The Saga of the Church Hopper
- Posted by: Todd
- Posted on: Mon, June 25, 2007
- Viewed 170
- (73) comments so far
I’ll start:
Some people are fickle. Some leave over the silliest things. Some like to stir up controversy. Some people can’t get along. And some can’t get past their own preferences—they leave on a dime when something doesn’t go their way.
I think an interesting study would be to see how many repeat offenders there are in this group. How many church-hoppers change every five years? I’ve known a slew of them in my past. And how does this same group of people keep getting ticked off every five years or so?
I almost think that the church is divided into two groups...the “hoppers” and the “lifers.” (The lifers would never leave a church, even if there were a good reason.)
What do you think? I’d love to hear your comments from your experience… Please leave them below.
Have a great week!
A U.S. Congregational Life Survey uncovered interesting statistics about new attendees and church-switchers when it looked at U.S. religious practices... 1) One in four church attendees has switched churches in the past five years. 2) On average, just 7 percent of new attendees are formally unchurched. So...I'm wondering what you think...why is this the case?
Comments
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Michelle Van Loon on Mon, June 25, 2007
1. Embezzlement of church funds by one of the pastors
2. Abuse of church members in order to cover up internet porn addiction and eventual affair by one of the pastors.
3. A church in chaos, without a pastor for nearly 3 years and focused on their own ‘issues” because of feuding among elders and other senior leadership.
4. Rampant nepotism and its attendant control.
5. “We have a church because we have a building” - no meaningful relationships, spiritual growth or individual/corporate outreach, but it doesn’t matter to this group as long as they can come somewhere on Sunday morning for an hour and fifteen minute service. This complacency drove out a dynamic pastor and a long-time associate within 3 months of each other.
Why are we church hoppers, you ask? We sure don’t want to be, but this has been our history over the last couple of decades. Some of these churches didn’t survive - they “hopped” us, so to speak. The contention and hurtfulness in others (see #2 and #4) eventually drove us to seek healing and refuge somewhere less dysfunctional. These leadership dramas always take years to play themselves out. They have taken a huge toll on us - and a higher one on our kids.
There are some consumers out there, but there are also a lot of wounded sheep looking for some shepherds who won’t beat the snot out of them.
GR Guy on Mon, June 25, 2007
Here are 6 more reasons that I think people leave a church - consciously or unconsciously:
1) Poor teaching and discipleship (i.e. not equipping with both doctrinal and relevant, practical knowlege) especially for new Christians
2) Not encouraging members to become engaged and invested in service ministry
3) Forcing people into a ministry they are not gifted in or passionate about (i.e. not taking time to get to know a person first).
4) Not providing enough training or mentoring for service ministries
5) Lack of seeing authentic patience and love practiced, even when we disagree
6) Lack of sharing testimony about what God is doing in people’s lives (i.e. we must show how all this faith and church stuff is relevent to our daily lives, where the rubber meets the road)
Ellin on Mon, June 25, 2007
I think sometimes people who church hop (not just those who leave for actual reasons) are dissatisfied with many areas of their lives and are looking for church to satisfy the longing within themselves. Only Christ can fill that place and then finding a church to worship and serve Him becomes less difficult.
John Burton on Mon, June 25, 2007
This is such an important topic. The church suffers a lot of damage when it’s continually shaken and shuffled. We must be careful to seek blessing from those pastors and leaders who have been given responsibility to watch our for us. If we feel led to leave a church, it should most always be due to a ‘sending’ into a new mission field. The leadership should play a part in blessing and sending. To leave without a blessing is quite dangerous and, quite possibly, unbiblical.
Ted on Mon, June 25, 2007
After being wounded in a large church 7-8 years ago, I’ve switched churches every 1-2 years. I loved the mega church I served at; it was like a family to me. I love to serve in music, but as one commenter pointed out, spiritual reasons should be the first priority, then service and social needs. All three—and more—were met for me at the mega church, but now it’s hard to stay in a church that reminds me of it in even a small way.
Please pray for me. I’m about to switch again; it’s not really the church’s fault. Maybe what I’m looking for doesn’t exist.
Leonard on Mon, June 25, 2007
Many people hop because it is easier than growing. Many people show up at our church lamenting the last church they were attending. I did not get fed is the number one comment I hear. I caution them that I never prepare messages designed to feed people but rather to lead them. If they want to be fed by my messages, they will be disappointed. I often tell them it is the duty of maturing believers in Christ to show up to church on a Sunday, so well fed they overflow and spill onto others. If they do not know how to feed themselves I offer to teach them and to help them enter into places in our church where feeding is more of a priority.
Hopping is often done by people who perceive themselves as mature but in reality they often lack maturity. Their inability to handle conflict is often a catalyst for leaving. I have found that people often leave because in their hearts is an un-teachable spirit. There is not a humility that enables honest self evaluation. Most, not all but most, people who hop in my circles have no desire to grow deeper through service, by sharing Christ, by developing deep and connected friendship within the church. These are all things that should mark the average believer in Christ.
Hoppers often show up sounding like the last book they read about how the church is supposed to be. They have an agenda that was frustrated by the last church and now is being taken to the next church. Not all hoppers fit these categories, some are just in the habit of hopping and don’t know it. Some are excellent starters but have never learned the art of finishing.
Jim Korth on Tue, June 26, 2007
I believe that most church hopping problems can be traced to the consumerism of our society. People don’t just change churches… they change where they shop, they change where they bank, they change where they work… they are always going to see where we can get the best “deal.”
The best “deal” changes as a family situation changes. I don’t shop at Toys R Us anymore because my kids have all outgrown that stage of life. People view the church the same way.
Along with the problem of consumerism we also have to deal with the low level of comittment. People aren’t committed to their mariages, their careers, their employers. Today people will have as many as three different careers in their lifetime and work for anywhere from 7 - 10 different employers (and often more). When people were willig to stay married for life, and stay in one career with one company, they probably changed church a lot less… if ever! I’ve come to realize the church hopper era is here to stay and we just need to adjust to it.
Peter Hamm on Tue, June 26, 2007
Jim K,
you nailed it! We should consider that the church, going forward, needs to “train” people not to be “ministered to” but to “minister”. Not to be blessed, but to be a blessing, Not to consume, but to contribute. It’s a major focus for us and a never-ending WELL worth fighting battle.
Everett Childers on Tue, June 26, 2007
I have been on both sides of the “hopper” fence. I pastored one church that was the recipient of 60 members who left a sister church and joined us. They were 60 of the sweetest people I have ever known. They came into our church loving, tithing, working, and serving. Our people were so intimidated by their spirituality that they wanted them gone. They were upsetting our tradition and the way that we had always done things. In a little over a year, our people got their wish and these 60 people started a new church which has done well.
Where I presently serve we have had 210 people leave in the past three years. If it could go wrong it has. About 80% of those who left are now in their third church in the seven years that I have been here. As one could well imagine, I have been through the emotional roller coaster ride. But God is good. Even when people were leaving some time 20 or 25 a week, I knew that God still loved me and that He still has a plan. I want to thank the “hoppers” because I had to go back and really determine that God had called me. In the midst of everything that happened, I have fallen in love with Jesus all over again. What a wonder and joy it is to be a “preacher.”
Jan on Tue, June 26, 2007
“Hopping is often done by people who perceive themselves as mature but in reality they often lack maturity. Their inability to handle conflict is often a catalyst for leaving. I have found that people often leave because in their hearts is an un-teachable spirit. There is not a humility that enables honest self evaluation. Most, not all but most, people who hop in my circles have no desire to grow deeper through service, by sharing Christ, by developing deep and connected friendship within the church. These are all things that should mark the average believer in Christ. “
Leonard, I think you nailed it!
We had a staff meeting yesterday at a local coffee shop. Towards the end of the meeting a guy got up to leave and then approached us and recommended a book we should read, by a prominent Christian author.
Then we conversed a bit, found out that he lives in a small town about 30 minutes away, and is friends with a local pastor there that we are also friends with. But he doesn’t attend church anymore he “does online church” because nobody has what he needs. And then he proceeded to tell us how he hops from one major Christian event to another and that’s really church for him.
When he left, we all shook our heads and then named 5 others just like him that had hopped to our church for a period of time and then hopped back out. 3 of them have started home churches.
All of them had authority issues, knew better than the pastor how to do just about everything, had some kind of ministry training and background, and made sure to do some major correction via email before leaving, along with some insults.
In our experience the un-teachable rebellious Christian who doesn’t want accountablity but wants to be recognized for their invaluable gifts, does the most church hopping.
There are consumers out there too. But we’ve probably lost a couple of those in a 4 year period.
Dave Greene on Tue, June 26, 2007
I think Leonard has mentioned a very important issue that impacts all of church life, not just the issue of hopping. The inability to handle conflict in a God-honoring, i.e. HUMBLE, manner is a weakness in modern Christianity. Many people would rather leave their church than address a hurt or an offense with a fellow believer. If any of you are having this same struggle, I have found http://www.peacemaker.net to be awesome to a a very practical and thoroughly biblical source for training, materials, and assistance in training people to honor God in their very important area. Rather than conflict being a problem it can become an opportunity to glorify God, grow our people and serve one another in love.
Blessings,
Dave
Dave Greene on Tue, June 26, 2007
Not so fast Diogenes. I have worked at the two largest mega churches in America and both were very good at attracting seekers and drawing them into the family of God. Granted, they usually come with a good deal of pain in their lives - mostly because they have been living a life without God and one that is totally focused on themselves. Many of them come with a variety of addictions. (Addictions are selfish behaviors that we get really good at with a lot of practice.) It is not easy work to take a self-centered person and turn them into a servant of all, but that is what it takes to produce a truly mature believer.
Dave
Tim H on Tue, June 26, 2007
Haven’t we had this discussion here before?
I think that some folks here are pretty eager to point a finger at either lazy members of the flock who are only concerned about being fed, or inept and/or evil church leaders. Part of this simply is a measure of demographics. I don’t have figures to back it up, but I would imagine that the average US family makes a significant move more often than once every five years. In such cases, it often makes sense to move to a new church, even if the family has just moved across town. After all, the people you have the greatst chance of witnessing to are your neighbors, and they’re much more likely to come with you to a nearby church than to drive across town to attend.(Megachurches being an exception for some.)
Add to that the fact that our society continues to change while many churches are slow to adapt, and there’s another factor. ... Many churches, for example, are led by older members who are much more comfortable worshiping the way they did when they were kids. But there’s a younger generation that has emerged who wants none of that. ... Then you have the unchurched who feel totally alienated by the more traditional worship services.
For the record, my wife and I were actively involved in our previous church for probably about 8 years. Late last fall we each independently felt that it was time to move on. ... No controversy ... Just a sense that it was time. We joined a new church that’s less than a mile from our house, and already my wife, who is intimidated about “evangelism” has already invited a number of people to church ... and they have come! We also have a neighbor’s kid who comes with us regularly, and we’re hoping to persuade her parents to come along. (A much bigger task!) While our previous church is a wonderful church and we think the world of a lot of the people there, none of the people she has invited would have even considered visiting there.
Paul Davis on Tue, June 26, 2007
One of the interesting things, having read all of the comments, is I see a certain “ownership” of the flock by some posters - and I find that interesting. That a person is owned by a church and should, regardless of the issues, stand at the church and just make it work or suffer trying. And if they leave they aren’t mature or are rebellious.
I find it interesting the comments about leaving over preaching style and/or music or some other aspect of the service as being a negative thing. I can’t imagine getting up Sunday morning, preparing to receive a message from the Holy Spirit via a preacher, shuffling the kids in to the car and showing up at a church which has a music style that just is like dragging nails across a chalkboard for me and that is assisting me in being at peace in my heart and ready to receive the message. Likewise, if the preacher have illustration upon illustration and anecdotal commentary on his life and family for every sermon, rarely cracking the cover on the bible - I am gonna have a hard time understanding what the Holy Spirit is wanting me to take away form the fellowship.
Having said that, in my prior church, they brought in a piano player (from a contemporary music pastor) and I HATE piano playing for the most part. Did we leave? Nope, the rest of my family was OK with it, so I volunteered for nursery check in every week - got to skip the music. Eventually he left (errr… was forced out) and the music returned to contemporary, but I was still volunteering (until the day we left). In the five years, I think they had 5 to 7 music leaders - each with their own style, some average, some good and some bad. We stuck through it. Eventually it was the bad leadership that made us go elsewhere. However, I do know people that tried to work it out with the leadership. Some where kicked out on the spot, others slowly ostracized until they left and others threatened with legal action.
So, I suppose my question to those who decry the “hoppers” - what would you do if you knew your leadership was corrupt, they were confronted and good, godly people were kicked out of the church? Would your stick with the church that “owns” you? Knowing your money isn’t going where they said it would go, knowing that good and godly people are being chewed up and spit out, knowing that the church is effectively run by one person without any accountability and no way to effect a change in the behavior of the leadership? Facing those questions, I had to leave, what would you do?
Leonard on Tue, June 26, 2007
Paul,
These are good questions and the bible answers them. Matthew 18 gives us some great answers to corrupt leadership. But that it not the reason most people hop. It might be your reason but it is not the most common reason.
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