I am so sorry to hear of your pain. It seems you feel very alone right now, and you should know you are not alone. Many, many pastors wives feel the same way, but are afraid to share it. I applaud you speaking up to let someone know you are hurting. The church has a way on taking a toll on pastors and their families. Again, please know that you are not alone in this.

It can also be fearful to seek help since it may create conflict within your church. This just adds to the stress. I know you must feel stuck. But I strongly encourage you to talk to someone and share with them your pain. If you would be interested, my wife is a licensed clinical therapist and she would be willing to email or talk with you on the phone at no charge. Please feel free to email me at and I can get you in touch with her.

Please know that there are people out here praying for you. God loves you dearly. And so do others you have never met. Please be certain of God’s unending care and love for you.

I am a pastor’s wife and know EXACTLY how you are feeling:  the pain, the confusion, the desire to do what’s right, the DESPERATE feeling that there is no win-win.  I’ve been there—I am sometimes STILL there—Please e-mail me and I would love to call you and talk more.

I can’t help but wonder if it wasn’t a close friend of mine who made that original post.  She has gone through more than the normal pastor’s wife that’s for sure - and that is not meant to minimize anyone’s pain or hurts, I’ve had them, too!
What I know with firm understanding is that life is full of seasons.  In the very toughest of times when all (and I mean all) seems hopeless, don’t forget to “stand, stand firm.” God will never forget his own and will never abandon you.  Keep trusting and believe that one day when God brings you through the depression and despair you will have an even deeper, stronger faith in the mighty Savior!  That renewed and deepened faith will then be passed on to another struggling “pilgrim” to be an inspiration to them and an arrow straight to God Almighty!  Psalm 3:3-6 “But you are a shield around me, O Lord; You bestow glory on me and lift up my head.  To the Lord I cry aloud and he answers me from his holy hill.  I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the Lord sustains me.  I will not fear the tens of thousands drawn up against me on every side.  From the Lord comes deliverance!
Blessings to all of you!

I am a pastor.  My wife went through very serious bouts of post partum depression. As a husband and a pastor, I know what you are going through.
First, see a doctor.  Depression is an illness than needs to be treated.  Therapy, excersize, medication - whatever it takes, seek all forms of help.
Second, and this seems to go against most of the other comments I have read - Let the Church help.  Most members of your congregation are supportive and caring. The church is not an evil institution.  I believe the congregation would rise to the occasion, if they only knew that you were suffering. Being a pastor and a pastor’s wife should not separate you.  You are a member of the church.  Let the church help. 
It was tough for us to admit to needing help.  However, it brought all of us closer together as a church family, and no one will think any less of you.  We are all human beings, and vulnerable.
Good luck.  Email me anytime.

God loves you and knows what you are going through. But Just like David when life was so bad he was running from Saul; and the enemy came in and stole everything worth having. His men in his army cried until they had no more strenght to cry;then spake of stoning David. This was enough for anyone to want to kill themselves- the only other support he had was Johnathon his covenant brother from day one who soul was knitted with David. So I want you to do what David did Encouraged Himself In The Lord!
No matter what has been done to you; if God Be FOR YOU WHO CAN BE AGAINST YOU! My dear sweet sister don’t you throw in the towel but remember all the other trials God has delivered you out of. And if he brought you out that time he;s well able to do it again and again! Why because he is Jehovah Jireh(GOD THAT Provides)! So before you check out of here; Life has no hardships that God can’t handle! You’re the apple of his eye and he already knows what’s up and let him listen to your pain.
Remember To Bee Encouraged,
Dr. S. Surratt

I know how you feel, I was once in your position.  It’s not an easy place to be in.  But think about this God would not have chosen you to be his mate if he felt you were not qualified.  Seek God and know that he is right there beside you.  Jesus said he would never leave nor forsake you.  You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you.  Be encouraged Woman of God and know that this to will pass.  I will be praying for you.

As a PW, I can recall several times when I was severly depressed by things happening in the church. Being attacked personally or my husband being attacked were never taught in seminary.  I was not prepared for the warfare that the enemy would bestowe on my family or ministry. Since we moved 1/2 way across the US and live in a desert region, I knew no one I could talk to about the attacks. We were church planters that had little to no support. I have felt so upset and depressed at times that I too wanted to just end it all. I was gently reminded by a PW from seminary that no matter what trials I go through, God is always with me. The trials are to strengthen me and help me learn to depend on Him. It’s not easy when you’re going thru the trial. You feel so alone sometimes, but I can attest that He has always been with me and helped me thru it.  A great website for PW’s is: http://www.pastorswives.org.  It is a place you can go to and see how other ladies have had the same struggles you may be going thru and how they survived satan’s attacks. I greatly recommend you check out the site. It’s amazing that PW from across the world have the same struggles as we do. It has been a great repreave for me when I am struggling.  If your church has a women’s ministry, try talking with the director. Let her know how you are feeling. She has taken a vow to keep things confidential. If you have no one in your church in which you can confide, seek another church within your denomination. Contact the PW there. I am so sure she has gone thru some of the same struggles. Not only will you have someone to share your frustions with, but you will also develop a new friendship. You are not alone dear sister. Please feel free to contact me if you would like to talk more.

Dear sister in Jesus,
You are echoing to me some of the familiar pain that I personally struggle with too.  I’ve at times thought of personally throwing the towel in.  Remember, Jesus is a caring loving Savior who is there right now to hold you in His arms.  Go to him and give it to him.  Remember, our Savior never gives us more than we can bear.  We can do anything through Him who strenghens us!!  Dwell on these Words from scripture and let them bring you comfort in your time of distress.  Church is no more of a perfect place than the real world and I do believe Satan works even harder in the church to bring down the believers cause we belong to Jesus and not Him.  Look to Jesus for total dependence and pray, pray, pray.  God be with you my dear sister.  Feel free to email!

I know how you feel, I am so unhappy I wonder if it would just be better to end it all so I don’t have to be so unhappy any more. I am tired and worn out. My husband for years and still does take advantage of me, I just hate my life any more, I have asked to move but it is always an excuse, sometimes I think he is hoping I will have a stroke and die. My health is not good any more, I have high blood preasure, I am so unhappy.
I have three kids I homechool with no help at all from him. He has not been faithful to our marriage, he has been unfaithful with the internet. I caught him and it almost ended our marriage. I still think about it everyday and it has been over a year.  I should have told the church but I needed to think of my kids. It has hurt my family the younger ones do not know what he did, the older ones do.  I think if we do not leave soon together then I will leave him. I cannot take much more of this. The bad part is my kids love it here and I feel bad because I know they would be very hurt to leave the church they have grown up in and their friends. The church has suffered, it is getting smaller and smaller. He said he does not feel it is God will that we leave. I wonder if our marriage be worse if we leave...so many things to wonder about. I just need someone to talk to, he does not listen to me.
I would rather not have thi posted but if you could email me back I would be very thankful.