Would Your Church Host a Gay Funeral?
- Posted by: Todd
- Posted on: Mon, August 13, 2007
- Viewed 236
- (96) comments so far
Here’s part of the original Dallas News story about the incident:
An Arlington church volunteered to host a funeral Thursday, then reneged on the invitation when it became clear the dead man’s homosexuality would be identified in the service.The event placed High Point Church in the cross hairs of an issue many conservative Christian organizations are discussing: how to take a hard-line theological position on homosexuality while showing compassion toward gay people and their families.
But the dispute between High Point Church and the friends and family of Cecil Sinclair has left confusion and hard feelings on both sides.
Mr. Sinclair, 46, died Monday. He was a native of Fort Worth, a Navy veteran who served in Desert Storm helping rescuers find downed pilots, and a singer in the Turtle Creek Chorale, said his mother, Eva Bowers. He did not belong to a church.
His brother, Lee, is an employee and member of High Point, a nondenominational mega-congregation led by the Rev. Gary Simons. Mr. Simons is the brother-in-law of Joel Osteen, nationally known pastor of Houston’s Lakewood Church.
When Cecil Sinclair became ill with a heart condition six years ago, church members started praying for him out of love for his brother, Mr. Simons said Thursday. And when Mr. Sinclair died of an infection, a side effect of surgery intended to keep him alive long enough for a heart transplant, a member of the church staff was immediately sent to minister to the family, he said.
Both the family and church officials agree that the church volunteered to host a memorial service, feed 100 guests and create a multimedia presentation of photos from Mr. Sinclair’s life.
But the photos that the family selected alerted church officials that there might be a problem with the service, Mr. Simons said.
Here is part of what Pastor Gary Simmons had to say to the church yesterday:
High Point Church regrets the unfortunate situation regarding the memorial service for Mr. Cecil Sinclair. Mr. Sinclair was not a member of High Point Church, neither was any one in his family, except for Lee Sinclair, who is employed by the church. Lee requested for the church pray for his brother when he became ill. The church prayed for Mr. Sinclair both enthusiastically and faithfully. Lee called one of our ministers to inform him that his brother was in the hospital in critical condition.When the High Point minister arrived at the hospital, Mr. Sinclair has already passed. The church minister reached out to the family and tried to comfort them the best that he could. The church did offer the family, free of charge, the use of this facility for the memorial service. It was not disclosed at this time that the deceased was homosexual or that the family desired an openly homosexual memorial service.
The family requested that the church produce a video of Mr. Sinclair’s life for the memorial service. When the photos were presented to the church, there were some inappropriate images that alerted the church to the homosexuality of Mr. Sinclair. The family requested an associate of the Turtle Creek Chorale, an openly homosexual choir, to officiate the service and for the choir to sing.
They also requested an open microphone format to allow anyone in attendance to speak. High Point Church ministers would not be allowed to direct the service, or to have control over what was said or emphasized. It appeared to the church staff that the family was requesting an openly homosexual service at High Point Church, which is not our policy to allow. [applause.]
You can read more here at the Dallas News Religion Blog...
FOR DISCUSSION: How would you have handled this situation? Do you agree with High Point’s assessment and actions?
There has been much press during the past week about High Point Church offering to host a funeral for a man outside their church who had just died. Evidently, they offered their facility to the family of the deceased veteran for free; then discovered he was an open homosexual. The church then retracted their offer to the family, saying they could not host the funeral. Much has been written about the situation, and today you can read some additional response from the High Point pastor...
Comments
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Leonard on Mon, August 13, 2007
I like your thoughts Jimmy, however, I do think the church was gracious in many ways. Made the video sans some pictures, provided food for the services, offered to pay for a place to host the service…
I would agree that no sin is worse in its ultimate consequence before God but sin has varying degrees of seriousness in culture and society. Some sins are decisions brought about by the heart and a particular moment. Some sins are habitual and lifestyle oriented. Some sins are obvious in their wrongness others are being declared as right.
Again, what if it were a pedophile? Would you still have the same stance given the family wanted to post pictures of the deceased with children?
jimmy on Mon, August 13, 2007
Point taken. I would have a really hard time showing unconditional love to a person that took advantage of small children, or any other unwilling participant. I agree that our “ranking” of sin is a social construct as well. I do not agree that the church was gracious. The message that this church sent to the homosexual community of Dallas is that “we are in, you are out.” They made it clear that homosexuals are not welcome on the property of that church. It perpetuates the us/them mentality. I grieve for the testimony of the church among the homosexual community in Dallas.
Jeremy on Tue, August 14, 2007
Jimmy is exactly right. Homosexuals know how the church feels. If I were a lead pastor, my church would have had the funeral. What type of message would that have sent to all of the people that the church has hurt and kicked to the curb?
What a novel idea…being the whole church that Jesus talked about…Hmmmm.
utech on Tue, August 14, 2007
I think we need to refrain from including pedophiles as an even level comparison in this topic. pedophilia is against the law and from a moral stand point by definition is an adult exploiting a child. in contrast homosexuality refers to two adults. let’s not confuse the two. homosexual pedophilia is a different topic - we don’t condemn all heterosexuals because of heterosexual pedophiles.
If you want to rate or compare sin levels (which God doesn’t do) maybe we should consider the amount of scripture given to each one or the context of the scripture where they are addressed… there is far more scripture talking about how the god of our stomach separates us from The LORD. the main condemnation of homosexuality in the scripture with the same verses that command that we should not have relations during a woman’s monthly.
No where does the scripture say that homosexuality is the or an unforgivable sin. The church has stuck its head in the sand on this topic and has resorted to demonizing homosexuals. I am not saying that homosexual activity is not sin but I am saying that the church has failed in this area - this article is another example (re: the audience applauded). The family wanted to use a BUILDING - let’s remember that The Church is people not a meeting place. Some of the other comments have proposed much better ways to handle this situation. but this larger issue needs to be discussed and we need to take off our man made tradition and seek the heart of God in how to handle this. homosexuals are the ‘woman at the well’ of our day - Christ didn’t condemn her, why do we?
Danny Daniels on Tue, August 14, 2007
“-homosexuals are the ‘woman at the well’ of our day - Christ didn’t condemn her, why do we? “
Jesus did tell her to “go and sin no more”
Right?
This is still His command to all of us today, glutton or homosexual or whatever.
The heart of the issue is “what does the one true authority on the matter want?” What does the Lord (Boss) say about the issue?
Homosexuality is a celebration of self gratification…. just as is gluttony….just as is all sin.
We all must within ourselves stop trying to justify our individual and collective sins and seek to allow God by His grace to transform us into his image and His heart. As we grow into Christ we will put off sin…all of it… and at the end of the whole process we will be truly loving and able to love others….yes all others in a way that will compell them to allow God to take them through the same process.
Christian = Christ imitator
DanielR (a different Daniel) on Tue, August 14, 2007
I support this church in their decision not to host a memorial service they believed would be seen as endorsing or supporting a lifestyle they disagree with, a lifestyle they see as sinful.
I believe this church wanted to support this family in their time of sorrow and if they could have found a way to do this without being seen as endorsing his chosen lifestyle I think they would have. If they had been able to conduct a memorial service, neither condemning or supporting the homosexuality they might have come to a different decision, but the combination of the pictures provided, the famously gay choir, the open mic for anyone to say anything they wanted and having someone from outside the church officiate the service made it seem like the service would have been an open endorsement of the gay lifestyle. Was this supposed to be a memorial service or a gay pride event?
One thing I do have a big problem with is the noted applause. This was not a decision to be announced with fanfare and applauded. This was a decision that should have been made, announced and received with sadness and sorrow. This church, meaning the congregation not the organization, should feel great sorrow they were not able to do more to show this family Christ’s love and comfort them during their time of grief. It’s a shame they were not able to find a way to do more in the name of Jesus Christ.
Wendi on Tue, August 14, 2007
I agree that the church handled this correctly, after learning about the family’s plan to celebrate the deceased’s “gayness” at his service. As some have mentioned however, they were backed into this corner because they failed at the front end, to learn the things they needed to know before extending the offer. Better would have been for a pastoral staff to meet with the family to find out how the church could/should support them during this time in appropriate and grace-filled ways. Had they known then what they know now, they still could have offered much care-giving without the offer of a public service which forced the ethical dilemma. Had it happened this way, the family might have instead been touting this church’s unusual offer of care in light of the oft perceived sin-policing homophobic stance of the evangelical church. I can imagine the family’s comments in the Dallas Morning News might have been:
“This church paid for the food for the whole reception, sent people to meet with our family members. We weren’t even members of this church. I’ve never heard of a church acting this way. Why did they do this?”
The response “because Jesus compels us to love” would have been more likely received as genuine.
I agree that the spontaneous applause is very troubling. It reads “good job pastor, you kept those gays out of our church.” I wish the Simons had responded just as spontaneously by admonishing his congregation for their inappropriate and unloving actions.
Wendi
Leonard on Tue, August 14, 2007
Utech
Within my lifetime (I am 44) homosexuality was a crime. It was illegal, just as it is illegal in most states to buy sex from another person. As for the comparison of pedophilia and homosexuality, there are groups of people who push for lowering the age of consent to 13. I stand by the comparison simply because it points out the inconsistency of people. Those who say the church is inconsistent because it leaves some sin alone while crying out against others are just as inconsistent. If the sin is bad enough we will draw a social and moral line in the sand. Keep in mind the huge number of people homosexuals who have also been molested, overwhelming majority, could be used to describe this.
No one here is saying homosexuality is the unforgivable sin either. I am simply saying I think the church did right in denying an openly homosexual memorial service on its property and in still providing food, video, support and offering to pay. No one at the church demonized homosexuals either. They simply said, you cannot use our building to have an openly gay memorial service.
No head in the sand, no slurs, no slander, just an offer that said, hey, we cannot cross this line but we will still demonstrate kindness and love. The audience also applauded to the statement we love and pray for the family… Does this make them suspiciously loving?
So to be fair, the lead pimp of a string of girls dies and wants to use your church for its services. They want a video showing him and all his stable, his activities such as counting money, pushing girls to the street, offering “rewards” for extra money earned… They want the all pimp and prostitute choir to sing, then want an open mic celebrations of this pimp. Do you let them?
Eric Joppa on Tue, August 14, 2007
Danny D, Jeremy, Utech, Jimmy,
I can definitely understand where you are coming from. As a Youth Pastor, I come in contact with tons of young people who wand to be loved unconditionally, yet not be told if they are in need of change. I learned a long time ago that Jesus loves me just as I am, but too much to leave me here.
I think this is similar. The family clearly wanted part of the love of the church, but not the input. Jesus told the woman at the well everything she had ever done. He did not except her behavior or lifestyle as possitive.
Niether did this church.
I beleive you may have missed part of that story Danny. That is exactly how Jesus responded. There were many who He loved and told how to follow him that turned away because they wanted the love, not the correction.
Dr. Simmons did the right thing, and unfortunately was caught off guard by the desires of the family for the service. It just looks bad, but it isn’t.
Eric Joppa on Tue, August 14, 2007
Wendi,
I heartily agree with your assessment of the applause. I thought the same thing when I read it, as did the beat reporter as he added it into his article.
I find that pastors often miss those moments or are caught up in them. I think it would have been approptiate to warn them not to be exclusive, and that the church made a decision about the service, not the person and that they should make that distinction.
Unfortunaley, the pastor used the term “attack” often and placed that attack in the laps of the “gay community” more than once.
I think this is narrow minded. I think the attack is from satan, not the gay community, even if they are there on the surface, the attackers.
I think that statement, more than denying the service, is what makes this worse.
DanielR (a different Daniel) on Tue, August 14, 2007
Leonard, no to the pimp service, no to the pedophile service. On this we agree.
And in this case we agree that the church made the right decision, I just have some problem with the congregation’s reaction and with the way the whole situation was communicated. But the decision was the right one.
But what about the gay son of a member of the church? Can we agree that a church should be able to conduct a funeral service for the son without having to either endorse or condemn the son’s lifestyle? Who’s the service really for, the gay son or the family?
Danny Daniels on Tue, August 14, 2007
Eric:
I didn’t miss that part of the story. That is understood within the story…like the rich young ruler.
My point is that we want to be loving…we must be loving or we are missing the point of being Christians. Love has many attributes to it. Sometimes it is tender and sometimes it is confrontational.
At the end of the day Jesus expects us to receive His love and compassion and then allow Him to change our heart which will inevitably change our behaviour.
You are right, many want His love and ours but not our insight when it requires any real change. If you love God..you will obey Him and do what He commands. Disobedience equates to lack of real biblical love for God.
nora on Tue, August 14, 2007
No question about it, this is a really tough call, and I don’t think it’s fair to criticize this church at all. I do think that this is a moment for us as the church to reflect on the distinction between the church as a body, and the church’s building, and why and how and who we hold funeral services for. It sounds to me like this church would have been open to holding the funeral service if they could have been in greater control of it, and if it wasn’t openly promoting homosexuality. These are certainly reasonable requests. What troubles me is that this man’s partner was a major part of his life, as was his role in this gay choir. I believe that acting on homosexual desires is a sin, but I think it would also be duplicitous to conduct a service in which these areas of his life were denied. It’s dishonest and dishonoring to conduct a service in which we pretend that the man was something that he wasn’t. I think that churches need to think about how to hold services for people outside the church in a way that strikes a balance between being truthful about how a person lived their life without glorifying the sin in their lives.
Pastor Curtis Smith on Tue, August 14, 2007
The High Point Church of Arlington has hit a Low Point. Using the grieving of a family to drive home the message that High Point hates Gays is inappropriate. If this is another “Hate the Sin but Love the Sinner” message, where is the Love? Shame on Pastor Gary Simons and the leadership of High Point for passing up one more opportunity to have the last say in judgment and condemnation against a gay man at his funeral. Isn’t that what they were doing in refusing to do the service?
Would Jesus Discriminate? What Would Jesus Do? Nowhere in the Gospels of Christ is there condemnation against Lesbians, Gays, Bisexuals or Transgender people. There is however, plenty of condemnation against religious hierarchies that put upon others to make them feel less than human. Jesus taught to love God and to love our neighbors. Love even our Gay neighbors and their grieving families?
Trinity Metropolitan Community Church of Arlington, TX, offers our heartfelt condolences to Cecil Sinclair’s mourning family and friends. We are praying for you in your loss. We are proud of you for not allowing this bigoted group (disguised as Christians) to sully the cherished memories of your beloved Cecil. You may need a sympathetic ear or friend in the future to help you in your loss. We want to be available to you where you will be loved not judged. The memory of Cecil will be honored not tarnished. You can expect dignity given to his name not disparaging remarks.
Trinity MCC is a member of the Universal Fellowship of Metropolitan Community Churches, a worldwide fellowship of Christian churches with a special outreach to the world’s gay, lesbian, ######## and transgender communities. We are also located in the same community as our neighbors High Point Church. Instead of excluding LGBT people we encourage High Point to exclude unjust, unkind and self-righteous behaviors.
In Christian Love,
Curtis L. Smith
Pastor
shadowette on Tue, August 14, 2007
Pastor Curtis Smith,
Your language is very…........strong. Did you read the article or the comments of others before posting?
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