Treat criticism the same way you do praise...ignore it.

I am sometimes amazed at the things people find to criticize their pastor over. Things that you have no idea that you have done. One older woman in our church as I was receiving people at the rear of the church. Shook my hand in a rather weak grip, because she was along in years I did not respond with a stronger grip which might of caused pain. So she told my wife that she was not speaking to me because I must have something against her she could tell this from my weak handshake.
That is not the first time that a totally off of the wall criticism comes to my attention that I would never have known unless trough second hand mention.
Unfortunately, today church people often suffer from the “sponge Bob syndrome” - “it’s all about me”. Much of that may be caused by the society we live in and some of it may even be caused by us. I know I will get criticism for this statement, but we are the pastors of these people the sheperds and here we are grumbling and complaining and telling second hand tales. I think we need to appreciate the high and holy calling that we have as shepherds and realize people all have different problems and they need our care and prayer. So when you receive a second hand criticism, you can immediately go to the source and address it (I do this) or you can just dismess it as gossip and dont receive it. I dont recommend the latter unless you can push an erase button and get rid of all knowledge of the criticism. Just dont take it personally. Jesus and His disciples after took much criticism to the point of death. Didn’t we knw it was coming? Didn’t we know that it was part of the job?
John 15:20 “Remember the word that I said to you, ‘A slave is not greater than his master.’ If they persecuted Me, they will also persecute you; if they kept My word, they will keep yours also.

Being a people pleaser like many of you, I find it difficult to handle criticism.  However, I have learned that allowing that criticism to influence your strategy and vision for the church, can be very destructive.  I watched a pastor change the music, service schedule, and etc. everytime someone complained and the result was a church with no direction and growth.  My very limited experience has taught me to fast and pray for God’s vision for my church and when the is received, you have to move forward and learn to deal with the inevitable criticism that will be unloaded upon you.  I have also followed the Ed Young principle, “Only 1% of the people are jerks or really complain, don’t let them make you feel like they are the majority.” The enemy will make that 1% kill our spirit of joy.

I sat in the home’s of a couple attending my church - who told me it was hard to worship in a school auditorium because there were no stained glass windows, I politely told her that our church wasn’t for everyone and hoped she would find a church with stained glass windows so she could worship.  She looked at me with as if I had poured water on her head.  My wife and I prayed for them as they searched found a new church with stained glassed windows and left.

I have sat in other homes where we were told the music wasn’t contemporary enough or the music wasn’t traditional enough – we smiled and answered their criticism by sharing that they were under no obligation to continue coming to our church – that maybe they should look for a church that meets their desires.  We prayed for them and then left them with a decision they needed to make for their lives.

I have sat in other homes where we were told we were not Calvinist enough in our theology, or that we were not Wesleyan enough in our theology – we politely told them that there were plenty of churches in our community that might fit their needs.  I told one that there was a good Reformed church down the street that they might try attending there – “oh we have been there” was the reply and they are too strict.  I told the other that there was a good Nazarene church in town and was told – “they were too political.” So, I told both of these couples – maybe God is calling you to start your own church where things can be done the way you want.  We smiled and prayed that God would bless their efforts at starting a new church – to which they looked at us with wide eyes and said “we can’t start a church!” Well, I said you are in a situation aren’t you?  While we make it a practice not to prevent anyone from attend our church, we will be faithful to tell you that if you cause any descent by your theological opinions you will be asked to leave. We smiled shaked their hands and left.

How I handle criticism? – I don’t.  The scriptures tell me that “faithful are the wounds of a friend.” Those that pass around second hand criticisms or major on the minors in life are not my “friends.” I consider the source.  Believe me I have people in my life who are very honest with me if they think I am “off” on an issue – and to these I hold myself accountable.  Why, because I know the fruit of their life demonstrates the Spirit of Christ.

Complainers, whiners, backbiters and gossips get as much attention from me as “roller derby.” I smile and tell them “not every church is for everyone – I hope you find a church you can be happy in.” What I have found by treating “critics” this way is that my life has less stress and I am able to spend my time helping people grow in the Lord who really want to grow.

The amazing thing about criticism is how universal it is, it is the same in a small town, suburb, or urban setting. Having done this for over 23 years you can catch it from opposite directions on the same day for the same event.
If it is unsigned, forget it. If it isn’t over a kingdom issue, have a sense of humor about it, as if the size of the font in the bulletin is going to change anything. If it is an honest mistake, and I make more than most, own it, apologize and move on. If it is because of a sin I committed, and there are too many of those in my wake, admit it, and make it as right as you can. Ask God to straighten you out and learn from it.
And there are some people with just too much time on their hands.

Some of our people are afraid of change and will bad mouth any one who introduces it into the congregation.

Criticism can be helpful harmful and is always informative. Although criticism is inciteful regarding another person’s perspective and observation, I believe that it takes the Holy Spirit to help us to know the difference between helpful and harmful. Looking over my life I have experienced both valid and pointless comments regarding my ministry and leadership style. It is always easier to determine harmful complaints when they come from someone whom you know has it in for you. But it becomes more difficult to determine if it is valid when it comes from friends and family. The danger us people pleasers face is that if the criticism comes close to home the tendency is to automatically believe that it is valid. However, that misconception can be very painful and lead to feelings of failure. Yes although they might have your best interest in mind that doesn’t mean their criticism is necessary valid. As one recieving the criticism we struggle with determining whether or not the change is necessary or whether it is a mere attempt to drive us to behave the way they believe is best. The difficulty with this issue is that human nature does not change regardless of motive or person giving the criticism. We must ask God to help us to change what needs changing and ignore the rest. Understandibly, this is not accomplished with ease. One can help oneself if he/she is willing to make some mistakes regarding criticism. I believe that is what the Bible is refering to when it means to “Work out your own Salvation”. It is a process we strive to perfect. We cannot be perfect but we can improve with God’s Help. That is the key, not the criticism, but the God who might be using that to help us be more like Him.

I appreciate Scott being so open.  I haad to chuckle when I read his comments because I was just told by our elders that my sermons needed more depth.  When I asked what that meant, all they could give be was a blank stare.

I have to agree with Pastor Al and others that often it is best to let those who critize constantly that there are other churches that might minister to their needs better.  Eighteen of my twenty years in ministry have been as a associate watching my senior pastors bend over backwards to appease constant complainers.  The vision never progressed, the complainers were never satisfied and they always ended up leaving in the end leaving behind a wake of destruction.  So trying to please them is never profitable.

However, when I do approach these folks, I always try to do it with love and care and I always challenge them to get on board with the vision of the church.  I have found that constant complainers often just don’t understand where we are going as a church and why.  When I do take a little extra time to challenge them with the vision, some do get on board and often later become the champions for that vision.

All of us who are pastors deserve a lot of cudos and encouragement. No pastor or servant lives in a vacuum. If you serve another you will be criticized for it. I don’t have any profound insight into this area. I am hurt by unreasonable criticism like the rest of you. But I will add just one area, we are all in spiritual warfare. I don’t mean to “spiritualize” the real cutting, hurtful words people can say. But I also realize the enemy of our faith and Lord loves to pull good, well intentioned people into a battle of hurtful, penetrating words. While this truth does not minimize the criticism, for me, it helps me put into perspecitive sometimes why this stuff flys in my face. AND, there are other times that the criticism is warranted and those well-intentioned people deliver constructive, helpful criticism which makes me a better pastor and servant. My first Pastor-Mentor told me (much like a previous comment) to keep a tender heart but develope a thick skin. I’m still a teddy-bear inside, but my skin is thicker than it used to be. Also let’s make sure we are all getting enough rest, recreation (RE-creation), proper diet and intimate time with our spouse. This helps to keep the criticism, for me, from stinging too much or too long. Criticism is always most hurtful when other things in my life are out of balance and especially when my wife and I have not spent quality time together. I can’t suggest any fix-it strategies for those criticising us, but I can minimize the effects in my life by being healthy spritiually, physically, mentally, emotionally and relationally. HOpe this helps!

This is a very inciteful piece. I have personally seen members of a congregation take down Pastors with their words. It sometimes takes years for it to dawn on everyone that the Pastor behind the pulpit is also mortal.
The thing I encourage as I grow spiritually is for all to remember that the Man of God is annointed and has a tremedous role to fufill, one which judge him harshly as a Shepherd.
Encouragement is the action which I think Christ most exhibited, and if we fail to encourage our Pastors, we can never be the leaders Christ would want us to become.

Hey, everyone… thanks for the GREAT response!

I’d like to chime in on Jerry’s comments (just a couple of posts up).  Jerry says one of his problems with Rick Warren is the following:

• According to his writings, Rick Warren believes that the primary purpose of the Sunday morning church services is to reach out to unbelievers (Warren, Purpose Driven Church see p. 243), this premise is false. According to the New Testament, the expressed reason the church gathers is for worship and “equipping the saints for the work of the ministry”(Eph. 4:11-16; Acts 2:37-47). Rather than being the primary focus of the Sunday morning worship service, evangelism first and foremost takes place in the context of the believer’s life (literal translation: “having gone, make disciples” (Matt. 28:18-20 This is the clear pattern found throughout the New Testament.

This is one of the big things I’ve heard about Rick, and ‘seeker-sensitive’ churches in general.

I can’t say that I don’t agree in principle; however; I’d like to make two or three distinct points:

1.  I grew up Baptist, and we did this all the time, way BEFORE the seeker sensitive movement began… Sunday morning (and church in general) was THE time to invite your unsaved friends so that they could ‘hear the gospel’.  My goodness, we had contests, swallowed fish, took cream pies to the face, preached from the roof, shaved our heads… all kinds of silly, crazy things just to hit our ‘attendance’ goals.  Seems silly now, but the goal was to get the unsaved there so that they’d get saved.  I don’t know that many ‘evangelical’ churches that DON’T use Sunday morning as at least some type of evangelism.  At least that’s been my experience for the last 40 years (or so).

2.  I don’t think that the SSensative pastor or church would disagree that we should live out our lives to reach people for Christ throughout the week as well.  Most SS churches are based on this.

3.  I actually think it’s possible to do both… yes, both… and not deviate from scripture.  Services can appeal to the unsaved and yet be a time of worship & fellowship & growth for the believre.  Just because you are SS or evangelistic on Sunday doesn’t mean that Christians don’t get anything out of it.

Again, Jerry… I don’t see this as a big point (or at least one to lead off with).  I’d be entirely in your camp if people like Rick Warren were only doing the dog and pony show for an hour on Sunday mornings to get people saved, then living like apostates the rest of the week.  But, I just haven’t seen that.  Matter of fact, we’ve had a Saddleback member here already give testimony to how the church has literally changed her life (her AND for eternity).

And, just for fun, let’s turn it around… can anyone name a church that DOES NOT MAKE ANY ATTEMPT to be somewhat friendly/helpful to the unsaved during Sunday Morning Services that is claiming great victory in bringing people to Christ?  You know, a church that meets totally for Christians on Sunday mornings; but is extremely effective in reaching people throughout the week.  I’m sure there are some… just none are coming to mind.

Thanks!  Keep up the great discussion.

Todd

I learned from an excellent fundraising book that only 5% of disgruntled people will actually complain… the advice is to listen to them, take to heart their complaints, and if you can win them over, you’ll have a very strong supporter. 

I don’t understand why so many on this blog and preachers in general prefer to stick their head in the sand… maybe afraid of personal growth/change or admitting error?  Criticism is precious; just sort the wheat from the chaff…

...Bernie
http://www.oneplace.com/ministries/247