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Crummy Pop Culture References by Churches

Orginally published on Friday, December 01, 2006 at 8:17 AM
by Todd Rhoades

Crummy Church Signs dot com has some interesting, true church signs. Look at some ways churches use their signs to try to connect with culture. See the saying, along with comments from CrummyChurchSigns.com... They explain: Wherein a church, in a desperate ploy to appear hip and culturally relevant, appears to glean more inspiration from reality television and fast food commercials than from the Holy Spirit or the Word of God. And then they inexplicably place that inspiration on their church sign.

Actual Church Sign: “Martians welcome! We have space for everyone!”
Comment: I almost went to this church just in case Chewbacca showed up. I would’ve made sure he got a medal.

Actual Church Sign: “Meet the cast of The Passion of the Christ here every Sunday!”
Comment: I wonder how many horny sci-fi fan-boys showed up just to see if Monica Bellucci wore that dress from Matrix: Reloaded. Yowza.

Actual Church Sign: “Eternity: It’s not just a cologne, it’s a choice.”
Comment: Yes, apparently now you can choose whether or not you want your eternal soul to actually be eternal!! You want thirty days? You got thirty days. Three years? You got ‘em. Determine the length of time you spend in heaven/hell, because eternity is now an option!

Actual Church Sign: “The King’s alive and His name ain’t Elvis!”
Comment: Wow. Not only a horrible pop culture reference, but crummy grammar also.

Actual Church Sign: “Yabba dabba doo….God loves you.”
Comment: WIIILLLLMAAAA!!!!

Actual Church Sign: “Heaven is not Burger King. You can’t have it your way.”
Comment: These fast food health nightmares get enough advertising elsewhere; must we provide them with more on our church signs?!?

Actual Church Sign: “Cards over Yanks in 6!! Jesus over Death in 3!!”
Comment: “Yes, a solid outing by Team Jesus clinched their 3 day series over death. The Grim Reaper simply couldn’t handle Christ’s slider, while the Apostle Paul led the offensive attack with three RBI’s. The highlight of the game came in the 3rd, when Abraham sacrificed Isaac over to second base…..”

Actual Church Sign: “Walmart is not the only savings place”
Comment: Rollin’ back prices on salvation! That’s just great.

Actual Church Sign: “Baskin Robbins isn’t the only place with good Sundays”
Comment: This church has discovered 31 different flavors of blasphemy with this sign. Either they have a really low view of what a Sunday morning in God’s House should be, or they have a very, very unique Lord’s Supper that I’m not sure I would want to be a part of. Either way, count me out.

Actual Church Sign: “The best *value meal* is feasting on God’s Word.”
Comment: Yeah, I’d like a SuperSize McN.I.V. with fries and a Coke.

This post has been viewed 2136 times so far.

There are 9 Comments:

Posted by Michael Lukaszewski

Friday, December 01, 2006 at 9:21 AM

Hilarious. Just hilarious.
Posted by Leonard

Friday, December 01, 2006 at 10:14 AM

Make sure you check out the site because these are stunningly funny, I almost peed my pants.
Posted by Derek Vreeland

Friday, December 01, 2006 at 10:31 AM

Ha ha ha… Our church has just purchased a new sign with the movable letters. I have told my assistant, who will be in charge of changing it from week to week NOT to use any of those cheezy pop culture sayings, but that “cast of the Passion” isn’t too bad! But I certainly am not looking to attract horny sci-fi guys! LOL

Derek
Posted by

Friday, December 01, 2006 at 12:57 PM

The signs are really funny and most of the comments are too. A couple of times he gets a little rough on the poor souls, but when you put up a sign, you’re just asking for it! On a side note: our former pastor was doing a Da Vinci code series (who didn’t do one?) and he was seriously considering using the title “Da Vinci or Da Bible.” We talked him out of it.
Posted by

Friday, December 01, 2006 at 2:07 PM

One church we attended did not have a lock on the plexiglass over the letters. Some “creative” kids from the neighborhood did some “creative” re-arranging… At least it wasn’t profane, but we learned a quick lesson!

By the way, speaking of creative spelling, “Commentss???” (above)
Posted by

Friday, December 01, 2006 at 2:43 PM

I went to their website and was reading through the signs with poor grammar, I laughed so hard I was actually crying. Literally!

PA
Posted by

Monday, December 04, 2006 at 9:15 AM

Leonard, please refrain from referring to bodily functions--my young son read it before I got to it, and neither of us appreciated the remark. Pastor Al was more convincing and more appropriate. They really are funny, though!
Posted by Leonard

Monday, December 04, 2006 at 9:42 AM

Victoria and son and all others I may have been inapropriate to, I apologize and ask your forgiveness. I will make better choices with my words.

Leonard
Posted by

Monday, December 04, 2006 at 1:18 PM

I am in charge of our church’s sign and you would not believe how hard it is to come up with relevant, interesting material every week. Lots of what is out there is trite, preachy, corny or just plain dumb. Some of the best stuff I come up with I can’t use for fear of offending someone. One year we had a discouraging lack of snow that was becoming a concern for many. I simply put, “Stop dreaming and start praying for a white Christmas” on our sign. We got a letter from a woman chastising us for encourging people to pray for such a frivolous thing as snow. Shame on us! Another time I posted a series of “Jesus says...” messages and we got a message on our answering machine praising us for actually putting God’s word on our sign. My favorite messages are the kind that make you think, are topical or may have a sharp edge.

Some of my favorites, some original and some “gleaned” from other sources:
During March Madness
“Sweet 16...Bible truths taught here”
“Final 4: Father, Son, Holy Spirit and you”
“March Goodness Happens Here”
“March Madness Requires No Healing”
2002 Superbowl
“And the Lord provided a Ram...for sacrifice”

“First Snow, Go Slow, No Tow”
“One good thing about being wrong is the joy it brings others”
“If you don’t send this to at least eight people...who cares!”
“The real star was in the manger”
“Christ forgives you even for that”
“Dear God, I have a problem...it’s me”
“Be a fountain not a drain”
“Just be yourself...everyone else is taken”
“Life does not have to be perfect to be wonderful”

And my favorite that I don’t dare use:
“Stop, Drop and Roll Will Not Work in Hell”

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