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Dealing with Unpleasant Staff Departures

Orginally published on Tuesday, December 06, 2005 at 9:59 AM
by Todd Rhoades

I realize I’m writing to mainly church staff members… most of which have served at several churches. Just about every staff member I know has had at least one bad ministry experience in their career… but how should churches handle unpleasant departures? Ken Godevenos helps us with that issue with an article he wrote for a recent edition of Church Business. Ken writes…

I've witnessed or been made privy to a number of staff departures from various churches that clearly fall under the ?unpleasant? category:

A minister, having lost the support of more than half his congregation and his entire board, refuses to leave. He says God called him to the church, and until He tells him to move on, he?s staying.
A minister who behaved immorally with one or more members of his congregation is privately given the option to resign or be exposed by one of his board members, who has secured concrete evidence of the indiscretions.
A minister of music leaves a church?s employ because he?s prevented from taking the church?s choir and worship teams to the level he feels the majority of the congregation wants.
An associate pastor ? who has a sizeable constituency in the church ? is fired because of repeated insubordination.
An executive pastor ? who reports directly to the church board ? fails to renew his own contract after board members remain silent as the senior pastor withdraws his support.
A minister is incarcerated on charges of using the Internet to lure a minor for sex.
A pastor loses his position as a result of mental or physical breakdowns caused by ministry pressures, overload or burnout, lack of balance in life, and more.

Each of the above cases impacted a number of the following stakeholder groups, whose interests, questions, frustrations, disappointments and/or demands had to be addressed:

The general congregation (or, in the case of parachurch organizations, those served by the ministry);
The board of directors, who usually took or approved the action;
The staff member who is departing, and his or her family;
The rest of the staff; and
The general public (usually in the Christian community) outside the church.

Knowing which stakeholders are involved in each case helps determine both the preventive and corrective actions needed to best manage the situation.

Preventive Action

In reviewing the above examples, we arrive at several conditions which, had they been in place, might have prevented one or more of these situations. [Note: I say ?might? because even if everything that could have been done right was, there could be circumstances in which an individual?s behavior is beyond prediction due to a previously undemonstrated personality trait, or even legitimate mental illness. In these cases, congregations must rely on damage control and corrective actions.]

Examples of preventive action include:

A better selection process.

This includes thorough, investigative reference-checking from more sources; longer exposure to the candidate; and various forms of psychological testing, including time spent with a psychologist as part of the interview process. [I?m aware of one case in which a psychologist was enlisted to provide the search committee with additional insights into the person they were considering. Unfortunately, his advice was ignored.]

A clear understanding (including documentation) of the conditions under which the relationship would end. This might include votes by the board and/or congregation, or non-compliance with various church policies.

A clear understanding of the church?s lines of authority.

This requires a well-developed relationship between the board and the staff, established with the introduction and execution of an appropriate church-governance model.

Established and adhered-to requirements reduce the exposure of a staff person to the possibility of immoral behavior. This includes insisting that windows be installed on all pastoral staff?s office doors, and implementing rules about opposite-sex co-workers, including travel, home visitation and working late at night.

Regular planning meetings to ensure all staff are on the same page.

Everyone must agree where they want to take the church. They must also agree on a desirable leadership style for the senior and/or executive pastor.

Acknowledging the possibility that separate followings might develop within the congregation.

Personal accountability partners.
These should be assigned for every leader in the church. Doing so minimizes the chance of a moral fall.

Mentors.

Each staff person should have a mentor ? either another employee or a respected businessperson in the congregation.

Regular (at least quarterly) personal discussions with each staff member.

Supervisors should conduct these. Each meeting should cover how the employee is feeling, as well as his or her performance review.

Damage Control

Once an unpleasant departure looms on the horizon ? or has actually taken place ? several actions must be taken to correct the situation or minimize negative impact:

Ensure the situation brewing is handled by the appropriate personnel.

Is there a chance that it could affect a senior pastor or the board? Is there room for reconciliation, keeping in mind that we are called as Christians to be reconciliatory in all relationships?

Consult with human resources or labor lawyers.

Approach either those people within your leadership or outside your church, as appropriate, to ensure you?re complying with all legal requirements in any action you might take.

Consider the reactions of ? and communication to ? each stakeholder. Act accordingly.

Indicate that this situation isn?t what you would have preferred, that attempts were made to correct it, that expert advice was called upon, and that steps were taken to be as fair as possible in the treatment of the individual and his or her family.

Recognize that many might be disappointed. Identify the individual?s strengths or positives and the value he or she added to the church.Then, appeal to the listeners? trust in the board they appointed.

Point to the future and to the work that must continue. When possible, follow determined arrangements for doing so through the temporary appointment of others to fill the gap. Identify the actions you?ll take to find a more permanent replacement.

Allow an opportunity for individual members to contact leaders with their questions. Then, individually answer these questions with love and total honesty, heeding any legal implications. Don?t hide the real reasons for the departure, but don?t get personal in your expression of them. (For example, if insubordination was the case, say so ? but don?t go into detail or debate the circumstances. It?s too personal, and it?s unnecessary.)

Ask your congregation to pray for the individual, his or her family, and the church. Lead them in those prayers yourself.

Wherever possible, make a real effort to heal the relationship between the church and the individual involved.

Even if it doesn?t mean the reestablishment of the employer-employee relationship, this is an important step; ultimately, we?re part of the same Body.

[Ken has a whole library of personnel related articles available in the archives section of ChurchBusiness.com. It's worth checking out!]

FOR DISCUSSION: Have has your church handles the fallout from a bad departure? Have you ever had a bad departure? What happened, and how did you (and your former church) deal with it?

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TRACKBACKS: (0) There are 44 Comments:

Posted by

Tuesday, December 06, 2005 at 6:45 PM

I recently had a bad exit experience. To sum it up my mentor who was 72 years old (and spent most of his adult life in this church after becoming a christian in this church) felt the bottom line was a conflict of interest. Being my first “vocational ministry” experience I accepted the call to lead the worship ministry with the agreement and understanding that the senior pastor would mentor me in. This was discussed during the canidating weekend between the senior pastor, my wife, and myself. Conflict began to be evident when I had not even been there 2 months....The relationship became more strained as time went by. The senior pastor never made any attempts to mentor me whatsoever....in fact after being asked (told) to resign or be fired. In fact my wife asked him why there was no mentoring that had taken place he said there were “integrity” issues that made him not able to do this. This discussion was prior to my termination. It seems to me that the responsibility and committment he made to us regarding mentoring not being met is an intergity issue. I know he may not have had the time to do this, but one of the biggest reasons could be related to his building of a house for his family that started 6 months after I came on staff....this became his full time job. Just about a year into the position I knew he was working on a plan to fire me for performance. He asked me to do some tasks that were very much a challenge (I will not say impossible as we know all things are possible for those that love the Lord ..........according to His purpose). When it became evident he could not remove me for this reason without creating a huge disruption he came up with other reasons....attacking my spirituality. Serving the Lord is not easy....following a calling and moving 2500 miles....(only about half of the moving expense being paid for by the calling church)....he attacked the way I lead my family....my finances....my relationship with my wife....and on and on....I am still hurting....he planned well....the congregation was told I resigned for some personal reasons....I was told I not to “spread rumors”. When my wife shared with someone that I was told to resign or be terminated she was repremanded by the pastor severely. The contract thing seems like a good idea....promise made but not kept can be on both sides of the coin. I was urged to relocate quickly so “we could have some good Christmas music and he (senior pastor) could get me a good raise”....get it in writing! The only “contract” came after the fact....after arriving being given a job description that was not of any measurable means, twist whatever however. I was not perfect by any means, but it seems there was not much grace shown from the pastor who after trying for months to convince the three elders to buy in to letting me go convinced the one holdout (I think he finally wore him down, and was to be relocating shortly thereafter out of state). I feel as though I was used. Some things were obviously going very good. Church grew in the 17 months I served from 200 to 450+. I was not THE reason but definitely was a contributor to this growth. Beware of not getting to know the pastor you will be responsible to. Ask to talk to those who previously reported to him and why they left. Previous worship pastor served there 10 years and only lasted a short time when this pastor took over....interim only lasted a short time also. I agreed to the “hush” statement in order to preserve the church. I will not have to answer God regarding this on His throne of judgement, but a senior pastor with little grace will!
Posted by

Tuesday, December 06, 2005 at 7:58 PM

Quite an interesting topic as always. I have been in three churches over the last several years, and I am sure the problem is all over the country as well....I have seen the senior pastor listen to a decon and ending up leaving a young inexpereinced but easily swayed man incharge [the church survived with the hire of a new associate and God’s intervention]. I have seen a pastor, with a totally debt free church [but one dying due to denominationalism] finally close the doors after 70 years of service to the community and go on to another denomination [and of course he does not place blame on himself, but the flock], and another where there was a move to save money and move into a smaller store front with another pastor [different culture and different service times]and have over 1/3 of his members leave with the elders in the forefront.
Currently I am a fill-in pastor, with as far as I can see little ability to make changes. Mind you the senior pastor asks for assistance
I truly believe that the devil is at work to destroy the biggest hinderance in his way to destroy man-kind.
I also see pastors who have corrupted the title of ‘man-on-God” [and I do note exclude women in that position either]. It is a sorry state of affairs when individuals come into the ministry and believe that they are ‘called’ to be pastors and have little business behind the pulpit. If they are formally trained what has Seminary taught them about the responsibilities and accountability of this ministry. If they are the old ‘store-front’ type pastor who is ordained, have they been discipled in a proper manner to accomplish what God has intended for the flock they shepherd? When looking at the comments and seeing the death and destruction of the local church I sometimes feel as Jesus had when He cried over His city of Jerusalem.
Oh to our knees men and women of God and repent and guide others into His presence in order that the Church will be the Unblemished Bride our Savior so desires!
Posted by

Tuesday, December 06, 2005 at 10:54 PM

It is unfortunate that sometimes the church acts no differently than the world. If you’ve ever been through one of these trials, you know that they are not fun. The choice one has to make is whether to grow bitter or get better.

It took me five years to overcome the hurt from my experience and as a result I have not returned to full-time ministry. The first, and most difficult step, came when I picked up the phone and called my former Senior Pastor and asked for forgiveness for any wrong I may have committed and expressed my forgiveness towards him for any wrongs he committed.

I know that the plans God has for my life are not yet complete. He has a purpose for me and His timing is perfect. For your sake and that of those you may serve in the future, seek to reconcile and our gracious Lord will restore you. Remember His plan is to prosper and not harm, to give you a hope and a future!
Posted by

Wednesday, December 07, 2005 at 1:25 AM

D said:The struggle is this - how do I not allow this Director’s opinion of me to cause me to doubt myself, my capabilities and valueself worth????? “ Sauturate yourself with scripture and know that you are loved by God, not because of who we are but because of who He is.It is a hard one but persevere and your efforts will pay off. I can think of so many verses to apply about not caring what man thinks, how much you mean to God and how He will never leave or forsake you, how your name is imprinted on His palm, how He is your anchor, I think you get my drift here. This sounds like the devil is trying to get you to believe his lies and you need to fight the good fight, put on your spiritual armor and respond with scripture just like Jesus did in the desert. Don’t lose hope and surround yourself with prayer partners and know that all things work together for good (even when it doesn’t look so good at the time) to those who love God. Praying your healing will be soon in coming.

long time ordained minister said:"Their Rebellion, generation upon generation, has caused the fading away of the RABBI-TEACHER who built, ran, and owned each Synagogue. Thus Solid Biblical hard Teaching of the Whole Word of God has also faded away. Thus, every Believer sits under his proverbial tree believing whatever he chooses to belive - calling himself Biblical Christian, as an Ancient Hebrew Prophet declared would come upon the earth before the King’s return.” If everything has faded away and every believer (ie I guess that would include you and everyone else who is a believer) sits under his own proverbial tree,then are you saying that no one knows the Truth anymore? Don’t mean to hijack the post but what does any of this have to do with unpleasant staff departures?
Posted by

Wednesday, December 07, 2005 at 8:42 AM

This is how I view it.
1) Are we the ones making it unpleaseant to be there and be around for them to depart?
2) Are we the one that always has to be right and they are always wrong is the reason they depart?
3) Could it be that we have an arrgoant attitude instead of a humble attitude is the reason they depart?
4) Are we the one’s who are to blame because we belittled them in front of others in the church?
5) Are we the one’s who are to blame for them departing because we totally disregard them as a person because of Social Status, Race, or some other way of discrimination?

The reason I ask these questions is because of this situation. A church we attended, had their Vacation Bible School commencement. One of the helper’s was outside cooking the hamburgers and hot dogs. When he finished he came inside for the commencement. At the end of the program the leader began passing out the award certificates. When she called this man’s name he said with his feet propped up on the pew, “Just give mine to my wife she’s already up there.” No matter how hard she pleaded, he refused. Next she called her son, and he stated the same thing his best friend did. Then they both began laughing and making smart comments in front of everyone. They were very arrogant, self centered,& rude.
When everything was finished the pastor directed everyone to join them for food and refreshment’s. When everyone got outside no one was getting anything to eat because this man purposely left out the paper plates, and cups, to see if other Christians would do. So he got mad because everyone was standing around talking to our guest,instead of eating. Then judged his brother and sisters because they did not get paper plates. I ask you this. What’s more important here? The guest not eating or communing with them?

We have to first look at ourselves. Yes! there have been times when I have made this mistake myself with others, because I am human.

I would apprreciate any comments.
Posted by

Wednesday, December 07, 2005 at 9:15 AM

I would be curious to see this article taken one step further. My first church and I had a falling out like many of the ones mentioned above, but not too bad. However, after I left (and worked at the church as a volunteer for 9 months with no pay) whenever someone phoned the pastor to check on my references he gave them a bad review of me, each time something different, never the same problem twice.

It’s now been six years and a 2 churches later, but the last time I went to look for a ministry, he did the same thing. Search committees even said, “Everyone gave a great review except this one person who said _________.” and the blank was different every time. How has that situation been dealt with in the past by other pastors?
Posted by

Wednesday, December 07, 2005 at 9:42 AM

Troy, that is same thing that happened to us with this church. He said he was my friend and wanted to help me. one sun. we learned just what kind of friend he was. This acutally happened.

The church was going to hold revival. They were going to pay the minister’s $500 for coming. Someone stated, “That seems to be pretty expensive for our little church to pay, when we are almost over budget now.”
Pastor said: “Well, I see your point, but it will be worth it, compared to what some people expect you to pay them. Besides, just be happy they are not charging by the pound because they are fat.”
The pastor, his wife, song leader, their son, and a few others spent twenty minutes or longer in Sun. morning worship laughing at them and putting them down. When they showed up for the revival they acted as if they were best friends. Talk about a Masquerade. Jesus once said, “everything that is hid will be uncovered.”
Justice is coming one day brother.
Posted by

Wednesday, December 07, 2005 at 9:43 AM

Greetings,
I noticed that the author spoke a lot about having psychological evaluations of the pastor, but in many cases it would be good medicine to have the board positions psycologically evaluated too.
Posted by phil

Wednesday, December 07, 2005 at 1:59 PM

I’ve been reading MMI a lot more lately what with now having more time on my hands AGAIN after going through my 4th church in less than 4 years, this time lasting a whopping six months before being forced to resign (OK, technically I had a choice, but the list of things given to me that I HAD to do just to keep my job was a mix of comical, borderline unethical, and just plain ridiculous. I didn’t fight it this time unlike in the past).

Anyway, it is incredibly distrubing to read what is going on in the church is the USA. The only positive I take from reading all of these stories is that as least I know that I am not crazy, not the only one, and don’t have to wonder if all the nasty things that get said about me by the few are really true instead of the great relationships I have with so many. They’re not. I’m just wondering, don’t you all think we need some sort of “revolution” of the “church” in this country? I for one have had it. I’m ready to do what God has been leading me to do and guiding me towards these last few years, which is starting a new ministry/church. But I’m still working through the process of forming my thoughts as to how this will work - because much (certainly not all) of the church as it exists is completely pathetic. How it must sadden God’s heart! What needs to happen to make all of this nonsense STOP? Does anyone have some success stories of starting new ministries that have allowed you to have a church that appropriately deals with conflict and knows what it means to have biblical accountability? I know that NO church will EVER be “perfect” in the sense that we do have an enemy (the devil, not other Christians!) and we can be assured he will attack us and our churches and therefore we will have problems and conflicts to deal with. But it seems to me that we CAN “perfectly” go about dealing with the conflicts when they occur by having things like contracts and pre-determined ways of how to handle conflict/discipline policies that all members/staff/etc. agree to abide by in advance.

Bottom line: There HAS to be a better way than what is being done by 90% of churches currently and the hundreds of horror stories we read about on MMI. I’d love to hear feedback from people who have some “success” stories in this area. Thanks,
Posted by

Wednesday, December 07, 2005 at 2:54 PM

My wife is very important to me. I guard her and defend her at any cost. We will be married for 6yrs. on Dec. 18, 2005. Last year I learned a very vauleable lesson without having to go to Promise Keepers.
***She and I are one body. She to is apart of the ministry as I am. IF, AND I DO MEAN IF, she feels that a certain church is not right and has a bad feeling about it, I will not go. Why? because I failed to listen to her thinking, I know what to do. Why, because I am a man. How foolish of me.
The best example of this is how Abraham listened to Sarah when it was time to send Hagar and Ishameal away. ***

Bottom line***I love her more than myself. And if anyone ever belittle’s her or touches her. You had better pray or run because whether she is right or wrong buddy, you have me to deal with.***

I could careless what you think about me, say about me, or even do to to me. But I draw the line when it comes to mistreating my wife or family. Or anyone for that mattter.Period.....
Posted by

Wednesday, December 07, 2005 at 4:05 PM

Tiko Tut…

You say… “And if anyone ever belittle’s her or touches her. You had better pray or run because whether she is right or wrong buddy, you have me to deal with.”

I don’t know if I can find scripture and verse on that, but… YES!
Posted by

Wednesday, December 07, 2005 at 4:12 PM

Peter, I will admit buddy that is not scriptual. Those are my own words. That is the human side of me speaking, because of my love for her. Sorry that my human side showed up.
Posted by

Wednesday, December 07, 2005 at 5:36 PM

Tiko, you’re right on about not going if your wife says no.

To the rest of you: thank you for sharing your pains. I guess I don’t have it that bad after all. Thank you, Jesus.
Posted by

Thursday, December 08, 2005 at 3:33 PM

A contract would have helped immensely in EVERY departure as well as every misgiving in church staff that have experienced or witnessed. It’s good to have everything clear.
Posted by

Thursday, December 08, 2005 at 9:08 PM

Have to strongly disagree with those of you supporting contracts, unless of course you can get God to sign the contract. While a contract might help define expectations of the Board/congregation, it sets up the wrong dynamic from the beginning. As a pastor, I am not the hireling of the Board or Congregation. I am called by God, and the congregation validated that call. Jesus, the Great Shepherd, allowed Himself to be vulnerable, to become a target, can I as an undershepherd do less? This mindset can, and should, result in a variety of dilemmas as we live our lives in the community of broken, but redeemed, followers of Christ. Each dilemma presents another opportunity to practice a Christlike meekness of spirit, and to incorporate Biblical teaching into daily life. Will such an attitude result in hurt? YES! Did Jesus accept the pain of rejection as part of the price He was willing to pay? YES! So too should we. And oh, by the way, I’ve lived through difficult transitions. It’s been part of the refiner’s fire in my life.
Posted by

Thursday, December 08, 2005 at 10:48 PM

It appears someone hired the “woman” for the children’s ministry position. John arrived on the scene and said that she gave previous senior pastors a hard time...and interims. Hmmmm....and the board was where? Being I was not there...not gonna judge but if we can’t solve conflict with each other in ministry (by way...I am a WOMAN Children Youth Minister that has worked with some dynamic pastors that had half the experience I do...but if you are serving Christ and not looking to serve your own career goals...you can work anything out with your peers....if you treat them as your equal. I do believe that when there is a change in senior pastors, all staff should be asked to sit with pastor/parish committee regularly to assure there is a bonding/good communications between all the staff. The senior pastor should not be threatened by a youth minister....and vice versa. There is so much to be done in the kingdom. But I will say this....I have seen churches step over very qualified women who would make great senior pastors for a male young seminary male students with no administrative experience. So perhaps John if you would of listened to this woman...she would of shared her frustrations, you could of encouraged her to go to seminary, made her part of your team....and avoided all that ugliness. Maybe now that they have mediation for divorces...I should start a mediation service for pastors to learn to get along with their staff?
I still say its an issue...of ya just gotta keep the FOCUS...on why you are there!
Posted by

Saturday, December 10, 2005 at 7:07 AM

What can you do/what do you do when you are told that your services are no longer wanted and are given rigid requirements/ultimatusm as conditions if you choose to stay. And when you realize that the conditions for staying are ridiculous and unfair you hand in a letter that says you’ve decided to leave only to be given another letter confirming your “resignation” - implying that you’ve come to this decision on your own, when the reality is that you were told “I don’t want you here.” I asked the Director if he wanted me to stay and he quickly said “no” and I had a witness there when he said it, yet this is being viewed as a “resignation.”

I wouldn’t worry about it, but when you have no savings account and can’t collect unemployment until you find something because you supposedly “resigned,” it becomes an issue. Is there anything I can do?
Posted by

Monday, December 12, 2005 at 2:53 AM

i would like to address this issue regarding unpleasant staff departures.

i believe GOD called every individual right after saving them by grace through faith.
im my personal point of view, CALLING is not that easy to every believer most especially to the pastors, ministers or servant leaders. why? it takes a humble heart, strong faith and a Christ-like attitude.

if you just take a simple study, many churches don’t have pastors and many pastors don’t have churches. why? because of these “experiences”.

giving you one.

why elders including members hire a pastor because a local church with a flock must have a shepherd which is the pastor. the procedure simply posts some important qualifications who will better qualify then.
incumbent leaders will ask the pastor’s background, personal informations and the vision and mission.
after the pastor shared this stuff the leaders and the members will say OK you can start any time the pastor wants or at a given time of effectivity.

the delimma comes along the way. right after the pastor gave his propositions and statements he then begins his role. but the problem is, it is him alone working. just like when the vision is being talked with, nothing happens. why? it seems that OK pastor that’s good but nobody joins him to work. at the end the servant leader becomes ineffective and unproductive.

yeah GOD called Him and He needs to pray and trust GOD. but let us remember and understand it is every individual whom GOD called to function as CHRIST’s Body.

let us settle the issue, that it is not in the system of employment between the “employer and employee” right after the local church heard the side of the servant leader or vice versa but it is all about how GOD can work together with HIS people; the pastor, staff and the members.

GOD bless the Body of Christ, in fulfilling His Great Commandment with such Great Commission to have a Great Church for the glory of GOD!
Posted by

Monday, December 12, 2005 at 10:48 AM

I am quitting the ministry today due to the unkind remarks of the previous pastoral and lay leadership in the church which I served for 8 years as an associate. I can’t stand it anymore. I can’t put my family through the pain of making and leaving friends due to the pettiness of “egotistical, self centered possibly unsaved leaders.

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Hi... I'm Todd Rhoades. I'm a Christ-follower, husband, father and I love to connect leaders with other leaders. Hopefully you'll find something here at MMI you like and will return often. If you want, you can find out more about me or follow my every step on Twitter.