you should feel joy to show them the door How nice.)
biff on Wed, February 16, 2005
someone once said that “if someone leaves a church for something, they’ll leave for anything”. in other words, many people leave for no real spiritual reason.
in our church we try to keep the “bar high” on biblical expectations for Christ-followers: prayer, Bible study, accountability, evangelism, and servanthood, among others.
we are a fairly young, but growing church and we have lost a number of people who told us we were asking “too much” of them.
we also tell our folks that our church isn’t for everyone. we want people to be at the church where God has lead them.
thanks for the discussion everyone!
Bill on Wed, February 16, 2005
After reading all the “reasons” for leaving a church, I was compelled to write this comment. Many people leave the church today because
#1. They have a pastor who is preaching sound Biblical Doctrine and the messages are “stomping on their toes,” so they leave to avoid the conviction they are under.
#2. They come to a church and they expect “everyting to be in place” so that they do not have to do anything but walk in the doors, occupy a pew for an hour or so and leave, without ever getting involved, and then complain when there is no program to “fit their need.” Why not do something adventuresome? Get involved and start the program!
#3. There are “wolves” in the church. Those that want to sow discord all the time, blaming the preacher for everything while they are doing nothing. People come to church to worship, not hear “Mrs. Loose Tongue” run down the preacher, the deacons, or anyone else.
#4. On another note they leave too because the preacher is preaching sermonettes with not enough gospel power to help a wounded grasshopper!
#5. It’s ALWAYS the preacher’s fault. They never once look into a mirror and ask themselves “Is the person I’m looking at doing their part to help the church, or am I part of the problem?”
What we need today are preachers who will boldly stand in their pulpits and preach ‘THUS SAITH THE LORD’ and stop worrying about impressing Mr Moneybags and realize that WE, the preachers, are accountable for the souls of men and women and children and we need to tell them the whole counsel of God!!
Marsha on Wed, February 16, 2005
So, what you’re saying is it always the preacher or the church-goer who can be blamed for the attrition. Again, Pastors, at what point is it a HEALTHY thing to leave the church? There are a whole lot of other factors than what are listed at the top of this article. Rather than lash out with such vehemence at the churchgoer, it is time to acknowledge that many people leave their church for HEALTHY reasons because of flat-out mistreatment and ugliness.
Julius Olutokun (Pst) on Wed, February 16, 2005
Brethren, I want us to realise that we are in a “PEOPLE BUSINESS”, People oriented, and all that we do must be centred and directed to the benefit of the people or else we will not be able to keep them. To a frustrated Peter, Jesus only needed to provide multitude of fish to him, to the hungered in the wilderness he multiplied the 2 fishes and 5 loaves of bread, to the couple at Cana of Galilee, he had to turn their water to wine. We should and must change our orientation and perspective and centre them basically on PEOPLE and not programmes, buildings, instrumentations. It is basically a people business and needs must be met. Finally look at the mission statement of Jesus “The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me and He has annointed me to preach the gospel to the poor ‘people’ (emphasis mine)........
brad on Wed, February 16, 2005
We tend to focus on one side or the other. The truth is there are bad pastors who do not know how to lead or Shepard their flock and their problems are always the fault of the people in their congregation, so pastors if you are having the same problem at every church you go to then the problem is probably not with the congregation.
On the other hand if you are a member or lay leader in the church and you keep bouncing from church to church to church because every church has something you feel they are doing wrong, and after trying unsuccessfully to change it you move to another church, then the problem is not with the church or pastor, the problem is with you.
When is it healthy to leave a church? Well from personal experience I have left three different churches in the past twenty years. Each time I stayed at the church I left the first one for until we moved to another city. The basic reason for leaving was in each instance the church I was attending was not giving me an opportunity to use the gifts and talents God had given me for ministry. I put myself out there, met with pastors, ask how they could use me, even volunteered to start ministries, etc. but to no avail. Two of the three churches I left I would call good churches and depending on your bent and style of church you prefer I might even recommend them to you, but in the end they were just not a good fit for me. After finding the new church that allowed me to use my gifts the spiritual growth for me and my family went up exponentially verses what it had been at the church we left.
Now some of you would probably put me in the selfish category, like the single mother above who left the church because it did not have a singles program or a youth group for her teenage daughter. And that is why you are also the ones complaining that people are leaving your churches. We are to serve in the body, but that also implies that there are people being served, which means that the church is also there to meet our needs. It is a two way street. If that single mother is teaching an elementary Sunday school class, helping clean the building, stuffing bulletins once a week, in the trenches serving, yet the church will not help her start a singles group or has no interest in doing things to help her teenager grow then it is obvious who is being selfish.
Ben E. on Wed, February 16, 2005
A couple of years ago, (and before my time) the church I am currently serving split. Various people explained what happened and it was yet another version of a sad story many of us have heard if not experienced. In time, I began meeting and/or being introduced to other ministers from the area including one from a church where a large number of the former members had joined. Our pastor, with some humor, asked, “Ya’ll got alot of our former members didn’t you?” The minister replied, “Yes we did. And you can have them back!” Ouch!
You know you can’t please everyone and if you try, everyone will be slighty displeased with you.!
Rev. J. Scott on Wed, February 16, 2005
“We are to serve in the body, but that also implies that there are people being served, which means that the church is also there to meet our needs. It is a two way street.”
(Quote from a post by Brad)
Meeting the needs of people has been the recurring theme of all the posts I have read so far. I strongly agree that meeting needs is a two way street.
I feel frustrated also with not being allowed to use my gifts in local churches. I have left churches in the past, and my husband and I will leave the current church we attend since we are not being allowed to use our gifts and our needs are not being met either.
I am an ordained minister with graduate degrees, licenses and experience in Christian and secular counseling. My opinion is that some pastors (because of control issues) want to do everything in a local church. Thus, the church becomes a one man show which condones a passive congregation that is only allowed to serve in positions that fit into the pastor’s agenda.
So here I go again seeking a local assembly that is God-focused and people-oriented where I can fit in and serve. If any one knows of a church like that in Maryland, Northern Virginia or Washington, DC area, please feel free to e-mail me.
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