We all have our setbacks so speaking from a position of lesser influence in the church (I am the associate)-working with an abusive leader has become more tolerable knowing that we all have faults.  After reading that article I couldn’t believe how much every one of the Personal Qualities of Leaders matched up with my pastor.  This winter I really felt as if my boss hated me.  I’ve never felt it so strong with anyone before.  I reached the point of feeling like I couldn’t do anything right.  I still feel that way from time to time - okay about once a week. And it really doesn’t help matters much when there is family history together. Any dissolve in our ministry relationship would hurt our families relationship.  Jeckle is easy but how do I handle Hyde?  I read a devotional this morning from Mike Yacconelli about Hatred.  He said if anyone hates you look at your hands.  If you don’t see any nail scars just know that you got off easy.  Needless to say I got put in my place.  People are people I guess.

Thanks for the thoughtful discussion between an abusive leader and a servant leader. In Webber’s side-by-side contrasts, he mentioned that an abusive leader withhold or conceals information. I was accused of this action as an administrator of a Christian school.  I could not disclose the information in order not to violate rights of the individual nor violate proposed plans that were not officially determined. Some of the staff mistook this as being power hungry.  My heart was not there at all. The one truth Webber shared that I learned was to welcome accountability and feedback. I allowed for informal feedback but not formal. Yet even on this point many staff members thought that by giving feedback that their suggestion then would occur.  Not necessarily so, all suggestions had to be weighed in the balance of the vision of the school.

Hello.  I found the article to be very good and spiritually informative.  I have had the misfortune of serving under control freak, abusive, and immature pastors.  I had been involved in 5 churches in a 4 year period when I was living away from the area where I live now where I grew up.  Coming from a charismatic point of view, I hope my words don’t startle you.  But satan has a diabolical way of seeking to infiltrate leadership and control them.  One Biblical example of someone who was all about manipulation and control was Queen Jezebel.  The spirit of Jezebel is still alive and well in the church because satan hates the Body of Christ.  Scriptural reference for Jezebel in the New Covenant dispensation in which we live is found in Revelation 2:20-23.  God had ought with the Church of Thyatira because they allowed the spirit of Jezebel to come in and seduce them with deceiving doctrines and eating foods sacrificed to idols.  There are pastors who have eaten of the food sacrificed to the idolatry of modern-day witchcraft which manifests as insecure abusive ungodly control.  Certain denominations exercise unscrupulous overjurisdiction and overjurisprudence in areas where they have no right to exercise that authority.  When a church is not allowed to be a sovereign church (free to function as an autonomous local fellowship), then abuse occurs and thereby we see that control can not only come from a pastor, but also from the district office or general overseer of a given church organization. 

Had I known then what I know now, I would not have “gypsied” through so many church experiences.  I would have had the wisdom to screen out the prospective pastor to find out if he was a man of integrity. Rarely will you hear a pastor go before his/her congregation and make an open apology for what he/she did to the congregation to fail them or openly ask forgiveness from someone when the congregation had knowledge of what had happened.  Reconciliation is something that needs to be restored to the Body of Christ in our day.  And if pastors are too insecure to take the first step to reconcile themselves with whom they need to be reconciled to, besides God Almighty, then satan will have his way in the church.  It would be no wonder if there were to be a church split or falling away.....or worse yet, the pastor running everybody out of the church.

Some pastors who reflect such gross insecurity have probably truly missed their calling....in other words, they were never meant to be a pastor.  God had (has)a different calling on their life in some other facet of five-fold ministry, and instead of seeking God’s face about the matter, they decided to listen to the wisdom of man (i.e.: their parents telling them that he should be a preacher, when his giftings and talents are in other vocations).  People need to ascertain what God’s calling on their life is before they make a fatal mistake of pursuing the wrong avenue when they need to stop and wait and get some good godly counsel from their pastor and/or other lay leaders and trusted Christian friends.  I say spare a congregation the agony of accepting a pastorate when you have doubts the whole way through and later making the church a disaster.  Wait on the Lord about what He wants you to do.  I know in my personal situation, I am having to wait on God as I browse the internet and post my resume online for a prospective music minister position at a church, while praying and waiting on God’s timing at the same time.  Well, I believe I’ve said enough here.  God bless you.

When I look through the list it seems that it is not always an either/or situation. It can be more of a scale, and I can slide up or down that scale depending on what is going in my world and in my spirit. My intentions aren’t be abusive, but catch me at the wrong moment, and it may not be all that pleasant. There are more dynamics that enter in than may be first evident.

[What kind of leader are you?]

I think I have problems in two areas:
[Quickly discards individuals who he perceives will not embrace his vision or conform to his agenda.]

Although the language is strong, I generally believe I know the direction God wants me to go an a matter and I know some will disagree.  I usually don’t waste time if they haven’t prayed or searched Scripture about the matter.  Although I do listen to ideas and thoughts.

[Trusting toward people; thinks the best. Suspicious toward people, sometimes to the point of paranoia.]

I don’t just accept when a person says they are a Christian as absolute.  I’ve learned many people are abusive with the lifestyle whether in leadership or not.  I’m much more skeptical than I used to be, although I am not at all paraniod.

[Have you ever in your ministry life had abusive tendencies?]

Sure, especially early on in my ministry or if I was working with abusive leaders myself.  Sometimes, abuse leads to abuse and many times it brought out the worst in me.

[Have you ever work with an abusive leader?]

Yes.

My question is: Should abusive “christian” leaders be in the ministry?

I honestly think we as servant leaders need to focus some of our attention on purging the Church of some of these abusive tendencies.  Why?

Abuse breeds abuse and sin increases.  Obviously this is not of the Spirit of God so why do we allow it IN the Church (especially in leadership)?

I believe there are two main areas of work in purging abusive leaders from the Church:
1. The leader must respond to problems with Biblical prayer and investigation.
2. The leader must welcome appropriate Biblical accountability.

If a leader in the church is not willing to institute these two principles, then they should be asked to step down from leadership.  Why?

Because all the other attributes mentioned in the article (the side-by-side chart) are a result of leaders willing to adhere to these two Biblical principles.

Example:
1. The leader must respond to problems with Biblical prayer and investigation.
THEREFORE:
a. Secure in Christ
b. Is considerate and concerned for others
c. Studies the stress that others are under to help alleviate it if possible
d. Willing to discuss his decisions and the reasons for them, unless circumstances do not allow
e. Tries to work with the initially uncooperative, seeing their positive potential
f. Trusting toward people; thinks the best
g. Vulnerability is power
h. Communicates freely and openly
i. Responds to failure by taking personal responsibility
j. Knows he must earn the support of his followers
2. The leader must welcome appropriate Biblical accountability.
THEREFORE:
a. Secure in Christ
b. Willing to discuss his decisions and the reasons for them, unless circumstances do not allow
c. Vulnerability is power
d. Responds to failure by taking personal responsibility
e. Knows he must earn the support of his followers

[Note: It really comes down to being a man of careful prayer and thoughtful Biblical study/research - EVERYthing stems from this]

I do want to point out, God can and does use abusive leaders:
Jacob (deceiver)
Moses (at times was abusive - striking the rock)
Peter (acted one way with one group and another way with another group)

God can overcome our issues.

When I say “purge” I really mean… step aside ... not put away for ever (my choice of terms was very strong in its suggestion).

Abusive leadership is the “dirty little secret” of the church today.  I believe it is rampant in American churches for a number of reasons:

#1. American culture places a great value on strong independence, and honors the “successful” hard-driving leader who exhibits “power-based” leadership that emphasizes status, authority, decision-making, and eminence. 

We see that in the business sector and we see that in the private as well.  This cultural bias creates an environment that is conducive to the kind of “entitlement” abuse we have seen so much of lately among CEO’s.  It’s the attitude of a leader like Nebuchadnezzar who says “Is not this… great, which I myself have built… by the might of my power and for the glory of my majesty?” [see Daniel 4].  It’s the attitude of a leader who says, “I deserve to be able to do what I do; decide what I decide; without objection or interference.”

#2. The rise of independent American churches has created a greater acceptance among American believers to allow pastors to exercise leadership without any formal structures or relationships of accountability.  True, independent churches allow for greater freedom of innovation and less denominational or congregational bureaucratic encumbrances.  But the dark side of this freedom is that it also allows abusive leadership to exist without any formal provisions to restrain it.

#3. Many good people who serve on congregational governing boards are seduced into allowing numerical and financial “success” to overshadow the deeper issues of church health.

As long as attendance is strong and the money is coming in, governing boards are loathe to interfere with an abusive pastor.  When the pastor’s abuse of a staff member comes to light, they are much more likely to “side” with the senior pastor; and deal with the staffer somewhat dismissively; and describe the incident as another example of “our pastor’s style of strong leadership.”

#4. The Christian community is extremely naive about emotional dysfunction.  Our tendency in the church is to spiritualize unhealthy conflict in the wrong way, rather than to confront it properly.

Most people don’t realize how deep-seated emotional dysfunction really is - the kind of dysfunction that lies at the center of the inner life of abusive leaders.  This is the same kind of emotional deficit that leads to outward manifestations of addiction - many of which are not recognized as addictions by the average church member.  So, an abusive leader can be addicted to the adrenaline rushes of rage and conflict; risky behaviors and decision-making; or even the weekly “performance” in the pulpit… and parishioners (and elders) will not see their addiction for what it is.

The other attribute of addiction that I also see in abusive leaders is DENIAL.  They never see themselves as having a problem - the problem is always with the staff member or even the board member.

The common outcome of all of this is that the abusive leader “acts out” more and more extremely, over time, until something happens that is so overt or audacious that it simply can’t be ignored (like marital infidelity) and then church members blame it on spiritual warfare and the “work of the Enemy” without understanding the true nature (and real insidiousness) of the leader’s emotional deficit. 

#5. Most abusive leaders are adept at spotting emotional deficits in others, and developing effective ways to manipulate them through dominance, affection, or shame.  As a result, it is quite common to see the staffs of abusive leaders take on the typical attributes of a dysfunctional family system.

In most cases, staff members who are emotionally healthy and well-grounded invariably exercise personal choice and simply move on to another position at another place.  The “revolving door” of exiting staff is usually explained, again, by references to the abusive leader’s “strong leadership style.” And the staff becomes increasingly populated by followers who are more easily intimidated by the abusive leader, and less likely to confront the leader or the situation.  It becomes a vicious cycle.

#6. Many governing boards are reluctant to bring leadership abuse (and failure) out into the open, for fear of “damaging the church”; driving parishioners away; and experiencing the resulting financial stress of lowered giving.  So abusive leaders are often “set free” to go somewhere else and continue their abuse at another church, whose search committee members are oblivious to the leader’s history.

So.  What am I saying? 

Abusive leadership is not going to go away any day soon!  These conditions I’ve listed are chronic in the church and will exacerbate the problem for many years to come.  In the meantime, the best defense a congregation can have against the tyranny of an abusive leader is to have a highly aware, and properly-trained search committee and governing board - with members who are educated to the problem, and prepared to make difficult decisions in the selection and hiring process, AND in the TERMINATION process, as well.

In other words… GET HELP IN HIRING.  Find a consultant with experience who can come alongside the lay leadership and provide informed, wise counsel.

If you find yourself working for an abusive leader, my advice is… GET OUT NOW.  Don’t look to the lay leadership to help you.  They probably won’t.  Exercise the greatest power you have - the power of choice.  And leave.  Then be VERY careful before you apply for another position.  Do your homework about the leader.  Talk to the staff!  They’ll tell you what to expect!  That’s the irony of people who follow abusive leaders - they almost always do so with a very strong dose of resentment.  If it’s there, you will be able to sense it and find it.  Just keep asking leading questions and let people talk.

Sorry for hogging the blog - but this issue is very close to my heart.  I have such a great desire to see the church enjoy strong, but HEALTHY leadership.  It can happen!

Blessings!

Abusive leaders are everywhere, but we still, as a culture, believe all ministers are the same, and we’re all sweet, kindly and spineless.  Pretty clearly, we aren’t.  I suspect it is pretty daunting to run up against a clergyperson who doesn’t fit that sterotype at all, or only when it is convenient in the the pattern of manipulation he/she has set for themselves.  How do you even begin to try to create a collegial relationship?  Short of God’s direct intervention, I don’t believe there is, but it takes a long time to figure that out, and the, like one of the first people to write in, you feel as though you can no longer do anything right.The only thing that I have discovered that works is to back up and do your own work.

This article could not have come to me at a more opportune time. I am currently on staff with the abusive leader described. It is interesting that in his case abuse does not take the form of lording it over others, but in the more insipid manipulation of others. The question I am faced with, as an associate pastor, is whether or not I can continue to be part of the church knowing that this person is going to hurt someone else. The elders have, up until now, been enamoured of this man. There have been a variety of instances where he has caused harm to others by his words and actions, even going so far as to make a pass at a woman. The elders have confronted him on several occasions, even to the point of sending him away for counselling. The problem is that he seems to be able to talk his way out of everything. He is now away on sabbatical because he believes his behavior is a result of being “tired.” I say that being tired is the pressure of the hand squeezing the sponge. His acting out is his true nature being expressed under pressure. What needs to happen is that the contents of the sponge needs to be replaced.

I have served under an abusive Pastor.  I’m sorry to say that about him because I love him, but it is true.  It’s funny because I’m sure that he would be appalled that anyone would think that of him.  He thinks quite highly of himself and pats himself on the back for being a servant.  Anyone who doesn’t agree with him is not a “servant”, and doesn’t understand the mission.

He left a church because the Overseer was overtly abusive.  My Pastor left there with a gentle and pure heart wanting to be the opposite of this man and once he gained power, he became very much like this man just in a more hidden way.

As a young minister, I wanted him to be pleased with me.  I now see the part I played and what God wanted to teach me.  I was in error because I sought the approval of a man.  Many I think border on idolatry ignorantly.  Idolizing their Pastor/Leader. 

The current “church system” provides many opportunities for men/women to become abusive.  For example, Todd said something that really bothered me and I quote him - “They are more concerned about genuinely contributing to the welfare of their followers than they are about promoting their own dominance, status or prestige.” His followers?  The Pastor has followers?  I thought we were to be followers of Jesus Christ not a man. 

“But you are not to be called “Rabbi,” for you have only one Master and you are all brothers.  And do not call anyone on earth, “father,” for you have one Father, and he is in heaven.  Nor ar you to be called “teacher,”, for you have one Teacher, the Christ.  The greatest among you will be your servant.  For whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.” Matthew 23:8-12 NIV

Hi steve

I read your blog!

You may not have read all the other replies to the article.  I for one saw in myself the abusive pastor in more than one area.  I would like to say I am excused due to the nature of the ministry I have—but I am not. 

The hardest part of any leadership position is to see yourself “wanting” in some areas when they are “character traits” that need repair.

Don’t you think that Peter filled many of the bad side issues in the article.  He even told Jesus that he thought He was wrong.  The words “not so Lord” came out of his mouth when cofronted with a vision of a sheet being lowered. (acts 10 & 11).  He challenged Jesus with words like - “If you are ... bid me to come to you....” and later sank in the water.

I see much of Peter in me—I think that is good—when it comes to his relationship “AFTER” the resurrection but unfortunately I see myself like Peter (before the resurrection). For that I am repentant.

Anyone who thinks that Church leadership is easy—they are in for a RUDE awakening when they get there.  The second hardest thing I have done in life is be a leader for Christ in His Church.  The first hardest thing is “walking the walk that goes beyond the TALK.”

One thing I have, “Philip. 3:13 (NIV)
Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead,

Blessings

Pastor Bill

I am so glad for the openness shared here about abusive leaders. The eyes of the flock need to be opened to these wolves in sheeps clothing, as I have been the wife of such a leader. Pastor’s wives will not say much and do not have avenues to vent, however this is a much needed area in ministry today, that is, support for the wives of these leaders. The wives suffer more than anyone could ever imagine, yet are often afraid to save themselves, but continue to “serve” the husband and leader in the name of servanthood and ministry. I have recently had to leave my own home, as my husband, the pastor, carries the features you have described, and even more intense, at home where no one sees. As his wife, I learned to wear the mask, where no one would ever imagine my pain. I was also a pastor in the church, and because the abuse was destroying me, and he would not admit to the abuse, it was not God’s will for me to remain.  Please pray for and support the wives of these such leaders. I only pray that I can bring the hope of God to other wives with the same experience.