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    Divorce Isn’t That Big a Thing for Many Pastors These Days…

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    “You don’t just run out on people,” said Gray, a divorcee who recently remarried. “You support them to the end. ... They’re great people, but we have to remember they’re human as well.”

    Biblical scholars have long disagreed about divorce, with each side pointing to conflicting scriptural passages that seem to forbid or show compassion toward divorce. Most agree that the Bible allows for divorce in cases of adultery or violence, but agreement seems to end there.

    Some conservatives call divorce a sin, saying it should disqualify pastors from preaching and offering services such as marital counseling. That stance harks to a time in some Christian denominations where clerics who divorced were removed from their pulpits and, in some cases, put out of churches.

    But even the strictest of conservatives hold that such a lack of compassion is unnecessary in today’s church.

    “Pastors have to be allowed to be human,” said Glenn Stanton, the director of research for family formation studies at Focus on the Family, a conservative Christian organization in Colorado. “But on issues of divorce, we stand with God with this in that he states very clearly in Malachi, ‘I hate divorce.’”

    More liberal Christians hold that divorce no longer has the stigma it once did.

    “As divorce has become more pervasive in our society, I think it’s less and less of a liability for a minister to have been divorced,” said John P. Bartkowski, a sociology professor at Mississippi State University who has studied divorce and Christianity. “Pastors are given, if not a complete pass, more leeway when there’s not an extramarital affair involved.”

    The public’s softening stance on divorce may reflect the reality in the pews. A 2004 study by the Barna Group showed that the number of divorced Christians mirrors the rate of non-Christian divorcees.

    Still, consensus on the issue of ministering after divorce remains afar off. Among conservative ministers, reaction to the White’s divorce has been mixed.

    The Rev. T.L. Lowery, a longtime leader in the Church of God based in Cleveland, Tenn., who has served as a mentor to the Whites since the early days of their ministry, said their announcement grieves his heart. But he also said God provides forgiveness.

    “While we do not support divorce, we still love Randy and Paula very deeply,” said Lowery in a statement. “We are committed to provide them with personal love and spiritual guidance according to the word of God and the direction of the Holy Spirit.”

    Despite split views on ministering after divorce, separated clerics can look to several pastors who have been able to sustain and grow their ministries after their marriages ended. Some even are able to use the experience to connect with followers.

    It’s a notion that White, who has long preached about her troubled childhood, and Bynum, who made a name for herself by offering her seemingly charmed Christian life as an example of redemption after being sexually promiscuous, might consider.

    “They could say, ‘Look I’ve failed,’” Lummis said. “I’m going to be much more sensitive to what you’re going through and would be able to give you better advice than someone who’s been happily married.”

    More here...

    Other cases

    Televangelists divorced, still ministering

    At one time, divorce among clerics meant the instant demise of a pastoral career. But across denominational lines, the reaction toward clerical divorce seems to be softening.

    Jim Bakker - Former head of PTL ministries. Marriage to Tammy Faye ended in 1992. Remarried.

    John Hagee - Pastor of the Cornerstone Church in San Antonio. First marriage ended in 1975. Remarried the next year.

    Noel Jones - Pastor, City of Refuge Church near Los Angeles. Divorced in early 1990s. Single.

    Clarence McClendon - Senior pastor of Full Harvest International Church, Southern California. Divorced wife of 16 years in 2000. Remarried.

    Joyce Meyer - Leads Joyce Meyer Ministries. Divorced first husband in 1966. Remarried in 1967.

    Robert A. Schuller - Senior pastor of the Crystal Cathedral Ministries in Southern California. Divorced in 1984. Remarried that same year.

    Charles Stanley - Senior pastor of First Baptist Church of Atlanta. Marriage ended in 2000 after 44 years. Single.

    Robert Tilton - Former head of the Word of Faith World Outreach Center Church. Twice divorced. Remarried.

    Any Thoughts?

    Hours after the Revs. Randy and Paula White announced their impending divorce last week, Christians began discussing how the evangelical power couple had come undone. It had, in fact, been a tough week for televangelist couples. The day before the White's revelation, Atlanta Bishop Thomas W. Weeks III alledgedly assaulted his estranged wife, evangelist Juanita Bynum, in a hotel parking lot. The couple had met to discuss reconciliation. But it turned violent when Weeks choked, kicked and threatened to kill his wife, police said. Both couples' histrionics - the Whites made their announcement from the pulpit of their Tampa church Aug. 23 - rocked the evangelical world and left many tongues wagging about the state of clerical marriage and the ability of divorced clerics to minister. In both relationships, each of the ministers had been divorced before. "The clergy is supposed to be setting an example for the other lay families," said Adair T. Lummis, a faculty associate at Hartford Seminary in Connecticut. "It looks strange to people." At Without Walls International Church, the Whites' megaministry, Randy White told members that he expected some in the congregation to leave because of their divorce. Indeed, a small exodus appears to have begun. But plenty of the church's 22,000 members say they will continue to support their pastors. "From my understanding, they've been through counseling for quite a long period of time, and if things don't work, they just don't work," said member Stewart Yoder, 45. "We have to forgive. ... My heart breaks, but God knows what is best." Patty Gray, a seven-year Without Walls member, says her support of the Whites won't waiver.

    Comments

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    1. Pastor Bill on Mon, September 24, 2007

      ministerkareem


      digging up personal stuff is beyond this blog . Beside your comment, which version of the Bible do you read, for many versions I see have added many many words to the original Greek!  If we have a “desire”, cannot it be used for things other than a women or do you return to Exodus 20:17 as your only point of reference in your counseling sessions???   P.S. in closing, you appeared to have ignored the other comments…..you must have a fine and well settled church without problem.

    2. Peter Hamm on Tue, September 25, 2007

      So ministerkareem…


      First, the idea that this passage ONLY refers to a man discovering on the wedding night that his wife is not a virgin is most certainly an interpretation, since those words are not there, neither in the English nor the Greek.


      I’m curious. If a woman comes into your office with a black eye and broken nose are you going to suggest she go home and work it out? Practically speaking?


      And do you really believe that Jesus came to fulfill the law by instituting the kind of legalism that you are suggesting?

    3. ministerkareem on Tue, September 25, 2007

      Pastor Bill,


      I studied Hebrew, Latin and Greek….(I’m very aware of errors within many Bibles…translations vs. trans-literalations)


      We have to keep in mind the custom and times when the text was written. We cannot take the text apart from the custom and times in which it was written.


      no, I didn’t mean to dig up personal stuff, I was just using an illustration to support my argument.  and after re-reading your comment, I see we have the same views on divorce as not being an option.  (No, I don’t have a fine church where everything is peaches and cream… As preachers of the Gospel we must uphold the whole truth of God…)


      Peter,


      maybe my comment is an interpretation, read the text and read the sermon on the mount and cross examine both with the law of Moses. (Once again, you must take into consideration the custom and times of the text.) The Bible of text that would support my interpretation…


      If a women came into my office with a black eye and broken nose I would do my best to reconcile the relationship…(There’s two sides to every story and every fight…)


      They both need counseling…


      Would I tell her to break the covenant she made before God, absolutely no…


      There are various stages of reconciliation…


      (Through experience, I have counseled a couple that was in the same situation. First the husband came in all beat up, and then the wife came in all bruised up. They both thought they were right in their own eyes. It wasn’t until I was able to get both of them together and counsel them we got down to the root of the problem. Thank God the couple are still married today and living an healthy and happy marraige…)


      We as pastor/counselors can’t afford to react based upon our emotions. (Emotionly, we might want to beat the husband down.) But, we have to get down to the root of the matter…


      Husbands love your wife as Christ love the church…(Nowhere in the Scriptures does it say Christ is going to divorce the Church.)


      I highly recommend couples who’s marriages are on the rocks to seek Christian Counseling by an trained professional…

    4. Peter Hamm on Tue, September 25, 2007

      kareem


      [We have to keep in mind the custom and times when the text was written. We cannot take the text apart from the custom and times in which it was written.] I could NOT agree more, although I still feel that porneia in this context is defined too narrowly in your interpretation.


      [There’s two sides to every story and every fight…] Oh yes, there is, you are so right. I still would want to act to protect a person first. perhaps get them out of the house till we can figure out if she is in some danger. Domestic violence is a horrible thing. To send the woman with the black eye straight home may not be wise however.


      [I highly recommend couples who’s marriages are on the rocks to seek Christian Counseling by an trained professional…] I agree without reservation. I would even INSIST upon it!

    5. DanielR (a different Daniel) on Tue, September 25, 2007

      ministerkareem,  you say we cannot read into the Bible but only read from it, but isn’t that what Jesus instructed us to do in John 16:12-13 when He said: “There is so much more I want to tell you, but you can’t bear it now.  When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all truth. He will not speak on his own but will tell you what he has heard. He will tell you about the future.”


      Isn’t Jesus speaking of the Holy Spirit guiding us to truth and understanding of scripture, and doesn’t that entail trying to understand the intent and not just the words of the scriptures, and doesn’t that involve reading into the scriptures?  Not changing scruipture but going beyond just reading it to get to the truth Jesus speaks of the Holy Spirit guiding us to?


      It seems from your comments that you view the world in very simple terms; Divorce is not an option, etc.  But the truth of the world is that divorce IS an option.  It is not the option we want people to choose and should be avoided if reconciliation is possible, but it is an option in many people’s minds.  We should approach our own marriages with the attitude that divorce is not an option, but if we approach working with others who are having marital difficulties (and may be considering divorce) with the same attitude (that divorce is not an option) we may lose many of them before we can ever get them to work on reconciliation.

    6. James on Tue, September 25, 2007

      Here’s what’s killing me…


      The issue in the article, is divorce in the ministry, and it has turned into divorce in general in the comments.  I said before, and will again that the Weeks/Bynum situation is unusal (although his recent comments make me want to take him into a praking lot), but the Whites is, IMHO, virtually unforgivable.  It’s not that they got (or are getting) a divorce - I’ll come to that issue in a moment - it’s their reasoning for the divorce. (Pphr.) “Two lives going in different directions.”  For ministers that simply means, to me, that their minstires are going in different directions; and that of course means that one or both should stop.  (But i’ve said all this before.)


      What I want to talk about today is the “What did Jesus really say was an OK situation for divorce?” issue.


      It breaks my heart that this issue has so divided the church.  A friend of mine was denied a license to preach in the COG because he was divorced (nevermind that the reason he was divorced was because his wife had an affair with her boss and left her husband and two children).  There are other stories but I want to get to my primary point.


      Let’s look at the Word itself:


      MT 19:3


      Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?”


      So, here are the Pharisees coming in to test Jesus and call Him out for teaching things that are allegedly contradictory to the law.  The “any and every reason” references a Talmudic teaching that basically said a man could divorce his wife for just about anything from adultery to bad cooking.


      MT. 19:4-6


      “Haven’t you read,” he[Jesus] replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”


      A brilliant diss on Jesus’ part.  First of all you ask the Pharisees if they have ever read the Torah and then you lay the groundwork for your entire argument.


      MT 19:7


      “Why then,” they [Phari.] asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?”


      An appeal to the law.  This is important because they are trying to establish justification by obedience to the law.


      NOW THE MOST IMPORTANT VERSES


      MT. 19:8-9


      Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.”


      It was the phrase “except for marital unfaithfulness” that has always struck me and also has been the crux of our disagreements over the divorce issue at large.


      Now, every one let’s suspend what we have been taught and view the scripture with fresh eyes.  I suggest that what Jesus is saying in the larger context of this ENTIRE discussion with the Pharisees has nothing to do, really, with what is an appropriate situation wherein a believe in God might divorce.  Rather, Jesus’ emphasis is that the pharisees who are attempting to become justified by following the law CAN’T. 


      If we use that thinking and then look at verses 8-9 and use the gender inclusive language that this section of the Greek allows, what we can easily read is this (CAPS ARE MY TRANSLATIONS, and remember that punctuation doesn’t really exitst in the Greek):


      8- “Moses permitted you to divorce your SPOUSES because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning.


      9- I tell you that ANY PERSON who divorces THEIR SPOUSE, - UNLESS THEY OR THEIR SPOUSE IS AN ADULTERER ALREADY - and marries another PERSON commits adultery.”


      What Jesus says here, essentially, is that there is NO situation that makes divorce OK in God’s eyes (Yes, before you hit your submit comment or reply buttons, I know that the Weeks/Bynum situation and ones like it are different, but I can deal with those in a second).  The glorious thing is that we don’t have to be perfect because the law (letter and spirit) say the same thing: “Don’t commit adultery” and “let no man put assunder” are kind of the same thing.  We can’t get it done ourselves (which is what Jesus was trying to say to the pharisees in the first place) but God in his love, grace and mercy toward has made a way for us.


      So, in closing… stop bickering over when it’s OK to divorce.  Scripture is clear; there is never a time when it’s OK.  But, God be praised, through Jesus we can be forgiven.

    7. Pastor Bill on Tue, September 25, 2007

      james


      your last ‘word’ should be our ‘first’ word when in these situations


      thanks

    8. Hulk on Tue, November 13, 2007

      I have to laugh. Yes, God hates divorce AND he also hates sin.


      Who of you out there sin? Who of you out there wear your perfect little Christian masks and hide the secret sin you do behind closed doors? I bet most of you in leadership aren’t honest with where you’re at. That’s because “christian” culture won’t let you be open or honest. If people found out what you really do or think you’d be judged. There’s very little compassion or forgiveness in “church”.


      What’s worse, being honest with your failings or pretending you have it all together?—like the pharisees.


      Point fingers at everybody who fails but conveniently forget that you too sin.


      “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice.’For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”


      Rather than worry about other peoples failings and weaknesses, it’s best that we concentrate on our own. God forgives divorce as he does murder, rape, pedophilia, adultery, sexual thoughts, pride, arrogance, judgmental people. People exactly like us.


      Fancy that!

    9. Porn on Sat, June 07, 2008

      One of this days!

    10. Ray Reavis on Fri, August 08, 2008

      I think PastorBill’s situation is a bit different because it’s an issue of the past.  I know a pastor who divorced when he was young.  He later repented for that at recognized that as being sinful, and many years (15 or 20) he went into the ministry. 


      Now if a pastor gets divorced while in a leadership position, that indicates a CURRENT problem.  I think that deserves to be treated differently.  I don’t think that makes restoration impossible, but I believe that certainly is problematic.


      In the original post Joyce Meyers was listed as one of the ministry leaders who was divorced.  If I am not mistaken, her situation was one in which she divorced early before she matured in faith, well before she had any sort of leadership position.

    11. bill on Fri, August 08, 2008

      ministerkareem


      will agree with you regarding counseling or lack thereof….....I know of undergraduate programs where one ot two courses are give to counseling - as with worship…..  In my MDiv program I majored in counseling and feel I have only touch the surface.  With people coming to the pastors with “truck loads” of problems, it is the Holy Ghost who can ony provide the answer to the life the devil corrupted through sin!

    12. bill on Sat, October 18, 2008

      My Dear Friends:


      Over the years since my divorce [1976 - adultery by the other] - both of us were very young in age and the Lord and the marriage lasted 16 months - with separation of that 1 yr….but, the stigma of divorce has lasted into a condemnation of my potential ministry for over 30 years now. [current marriage just under 30 faithful fruitful years] Yes, I know the Lord hates divorce and I stand on this firmly now. I continually read in ‘job requests for pastors’ the passage in Titus 1:6 And of course, I am upfront with my status and write a fore-letter which is responded to in ““no thanks””  Just another thought on that verse…do we sometimes forget the rest of the passage [1:6-9].   One thing I do believe I remember back in those days, counseling was not a very large issue by the pastorate - we were not in any type of ministry at that time being in the church for that period only - and not in any type of church before.  Friends would size up the situation, and if I remember correctly, not get too involved because they would say….she was not a strong christian, or -  he should have listened to the LORD before getting involved etc…Haven’t we heard this before….Anyway although this sounds like soap-box preaching or dealing the sympathy card…My question for serious consideration is…how many individuals are there out in the ‘church world’ or ‘secular world’ [because the ‘body has rejected them’] who have truly repented, have outstanding faithful and fruitful marriages with children serving the LORD who are still black listed.  This is a great concern.  At this time there are so many preachers leaving the ministry, church doors closing.  In the area I live, three long time ministries have closed the doors to their churches [and the buildings are use for secular purposes] and let their sheep wander.   What to do….?  so far in the 30+ years as a Believer, I haven’t seen a good answer - one that is consistant with the LORD and not depending onthe influence of denominational writings.  Last note - it is very interesting that this blog has spanned so many months as well…....In HIM

    13. Barry R on Fri, January 09, 2009

      I have a question for you folks. I am 25 y/o, and my marriage is falling apart. My wife had an affair right in front of me and my kids, bringing the other man in to my home under the pretense that he “needed a place to stay for a while” (he was a friend of her cousin’s, so I knew him personally). This was all a show, as I found out later that they had been having an affair even before he came to stay with us. It even got to the point where my daughter asked me why “Bob” slept in the bed with mommy sometimes. She also lied to me about being a Christian (as well as a great many other things that I don’t have room to go in to), stating that she has been an atheist all her adult life, and only said she was a believer because she knew that’s what I wanted to hear.


      My question is this: Should my divorce disqualify me from being a preacher or youth pastor or Christian musician? I’m not sure which way I’m leaning (and frankly I have a way to go before I am ready to lead the church in ANY capacity) but I feel compelled to it, and cannot see myself being happy in any other vocation. This is something I have struggled with for years no, doubly so now that I am getting a divorce.


      So what do you folks say? Should a divorce for the above reasons, even if it’s written up as “irreconcilable differences” disqualify me from being a pastor?

    14. Peter Hamm on Fri, January 09, 2009

      Barry,


      I emailed you.

    15. pastor bill on Fri, January 09, 2009

      Barry R:


      As far as the discrimination I have personally seen is not because of divorce BUT being remarried after divorce.  I believe Pastor Charles Stanley has been divorced and never remarried. The scripture verse always used is Titus 1:6 with the “*” around one wife..only.  At twenty five, remaining unmarried is truly a calling, so seek His Will for your life.  Another scripture is ‘being unequally yoked’ (2 Cor 6:14).  I pray you receive GODLY counsel and not denominational wisdom.   “ID?” .. . even your children witnessed the affair…prayers for the children and your soon to be ex-spouse that she will come into repentance for the children’s sake and her own eternity!

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