Here’s a handful of ideas from a long-time youth worker. I’m very opinionated on this, so forgive me in advance.

1. Be authentic. Inauthentic Christianity is what turns people off from being part of the church, whether they’re this young or not. Share your struggles with them. These young adults and youth need adults to spend time BEING with them, and being real. Don’t fake it. If you are faking it, work on your own heart first! I have seen some kids I’ve influenced get out of High School with some real faith that I knew came from me being real with them. I didn’t treat them like “kids” either. I was just there.

2. Get them involved. No, I’m not talking about being involved in “Youth Group”, althought that’s good. Get them in on being the church on a regular basis. They can play on worship bands, be greeters, they can do just about all the things that grown-ups do. I just a couple weeks ago set my “youth band” loose on our regular sunday service, for the first time without my involvement. (I was preaching and didn’t want to play and preach in the same weekend. I normally play with them… I love it, by the way...) They absolutely ROCKED! Real authentic genuine heartfelt enthusiastic worship. I just about cried. The one of them who has been “groomed” to be more of a leader REALLY stepped up to the plate.

3. Do NOT ghetto-ize them. Enough of the car washes and candy sales and bake sales and such. I know in a lot of churches there’s no line item in the budget for Youth, or not very much. Put your money where your mouth is. They are the young church of TODAY, not the church of tomorrow. There is no church of tomorrow! (There is no promise of tomorrow, build the church today...)

Okay, now I bet I just ticked someone off. I hope not.

Good thoughts Peter.  I have just one that I’d mention at this time. 

Stop only doing church the way adults like it.  Even if you have a contemporary worship service, don’t simply assume that you’re touching a younger generation.  Youth leave the church because it doesn’t seem relevant to them.  So…make it relevant to their culture also.  You may actually need to provide a teen service for them.

During my last pastorate everyone met in the Worship Center and worshipped as families.  Then children were dismissed for Sunday School and teens went to their own worship service.  They continued worship music (their style) and then the Youth Pastor preached on the same subject I was delivering to their parents.... just not as long.  What we found was, families had more to talk about spiritually because teens listened more closely and the teens found that their faith was alive and relevant to where THEY lived life, not just where their parents lived.

Todd said:
“What do I have to do as a parent to make sure my kids make the cut. And what is/can my church do to keep 88% of our current youth from abandoning the church? “

How about pray?  God gives great guidance. 

Maybe it’s a part of human nature, too, where kids who grow up in Christian homes have to experience some of their own “desert” before appreciating God and “the meaning of life.”

In the end, remember that salvation is a miracle-- and a work of God, not the flesh.  We should love everyone, and be as concerned about everyone’s faith as much as our own children’s faith.  Our children are entrusted to us to raise, and we are also responsible for reaching the world.  Oh, how we need to love others as much as we love our own kids, or ourselves:

Mark12
28One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, “Of all the commandments, which is the most important?”
29"The most important one,” answered Jesus, “is this: ‘Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. 30Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ 31The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’[g]There is no commandment greater than these.”
32"Well said, teacher,” the man replied. “You are right in saying that God is one and there is no other but him. 33To love him with all your heart, with all your understanding and with all your strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself is more important than all burnt offerings and sacrifices.”
34When Jesus saw that he had answered wisely, he said to him, “You are not far from the kingdom of God.” And from then on no one dared ask him any more questions.

...Bernie

I think we all need to be rebuked, Todd, because it’s easy to rest on the arm of the flesh… and done way too often… probably more often than not.  We need to do things in the power and spirit of God.  It’s not trivial and not just words.  Even major ministries work in the flesh rather than the spirit; one example is Jim Bakker (PTL Scandal), who wrote about it in his book “I Was Wrong:”

http://search.half.ebay.com/i-was-wrong_W0QQmZbooks

...Bernie

Bernie,

Love you man, but you have a one track mind, taking everything back to the evil televangelists and major ministries.

This is how we’re different, Bernie.  Rather than reading someone’s comments and thinking that they (and everyone else) needs to be rebuked, I would suggest that my comments were to attract positive responses that would help with the problem, rather than just thinking that everyone is automatically operating in the flesh.

I realize it’s easy to ‘rest on the arm of the flesh’… I just don’t think everyone is there all the time.

By the way, any kids, Bernie?

Todd

[So… how do parents and churches partner together to make sure we don’t lose nearly 90% of our next generation of church goers?]

Churches can partner with parents by arranging a school for the children to attend at the church, during the week.  It’s best done grades k-8 but can work k-12 but at least k-5.

The majority of church buildings sit unused during the day during the week.  Millions of square feet of space that for the most part is already or can easily be set-up as a teaching space.

The suggestions here have been about more influence.  Need them around the church, involved, etc.

We’re losing our children to influence - seriously think about the time they are influenced by Godly Character, compared to ungodly character.  If they sleep 8 hours a day, that leaves 112 hours throughout the week.  Of that, they MAY spend 3 hours on Sunday morning (109) and maybe 3 hours Sunday night (106) and 3 hours on Wednesday (103).  Most of us would readily admit those numbers are stretched at best.

Let’s say the father in the house is actually obeying God and reading and praying with his children and wife and they do such 1 hour a day (96).

The total influence of Godly Character is stretched to 16 hours while ungodly character is a whopping 96 hours.

I hope and pray during those hours they are at school they are with Godly children and listen to Godly music, etc.

The best way to “partner” with the parents is reverse the trend.  Give the children 96 hours (or at least a minimum of 6 hours a day, 5 days a week 30 hours) of Godly influence by opening up a school in your church.

As for relevant - what’s more relevant than classes and school?  That IS their life from 3-18yo.

Do the math for yourself.  Be honest too.  You know how much time you spend reading and praying with your children.  How much TV and radio (and what) they watch and listen to.  What is more difficult to determine is the hours of what, how, with, etc they do in school.

Salvation is no doubt a gift of God and training our children about Who God IS from the time they are born to the day they live is our Greatest Commission.  We are not all evangelists or pastors or greeters BUT we are all husbands, wives and grand-parents who MUST make a difference in our influencing our children with Godly Character.

The next generation and every generation after that will be lost without serious consideration of separating our children from the world and keeping them from ungodly influence.  13% of Godly influence (168 total hours in a week – 50 hours or more of sleep multiplied by 13% is the number of hours spent in prayer, reading and church) in their lives or our lives for that matter, equals a desperate situation.

If those in the public school system start to fail even worse, they are more than welcome to attend the school our children do but with the influence of God and perhaps even, Lord willing, they might be saved too.

I counted on you Todd or someone else to pull that out.

Perhaps it has to do with their theology and doctrine.  Hmmm.

Also, you’ll find in many private Christian schools they attempt to be more like the public school.  WHY?

The key is separating from the world, not being like it.

What about our call to be salt and light in the world?  If there are no Christian students in our public schools, are we living up to “go into all the world?” We’re going to need all our Christian teachers who currently bring the light to our public schools, to come and teach in our new Christian schools as well.  So we end up abandoning the place where a great number of this generation spend a great deal of their time.  Sounds like we’re saying, “I’ll take care of the kids in my church (school) and not give a rip about reaching the kids in the public school.”

Kat wrote:
“They will see that love and care of Jesus in you as you support them DESPITE your differences in music preference and service style. “

This is a huge point. I don’t know that Kat meant it the way I understood it, but I think it’s worth repeating.

A lot of times when we talk about reaching our “kids,” we immediately start thinking about changing our music so it sounds like the music they listen to on the radio. We tell the pastor not to wear a suit anymore, because “the kids might not relate to him.”

Now, before we go any further, you need to know that I’m still technically a “kid” (26) who prefers contemporary (even “edgy” music), and don’t wear a suit when I preach. 

But we have to lose the accomodation mindset.

When we change music styles, or “dress code” or do crazy things during our sermons because we hope it will attract the kids, I fear we’re only making the problem worse. It isn’t a music issue, or a dress code issue, or a kids sermon vs. adult sermon issue. (If it were, churches like the Greek Orthodox church wouldn’t be attracting young people in droves).

People are attracted to a Gospel that changes lives, not to a church that changes music styles. Teenagers want to see adults who are changed by the power of the cross. They want to see authentic worship - however that worship is presented. They want to be a part of a church that lives what it talks about, and talks about what it is supposed to be living. (I often wonder, if this God we serve is so great, why don’t we spend more time telling people what He says?)

The answer isn’t in a particular worship style, or style of service, or formality vs. informality. The answer is to be a church that is completely 100% sold out being ambassadors for Jesus Christ wherever we are.

It’s been mentioned that we need to be more “authentic” - but I must ask, is God not powerful enough to keep that to whom He has granted eternal life? It would make this entire matter so much clearer, to those with ears to hear and eyes to see, that the problem does not lie within the realm of developing programs to occupy the time of our children (not that they should be discounted or discarded) but rather obedience to God’s plan of salvation and the genuine gospel message of repentance and faith, evidenced by the fruits of repentance and faith, not a simple decision, saying a prayer, answering an altar call, etc…

God will not, nor can He, reward the deliverer of a bogus gospel message. The evidence of such is clearly dosumented within the premise of this article. Are the #’s accurate, God only knows, but when you have a church that for the most part is unwilling to reconcile itself to God, to be founded on doctrines that reveal the One True and Living God, then it really doesn’t matter how many escapades are developed to try to “maintain” a persons (adult or youth) involvement in churchianity, many will be found on the wide road.
Does anyone not consider (BeHim excluded) God’s word in matters first? Jesus said, “Enter by the narrow gate. arrow is the gate and difficult is the way, which leads to eternal life and there are few who find it.”
“Difficult is the way” - doesn’t reflect the predominant gospel message delivered by churches and “Christians” in American Evangelicalism. Unless people endeavor to understand this and reverse this reality, the fallout will be ever increasing and devastating.
May we all discipline our mouths to be faithful to the word of God in delivering what is the true Holy Spirit empowered gospel message - I doubt anyone would agree that the Holy Spirit empowered gospel message is resulting in this type of abandonment of faithfulness to Godly living.

Hi Todd-

Yes I have 4 kids: 3, 5, 14, & 15.

Todd said:
“Love you man, but you have a one track mind, taking everything back to the evil televangelists and major ministries. “

You missed my point, I think.  My point is that it is too easy to operate in the flesh rather than the spirit.  I’m afraid that most ministries seem to operate this way, from my experience.  My point is that even major ministries can do it, and I gave an example.

The whole article is geared that way.  What can WE do.  It is a valid question, and there are many things we can do.  However, without any mention of the Spirit and His leading, it all becomes a work of the flesh.  You can’t say “it is assumed that ministers are doing this all in the Spirit,” because it doesn’t happen by default.  I think the default is in the flesh.  We need to make a special effort to get our eyes on God and His ways and His plans.

Personally, I’m not too concerned about my kids.  I’m concerned about doing my part/responsibility as a parent, but salvation is between them and God; they have their own free will.  As I said, salvation is a miracle anyway, and out of our hands.  All we can do is talk the talk and walk the walk.  If anyone frets over this too much, it is because they (wrongly) think it is their responsibility to make their kids Christian, and they will attempt it by acts of the flesh.  You can’t make them Christian.  I have lots of family and friends that aren’t believers.  I do what I feel led for them, but leave it between them and God.

...Bernie

SATIRE alert!!!

I’ve got an idea. Let’s take all our Christian kids out of the public schools, either home school them or teach them at church schools, and not let them meet, socialize, or even be near unbelieving kids. Let’s make sure they are pumped totally full of sound doctrine and good Christian teaching in the process.

Especially, let’s keep them from the horrendous ideas of evolution and science that so quickly seem to ruin their young minds.

Now… the first time they encounter a muslim or buddhist or hindu in college who seems to have their act together (as much as or even more than the Christians they have known), or even an atheist… they dump their faith because they’ve had no balance.

Maybe we can get this 88% number up past 95%.

END SATIRE alert!!!

We are in the world not of it, and we are called to make disciples, not just believers in right doctrine --as important as that is-- but disciples, which means apprentices, followers, studiers of Jesus. People who try to live and be more like Christ. People who DO life as followers of Christ, and who learn how to do that by seeing others do it. How do we do it? We try to be relevant with the timeless Gospel message… JUST LIKE JESUS WAS! I make this attempt, I try (with my flesh? yeah, it’s a great tool God’s given me-- and with prayer and the power of God? Most definitely, most importantly, and most deliberately!) to tell the story of God’s redemption in ways that are relevant, ways that make sense (like Jesus telling stories about farming to farmers...), and ways that make a difference. THAT is what the article is talking about.

Am I relying on the flesh? Not primarily, but my flesh is the gift God has given me to do His work in the world, and I have a responsibility to do it with increasing excellence… AND relevance… AND attention to sound doctrine and to God’s Word…

SATIRE cont.

gees you have to argue with church leaders to promote training, educating and equipping children with scripture and Godly influence.

What is the world coming to when church leaders stand against a Christian Education.

Oh I guess it comes to 90% leaving the church.