“Conflict:  Ask Ken”:  When Your Leadership Can’t Handle Conflict

Orginally published on Tuesday, June 16, 2009 at 3:00 AM
by Todd Rhoades

Here’s this week’s church conflict management question with Ken Newberger… Dear Ken, I have been pastor of the same church for nearly half a dozen years.  Since I have been here, conflict occurs on a cyclical basis.  Every six to eighteen months a small group of people complain anonymously to our elders even to the point of trying to get people to vote me out. This same antagonistic behavior dates back to at least two of my predecessors…

One man, for example, sent out a letter to the elders accusing me of everything that has gone wrong in the church, from declining attendance (it is slightly up) to our budget problems (income has increased each year I have been here). I am also being accused of the resignation of some elders (older men who were tired of the complaints and gossip in the church as well as the letters that stir up trouble). In essence I am being accused of anything and everything.

I thought my leaders would see the value in a conflict resolution consultation, but I'm sorry to say, they do not. They are concerned with the cost. They are also concerned that bringing someone like yourself would only exasperate the conflict whereas they just want to be done with it. In essence, their solution is to put a band aid on the problems, but I can guarantee you that we will be right back facing the same situation in 6 months to a year. There are a number of members who are tired of this pattern and want it to stop. Do you have any suggestions?

East of the Mississippi



Dear East of the Mississippi,

You are in a difficult position, one I am sure you have been in much prayer over through the years. My response is not directed so much to you as to your board since the ball seems to be in their hands. It is my attempt to convince them to rethink their position. Use the following as you see fit. I hope it will be of some help to you.


Why the Bar Seems Too High for Some Church Leaders to Ask for Help

Introduction
Church conflict can deteriorate to such an unmanageable level, that barring a miracle, a major rupture within the church is inevitable. Calling upon the services of a conflict resolution specialist before the conflict goes beyond the point of no return may be pivotal to the church's health, well-being, and functional survival. So why don't some leaders of a church in conflict avail themselves of the help sanctioned by Jesus (Mat. 5:9)? Here are three answers.

?It Costs Too Much?With all due respect, this can't be the real reason. If just two or three families leave the church because they are weary and wounded from conflict, the church will lose more income than the cost of bringing in a church conflict resolution specialist. ?It cost too much? can't be the real reason.

?If I Acknowledge Conflict in the Church, It Will Create More?
?Better to ignore a backyard hornet's nest than try to remove it and really stir things up.? This is the way some people think about church conflict. But why don't we say the same thing about people in sin? ?Leave her alone. She will steal more clothes at the mall tomorrow if you confront her about the clothes she stole today.? The first and most effective way to deal with reality is to name it. Hence, to acknowledge the existence of conflict in the church doesn't magically create more of it. To the contrary, it is the essential first step toward containing it.

?I am Embarrassed to Admit I Really Don't Know What to Do?
Deep down, this is a core reason why church leaders won't avail themselves of the help of a peacemaker. They are reluctant to acknowledge that they haven't been able to manage the conflict, and that the conflict itself, like a tornado, is moving in a direction of its own making, not theirs. But there is absolutely no shame in such an admission. The real failure is not naming that reality and acting accordingly.

Keep in mind that in organizational life of any kind, leaders tend to blame those directly engaged in conflict without realizing that their own actions, or lack thereof, contribute to the workings of the entire system. If, out of frustration, leaders act rashly or with a heavy hand to quell conflict, the division quickly deepens. Conversely, inaction or a ?wait and see? attitude is the tinder by which the conflict steadily grows. As Edmund Burke noted, "the only thing necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing."

So what should church leaders do? They should take the one step that offers the best chance of resolving the conflict in a manner that preserves the fellowship of the church. They should utilize the services of one trained in helping people make peace! Jesus sanctioned the work of peacemakers by calling them ?blessed.? Church leaders, therefore, have no reason to be embarrassed by allowing their congregation to share in such blessing. Indeed, being open to and following the will of God is what exemplary church leadership is all about!

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Hi... I'm Todd Rhoades. I'm a Christ-follower, husband, father and I love to connect leaders with other leaders. Hopefully you'll find something here at MMI you like and will return often. If you want, you can find out more about me or follow my every step on Twitter.

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