Why Johnny College Isn’t Coming to Church
- Posted by: Todd
- Posted on: Mon, July 27, 2009
- Viewed 114
- (48) comments so far
4. They have work responsibilities that keep them from attending (23%);
5. They moved too far from church (22%);
6. They just got too busy, even though they’d still like to attend (22%);
7. They didn’t feel connected to the church in the first place (20%);
8. They disagreed with the church’s political/social stance (18%);
9. They decided to spend more time with friends (17%);
10. They were just going to church to please their parents (17%).
That is some interesting information. I’d love to see how this meshes with the reasons that older adults leave the church. I think there are similarities, regardless of age.
One of the biggest reasons adults give for dropping out of church is that they feel people in the church are judgmental and hypocritical. Another reason often given is work responsibilities. And then there are those who just want a break, others who have moved and haven’t reconnected with a new church, or are just too busy. And these days, many of us disagree with the church’s political and/or social views.
And just going to church to please your parents? Well that’s still a good excuse, no matter your age. Except maybe it’s your spouse, or another family member you’re aiming to please.
Why do people leave your church? No, really. Why do people leave? Think of the last 5 families that have left your church. Do you even know why they left? And did you or anyone discuss their decision with them after they left?
Young people AND adults leave churches for the silliest reasons. Sometimes a gentle prodding or talk can rescue them from their inactivity in the church. Sometimes not. But too often, we just let them go. We allow their laziness or lousy reasoning to keep them from our or any church, and stand by as they distance themselves from the One who wants, more than anything, to have a day-by-day relationship with them.
Is there someone you should call today to say, “Hey, how are you doing? I’ve been missing you?”
Thanks, and have a great week! You can email me at .
Todd
Recently, my friend Ed Stetzer gave a presentation at the International Christian Retail Show on some of the research he's doing at LifeWay. He shared the top reasons they've found that young adults are dropping out of church these days. Among the reasons:
1. They simply want a break from church (27%);
2. They felt church members are judgmental and/or hypocritical (26%);
3. They moved to college and didn't find another church (25%);
Comments
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CS on Mon, July 27, 2009
Peter:
I think you and I are using some of the same concept, in different orders, based off of James:
You: These people aren’t doing anything, so they have a dead and worthless faith, and they’re leaving.
Me: These people have a dead and worthless faith, so they aren’t doing anything, and they’re leaving.
The difference here, I think, is that I’m of the camp that says that these people need to hear the Gospel and become believers before they do things for God. You believe more in needing things for them to do so that they then have the relationship with Jesus.
It’s not that I think we need to shout, “Repent!” louder, so much as we need to shout, “Repent!” because churches haven’t been doing it when they should. =)
—
CS
Joanne Domagala on Mon, July 27, 2009
The premise is that we should try to go after people who drop out of the church. Hard to argue with that because of course, they’re important to God and to us. We WANT them to become (or stay) connected with the church. I think the bigger question is whether we CAN effectively draw people back into the fold once they’ve made a decision to leave or have become complacent about attending.
Faith and love for God doesn’t seem like something one can compel another person to put on. People who make an excuse that work, busyness, people problems, etc., keeps them from church, probably aren’t going to change their minds - either they’ve become spiritually complacent or they’ve decided that corporate worship isn’t for them at this time. It’s a wrong decision, but I have to believe that if they really know Christ or have been in relationship with him, then inside, they know it’s wrong, but are choosing to do what they feel like doing. They’re most likely to withdraw from those who would tell them otherwise.
Maybe the person just doesn’t like the church any more or doesn’t feel they’re “being fed” (I hate that term). In that case, why try to talk a negative person into staying - let them find some other church where they’ll feel a closer affiliation.
If an unbeliever tries a church and doesn’t return, one would hope that somehow God will use that experience and the word that was preached to later speak to and draw that person to God. I think some follow-up is good, but too much, or the person may feel a little entrapped or pushed and want to be rid of the whole thing rather than at least being left with a positive experience that they may want to return to later.
I think all bets are off though, when someone has gotten connected and enters into relationship with people in the church. Then, they’ve truly become part of the community and we have not just a responsibility to care for them through whatever they’re going through, but have earned the right through relationship to speak into their lives. And while the person leaving may reject the overtures, at least they should know that those they are leaving care and want to be of support.
Peter Hamm on Mon, July 27, 2009
CS writes [You believe more in needing things for them to do so that they then have the relationship with Jesus.] Nope… I’m happy to say, my beloved brother, that you are inferring. I can understand how, but I’m simply saying that giving people the example of a faith that works gives them a better opportunity to encounter God’s redemption rather than what many churches resort to… turning up the “repent” message to 11… or simply reducing the faith of a Christian to a list of doctrinal distinctives. (NOT saying YOU do that… I KNOW you don’t…)
I think that it’s good news I don’t believe that, btw…
Michael Dixon on Mon, July 27, 2009
I have five children, and at least four have been raised within a constellation of Christian communities that stress the need for redemtpion, the power of the Cross, the Resurrection of the body and a life responding to the gifts of Christ with Spirit led service. I am proud of each kid’s highly individualized/even idiosyncratic take on all this because it tells me they are thinking this stuff and behaving based on it all the time.
But I got to tell you that a region full of churches with youth groups and youth leaders pushing the idea of giving out free bottles of cold water on a hot summer’s day and telling the recipients that God loves them or holding block parties for economically disadvantaged neighborhoods; or hawking mission trips to the newest discovered biggest Latin American ghetto built on a grabage heap, replete with T shirts, a big sendoff and a big return marked by skype updates in between; or shepherding them to hear the newest Christian rock concert; or holding daughters of the King events so daughters can be queen to their father’s king impersonation—this isn’t helping anything.
The egotism & the marketing mentality when every event includes how much money was raised, how many souls saved, how many rededications took place; the reaffirmations of adolescent schisms between haves and have nots when there are a limited number of spaces, when you have to be the first to sign up with a deposit, when there are lots of adults praising the kids who give “the right answers” in Bible studies and lots more to patronizingly explain what’s wanted to the kids who don’t give the right answers, when ALL the adolescents selected to do solos are slim and good looking, when the kids on the autism spectrum and with Downs syndrome or tourette’s or PDD are kept in the back and out of sight; or the superficiality of the Chrisitan redemption shows up in the fact that all the elite at the local schools and the local sports teams turn out to be the elites at the church group.
Do you think that my son missed the fact that the youth pastor at our very big, very affluent church wouldn’t visit the son of one our friends when he was in a half way house because he didn’t have time, but was always hanging out in his sjeans and sandala and former Bulldogs physique with the cool kids?
Do you think my other son missed the fact that all the stories about the savagery of a local high school clique shared at a youth meeting at church were tales of the big adjacent Christian school and not the very proudly pagan local public school.
There is little heart for the Jesus of the whores and theives and tax collectors here in the affluent, Republican (I am both) suburbs of Southwest Ohio. I want my newly licensed son to continue to drive slow because he doesn’t want to hurt anyone, or to continue in his chosen celibacy because he just doesn’t think sex is apart of his relationships and God’s plan for him. I want him to continue to get in avid conversations about how you reconcile a forgiving God with the reality of a final judgement, but I have very little hope that this is going to be aided and abetted by the church experience here or at college.
We are in a House church now, that is lit from withinby the Spirit, but my son is not one of the great mingling communicators and I don’t know that as he settles in to college it is realistic to expect him to “find” a church like ours, and he won’t go to the MC anymore. My daughter went to Wheaton College and that worked out fine, but she is home in the house church and we will see what happens when she moves away. The local young life won’t stop sending things about their program to my middle son’s parents (which angers him) and they won’t publically tell us where they meet so we can’t urge him to go.
Like Job I pray alot and I trust God a lot, but I am not counting oneither the mainstreet denominations or the Willowbrook association to yiled anything positive for my kids.
CS on Mon, July 27, 2009
Peter:
“but I’m simply saying that giving people the example of a faith that works gives them a better opportunity to encounter God’s redemption rather than what many churches resort to”
Ah! Now I understand what you are saying. When people see both doctrine and actions put together, then it is better than a church that has great theology but never acts on it, or a church that is all action but devoid of biblical teaching. I agree wholeheartedly, and I think you’d agree with this: you see more churches that lack action and faith lived out, I see more churches that lack doctrine and theology.
Joanne:
“I think the bigger question is whether we CAN effectively draw people back into the fold once they’ve made a decision to leave or have become complacent about attending. “
This leads to an interesting question where I have been mulling about recently. In the Parable of The Rich Young Ruler, the ten lepers who are healed, and a few other places, when people depart from Jesus, He doesn’t go after them to say, “Wait! Please stay!” So, when we have people who have heard the Gospel choose to leave, should we go after them any more than we go after any other unsaved person? If so or not, what’s the biblical precedence? (The same question applies to the notion of, “follow-up,” with an unbeliever.)
—
CS
Guido Montesano on Mon, July 27, 2009
A lot of the people that have decided to choose the #1 excuse for not going to church, usually do because of the #2 excuse on the list.
Dave Hess on Mon, July 27, 2009
You wrote, “Young people AND adults leave churches for the silliest reasons. Sometimes a gentle prodding or talk can rescue them from their inactivity in the church. Sometimes not. But too often, we just let them go. We allow their laziness or lousy reasoning to keep them from our or any church, and stand by as they distance themselves from the One who wants, more than anything, to have a day-by-day relationship with them.”
——- I have been noticing just that very thing lately, and sadly is SO TRUE. It is striking that we church people, especially those who don’t have any official leadership title, can be so passive towards others leaving the church. Many times they are gone for months before anyone says anything. This, I think, is a clear example of hyper-individualism negatively impacting connectivity between church members.
MK on Mon, July 27, 2009
Family in Christ,
I feel it necessary to point out that the Church, in its biblical essence, is the Body of Christ, not the set of organized programs, rituals, and meetings held in towering buildings all over America. Though some do leave the Body for the wrong reasons, it is inaccurate to claim that a person who chooses not to be a part of an established congregation is in sin or has “left the flock” or “left the faith.” Neither is it scripturally necessary to “join a church (lower-case “C”)” in order to have a right walk with God. We do need the Body and I’ll not dispute that fact. But consider the faiths of those martyrs—both during the blossoming of the Body and even today—and how their “church” life was much different from what many Americans think is “right.” And many times it was necessary for these people to live solitary lives apart from the Body—Christ alone sustains people in those times. How will our country’s Body survive once following Christ is as illegall as it is in other parts of the world already if She does nor have a firm foundation in Christ and the Word apart from the weekly meetings and often guilt-driven activities?
Just because someone is no longer a part of a congregation does not mean he/she has left the faith. This person may have chosen to spend his/her life in greater service to the unsaved (something that is hugely lacking in most American churches) alongside a life of seeking God based on what His Word says, rather than what someone tells him/her it says, and cucltivating meaningful relationships with other Christians and non-Christians alike (the latter with the aim of sharing Christ’s love), something which is often largely absent in many lower-case “C” churches today.
I definitely concur with the notion that many American churches either have connectedness among their members and lack solid teaching, or vice-versa.
An interesting resource for those interested is the book, So You Don’t Want to Go to Church Anymore? It has some really good insight.
In Christ and in love,
MK
Jim Liberatore on Mon, July 27, 2009
In 25 years of ministry, I do try to ask people who do not come back why they do not. Most do not respond to me but, over the years, a trend emerges.
1) We are not their cup of tea (we aren’t for everyone, there are other great churches in town.)
2) They didn’t feel welcome (we have a mixed record on this.)
3) My sermon upset them (it does my wife, too, at times)
4) The kids are too loud. (they give me a pretty good run for my money.
I always have to look at myself. I don’t blame the visitor. I dont’ think Jesus would either. He’d love them.
No one come to church inadvertently. They were hungry for something to which Christ has an answer. My job is to give them Christ in a compelling way and community. We have a ways to go. Even the saved sometimes disappear for a season. I figure Jesus keeps up with them.
Health Retreats on Mon, July 27, 2009
The day Johnny was scheduled to be released, he stopped by the chapel and told us he had accepted Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior. He said he wanted to live his life for Christ and help others. The chaplain gave him the address of a couple churches in the area where he was going to live.
LiveBingo on Mon, July 27, 2009
May be he doesn’t believe on existence of the God.
Rev. K on Wed, July 29, 2009
We must distinguish the difference between backsliding and leaving the faith entirely. I do believe we all have backslide in our faith and relationship with God at some point in our lives. But those who leaves the faith entirely never was truly saved.
On what basis do I make this claim?
A. before a person can be saved they must be convicted of the Holy Spirit.
B. After a person is convicted of sin and repents to God and puts their faith in Jesus, they is saved and given eternal life. That person is also sealed by the Holy Spirit. (Eph. 1:13). The word “seal” means security, a finished transaction. How long is a person sealed? (Eph. 4:30) Until the day of redemption.
C. Jesus even prayed to God the Father, “those whom You gave Me, I kept all of them…” (paraphrasing John 17:11) This is security…
D. There is no such thing as being saved today and lost tomorrow. John 10:28-29 is our proof.
However we could backslide… (fall out of fellowship)… to fall out of fellowship is not to fall out of relationship… there are some family members that we used to always be around… and the time came when residence prohibited that fellowship… that doesn’t mean the person isn’t still your family (relative) member… you’ll just lost contact…
Therefore:
A. Christians can disobey God and sin which breaks fellowship but not relationship. (Rom 8:35-39).
B. Consider the prodigal son… he lost fellowship with his family not relationship… this is proven by the words of the father…“my son has returned…”
so when a person who claimed salvation leaves the faith… their salvation wasn’t genuine. what they had was a false conversion… Luke 9:62 “No one who puts his hand to the plow and looking back is fit for the kingdom of God…”
CS on Wed, July 29, 2009
Rev K:
“However we could backslide… (fall out of fellowship)… “
Here, as you have defined, “backsliding,” your argument makes sense. However, typically the word, “backsliding,” is related more towards going and indulging in a lifestyle of sin. And this is where the conviction of 1 John 3 picks up in identifying whether someone is in the faith or not.
So, if a Christian were to break fellowship with other believers for a time, that is different from someone who goes, leaves the church, and engages willingly in sin. Which, in my experience, is what most people who leave the church for the reasons above do, which then calls into question their salvation. (I speak from personal experience on this one.)
—
CS
Rev. K on Wed, July 29, 2009
CS.
even then if a person repents of their sins and comes back to God, He is faithful and just to forgive them of their sins and unrighteousness…
Cs.
Yes there’s a difference in breaking fellowship and leaving the church entirely… I hear many talk of individuals leaving the church/faith entirely and converting to other gods… those individuals wasn’t never converted (truly born again) in the first place…
Can I add this, (I know many are going to riducle me for saying this)? If more pastors and church leaders become more concerned about teaching rather than entertaining, perhaps this would be less of an issue… In this Westernized Christianity… the focus is on evangelism and reaching the lost… and little or no attention is on discipleship… so we have what I call “A back door syndrome” that is… we do find cathing the attention and reaching the lost… they come in the front doors of our churches/congregations… some even stay for a while… but eventually after the amusement… they leave out the back door…
amusement without conscienceness…
Peter Hamm on Wed, July 29, 2009
CS and Rev K,
I think both sides of your argument might miss an important point. If someone leaves my church, and I spent an inordinate amount of my energy examining why they were never in the faith rather than re-examining the way I’m doing things, I might be missing the opportunity to be a redemptive force in the next guy… and perhaps in that first individual eventually.
Rev. K writes [If more pastors and church leaders become more concerned about teaching rather than entertaining, perhaps this would be less of an issue…] Let me turn that around. If more churches were interested in teaching that was TRANSformational rather than only INformational, then perhaps this would be less of an issue.
But let me suggest to you this… HUNDREDS of people who followed Jesus for a while left Him when his teaching got too hard. If people are leaving, it’s no indication of failure. It wasn’t for Jesus, it’s not for us. Should we try to shut the “back door” people are leaving through? Heavens no! Look at the parable of the seeds and consider that if one “profession of faith” out of four bears fruit, your percentages are right in line with scripture. http://www.mondaymorninginsight.com/images/smileys/tongue_wink.gif
THAT said, the most constructive thing I can do is to examine my own methods to make the best use of the gifts God has given me, not necessarily to engage in yet another debate on eternal security, which is what this is about to turn into, I’m afraid…
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