Confessions of a Church Planter 3

Orginally published on Thursday, May 17, 2007 at 8:31 AM
by Devin Hudson

Craig Groeschell’s Confessions of a Pastor got me thinking about my own struggles as a church planter. In two previous articles (here and here), I have been coming clean about some of my own personal battles. Hopefully my confessions can help some other church planters and pastors know that they are not alone in their struggles...

Confession #3: I feel completely insufficient at times.

By nature, I am a leader. I am a trail blazer at heart. I do not like to stay on the well-worn path. I would rather be in the front than in the middle of the pack or in the rear.  Rarely do I take the easy route.  “Settle” is not in my vocabulary. Some people would label me a “confident” person. I have a hard time “holding my tongue” and “not speaking my mind” about most issues.  Yet most of the time I feel completely inadequate.

Most of the time I feel like I have no idea what is around the corner and whether we will be prepared for it.  Most of the time I question whether I am the right person for this task. Most of the time I wonder if there is someone else that would make a better leader for Grace Point Church.  Most of the time I am scared out of my mind. Most of the time I question whether I can lead our people to the next “level” (if you read my previous articles you know I am a recovering “levels” thinker).  I am a leader. But I am a leader who often feels inadequate.

Here’s something I have come to realize about church planting: people look to the leader for direction and most of the time they trust what you have to say.  I think most people believe that someone who is qualified or insane enough to start a church from scratch that has obtained a certain level of “success” (there I go again) has a lot of answers. They trust you. They believe what you say.  They make decisions based on your advice and sermons and conversations.  They believe in you. They invite you to speak at their conferences. What most people do not realize is that most of us are scared out of our minds and have little or no confidence that we have any of the right answers. We may pretend we do, but most of us have no clue why God has allowed us to experience His blessing.

God has been teaching me something recently. He has been teaching me that faith and doubt can co-exist.  Did you catch that?  Faith and doubt can co-exist.  Church planting has increased my faith in a radical way but it has also augmented my doubts. Church planting has made me more God-dependent than ever, but it has also caused me to doubt my own abilities and gifts more than ever.

Do you ever consider whether you are the only leader who feels this way? Do you think Bill Hybels, Rick Warren, Andy Stanley, Erwin McManus, or Mark Driscoll ever feel insufficient?  Do you think they have ever struggled with doubts about their leadership abilities?  I can’t speak for those guys, but I can speak for another group of leaders. Guys like Moses, Gideon, Peter, Paul, Abraham, David, John the Baptist, and a host of other great leaders that at times were basically scared out of their minds.  And I am going to guess if those biblical giants were men who struggled with insufficiency, then the great leaders of our generations struggle as well.

I feel insufficient. I have doubts. My confidence wavers.  My faith is weak at times. But I will continue to lead. I will continue to trust. I will continue to grow. I will continue to find my strength not in my own abilities (or lack thereof) but in the One who called me and gifted me for this incredible, daunting, and intimidating task that we call church planting.

Devin Hudson is the Lead Pastor of Grace Point Church in Las Vegas.  His blog GraceIsThePoint is a popular blog among church planters and young pastors and offers keen insight into the ups and downs of church planting.  His authentic and engaging style help prepare church planters for the raw realities of launching a church.  Devin is married and has 3 beautiful children.  He also has an earned PhD in New Testament.

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